Disclaimer: If they actually belonged to me, this wouldn't be fanfiction, now would it?

Warning: All dialogue. Slash. SBRL. Get used to it, I'm a faithful shipper.

Can I Ask You Something?

Part the First

"How are you this fine morning, Sirius?"

"Quite well, thank you, James. And yourself?"

"Top hole, good sir. Absoballylutely spiffing."

"Glad to hear it. Now. What do you want?"

"Want? My good man, why would you think I want something?"

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"What?"

"Potter."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Be serious."

"I thought I was Sirius."

"That's old. Stop. Now."

"Stopping."

"…"

"…"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Can I say 'no'?"

"Of course you can."

"Will it make a difference?"

"…"

"Didn't think so. Ask away."

"Why did you break up with your last girlfriend?"

"This is the topic you choose to discuss?"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't answer my question with one of your own, Padfoot."

"She wasn't my type."

"What was wrong with her?"

"Nothing was wrong with her. She just wasn't for me."

"Well, why did you break up with the girl before her?"

"She wasn't my type."

"And the girl before that?"

"I'm sensing a trend, here, Prongs. What is it you really want to know?"

"Well, it's just… you've gone out with an awful lot of girls, and broken up with all of them. And they're all different types, but not one of them seems to be your type. So tell me, Mr. Black, what is your type?"

"My type?"

"Yes. Since all the gems Hogwarts has to offer are not your type, presumably you have a type. I'm wondering what it is."

"Well…"

"Pretend you're creating your ideal mate."

"My ideal mate?"

"Just go with it."

"Okay… Well, smart, I guess, you know, intelligent, but street smarts, too. Like Rem, yeah? 'Cuz he's got top grades and all, and can remember anything, but he's not just about books and lessons, he can think on his feet. I want my girl to be like that. Clever, too. Witty, you know, like Re's got that sarcastic thing down, and can always come up with a great comeback. Funny – she's gotta have a sense of humor – you and Rem make me laugh, she's gotta be able to, too. Thoughtful. Kind. Caring. Sweet…"

"I see."

"You see what?"

"Anything physical?"

"What?"

"Well, if you're creating your ideal, do you have physical features you want?"

"Erm… well… shorter than me, but not tons, I don't want to have to bend in half to kiss her. Like, Rem's height would be perfect, just a couple inches shorter, perfect for dancing with."

"Your mate dances?"

"Well, with me."

"Just with you?"

"Well, you know, it's okay if she dances with friends, say, but not other guys. 'Cuz I don't want them all over my girl."

"Possessive much, Padfoot?"

"Would you like it if you finally convinced Lily you weren't a complete berk and then she went off and danced with all the eligible bachelors of Hogwarts?"

"Point taken. Go on."

"Thank you. Where was I?"

"Remus's height."

"Right. So, Rem's height…"

"Hair?"

"Golden brown, I guess. Light brown, with blond highlights, maybe."

"Like Remus's?"

"Yeah. Like Rem's. Have you ever noticed how, in the sunlight, you can see almost reddish highlights in his hair? I like that. And it's a great length, too, just above the shoulders. Her hair'll be like that. And soft and silky, like his, too."

"Remus's hair is soft and silky?"

"Rem's eyes, too."

"His eyes are soft and silky?"

"What? Oh. No. I meant she'd have eyes like his. I've never seen eyes like that before, they're almost… amber."

"Amber? I thought they were just light brown."

"No! I mean, sometimes they look brown, but if you see them in the light, they have this almost amber quality, and when he's happy, they're like liquid gold, and they glow. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. Well, except his smile. She's gotta have a smile like that. Everything lights up, it's incredible. And the most kissable lips ever…"

"Your girlfriend has the most kissable lips ever?"

"No, Rem – "

"…"

"…"

"Yes?"

"I didn't say anything."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I – "

"Does he?"

"Does he what?"

