Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me (sigh) This is Ron/Hermione and Harry/ Draco No slash in this part (next time peeps!) Will contain character death.
Stranger in the mirror
Harry looked at his face in the mirror. Gaunt and shadowed, his eyes glowed an eerie shade of green, giving a strange tint to the enormous bruise that shadowed his jaw. He glared at his expression, flicking a strand of crow-black hair out of his eyes. Suddenly he turned away with a snarl of disgust and threw himself down on his bed. He lay, quite still, face down. Only the rise and fall of his chest gave any reason to suspect that there was life in his body. After a pause, his shoulders began to shake.
Hogwarts, Harry's fifth year
"What's up Hermione?" asked Ron tentatively. They were all on the Hogwarts Express, heading back to Hogwarts for the beginning of their fifth year. The three hadn't met up in the holidays this year, and the two boys had lots to say to each other. Hermione however, had been uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole trip. She had answered all their questions about her time in Bulgaria in her characteristic style, and had even responded to their questions with some of her own, but the nearer they got to Hogwarts, the quieter she became, to the point that it was no longer possible for the boys to pretend that they hadn't noticed something was wrong.
"Nothing" said Hermione, giving them an almost startled look, as if she hadn't expected them to notice anything wrong.
"You've gone really quiet" Ron explained "and I just wondered if there was something the matter"
"Just tired, that's all" Hermione said "It's nice of you to ask" she said, giving them a grin that seemed to be crumbling around the edges, "but really, I'm fine"
"If you say so Herm" said Ron. Harry quickly changed the subject and they talked about Quidditch for the remaining distance to Hogwarts, but Ron and Harry exchanged glances full of puzzlement when Hermione was distracted.
Hermione seemed to get more lively once they had arrived at Hogwarts, but over the next few weeks it began to be clear that Hermione had something on her mind. She was definitely distracted, even to the point of stopping answering questions in class, and once Professor McGonagall had to repeat a question she had asked her. Hermione was spending all of her time in the library - something that in itself was not uncommon, but the fact that she seemed not to want either of them to even be there while she was, and the fact that she was not always where she had said she would be reinforced their idea that there was a problem. But the strangest thing of all was the way the teachers acted towards Hermione. Even Professor Snape seemed to making some sort of effort to curb his tongue where Hermione was concerned, though his behaviour to Harry and Ron hadn't changed.
Harry mentioned his fears to Ron one evening in the dormitory.
"Ron?" he said nervously "Have you noticed how oddly Hermione's behaving?"
Ron appeared from behind the drapes of his bed and went to sit at the window. His face was folded in an expression of worry.
"It's really odd isn't it? She's thinner than she used to be, and she's so distracted all the time." He stared out over the darkened grounds, his eyes staring towards the lake.
"What can be wrong with her?" he burst out "There is something, we both know it, but what can it be?"
"I've no idea. The teachers know though, whatever it is"
"What?" gasped Ron, his face in the moonlight shocked and surprised. "It must be really bad then, whatever it is, for the teachers to know"
"Snape was nearly nice to her the other day. McGonagall keeps giving her this odd, sort of sad look and Madame Pomfrey seems to look at her all the time"
"She must be ill then." Ron said logically "She must have had flu or something, some sort of horrible Bulgarian disease, and she's not over it yet. That's all it'll be Harry, she's just tired and not feeling so well. You know she always retreats to the library when she doesn't feel well. She'll get better soon, no problem" Ron's voice was cheerful, but Harry could see in his friends eyes that he didn't really believe this, that he knew there must be something seriously wrong and was just trying to convince himself otherwise. Harry said all the things that he knew Ron wanted to hear, knowing that Ron could see in his eyes that he didn't believe the words as they came out of his mouth. Both boys finished their feeble efforts at deceiving themselves and sat in silence for a while.
"We'd better go to bed" said Harry eventually, loath to break the silence "The others'll think we're mad if they come and catch us sitting in the dark."
