Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the Inuyasha series. They are owned solely by their creator, Rumiko Takahashi. Additionally, I am not making any money from writing this story.

AN: I am dedicating this one-shot to my repeat reviewer, Kougafan4eva. She/he has left several lovely reviews, such as this one, 'at least they (Rin&Jaken) are not doing it anymore lol'. I had promised that I would try to pair Kouga and Jaken up in a story, and so I did. I found that I really enjoyed writing this pairing. Hope it gives readers a laugh or two.

Rated M for swearing and sexually explicit dialogue.

Background: If you have not read Strange Love, you should know that I have paired Adult Rin and Jaken together. In my one-shot, A Gradual Seduction, Sesshoumaru entered the picture as he began showing an interest in Rin. Which leads us to this little one-shot, where Jaken is now feeling a little…left out.

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Things changed quickly once Sesshoumaru began showing an interest in Rin. That first night had been blissful, certainly. It had been the stuff of dreams in the Jaken's humble opinion. But this did not prevent a dark jealousy from nestling itself deep within the imp's heart.

He did not nurture this jealousy, or at least he tried not to do so. However, one of the imp's weaknesses (or strengths, depending on how you looked at it) was a tendency towards possessiveness. This trait often revealed itself through his engaging in fiery and outspoken tirades whenever he sensed his dear master or Rin had been in some way slighted. His possessiveness towards Rin, in particular, had increased with their sexual involvement. The imp's reaction to her former human husband further demonstrated his increased jealousy regarding the young woman.

Thus, it was no great stretch of the imagination to reason that he would become jealous of Sesshoumaru-sama and Rin's budding relationship. It was difficult for the imp to admit, since also deeply ingrained in Jaken's character was a fierce loyalty and boundless adoration directed towards his beautiful lord.

Jaken felt as if he were being pulled in opposing directions. He alternated between resentment and idolization for his lord, and between love and bitterness towards Rin. The two of them were not ignoring him, at least no more than usual. However, sharing Rin was not an easy adjustment. He was sick and tired of feeling like the third wheel.

Therefore, his jealous nature lead him to cunningly and carefully devise a plan which would, hopefully, demonstrate his worth to Rin and ultimately, to his master as well.

That bastard wolf has a damn fine pair of legs.

He had hatched the plan while staring at the well-developed legs of the arrogant wolf youkai, Kouga.

Kouga was attractive as wolf youkai went. In fact, Jaken admitted to himself, the wolf was quite easy on the eyes, especially if you liked the tall, handsome rugged look, which Jaken did. Of course, no youkai could ever compare to his Sesshoumaru-sama in the looks category.

But those legs…

Kouga was now bound to a tree before him and straining against his invisible bonds, having fallen prey to the imp's clever trickery. An illusion of a seductive youkai in heat had led the wolf to this spot, wherein powerful spells had instantly bound Kouga to the spot. It had not been easy. It had taken meticulous preparation, including a period of intense bartering with an old youkai witch schooled in the arts of binding. The imp had been forced to give up several of the battle spoils he had collected over the centuries with Sesshoumaru-sama. His was still a bit frazzled by the old witch's haggling skills.

Once bound, the confused wolf youkai had stared down at the small, green figure before him, noting the look of satisfaction in Jaken's bulbous yellow eyes. "What have you done with the hot babe, you fucking bastard."

Jaken chuckled at this statement and a look of realization had quickly dawned in the wolf's eyes. Swearing almost non-stop, he had been struggling futilely against his bonds ever since. Granted, watching the wolf struggle—muscles bulging and lines of sweat trailing down his scantily clad body—was an agreeable pastime, but it was important for the imp to keep his mind on the task at hand. Jaken was finding this to be quite difficult.

Jaken found himself staring at the wolf youkai's bare legs again. Kouga quickly noticed this and sneered.

"Why don't you just let me go, you fucking pervert! What, did you bind me here? Just to get a closer look at my bare thighs?"

Jaken simply 'humphed' and turned away, unimpressed by this show of bravado. He busied himself by sharpening Kouga's already razor sharp katana. He hated to admit it to himself, but cold-blooded murder was not one of the easiest things in the world to carry out. Oh, certainly, he had committed his share of grisly deeds, such as barbecuing meddlesome human soldiers at his lord's command. But this was different, somehow. Why did the wolf have to be so damn handsome?

