Title: Until We Reach Valinor
Chapter 36: Epilogue
...
Two thousand years. Far longer than either of them had ever intended to stay. Legolas stared at the inky blackness of the sea as a lifetime's worth of memories played before his eyes. A lifetime, but it had gone by so fast...
They had talked of sailing for the first time when their son had turned of age. It hadn't been much of a discussion- they'd both been completely in accord about not wanting to force a marriage of convenience onto Rilian. He had been little more than a child. So they'd decided to wait until he fell in love and got married, even if that took centuries. All Legolas had felt was relief. Sailing would bring the imminent parting with Alanna ever closer, and the idea of not seeing her every day and sharing a bed with her every night made his gut clench every time he thought about it.
And then, eventually, their son had met someone. They'd talked of sailing again, in the days after his wedding. Rilian had been so happy, so much in love, that neither of them had been able to bring themselves to sail, to force upon their newly-wed son the burdens of running a kingdom.
"Let him be happy," Alanna had said. "We can wait."
"And what of Rilian?" Legolas had asked cautiously.
A pause. "I can wait," she had said.
And Legolas had felt that profound relief again, and thought he saw a shadow of it in her eyes, too. But of course, neither of them acknowledged it. There were some things that, even after these many years, they still couldn't say to each other. So they had waited- there had always been excuses to wait a little while longer- until the sea-longing had finally taken Legolas. He had fought it, tooth and nail; tried to hide it from her, but of course she had noticed. And then there had been no choice; they had sailed at once.
He looked down at his hand, at the silver wedding band he had never once taken off since their wedding, and wondered what it would feel like to not be wearing it. Hesitating a moment, he gently slid it off his ring finger, squeezing it tightly in his right hand as he let his left drop to his side. It felt awful. Not lighter, but its absence on his finger felt wrong. Unable to stand it beyond a few seconds, he quickly slid it back onto his finger.
"Couldn't sleep?"
He jumped a little at the sound of Alanna's voice behind him. "No," he said, turning to face her. "Why are you awake?"
For just a moment, her eyes flickered to his left hand before rising to meet his again. "You weren't there," she said simply, coming to stand next to him.
He winced, feeling bad for having left the room. He knew she was unable to sleep well out of his presence since Miriel had died, even after all these years. He remembered the first time he had had to leave her presence for an extended period of time, for a diplomatic trip to Rivendell to see Elladan and Elrohir. It had been more than four years since Miriel had died. He had returned a month later to find her looking completely exhausted with bruise-like circles under her eyes. Although she had since gotten better, as the years went by, she was still always able to sense it when he wasn't in the room.
"I spoke to one of the sailors," he said, throat suddenly very tight. "We'll be reaching tomorrow, late morning."
"That soon?" Her voice was a whisper. There were hints of light already on the wave-tossed horizon.
"The winds and tides were in our favour," he said unnecessarily, swallowing.
She shifted a little, hesitated, and then suddenly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. "In case you ever wondered," she said, very low. "I stand by what we agreed on, about Miriel." He stilled; neither of them had spoken of that, ever, since that night. And then, reflexively, he hugged her back even more tightly, because he had never wondered, not even for a second.
Miriel's death had hit them both so hard...even with his son to raise and Alanna's steady presence by his side there had been times when Legolas had been so devastated by the loss that the only thing which kept him going was the knowledge that it would not be permanent. He knew it was the same with Alanna. The morning sun glinted in her hair, and he was reminded of their wedding night, and every night since, when the candlelight in her hair had taken his breath away.
"In case you ever wondered," he said roughly, "Rilian won't change anything between us. You'll always be..." "I know," she said, drawing a little away from him, meeting his eyes. "For me, too."
Gently, he brought his lips to her forehead, and remembered a conversation from an age ago...
"Is there anything you would like me to do, or not do?"
"Just don't kiss me. Anywhere."
