Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. Just borrowing.

A/N: Yes, an update. This chapter is un-beta-read as my beta-reader is rather busy of late so any mistakes pointed out would be great. I meant to post this chapter over a month ago so I appologise for its lateness (ducks as cutlery comes flying). For all of you who reviewed, give yourselves a big pat on the back and a cookie. You all rock!

Bex

January 5th, 12:03, Quidditch pitch, my office...

54 mad laps around the Quidditch pitch, several head bashings on my desk and a good swig of the old Firewhisky left over from Christmas...

I love my job.

No, really, I love my job.

Don't get me wrong, I do love my job.

EXCEPT WHEN INEPT BLOODY STUDENTS DECIDE THAT MY EXPERTISE IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM SO THEY HAVE TO TRY THE MOST DANGEROUS STUNTS IN QUIDDITCH!!

The first day back and already the first years have naively decided to do gymnastics at fifty foot in the air when i'm not looking. Honestly, I wish I could hex Cormac Mclaggen, the pompous, half-witted Gryffindor. Even the Weasley twins are not half as stupid to do that! 70 points from Gryffindor, a broken arm, (for McLaggen) and an almost heart attack later (for me), I yelled myself hoarse at him and his stupid stunt then sent him to the hospital wing with a few of his groupies as I was in no generous mood to take him. Honestly, if my hair were not silver, today he would have added a few more grey hairs. It's a good job I have been gifted to silver hair, not grey. Along with the hawk-yellow eyes, it's a Hooch family trait; most of my ancestors have it. Griffith has silver hair too.

Poppy delivered some more fantastic news today: Wizard Flu inoculations and Dragon Pox update for ALL staff shall be ready by this evening.

Oh, goodie!

I remember when I started here the year before last. Last Christmas was hell. So many staff came up with a variation of colourful reasons why they could not run through Poppy's battery of tests. There were at least five inoculations last year as well as the new-found vaccine for Kneazle version of mumps found in humans. I have to admit though, it was rather amusing to see Poppy try to inject a hissing and spitting Minerva McGonagall in cat form. She almost lost her fur as the needle went in at the wrong end (yes, that's right, it nearly went up her bottom!) I have never laughed so hard in my life when it nearly happened, even though I was the one holding her down and getting clawed. Even Poppy was in tears by the end. (Of laughter, of course.)

Filius had charmed his office to beware of Poppy, much like a scent dog, the charm could smell her from a good distance so he could retreat to his quarters or jump out the window. His classroom was only on the second floor and he had a rather soft landing, as that was were the compost heap was being kept that year. I remember because not only did he keep whining about it to Hagrid, but also every time he did jump out of the window he smelt like rotten eggs. That gave the hens of the staffroom something to gab about other than their various boring social lives.

But yes, this year should be amusing to say the least.

I expect full tantrums, hexes, flying phlegm, numerous escape attempts, tears, and that's only just from Severus. Last year was so funny. He had a public brawl with Poppy about the issue in the great hall and ended up starting a food fight. Albus gave him an excellent bollocking for that and not only made him clean the mess up in the great hall, but also the students who were caked in food of various forms. I don't think he actually got much sleep that night as he finished his cleaning at about eleven, had to patrol the halls until two, then finish off his report of potions which had to be in the next morning.

I laughed myself silly at him. He was an asshole when I first started. Not a lot has changed really...

It felt like sweet, blissful revenge.

Ahh, that's much better. I'm smiling now.

Ooh, shit, it's Albus!

Must hide the alcohol!

Quidditch Pitch, 13:05pm...

I never got time to hide the whisky. Instead the sneaky old coot sauntered in with a plate full of delicious hot cheese and bacon sandwiches, and parked himself at my desk.

"Oh, yes, please. Make it a double." he winked, and placed the silver platter between us. "I saw you flying about the pitch like a mad woman and decided to force my company upon you. A trying first day?"

"Well, put it this way, a student nearly ended up covering the Quidditch Pitch with himself." I replied with a small smile, and handed Albus a clean glass of Firewhisky. "So why force yourself upon me? Why not Minerva?"

"Ah, Minerva is in a Head of house meeting at the moment. I am doing my best to make myself scarce as Cornelius wants a chat about the Quidditch World Cup that's to happen in four years." Albus replied, picking out a sandwich.

"What about the Quidditch World Cup?" My ears perked up a bit at the sound of that. It has been ages since the World Cup came to England.

"Well, as you shall be ecstatic to hear, the British Isles has been selected to host the next Quidditch World Cup." Albus announced and grinned as my face lit up like the Notting Hill Christmas lights show.

"Oh, Albus that is fantastic! I never thought I would get to see it in my lifetime! That's wonderful news!" I jigged about happily on my seat.