His desire to exact vengeance was not as strong as he would have expected. The cold anger that burned in his heart when Kouga had challenged them in the forest some weeks prior had dissipated, leaving only a sort of vague determination to carry out his painstakingly arranged plans for revenge.

The evening after this encounter, he had sat by Rin's bedside stroking her hair lovingly, long after she had cried herself to sleep in his arms. She reacted like this each time she met the wolf prince and his minions. She would become overwhelmed with nightmarish fears garnered from the time she had been attacked and murdered by Kouga's wolves as a child. Sesshoumaru had been her savior at that time, reviving her using Tenseiga, but never during any of the infrequent meetings with the wolf youkai had the lord made any move to further rectify the situation by killing the wolf prince in order to avenge Rin's untimely, if short-lived, death.

This thought caused Jaken's blood to boil. Why does Sesshoumaru-sama not slaughter that damn wolf on the spot? He had killed for lesser reasons, to be sure.

However, one sight of those incredibly sexy legs and Jaken's anger dissipated again. He sighed, realizing that taking the wolf's head would not likely be an act of passion on his part.

True, but will it not make my Rin happy? The wolf prince will be dead and she will realize that I can be just as dashing and heroic as, as, or more so since HE had plenty of chances to take the bastard wolf's head and did not….Jaken stopped himself, not liking the slightly traitorous direction that his thoughts were taking.

"Hey you, ugly, green toad-man! Well are you going to set me free or kill me or what? Just get on with it. I'm tired of looking at your ugly, green backside, or is that your face," the wolf snarled, managing to sound both menacing and arrogant despite the fact that he was helpless and his limbs were magically spellbound to a tree.

"Shut your trap, wolf," the imp snapped, irritated mainly at himself and his loss of nerve. Even if I will not enjoy this as I had thought I would, I will do it. I will avenge my Rin. He raised his chin determinedly, brandishing the katana in the air above his head. He turned towards the wolf youkai.

Kouga strained against his bonds, causing the muscles in his chest and arms to flex attractively again. Jaken tried his best to ignore this and opted to keep his eyes averted.

Instinctively sensing some change in the imp's mindset, the wolf began to panic a little, though it did not show through his handsome, brave exterior. Kouga began to threaten. Intimidation might be his last chance for survival. To be killed by this lowly imp was a disgrace and an insult – he who had faced Naraku and countless other powerful youkai, to be beheaded by a small, green toad-man. It was ridiculous.

"You think you can kill me—HA!"

"Well, yes I do in fact," Jaken stated coolly, taking a stepped forward.

"You puny toad, I'll break these bonds and rip you to shreds! I'll rip out you intestines and stuff them up your nose! I'll…"

"You'll do no such thing," Jaken quipped, raising the blade to the sun and examining it. He was actually glad for the chance to banter with the wolf youkai a bit. He could not escape the fact that he did not want to kill the handsome wolf prince bound before him. Perhaps if he stalled for time enough the wolf would say something to actually infuriate him and he could commit the grisly deed in an act of passion after all.

"My pack will never stop hunting you and when they catch you they'll…"

"Sesshoumaru-sama and I have made many enemies over the years, it is a fact of life for me, you see"

Kouga growled menacingly, apparently having run out of articulate threats. Jaken noticed how his lip twitched appealingly when he growled, quite similar to an affectation he had seen in Sesshoumaru's brother, Inuyasha. This is not helping, Jaken chastised himself, keep your mind blank. Or better yet, think of Rin, think of Rin…

Jaken glanced away from Kouga's face and downwards in order to gather his wits and found himself staring once again at the wolf's bare legs.

Damn that wolf! Damn myself!

Kouga, though not much of a thinker, did not miss the implications in the imp's hesitation nor his leering gaze. Thinking back, he had heard gossip about the toad's utter infatuation with his lord, Sesshoumaru-sama. So this perverse little creature was an ass pirate. What a sick-o! What is worse, I, Kouga, am to be killed by a damn fairy imp, of all things.

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden movement from the imp. Determined to get the deed over and one with, Jaken raised the Katana and stepped forward with his eyes closed.

Not only am I about to be killed by a mere imp, but he is doing it with his fucking eyes closed. And I thought this could not get any more humiliating.

"You fucking imp," the wolf barked loudly, his mind desperately searching for a way out of this deadly predicament.