Because kissing her would have been saying he was in love with her. It would have been encroaching on the one thing she could still save for the man she really loved, Rilian.
He never had kissed her, had respected that boundary between them because he had known how hard it had been for her to sleep with him that first time. When he had married her, he had never thought even for a second that he would ever want to cross that boundary; but after Miriel their friendship had changed and deepened. And yet, he would never have seen it, if it hadn't been for Aragorn.
"There's no way I can change your mind, convince you to stay-" Legolas said desperately.
"No," Aragorn's face was wrinkled with age, his once dark hair was almost completely white, but his eyes were still as firm and as discerning as ever. "It is my time, mellonamin.
"Let me at least accompany you," Legolas said with tears in his eyes, "To Gondor, let me be at your side when you-"
"No," Aragorn said. "I came here to say goodbye, to you and to Alanna and to the school. I don't want you to watch me die."
"Estel-" His voice broke, the tears falling.
Aragorn engulfed him in a tight hug, the strength in his arms not diminished by age. "Hush, mellonamin. It is my time. We always knew this was coming." His eyes grew distant as he remembered their long years of friendship. "There were times when I was sure you would sail after my passing."
Legolas nodded, throat tight. "There were times I was, too."
"I'm glad you have Alanna," Aragorn said with sudden fierceness. "I never thought you'd fall in love or get married in my lifetime, but I'm glad you did. I'm glad you have her to get you through my passing."
Legolas pulled away from his friend, the words bringing a pang to his heart. "I'm not in love with Alanna," he said. "I told you of the nature of our agreement when we first married. She...became more to me than I ever thought she would. But our agreement remains the same, Aragorn. Her heart lies elsewhere."
Aragorn actually scoffed at him. "You're a fool if you really believe that," he said. "And you're an even bigger fool if you think you aren't in love with her, although that doesn't surprise me much. It would be like you to fall in love without realizing it yourself."
"Aragorn, I'm not-" Legolas began heatedly, but Aragorn interrupted him again.
"Don't be ridiculous, Legolas," he said, more seriously, "I know you, remember? I know you better than anyone. I've seen you with her; I was there when you thought she was dying after giving both to Miriel." Even now, these many years later, the memory made him flinch. Aragorn's eyes, of course, never missed anything.
"That first year after you married her," he continued knowingly, "You laughed more than you had in years. She was good for you- she is good for you. You trusted her to teach the children, to mentor then, when you knew almost nothing about her. When Miriel died, not even I was able to get through to you...but she did. After all you've been through together-"
"That doesn't mean I'm in love with her," he interrupted. "I'm not."
"If you could go back and change things, would you choose not to marry her?" Aragorn asked.
"That's a moot point," Legolas protested, "Ivana, my father-"
"Never mind them. Think only of yourself for once. If you could, without hurting anyone else, would you change things?"
A beat.
"Of course not," Legolas said hoarsely. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me. The best..." he paused, searching for a word that didn't sound inadequate, but couldn't find one, "... friend I'll ever have. I never denied that. But that doesn't mean I'm in love with her."
Aragorn shook his head, exasperated by his stubboness. "Can you see yourself married to anyone else, sharing anyone else's bed, in the future? Can you see anyone but her as your wife?"
"Why are you going on about this?" Legolas asked, surprised at the edge of desperation in his own voice, "Can't you just-?"
"Answer the question Legolas," Aragorn said firmly. "If you let her go without a fight, it'll be your own stupidity, but it won't be without knowing how you feel about her. I will not have you letting her walk away from you without realizing what you're losing."
"No," Legolas said after a pause. "No, I can't see myself being married to anyone else." Aragorn started to smile, and Legolas hastened to add, "But then, I never would have been married in the first place if it hadn't been for ada and Ivana. You told me not to think about them, but they are the reason I married her, Aragorn. Just like Rilian and her mother's dying wish were the reasons Alanna married me. I can't...push all that aside." He inhaled deeply. "I don't see myself with anyone else...how can I? After everything we've been through..."