"All the top Ministry officials are in great discussion over it. There has to be room for at least one hundred thousand people in the stands, several of which shall be going to the Hogwarts staff." Albus said in amusement as I began my celebratory dance.

"So why are you trying to avoid Fudge?" I said finally, and sat back down to eat a particularly delicious sandwich.

"I think it is only a rouse to grill me on other matters as I have not answered his letters of late. So like the busy Headmaster I am I have sent him on a wild goose chase after me." Albus cheerfully replied, and helped himself to another sandwich. "How are you and Severus getting along?"

I almost choked on my sandwich at the way my boss ever so casually dropped the last line into the conversation.

"Well, I think Mount. Kracatoa was far safer when it exploded," I said in sarcasm as Albus just chuckled in amusement. "Mmm, I think that is about the right assessment for our 'situation'."

"What even after his apology?"

"It was a forced apology, Albus. Now it's business as usual. Anyway, why do you ask?"

"I just wondered if my little talk with him was being taken to heart. I think I know why he is constantly on to you though."

"Why?"

"Ahh, that you shall have to find out for yourself."

"You can't just leave me with an answer like that! You know I will brood over it!"

"I can. Just watch me."

"You are most annoying. I never know why Minerva puts up with you,"

"No, I cannot say that I possess that knowledge either."

Damn that constant twinkle. I try to stare him out but I remember that his is a Legimens so that's probably not the best idea.

"I give in."

"It's probably for the best."

"You are so infuriating!"

"Then I have hit my target," he said with a mischievous grin.

Silly old coot.

"Well, must be off. Lunch is over, and I feel the need to visit my brother in Hogsmeade. Thank you for your whisky and company." Albus said, standing with the ease of someone half his age, and took my hand to bestow a kiss on it.

"You are going to have to do more than that to get back in my good books," I said suspiciously, as he grinned at me.

"Alas, my unwavering admiration can be quite overwhelming at times. I shall send a more worthy opponent, say Severus, and hope that he will win you over for my sake."

"When the giant squid learns to fly." I said sweetly as the old coot waved himself out the door.

"With your expertise, I'm sure he will."

"Flattery will get you no where."

"I think you established that when you opposed to my gentleman-like manners."

"Oh, shoo!" I said in half amusement and annoyance. And with a last laugh, Albus disappeared off to the pub, to visit his brother.

It's not fair. He gets to go to the pub while the rest of us have to slog away and drown our misery whatever hidden treasures we could hide at Crimbo.

Oh well.

At least he did not yell at me for having a lunchtime drink.

Proberly because he knew I would turn him over to the Minister if he did.

MWHAHAHAHA...

Ahem.

7:30pm, Hospital wing...

No, I'm not injured.

Well, not yet at least.

For every other member of staff…

IT'S INJECTION TIME!!!

Poor sods, I do slightly pity them though...

But only slightly...

I can't wait until Severus walks in for his...

I hope I get him...

That way I can MAKE him drop his trousers, bend over and thrust the injection up his...

7:57pm ...yeah...

I just had to tie Filius up, gag him, remove his wand, and then remove MY wand from his buttocks.

Yes, that's right, BUTTOCKS!

My poor wand...

It was the only way I could get him, sit him down, and make him shut up.

Honestly.

It's a good job the Ministry gave us permission to use any means to capture the poor victims. I think I would be sent to Azkaban otherwise.

But anyway, the point is, the first one is done.

Next on my list of victims: Pomona Sprout.

This should be great revenge for trying to set the up Bat of the Dungeons and myself at the Crimbo do…

8:39pm...

Getting to greenhouse three was the easy part. But getting in and past all the death-defying plants was another matter. Pomona had situated herself right up the other end of the greenhouse with a pot of tea, a deck chair, food supplies to last a few days and a spare set of robes. I had to fight my way past the venomous Tentaculur, past the screeching Mandrakes, past the man-eating fire-plant-thing, under the deadly singing flowerpikes and over the Devils Snare. And that was just the beginning. It took me a good half-hour to get there using my expert range of spells and trick to get past the specimens without killing them (Otherwise I suspect Pomona would kill me on the spot). Just to get to a stubborn old witch sipping tea overlooking the situation with relish and amusement. Once I got through relatively unscathed Pomona surrendered and offered me a cup of tea.

The cheek of it.

And she thinks I don't know what she put in that pot (from the smell, I deduced that it was a stewed weed) to get me stoned.

No chance.

I am a child of the sixties, I know what it smells, looks and tastes like. (The latter purely accidental, of course)

So I let her pour me a cup of "tea", under the impression that I was misguided to believe it was indeed what she said it was. I pretended to absently take a sip. I even forced a gulp of phlegm down to make it look authentic.