The imp stumbled on a tree root, his sword swiping towards him clumsily and coming very near to impaling the wolf's privates. Kouga yelped. It was one thing to have your head sliced off, but the family jewels were another thing entirely.

"Hold it, you almost stabbed me in the balls, you moron." His words were brave despite the fact that he was trembling. That damn sword came way too close.

What if he had been found, dead and castrated, by the rest of his pack? He shivered at the thought. He had to find a way out of this predicament. His mind was racing, searching desperately for a way out.

"It's not like you have any say in the matter, wolf. Shut up so I can concentrate," the imp opened his eyes long enough to right himself and he turned back towards his target. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, raising his sword at an angle that Kouga could tell would more likely slice off an arm rather than his head.

Gods, I'm about to be butchered.

"Stop!"

"What is it now."

"I'll give you anything you want, imp, just let me go."

"What have you to offer me?" Jaken raised his sword again, read to finish this before he lost his nerve again.

"I can, I will...," Kouga's panicked mind was working frantically, the imp is staring at your legs again, a little voice told him. He had an epiphany, "You can have me."

"What? I already have you, wolf."

Kouga paused. Was this worth it? Which was more disgraceful, offering himself to the imp, or to have his pack find him, dead by the imp's puny hands and possibly castrated as well.

He chose life. "I've noticed the way you have been staring at my legs."

Jaken jumped at this statement, opening his mouth to protest that 'no, he had only stared at them because he found them repulsive'. But he stopped himself, since he had to admit that killing the wolf was not going well at all. He was simply not the murderous imp that he presented to the world.

The turn of events was quite unexpected. The wolf was offering himself to Jaken. It did not take long for the imp to reach a decision. His mouth watered and he tried not to think of Rin as he nodded his head and put down the sword.

"How can I trust you to keep your word in this, wolf?"

"I will swear to you on the lives of my pack, toad."

"That is Master Jaken to you, you mangy wolf," Jaken quipped, now allowing himself the leisure of freely surveying Kouga's form to his satisfaction.

"You gonna keep your fucking mouth shut, toad?" the wolf youkai growled, a little irritated at being ogled like a piece of meat.

Jaken licked his lips suggestively, causing the wolf to flinch and look away. "You have my word on it. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Death by your hands would be even more humiliating."

"Then I will try my best to make it pleasant for you."

"What?"

"Never mind," the imp murmured as he stepped forward and placed his hands on the wolf's muscular thigh, "but you must agree to a full hour, and oral."

"You mean I have to," Kouga bobbed his head suggestively, "you know?"

"No," the imp placed a calculating finger to his lips, obviously enjoying this turn of events, "but kissing is required." He grinned lecherously. "And penetration might come into the picture."

The wolf shivered again, wondering if perhaps he had made the wrong choice after all. He slapped himself mentally for brashly giving his word to the imp.

"Yeah, whatever, let's just get it over with, okay. Release me." He strained against his invisible bonds, and Jaken did not try to hide his ogling this time.

"What's the rush, my handsome wolf."

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"Don't I get a kiss goodbye?"

"Fuck you."

"As I recall, it was you that…"

"Stop right there, imp, or soon you'll be the one without a head."

"Your promise."

"Promise or not promise, don't tempt me!"

Jaken looked admiringly at the wolf's retreating backside.

"I didn't hear you complaining as you howled in ecstasy. Twice." Jaken was quite proud of himself in this regard.

Kouga only growled and kept moving. "Just keep your mouth shut, okay. I have a reputation, you know."

"Of course, my dear Kouga. Farewell," Jaken lay back against the tree, sated and more relaxed than he'd been in months.

Kouga cast a menacing look over his shoulder, but upon seeing the imp's satisfied smile, he gave him a quick wink. He snickered to himself,
I suppose I did choose well after all. That imp wasn't half-bad. Guess it takes all kinds, not that I swing that way myself.

Jaken watched Kouga's swaggering form until it disappeared into the distance. He sighed. The release of sexual tension helped to put things into their proper perspective. He felt more secure in his place as retainer and friend. Rin's attentions were divided now, but they did still have the occasional sexual encounter. Life was not perfect, but an afternoon with the wolf youkai had made it seem very near to it.

Jaken smiled as he heard a howling in the distance. Fare thee well, sweet wolf prince.

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AN: If you enjoyed this, review and let me know and I'll try to write more in the future. If you didn't enjoy it, flame and I might just write more out of the sheer perversity of my nature. Hope you had fun reading.