They had gone from awkwardness to a tentative friendship. Walks around the fringes of the forest- they never walked in gardens because it reminded them too much of Miriel's death- and mealtimes spent in companionable silence. They had raised one child together, mourned one child together. Valar, so much... They had wept in each other's arms, watched friends fade away and sail. They had run a school together; parenting countless children and watching them leave year after year. So much.
"And you still say you're not in love with her?" he heard Aragorn say from a great distance.
"I can't be," he said, feeling unspeakably lost.
Aragorn sighed. "Have you ever wanted her?" he asked gently.
"What?!" Legolas stared at his friend in shock and outrage, "How can you even-?"
"Forget for a moment that I don't have the right to ask you that," Aragorn interrupted. "You don't even have to answer me...just think about it for a moment. Honestly."
He wanted to deny it like he had done so often but he couldn't lie to himself anymore. He shared a bed with her. They slept on opposite ends, but sometimes he woke to find her pressed against him, strands of her tinted hair spilling over his face, glinting in the morning sunlight, and he couldn't help wanting her. The desire always came with guilt and shame, and he shoved it away and refused to think about it, denied it even to himself. His darkest secret...but he couldn't hide it anymore.
Aragorn's hand on his arm startled him. "You love her," he said, knowingly.
He closed his eyes. "I don't have the right."
"Of course you do," Aragorn said fiercely. "She's your wife."
"She's Rilian's."
"She was," Aragorn said. "But that was a long time ago. Much has changed since then."
"I won't fight for her," Legolas said after a long moment. "I'm not lowering myself to that, or risking our friendship."
Aragorn nodded, unsurprised. "As long as you don't fight yourself," he said. "That's all I ask. Now you know how you feel about her...when she approaches you, you won't shy away."
Knowing how he felt about her had changed surprisingly little. Aragorn passed away soon after that, and Arwen followed soon after. He and Alanna had both been devastated by the loss. Love was the farthest thing from his mind. She was there for him as she had always been, and he leaned on her unconditionally, as he always had. His walls had crumbled that night they had wept together for their daughter. He had no pride, no reservations left when it came to her. It was more than he'd ever had from anyone in his life, more than he'd ever hoped to have. What was mere physical attraction compared to that?
But now, now it was all coming to an end. Not their friendship, never that; but their life together was coming to an end. And he had never told her how he had felt about her. The one thing he had never been able to confide in her. He'd never been very good with words anyway, but the weight of never being able to say it, of never having the right to say it, had grown heavier over the years. And now, hours away from reaching Valinor he couldn't leave it unsaid, so he let his lips linger on her forehead.
She didn't pull away.
...
Hours later, they stood hand in hand as the boat drew towards a pearly white beach. The water surrounding the island was the most still and clear Legolas had ever seen. An expanse of green stretched out behind the beach. But beautiful as Valinor was, Legolas's eyes were focused on the array of people dotting the shore, clearly there to welcome them. Legolas's heart swelled with joy as he saw the unmistakable profile of his father standing beside a dark-haired woman. Ivana stood beside them and- his eyes widened in surprise- was that Elano standing beside her with his arm around her waist and that contented expression on his face?
"Do you think they're-?" Alanna asked breathlessly, eyes alight with excitement.
"I don't know," Legolas said, equally surprised and overjoyed.
Elano had sailed a year after Miriel's death. He hadn't faded, and for that Legolas was grateful- he wouldn't have been able to stand losing the Elf as well. But as the months pass he had seen how deeply unhappy Elano was, and had realized the only reason he was still in Greenwood was for his sake. So he had told Elano to sail and be with his family. He had fought hard for Elano in the past, but losing Miriel had destroyed his chances at happiness on Middle Earth, so Legolas had let him go in hope that he would find it in Valinor. Which, it seemed, he had.