We had a quick chat about the weather and then I proceeded to take out my injection and reveal that I knew it was weed in the pot.

With a resigned look on her face, Pomona let me do the business and let me be on my way again.

I WIN.

2 down, another few to go...

NEXT VICTIM: Severus Snape.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHA...

1:02 am... my quarters, in bed...

In a rather anti-climatic way, I found Severus when I hunted down the headmaster in a little cove, outside in the staff garden. They had both made a tent, a campfire and were sitting in two stripy deck chairs sipping hot chocolate. I only found them by accident, as I was sick of looking all over the castle for Severus, so I thought I would nip out for a fly in the night sky. I swooped over the Owlery, under the bridge, and through the marble arch near where the staff garden is. If I had not noticed a strange blue light flickering away against the wall of the fountain, they would have gone un-noticed. Instead, I flew into investigate and found them in their thermals drinking bloody hot sodding chocolate.

Dumbledore had the nerve to tell me that he was still hiding from the Minister while Severus concluded that he had been dragged out there for company by the old coot.

Bah.

The cheek of it.

Serenely, I summoned my vaccination kit and proceeded to vaccinate them, threatening that if they both did not co-operate, then I would stick it in their bottom.

HARD.

Dumbledore threatened that if I did two weeks worth of wages would be cancelled.

I replied that I did not give a toss and that I had at least three vaults full of money from my old Quidditch days.

That shut Dumbledore up. Well, long enough for him to roll up his sleeve.

Severus tried to sneak out but Dumbledore wordlessly nailed him to the spot so I could inject him with no fuss at all.

Well, that's my lot to be getting along with. I'm surprised I'm not in a less agreeable mood to be honest. It only took a couple of hours this year. I am disappointed. I expected it to be at least two days.

Oh well.

I'm rather bored now.

Marcus will be back tomorrow.

I'm fed up with this bloody drippy romance book nonsense that Minerva gave me.

I need more books.

I feel like a trip to the Midnight Underground Shopping Mall in London. It's a great place in the underground that used to belong to outcasts, beggars, vagabonds, criminals, werewolves and other dark creatures. Now since the Ministry has bought it out it is a place of secret treasures. It's a bit like Knockturn Ally only a tad more friendly and legal. And also a great place to hide from the general public if the publicity gets too much. After I split from Benton, I found it a place of great solace, for there is but a low buzz of conversation filling the air and a tranquillity of a fountain that was built for werewolves to drink from. It is generally open from six pm till six am.

I think I shall take a trip on Thursday, as I don't have classes until one thirty. But still, I am bored, and I can't get to sodding sleep!

I feel like a bit of a swim.

Maybe that will exhaust me enough to sleep.

I think I will go to the staff swimming pool.

1:12 am, Staff swimming pool…

Oh Merlin's bloody balls!

I can't go anywhere without him poking his great sodding nose in!

Cocky git.

"What are YOU doing here?" As if I am not a member of staff.

"Not that it's any of your business, Snape, but I can't sleep. But then again, you can't help but stick that great conk of yours in, for it's almost too big to fit in the room."

Take that greasy bastard.

"Touché."

"I'm rather surprised you haven't melted into the water yet. I thought you were allergic to it."

"I live for surprises. You never know, I may decide to give you a very big surprise."

Arrogant sod.

How dare he insinuate such a thing.

As if I would ever consider his skinny-ass.

"Oh, but you already have. I am very surprised you are not a vampire."

"You wound me deeply." he replied mockingly, placing a hand on his white scarred chest. "I thought you were supposedly bright enough to realise that went I ate the garlic-filled dip at dinnertime, I would have perished before your un-astute eyes."

"Or maybe you are just not interesting enough for me to take note of your fascinating diets." I replied sweetly.

"If you say so."

"I do."

"So be it."

"Sev, just shut it." I said, and slammed the door to the cubical. If he's going to be in here for as long as I am, then I'm doing twenty laps then leaving. If not, I will lounge in the Jacuzzi. I think I will take a peak now as I think I heard him getting out.

Nope, he's gone.

Thank god.

2:19 am, yup…

The bastard was watching me in the Jacuzzi. It's raised slightly so you cannot see who's in there unless you climb up and look. I had almost finished my twenty laps when his odious voice resounded throughout the room.

"Stop cheating, you did not touch that last wall."

Well, that was it.

I thrust my middle finger high into the air, got out of the pool and showered. I wish we did not have communal showers, because I think he might be watching me. God he's making paranoid again.

Anyway, I'm off to bed.

A/N Please Review... you know you want to...