Disclaimer: I don't own The OC or its characters, etc.
Summary: Kandy fic. Kirsten is pregnant with Seth and they're both thinking about impending parenthood.
Ten days.
Ten days, that was all.
Ten days and their lives would change forever.
Ten days and everything would be turned upside down.
Ten days and it would no longer just be the two of them. There would always be three of them now.
Kirsten sighed, frustrated that she couldn't sleep, and rolled onto her back. The moon shone through the thin curtains and highlighted the room. Kirsten stared at the ceiling, noticing the rising damp. She studied the patterns, the way she used to study clouds when she was a little girl – making pictures: a tree; a flower; a dolphin; a face. It kept her mind busy; it stopped her from thinking about the future.
The future that would involve a child. Her child. The child she had made with Sandy: her husband, her friend, her soul mate.
The thought excited her. She remembered Hailey as a baby – how she loved to spend time with her; how she loved to make her smile and laugh. A small bundle of joy who had changed their family the moment she was born. Kirsten was excited for that change within her own family. She knew Sandy would be a great father. He was loving and caring and passionate. She was looking forward to all the time they had yet to spend together, as a family. The three of them.
But it frightened her. From now on, she would have another person for whom she would be forever responsible. For the rest of her life, there would be one person who she would love and put before everyone and everything else.
Could she do it? Was she enough?
Her fears and emotions, brought on by the raging hormones that invaded her body, were always made worse by the moonlight. As Sandy would sleep, oblivious to her discomfort at the extra weight she bore, her mind would race; full of thoughts of the future.
How would she know the right decisions to make? How would she protect him from getting hurt? How would she stop him from getting sick?
How would she prevent the bad things from happening?
She thought about her own parents: her cold, distant father and her loving yet alcoholic mother. Her childhood had been good – privileged; but her parents weren't perfect. They had made their mistakes.
What if she made mistakes? What if she wasn't perfect?
What if she was a bad mother?
Another sigh and Kirsten twisted in bed. Most of all, she wanted to lie on her front with her face buried in her pillow, blocking out the moonlight and blocking out her thoughts; but she couldn't do that with the huge bump she carried.
This time, Sandy stirred. "You ok?"
"Uh huh."
Her answer was unconvincing and after a pause, Sandy lifted himself up to switch on the bedside light, casting a bright glow across the room. He squinted across at her as his eyes adjusted to the light.
"What's up?" he asked plainly.
"Nothing," Kirsten lied. "I just can't sleep."
He knew it was a lie. Sandy reached his hand out to rub her belly, caressing the skin that protected their baby. It filled him with awe to realise that she was carrying their child. Their son.
Sandy would find his mind wandering so often at work. In ten days he would be a father. He wondered what his son would be like; which traits he would take from his parents. Would he have his mother's enquiring eyes or his father's wide set pair? Would he be tall or short? Would his hair be soft and blonde, or thick and black? Would he surf? Would he sing? Would he be able to cook?
Another sigh from Kirsten and he watched her, questioning her silently. Kirsten felt his eyes bearing down on her and she tipped her head to look at him.
"Are you scared?"
He didn't need her to ask her to explain.
"A little bit," Sandy admitted. "You?"
Kirsten nodded. "A lot."
Sandy lifted his hand and brushed away the hair from her face, leaning across to kiss her forehead.
"You're gonna be great," he reassured her.
"But what if I'm not? What if I get it wrong?" Kirsten asked him.
"You won't," Sandy argued.
"But how do you know?"
"Because I know you," Sandy smiled. "I know you don't like to fail at anything."
Kirsten smiled, unconvinced.
"You know, I had a dream last week that I had taken him to the park to play on the swings, and I turned my back for a second and he was gone. I couldn't see him anywhere and for some reason the park was empty. I was panicking and shouting for him, but he wasn't there," Sandy told her.
"Did you find him?" Kirsten asked.
"Yeah, he, uh…well, he was up a tree."
Kirsten raised her eyebrows, amused. "Up a tree?"
"Look, it was a dream," Sandy defended. "And that's not the point. The point is, dream or not, for those few moments I'd never felt so scared in my whole life. And you know what? Every time I take him to the park, I'm not going to be able to take my eyes off of him."
Kirsten giggled, reaching her hand up to trace the rough stubble along his chin, grateful that he always knew the right thing to say.
"I just don't want to the same kind of parent my mom and dad were," Kirsten said quietly.
"Me neither," Sandy agreed.
Kirsten lifted her eyes to look at him. Sandy smiled sadly, and kissed her forehead again. His stubble grazed her face. He was working so hard right now that he barely had time to shave in the morning. He wanted to take some time off work when the baby arrived, to be there. For Sandy, missing those precious first few weeks was unthinkable.
In fact, for Sandy, missing anything in his son's life was unthinkable. He thought about his own parents – his busy mother, who always seemed to have more time for children other than her own; and his absent father, who left one day when Sandy was only 9 years old. Sandy didn't want his own son to grow up on his own, like he had. He promised to be there for all those important moments – his first step, his first word, his first day at school, his first kiss, his first girlfriend.
Sandy had never known the reason for his father walking out on his family. As much as he vowed to never repeat the same mistakes with his own family, there was always a niggling voice inside of him that questioned whether there would be a day when Sandy would be forced to walk away from his wife and son. He couldn't imagine such a day; he didn't want to.
But what if, one day, he lost it all?
As if reading his fears, Kirsten interrupted his thoughts. "You're going to be an amazing father."
"And you're going to be an amazing mother," Sandy encouraged her. "We'll do it together."
Together.
That one word was enough to give them both the confidence they were lacking. Together, they had always dealt with everything; together, they would face whatever life threw at them. Together, they would be the best parents they possibly could, learning from their own childhoods. If their son grew up happy and loved, then they would have done a good job.
Sandy tightened his arms around Kirsten and she shifted, trying to find a position that didn't cause her body to ache.
"Can't get comfortable?" Sandy asked.
Kirsten grunted. "You try getting comfortable with an extra seven pounds curled up inside you."
Sandy smiled at her grumpiness. He knew how much she was looking forward to having her body back to herself; she hadn't embraced pregnancy very well. She hated the back ache and swollen ankles and rounded face that came with it. Sandy thought she had never looked more beautiful, but he had learnt quickly that telling her that was not a good idea, given the glare that would usually follow.
"Here, roll over," Sandy instructed her.
Reluctantly, Kirsten rolled away from him. She hated to sleep with her back to him, but she complied. Sandy tucked himself close against her, rubbing her back with his warm, soft hands.
"Better?"
"Much better, thanks," Kirsten smiled gratefully over her shoulder.
Sandy reached up and turned the light off, curling up against his wife again.
"Goodnight," Kirsten said softly.
"Goodnight honey," Sandy said. "Goodnight 'Zeek."
There was a pause in the darkness.
"Sandy? We are not calling our child Ezekial," Kirsten said authoritatively.
Sandy grinned. He still had ten days to change her mind.