Half an hour later they were stepping ashore and Legolas took Alanna's arm and instinctively steadied her as she tripped over the dock, still as clumsy as ever. After these many years he rarely thought about it, but today he was extremely aware of her. With quiet regret he let go of her arm and strode towards his father, his face breaking into a smile and he embraced the older Elf tightly.
"Welcome, ion nin," Thranduil said warmly, returning the hug with equal fierceness, "I've missed you. You look well."
"As do you," Legolas returned as he pulled away, and it was true. His father looked far happier than Legolas had ever seen him on Valinor.
"This is Gilraen," said Thranduil, indicating the woman beside him. For some reason, he seemed somewhat nervous, "My...my wife."
For a moment, Legolas felt shock; though he probably should have been prepared for it, he hadn't expected to come to Valinor and find Thranduil married to his first wife. But then years of diplomatic training in court kicked in, and he bowed. "It's a pleasure to meet you," he said a little too formally, but the effect was softened by a genuine smile. If she was the reason Thranduil was happy, he could not wait to get to know her.
She looked relieved, taking his hand, "Likewise. I've heard a great deal about you."
"Legolas."
He turned, and his breath caught. Nana.
He had only ever seen portraits of her, and even in those she had been beautiful. It was from Caladel from whom he had got his lithe, graceful figure, though his face was his father's. He had often wondered if the portraits did her justice, and now he had his answer. She was nothing short of stunning.
"You- you look-" Her voice broke, and suddenly he felt terribly awkward.
"I..." He trailed off helplessly. This wasn't how he had envisioned this reunion.
"I'm sorry," she said shakily. "I should have been there, I should have fought. I'm sorry-"
His heart contracted as he realized that she was apologizing for dying, and before he knew what he was doing his arms were around her. "Don't," he said thickly. "It's alright."
They held each other for a moment, and then he thought of Alanna. She, too, would be reuniting with parents she had never met. His eyes sought her out, and he saw her tearfully hugging her father some distance away. She looked rather overwhelmed, like he himself felt. He wanted to go to her, but Ivana laid a hand on his shoulder.
Her eyes sparkled, and her face was softer than he remembered it being. "Hello, sir," she said, grinning.
"Ivana," he said, laughing. He had often felt guilty because of everything he had cost her, but now, seeing her so happy, he realized the time for that was past. "Still as incorrigible as ever, I see."
She took both his hands in hers. "Thank you," she said earnestly, "I know why you married so suddenly; even if ada said you fell in love, I'm not stupid, and I know you. Thank you. You gave me back my family."
"Don't be ridiculous, Ivana," he said, smiling warmly at her. "You have nothing for which to thank me."
"Sir," came Elano's voice from somewhere on his right, and he turned towards him, smiling even wider still as he saw the wedding band on the Elf's left hand, matching the one on Ivana's.
"It gladdens me that you have found happiness at last," he whispered fiercely, pulling the Elf who had been as a son to him into a tight hug. "How long have you been..?"
"Two centuries, now," he said, laughing self-consciously. "I never thought I would have a chance with her, even here, but Valinor healed us both, and apparently she felt the same way about me. And now here we are."
"Good," Legolas said, looking at the love in his eyes, in both their eyes, and feeling a slight pang. "That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you, for both of you."
"How is Celin?" Elano asked.
"Well," Legolas said, smiling. "He's married now, if you can believe it. To Linnor, of all people. We left the school in their care; hopefully the children haven't burnt it down yet..."
There were more greetings after that; a whirlwind of activity and laughter during which he lost track of Alanna. Finally, when his friends began to disperse, he spied her standing with her parents. He had yet to meet them- his in-laws. Suddenly, ridiculously, he felt nervous. As he walks towards them he noted distractedly that Alanna had received her features from her father, even her distinctive hair.
"Naneth, ada," he said uncertainly as he came to a stop before them.
Keldarion took his hand and shook it. "Ion nin," he said formally, almost stiffly, but his eyes were kind. That didn't make Legolas feel any less awkward, though, and he could see that Alanna was tense as well.
