Butterfly

I know, I know, everyone always uses this song to do a songfic of every TV ship… well it's my turn now!

I sat there just looking at the piece of paper in my hand, and re-read the words for the thousandth time.

Caitlin Alexandra Goren and Benson Elliot Stabler,

Along with their parents, Alexandra, Robert, Olivia and Elliot

Joyfully invite you to join them as they celebrate their marriage on

Saturday April 26, 2029

1:00 p.m. at St Joseph's Catholic Church

Reception to follow at One Police Plaza

I knew it was coming. Hell I had even given Ben my blessing when he asked if he could have Caity's hand. I had seen the ring on my daughter's finger, I had listened as she and her mother had done all the planning, the place, the colours, and the flowers. However, it was not until just now, here with the paper in my hand, it struck me. My baby girl was grown up, and she was leaving me. She was marrying the only boy she had ever loved. From the time they were tiny, they said that they were going to marry one day, and that day is here.

I remember the day that Caity was born. She was our surprise baby. No one ever figured out how she had evaded the doctors and all the examinations, but an hour after our son Alexander Robert was born, Caity surprised us and came into the world screaming. I had taken one look at my beautiful baby girl and had fallen desperately in love. Ali and I had made a deal, if the baby was a boy she would name him, if it was a girl, I had the joy. I named her Caitlin. It was a trendy name at the time, but it was also a derivative of my mother and grandmother's names. Alexandra obviously was for her mother.

From the moment of her birth, Caity was destined to be Daddy's little girl. We adored each other. Her first word was Daddy. I was the one that she took her first steps to. The one that protected her when she was scared of the monster under her bed and the one who dried the tears and bandaged her knee when she fell off of her first bike. I was the one that introduced her to the world of horses, a love that we share to this day. Her mother introduced her to the fine art of cooking and baking, and the first cake that she baked by herself was for my birthday. She was worried about it being lopsided, but it was the most heavenly tasting cake that I had ever eaten.

My favorite time of the day was after the dinner dishes had been washed and it was time for the twins to have their baths. When they were little they would bath together, I would then carry them into Xander's room and read them a story before taking Caity to her own bed. I would return to my son and listen to his stories of the day, and then it was Caity's turn. She would always pretend to be asleep and I would have to tickle her awake before hearing of her adventures. When they were older, I would wait until the last tub had drained before I ventured upstairs to learn about the lives of my children.

It was not all sunshine and roses in our lives. On the twins last day of Grade 4, three days before their tenth birthday, they and their mother were in an accident while on their way home. A truck clipped the back of Ali's SUV spinning them around; a city bus, right on Xander's door hit them again. Our son was killed instantly, and Caity lay unconscious in the hospital for nearly two days. Ali had a broken leg and a very serious concussion. As devastated, as I was, we were, over the loss of our son, I consider myself lucky. I could have lost my entire family, but God had spared Ali and Caity. From those moments on my girls were my life.

In the blink of an eye, it was Caity's sixteenth birthday, and as luck would have it, it was a Saturday. We had made Caity wait until she was sixteen to date. I was pushing for later, 35 would have been perfect in my opinion, but as always Ali's voice of reason won. It was not as if Caity had never been out with her friends, we just insisted that she 'group date' at first. The boy that came to pick her up that evening was the son of dear friends. Caity and Ben had known each other since birth; they had played together in the same playpen, and even napped in the same crib. We had joked at the time that they would one day marry.

As she was waiting for Ben, I watched her primp in front of the mirror. She tried to fluff up her straight blonde hair that was identical to her mother's. Unfortunately for her, like her mother's hair, hers would never hold a curl and was soon lying flat again. The doorbell rang and as Ali let Ben into the house, I leaned over to give Caity a kiss. She took a step back and told me that I knew how much she loved me, but she was only going to kiss me on my cheek. I settled for that as well as a hug, and then stood with Ali in my arms and watched our daughter head out into the night with her boyfriend.