Ron nodded, but made no effort to move. Harry stood up quietly and went to bed, leaving Ron silhouetted against the window.
He fell instantly into a log-like sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but it was not the kind of sleep that is refreshing. When Harry awoke the next morning, his jaw was clenched and his head hurt. He had also overslept, and had to hurry down to breakfast. Ron had already finished his and had gone off to the library to do some last minute Transfiguration homework, so Harry sat down next to Hermione. She looked terrible, he noticed. Her eyes had huge bags under them and she looked pale and drawn. Her hand trembled as she moved a spoonful of cereal to her mouth, and Harry suddenly realised how thin she had become.
"What's going on Hermione?" he asked. He was slightly surprised at himself - he had meant to lead up to his question gently, after inquiring how she was, whether she had slept well, all the sort of pleasantries that people go throughout of politeness or fear when building up to something important.
"You've been quiet and distant all term. Don't deny it Herm. Ron and I both know there's something wrong. Can't you tell us about it?"
"I'm dying" said Hermione calmly and matter-of-factly, lifting another spoonful of cereal to her mouth with hands that trembled. Harry sat there, stunned.
"What?" he whispered, too stunned to even begin processing the information.
"I'm dying" Hermione repeated, her voice quavering slightly now. "I've got cancer, it's too far gone to treat with any success and I'm going to die, probably in the next two years"
"Are you sure?" asked Harry, his voice trembling. "Is there nothing that can be done - no spells or anything?"
"No" said Hermione quietly "I've looked everywhere, considered everything. There's no hope Harry" she said. "This year at Hogwarts will be my last"
Harry stared at her, his face completely white.
"Why didn't you say something?" he asked hoarsely. "Were you going to die before you let us know you were ill?"
"I didn't want to ruin your year. The cancer's slow progressing - I should be functioning almost normally this year. I didn't want you to fuss over me Harry - I've accepted this now and I didn't want you to be always asking me if I felt OK. I wanted one last year of normality, as much as I could have it"
"We're your best friends - didn't we deserve to be told what was going on, rather than having to guess?"
"I didn't want you to be worrying about me all the time! I just wanted to carry on as normal - pretend it isn't happening." Hermione admitted.
"I'll have to tell Ron now" she went on practically. "Now you know, it's not fair for him not to. Let me tell him myself though Harry" she said, looking at him suddenly for the first time during the whole conversation. "This isn't the kind of news you should hear on the grapevine. I'll tell him tonight, after lessons"
Harry stood up, ignoring the food on his plate. The thought of eating anything made him feel ill.
"OK" he said softly. He then turned and walked out of the Dining Hall. He headed straight for the dormitory, and his invisibility cloak. He quickly pulled it on, and sat quietly on the bed, waiting until Gryffindor was silent. Then he made his way down to the lake. Removing his invisibility cloak, he sat gazing across the lake, tears rolling down his face.
Harry sat there all morning, completely unaware of anything around him, contemplating the dreadful news he had heard that morning. Hermione dying, no hope of curing her... The conversation flowed round his head until the words almost became meaningless. Memories of Hermione flowed through his mind, Hermione laughing, smiling, glaring at him and Ron, exchanging exasperated looks with Ginny when they were being particularly dense about something. Hermione scolding them for breaking rules, brewing Polyjuice Potion secretly in the toilets - thousands of memories collected over four years. But interspersed between all his memories was Hermione's voice saying calmly "I'm dying"
So absorbed was he in his memories that he failed to notice the figure approaching him until they sat down next to him.
"I don't know why I'm here" drawled a familiar voice.
"I don't know how I knew you'd be here, or why I even cared, but I thought you could do with..."
"Go away Malfoy" said Harry flatly, making no attempt to hide the fact that he was crying.
"I thought you might like someone to talk to, someone who's not involved in whatever your problem is and who knows how to keep secrets."