It was his mother-in-law, Alanna, who put him at ease. She smiled, warm, radiant and familiar, as if she had known him for years- and he saw his Alanna in that smile and was suddenly reminded of their first meeting when she had been bright and chirpy and made him feel hopelessly out of his depth. "We have heard much about you, and would thank you for being such a good husband to our daughter," his mother-in-law said warmly.
Legolas's eyebrows shot up- had Alanna met her mother and father for the first time in her life and spent the time talking about him? But she caught his eyes, shook her head imperceptibly, and her mother continued, "Yours is a love that everyone from Greenwood has spoken of as a kind of fairytale. We are glad you both found such happiness in spite of the loss you suffered."
What?! Legolas's mind was reeling, and he exchanged a wide-eyed glance with Alanna. A fairytale romance? Them? For the first time, he scanned the years of their marriage with the eyes of an outsider...and realized abruptly that it made sense. He remembered, now, the shockwaves that had spread through Greenwood when he had stripped Aradhel of his Lord status and thrown him out of the wedding hall all those years ago in defence of Alanna. His fury had been so uncharacteristic that it was small wonder it caused speculation about their relationship, which people had thought of until then as simply a marriage of convenience. And then, less than a year after their wedding Alanna had given birth- it was very soon for Elves; most waited centuries.
After Miriel's death their closeness, their friendship, had been cemented, had become a commonplace at the court. In spite of the loss they had found it in them to be happy where most couples would have faded or drifted away. Small wonder then that people saw it as a wonderful romance.
"It is an honour to meet you both," he told her parents. What would they say, what would everyone say when they dissolved their marriage if they thought it was such a great love?
They exchanged some more small talk until Keldarion and Alanna excused themselves, with promises to meet them the next day for breakfast. By this point almost everyone had dispersed. Only Thranduil, Gilraen, Caladel, Ivana and Elano remained.
"We should show you to your dwelling so you can refresh yourselves after your journey," said Thranduil, "You must both be exhausted."
"No, that's alright, ada," Legolas said quickly, "You don't need to do that. We'll walk there ourselves, if you could just give us the directions."
Thranduil frowned, clearly wondering at this sudden desire to be alone with Alanna when they had only just arrived, but Legolas had another reason for his actions. Rilian had not been at the beach, and he could tell Alanna was on edge. She would not make a very good impression on Thranduil, Caladel or Gilraen in this state, and he himself was too tense to converse with any of them, especially his mother and step-mother.
"We wish to explore a little, and see the beauty of Valinor," he said. "We can meet later for dinner."
His father still looked slightly perplexed, but let it pass. He gave him the directions to their dwelling and then the party left together.
When it was only Legolas and Alanna standing on the beach, he tried to reassure her, "Don't worry. Perhaps he didn't want to make a scene on the beach...he'll approach you soon."
She gave him an unreadable look and continued down the path without a word. Frowning in concern, he hurried after her, knowing that she would probably take a wrong turn if he didn't keep track of her.
"Alanna-" He broke off as she stopped short
"Rilian..." she whispered, her face draining of colour. Her eyes were fixed on an Elf who had clearly been waiting for them around the corner.
"Hello, Alanna," Rilian said, smiling tremulously. There was a moment of silence, and then she launched herself into his arms.
Legolas felt a pang, wishing he was somewhere else, but if he left now it would have drawn attention to himself. Besides, this conversation concerned him as well. He looked at the Elf in front of him, who was embracing Alanna, head resting on her shoulder, eyes closed, and felt a stab of envy mingled with sorrow and loss.
Stop that, he told himself. Be happy for her. He waited for her, in spite of everything, and clearly he loves her. He'll wait for her a little longer if he has to, until we can conceive Miriel. And then Alanna can finally be happy.