"Have… er… 'the most kissable lips ever'?"

"Ye… who?"

"Sirius."

"What?"

"Don't give me that innocent look. It doesn't work on me. Mine's better than yours anyway. You know who I'm talking about."

"So what if I do?"

"No need to get all defensive, Padfoot. I'm just asking you a question."

"Why?"

"Because… actually… say, Padfoot, what, uh… what would you say if I told you I… er… liked Remus?"

"He's our friend, Prongs... What do you want me to say?"

"Don't narrow your eyes like that at me, Mr. Padfoot. What would you say if I told you I really liked Remus?"

"What, so Lily's not enough for you now?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Or is it just 'cuz she won't go out with you? You think you'll turn to Rem, just 'cuz he's, what, convenient?"

"Er, Padfoot…"

"You listen to me, Potter, you stay away from him."

"Padfoot…"

"Because you can't have him. So you keep your hands to yourself, do you understand?"

"Sirius, I…"

"To yourself, Potter! You stay away from my Rem, 'cuz – "

"SIRIUS!"

"…"

"Stop glaring at me, Sirius. I didn't say I did like him like that. I just wanted to know what you would say if I told you I did, and you gave me a lovely preview. Thank you."

"…"

"I don't like him like that, Sirius… Stop glaring at me! I said I don't! Okay? You know I'm Lily's man through and through."

"…"

"Oh, stop sulking. It's not becoming. Now, is there something you would like to tell me?"

"What?"

"Oh, come on, Padfoot. You practically described Moony to the freckle as your ideal mate."

"I did not!"

"Oh, no?"

"No!"

"'She's gotta be smart, 'cuz Rem is so intelligent and clever. And she has to be witty and funny, 'cuz Rem can always make me laugh. And she has to be Rem's height and have Rem's hair, 'cuz it's all soft and silky, and she has to have Rem's eyes because they're so beautiful, and Rem's smile 'cuz it just lights up the whole world…'"

"Shut up, Potter."

"'And he has the most kissable lips ever…'"

"Shut up, Potter!"

"No, you shut up, Sirius! I am so sick of hearing you moon over Moony, and go on an on about 'Moony said this' and 'Rem did that' and 'That stupid bint is flirting with him, I'll go save my Moony from her vicious claws'! If anyone even suggests the possibility that someone might be interested in your Rem you go ballistic! Like just now! I shudder to think what you would have done if I actually had been interested in Moony! And I'm supposed to be your best friend!"

"…"

"So just admit it, already, would you? Say you like him, and save us all a lot of grief."

"I don't."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I don't like him."

"Sirius Black, I love you like a brother, but if you don't 'fess up right now I will have to hurt you."

"Idon'tlikehimIlovehim."

"What?"

"I said, I don't like him, I love him. Are you happy?"

"…"

"Shut your mouth, or bugs will fly in."

"I didn't realize…"

"Yeah, well…"

"Well, go tell him!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because he's my friend! If I tell him, and he says no, I don't know what I'll…"

"Well, maybe he won't say 'no'. Maybe he loves you, too."

"But…"

"And I bet I know a way we can find out."

"You…"

"What do you say?"

"…"

"Well?"

"Don't, Jamie."

"Don't?"

"I can't… I don't want to know if he doesn't feel the same."

"But…"

"No, Jamie. Thank you, but no. It's better this way. This way, we can still be friends. And maybe… maybe someday I'll be able to tell him."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure. I really do love him, James. I really do. But I can wait."

A/N: Yes… well… :blushes: so! Another all-dialogue fic. I'm thinking about turning it into a three-parter. Or maybe I'll just do a sequel. Or two. Or none. I have semi-plans… but no time in which to complete them. As I write this, I should be doing work for school. So please, review! Tell me what you think! Should I do more of this? More of Hungry Like the Wolf? More of both? I never know what to do. So please review and tell me :hands out yummy Halloween candy to all reviewers: