Disclaimer: You're probably contemplating killing me for just pissing around with this story, and I KNOW you'd never kill Jo, so, um… sorry?

Chapter Nineteen

Let it Go

Um, just, yeah. Fast forward, please.

The spring mood had gotten to everyone, including the Head Master, it seemed. Last minute he scheduled a dance for sixth and seventh years. It was nothing big, just something to release the stress of exams (NEWTS for the seventh years). The girls pulled out short dresses, the guys nice shirts and slacks. Most people didn't even bother with dates. If you were going out with someone, you went to the dance with them, if you weren't, then you'd find someone to have fun with at the dance.

As the Marauders, the guys and I decided to add our own touch to the decorations. When no one was looking, of course. We caught pixies, immobilized them, and charmed them to glow in the dark. We then levitated them into the Great Hall's 'sky'. The black simulation of the night sky caused the pixies to glow. Sirius arranged them so they spelled out 'SIXTH YEARS FOR LIFE'. Sirius. Then we all ran back up to our dorms and got ready.

As everyone entered the hall, we stood aside and made sure we were all the last ones in. We walked in together, causing everyone to turn. They were smiling appreciatively at our glowing pixies, and began clapping as we bowed.

"Hey, first dance for the Marauders, eh?" someone called to the lucky fifth year who was DJ-ing. The kid nodded and put on a song. Sirius pulled me to him, Sinch held on to Rogue. Remus was presented with the slender hand of a pretty sixth year Ravenclaw. She smiled shyly as he took it. Peter, even, found a girl to dance with. Sirius and I watched James, wary.

He waded into the crowd and emerged with Lily on his arm, looking as surprised as the rest of us were. He took Lily's waist and joined us, dancing. Blake must not have wanted to make a scene by arguing with a Marauder.

:::WARNING::: YES, WE ONCE AGAIN STEP INTO THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT FOR THE NEXT SCENE!

Lily looked uncertainly at the hand James offered her. She glanced at Blake. He looked resigned, as if he knew that he couldn't argue with the Marauder. She slipped her hand into James'. He smiled brilliantly at her. He led her over to the dance floor, smiling unbelievingly. They came together to dance, both nervous.

"Thank you," James whispered in Lily's ear. She shivered. He paused, then continued. "It kills me, you know. Having to look at you only when your boyfriend isn't paying attention. Then when I do get to look at you, you're holding on to him."

"You think it's easy for me?" she hissed. "Waiting until he's not paying attention so I can look at you while I'm holding on to him?"

"So get rid of him!"

"No! I need to get rid of you, don't you get it? I want to be happy!"

He twirled her. "You would be happy with me."

"I would be happy with Blake, if you would stop looking at me like that! Because when you look at me like that, I can't help but wonder what if."

"What's wrong with that?"

"I can't be happy with him if I'm busy wondering what it would be like to be with you! And I should be happy! I have a boyfriend who adores me, but I can't be happy with him if you're looking at me like that!"

James leaned down slowly and gently kissed her. "No more wondering." He whispered. Blake nearly exploded. Lily tore away from James and ran from the Hall. "Lily, wait!" Blake punched James right in the jaw. The DJ stopped the disc. The Marauders froze. James jumped to his feet and ran past Blake, following Lily.

Blake stared in shock. James Potter, not fighting back? When he turned his attention back in front of him, he found that he had forgotten one thing. James Potter was a Marauder. He was faced with a semi-circle of five angry teenagers who were popping their knuckles menacingly and wearing ruthlessly wicked smiles.

.xXx.

"Lily!" James caught up to Lily outside of the Charms classroom. She couldn't run very fast because she hadn't bothered to take off her high heels.

"Leave me alone, James," she said bitterly, pulling out of the hold he had on her elbow.

"I can't; I love you, Lily Evans," James said, a foolish grin on his face.

"So let me go and be happy! Haven't you ever heard the expression 'if you love something let it go'?"

"Yeah, I tried it on my owl when I was seven; it got hit by the Knight Bus."

Lily stared for a moment, not sure if he was joking. "James Potter?"

"Yes."

"I'm not going to get hit by the Knight Bus."

Slowly, James edged closer. "Worse may happen. You might marry, Lily. You might marry someone who isn't me."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "And that's a bad thing?"

James scowled. "I know you like me. What makes you think that you wouldn't be happy with someone who loves you? With me?"

Lily looked down at her very fashionable shoes. Anything to avoid meeting James' gaze. "Do you wanna know why?"

"Yes!"

She looked up at him with her wide emerald eyes. "Because what I feel for you scares the living shit out of me, James! I've already lost Addie, and Aliep's been so strange lately. Everything's changing, James. Even my feelings for you, and it's really, really freaking me out!"

Astonished, James looked down at the slight redhead for a long moment. Then he grinned, sliding his fingers under her chin to tilt her face up to his. He continued to grin for a moment more, then his expression sobered. "Things change, Lily Evans. But I will always love you." Lily stood on tiptoe and James kissed her gently.

"I love you too, James Potter."

"Promise to not shove me in front of the Knight bus, eh?"

.xXx.

We headed back up to the Common Room together, everyone deliriously happy. Sinch, Sirius, and James held on tightly to Rogue, myself, and Lily. Lily obviously ditched Blake, so I'm completely happy with her again. Then we saw my parents in the hallway, looking for Sinch and me, presumably.

"Mum! Dad!" I called. Sinch and I, grinning madly, raced to our parents. Then we stopped dead as they turned our direction.

Mum was holding a set of Quidditch robes. Big Quidditch robes. You know, the kind that would fit an extremely tall redheaded pranking Head Boy/Quidditch Captain a couple years ago. That kind of robe. With WHITE printed boldly on the back. Mum and Dad were crying.

Unbelieving tears slid down Sinch's face. "Mum," he whimpered. Our sobbing mother held him close. I didn't cry. I couldn't. I had to be strong. For my family. Especially Sinch. Dad pulled the three of us into a tight embrace as our friends headed respectfully into the Common Room. I stiffly allowed myself to be included in the hug.

My entire focus was on staying strong. I barely heard the words 'line of duty' and 'saved his partner'. My brother was gone. Forever. Children, Aunts, Uncles, Spouses, all can, in a sense, be replaced. But there is no way to replace an older sibling.

I will never have another elder brother. He was killed. And my elder sister? Missing, probably dead. But I have to be strong. For my family.