Valar, but the Elf was handsome, he couldn't help thinking with a pang of dismay. A curtain of shiny black hair framed a smooth, chiselled face. He was tall, unusually so, and his eyes were a distinctive grey-green. He looked just like one of the heroes from the romances Alanna loved so much. In fact, he remembered with a wince that some of her own poems featured Elves that fit his description.
The two pulled apart at last. Alanna's cheeks were wet.
"You look wonderful," Rilian said softly. "Far better than the last time I saw you."
She choked out a laugh. "So...so do you. Then again, you were bleeding to death in my arms at the time."
His face softened. "Alanna, I'm sorry I died and left you. I know how much it must have hurt you. But I'm glad...so glad, you managed to move on."
What?
Alanna, too, went stiff with shock. "Rilian, I-"
"Don't, Alanna. Let me finish. I was furious when I heard of your marriage, I won't lie. I had waited for centuries for you to sail to me, but you never came and I never heard of you from anyone. And then, the next thing I heard was that you had become the Queen of Greenwood."
"Rilian-"
"Let me finish. I was hurt, and angry, and I didn't think I'd ever be able to forgive you. I heard that you had named your son after me, and it was like a slap in my face. And then I heard of the death of your daughter, and I wept for you, even though I hated you at the same time, because I remembered how much you wanted to be a mother. But as the years went by, there were so many more tidings of your happiness, of your great love, that I finally had to accept you had moved on, that marrying Legolas of Greenwood wasn't something you were forced into. And that hurt worst of all."
Her eyes were wide and pained. "I-"
He interrupted her again. "But...since you had moved on, I had to stop waiting for you. I started thinking about our relationship, remembering much you always looked up to me, how grateful you always were to me." His eyes became shamed. "I remembered how I took advantage of that sometimes, and said some things I should not have."
Yes, you did, Legolas wanted to say. You destroyed her self-confidence, never intending to, but you did. And it took me years to build it back up again. But of course, he kept his mouth shut, because all that was in the past.
"And I realized that's not how love should be," Rilian continued. "We should have been on an equal footing, but we never were."
"You made me who I am," she said softly. "Of course I always looked up to you. That's why I named my son after you."
"I know," he said. "And I'm glad you moved on. I'm glad, because it let me move on, too."
Legolas gasped quietly in shock, his eyes flying to Rilian's left hand at the same moment Alanna's did. How had neither of them noticed it before?
"You're...?" Her eyes were wide with shock.
"Married," he said. "For the last five centuries. And happier than I ever thought I could be." He smiled down at her. "You should meet her some time. You both are very little alike, but something tells me you'd get along." He glanced at Legolas for the first time. "I, too, would like to get to know the Elf who stole your heart and gave you such great happiness."
"Someday," she managed to say, and he smiled again, and he reached up to cup her face, his expression unspeakably tender.
Then he walked away, leaving her standing there, face blank and dazed.
Legolas moved forward hesitantly. "Alanna, are you...?"
"He didn't wait for me," she said, sounding very strange. "He didn't wait."
"I'm so sorry," he said, feeling helpless. He reached forward and gripped her shoulders, trying to read her expression; her face was so blank.
"He didn't wait," she whispered again. "He didn't wait-" She stared at him unseeingly, and then her eyes focussed on him and she closed the distance between them and kissed him, hard on the lips. For a moment he was too shocked to respond, and then he was kissing her back, feverishly, years of longing pouring out of him as their tongues duelled and their surroundings vanished and it was just them, just Legolas and Alanna.
They finally pulled apart for breath, and then sanity returned. "Alanna, what...?" he asked, completely at a loss.
There were tears in her eyes, dripping slowly down her face, and her face was alight with joy and relief. "He didn't wait," she said shakily, "Thank the Valar, he didn't wait. I'm free."
He stood there, actually gaping at her in shock and sheer disbelief, and she smiled. "I love you, you dolt," she said. "I've loved you for centuries."
"But Rilian...you were so happy to see him..."