I thought that sleep deprivation was something that ended when the children started sleeping through the night. That was nothing compared to the sleepless nights that accompanied Caity's late teenage years. She did have a curfew, but it was flexible as long as she called to let us know where she was, what she was doing, and whom she was with. I trusted Ben, I loved the boy like my own child, but when they were out late, I worried. I had come close to losing my baby once and those memories haunted me each time that she was late. I spent much of the next couple years waiting up until I heard Ben's car drive up. I would then quickly shut off all the lights and quickly jump into bed, usually waking Ali in the process. I would lay with my eye shut, much like Caity had when she was little, until she knocked on the door and whispered that she was home.

She chose to attend NYU, which was perfect for us. Her first two years she lived at home and commuted to school each day. Her final two years, she opted to live on campus. That quickly changed into living with Ben who attended the same school. I was not happy with the arrangement, but again I had my beautiful wife to convince me that living together would be a good thing for the kids. They would really get to know each other, and decide if marriage was a commitment upon which they were willing to embark.

One year ago to the day, Ben came to see me at work. I took one look at his sweaty, gray, nervous face and felt a lead ball fall into my stomach. He asked me for my daughter's hand in marriage, and I gave him my blessing. Then the whirlwind started. Ali and Caity were caught up in wedding plans. They tried to ask my opinion on different details, but I do not believe that I was much help to them. They fussed, fretted, and planned which all led to today.

She changes her name today. She will make a promise to Ben and I will give her away. Here I am sitting in the bride room looking from the paper in my hand to my beautiful little girl. She's worried about me and asks if I am ok. I tell her I am not sure, but right now, I feel like I am losing her forever. She leaned over and kissed my nose lightly, the way that she had when she was little. Ali finished putting little flowers in her hair then stood back with me and we just looked at our girl. Caity took my hands and told me that it was almost time for me to walk her down the isle. She asked if her dress was pretty, and I did not have the heart to tell her that the dress was not pretty, she was. She was the beauty; the dress was just a piece of expensive material embedded with beads and sparkles. I felt a tear trace its way down my cheek and she reached over with an angels touch and swept it off my face.

The next few hours were a blur. The ceremony, the picture taking, the feast, the toasts, and then finally the dance. I had been planning our Father/Daughter dance for nearly 20 years. I had long ago found a song that was perfect. I walked over, took my baby into my arms, and waited for the music to start.

Butterfly Kisses

There's two things I know for sure,

She was sent here from heaven

And she's Daddy's little girl,

As I drop to my knees by her bed at night

She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes

And I thank God for all of the joys in my life

But for most of all…

For Butterfly Kisses after bedtime prayer

stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

Walk beside the pony Daddy it's my first ride

I know the cake looks funny Daddy but I sure tried

Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right

To deserve a hug every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

Sweet sixteen today, she's lookin like her Momma a little more every day.

One part woman the other part girl, To perfume and make up from ribbons and curls

Trying her wings out in a great big world

But I remember…

Butterfly Kisses after bedtime prayer

stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair

Y'know how much I love you Daddy, but if you don't mind,

I'm only gonna kiss you on the cheek this time,

Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses at night.

All the precious time, oh like the wind the years go by

Precious butterfly spread your wings and fly

She'll change her name today, She'll make a promise and I'll give her away

Standing in the bride room just starin' at her

She asks me what I'm thinkin' and I say I'm not sure I just feel like I'm losin' my baby girl

And She leaned over

Gave me Butterfly kisses with her Momma there stickin' little white flowers all up in her hair.

Walk me down the isle daddy its just about time, does my wedding gown look pretty daddy,

Daddy don't cry.

Oh with all that I've done wrong, I must have done something right

To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses

I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is, I know I have to let her go, but I'll always remember

Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses.

The music ended. I gave her one more kiss, then escorted her over to her husband and returned to my wife. We proudly watched as she blew us a kiss and then disappeared into her crowd of guests.