"He was the first person I ever loved, the first person who ever love me, and he died in my arms," she said. "Of course I was happy to see him. He'll always mean a great deal to me, Legolas."
"Your poems," he said. "Your poems, the heroes in them, they all look just like him."
"My early poems," she corrected gently, "I never showed you the later ones, because the heroes in the later ones look like you."
"But you never said anything," he whispered, still stunned, unable to believe it, "You never even gave me a sign..."
"Of course I didn't," she said regretfully. "I had a duty, an obligation, to Rilian. If he'd actually waited, I'd have gone to him, Legolas. You know that."
Yes, he knew. And he didn't resent her for it. As he had told Aragorn so many years ago, the foundations of their marriage was the strong sense of duty they shared, the obligations they had to other people and could never put aside because of who they were. Except that now, now there were no more obligations. Rilian had no claim on her, anymore...
But could she really love him? It was hard, so hard to believe, after so many years of believing that she would always love someone else. But the way she was looking at him, that sheer intensity of feeling... Joy swelled in his gust, and he felt his own eyes sting with the intensity of the emotion. He reached out and grasped her hands tightly in his.
She smiled a little at the look on his face. "You really are a dolt," she said affectionately, "Here you were trying to reassure me when he wasn't at the beach, and there I was tense for an entirely different reason, because I was hoping...hoping against hope that he hadn't waited."
He absorbed this for a moment and then frowned suddenly as a thought struck him. "But I never gave you any signs, either. I never told you I loved you..."
"You didn't have to," she said. "Thankfully, I'm not quite as obtuse as you are, or we wouldn't even be having this conversation." She smiled a little, showing him that she was only teasing, "I began to suspect how you felt when you tried to hide the sea-longing from me. And then this morning...you may not have said it in words, Legolas, but I know what that kiss on my forehead meant."
So she had remembered that conversation. He stood there for a moment, realisation washing over him once again. She really did love him. And now...at long last, he had the right to love her back. He moved forward and kissed her, sweet and leisurely this time, as though they had all the time in the world.
...
END.
Phew, that was a long chapter...
I can't believe this story is finally over. I've been writing it since 2005! It's going to be so weird not to have it somewhere in the back of my mind. I never thought I'd spend this long on this story when I first started writing it, but it was surprisingly hard to write. Inspiration hit very sporadically, and I've been plagued by writer's block right from the start, though this is also a story whose ending has been planned since 2006 so you'd think I'd have been able to get a move on. I'm very thankful to those readers who stuck by me despite the insanely long gaps between updates.
I also, without ever intending to, managed to finish this right on Diwali, right after midnight if you can believe that! So to those who celebrate it (and to those who don't), I wish you a very Happy Diwali! :D
This is a very bittersweet moment for me, because this is probably the last LOTR fanfic I'm ever going to write. I've spent my entire time on this site writing LOTR fanfic; even when I began writing in other fandoms I still always had some LOTR fanfic in progress. But now I want to branch out into other fandoms. Frankly, I don't think my writing style or the kind of plots I'm good at is suited to LOTR.
My language is a little too modern, and though I've managed to stop making bloomers like using the word 'okay', I just don't have the knack for the older style of English like lindahoyland does, for instance. (You're really great at that, by the way). It just doesn't feel natural to me, and I feel constricted by it. And plot, too- this whole plot hinges on the idea that Legolas and Alanna CAN in fact dissolve their marriage, but I seriously doubt there was anything approaching divorce among Elves or Men in Middle Earth. I also think I make my Elves a little too human, and I'm not sure how to fix that.
Anyway, for these reasons, I'm going to stop writing LOTR fanfic and try my hand at Supernatural and Harry Potter. And of course I have to finish my 'Rooftop' series in the Batman fandom... I urge you all to please keep reading whatever I write in these fandoms, but obviously, you may not be into them so this will be a goodbye to some of you.
I love you all, and thank you again for your support!