"Why would I ever talk to you? We've been enemies for years."
"Because whatever this problem is, it's big. Too big for you to handle alone, and there is nobody else."
"There are plenty of people! Why do you think I'd talk to you rather than Ron or Her.. Her.." Harry stumbled over the name and gulped.
"The problem's to do with Hermione, right? And whatever it is, Weasley doesn't know. Right again? Oh, I'm a good guesser" he said proudly, as Harry's face told him everything he needed to know.
"Now, you're the great Harry Potter, boy wonder. You aren't likely to be cutting class and crying in the woods because she dumped you for Krum, so it's something bad. If she was pregnant - well, that'd shock you, and everyone else for that matter, but you wouldn't be like this, even if it was your baby. Snape didn't even send anyone to look for you, despite the fact he hates you! He looked at Hermione, then started the lesson"
Malfoy suddenly paused. There was a different tone in his voice when he started speaking again.
"I don't like the way this is going Potter" he said. "In fact, I might leave now before I guess things I'd rather stay out of"
"She's dying" said Harry softly. "And you'd better mean what you said about secrets because she doesn't want anyone to know. She wouldn't have told me if I hadn't guessed. She's telling Ron tonight. She wants to pretend it's not happening - just live her life as normal until she's too ill to carry on"
"Ouch" said Draco with feeling. "What's up with her?"
"Cancer. She says it's too far gone to be worth treating the Muggle way, and she can't find any spell to treat it or cure it. She's got about two years"
"I'm sorry"
"No you're not!" snarled Harry. "You hate Hermione! You always call her a Mudblood - you said you wished the Basilisk had killed her! How dare you say you're sorry now!"
Malfoy flinched, but said quietly.
"Did you never say something you didn't mean? She wasn't dead, she was going to live. Things aren't always easy for me Harry, whatever it looks like. I am sorry about Hermione. She's clever and brave - she doesn't deserve this. No one does."
Then Harry began to sob. Burying his head in his arms he cried as if his heart would break. Draco watched him for a minute, but as Harry's sobs grew louder he put his hand on Harry's back between his shoulder blades. He said nothing, just rubbed Harry's back until he had cried himself out.
Harry was very embarrassed when he had cried himself to exhaustion. He lay there, worn out and wondering what to say. Draco said nothing, just continued to rub his back. After a while though, he said
"We might be wanting to make a move. Lessons end for lunch soon, and you might want to clean yourself up a bit before facing your friends again." Harry raised his head from his knees and looked at Draco.
"On second thoughts, we'll just go to the medical wing. You look like you could use some sleep and some sort of calming potion. Come on"
He stood up and reached out a hand to help Harry up. Harry looked at it dully for a moment before taking it and allowing Malfoy to help him to his feet.
"Thanks" he said tearfully.
"I will be expecting you to return the favour." Malfoy said wryly, but with a trace of affection in his voice. "I never do something for nothing Potter. Oh, and your secret's safe with me. I won't talk about any of this." Harry sniffled, and Draco began to prod him in the direction of the castle.
"Come on, we're running out of time."
***
Harry slept for the rest of the day. When he headed for the Gryffindor common room, everyone was at dinner. He sat in the chair closest to the fire and stared into its depths, waiting for Ron and Hermione to come in. As he stared into the flames, he felt sleep calling him. When he checked his watch and saw he had almost half an hour before the others got back he decided he might as well doze there. He allowed the heat of the fire and the flickering flames to lull him to sleep.
Perhaps because of all the sleeping he'd been doing that day, Harry's sleep was restless. Once he heard a voice say "You have served me well." He started awake and looked around, seeing no-one he relaxed back into his chair and back into a restless doze.
He was walking through a barren landscape, struggling along a narrow path covered with bushes, boulders and thorns. Up ahead he could see a fork in the path. One route was even worse than the path he was on, and one seemed slightly easier. Harry started along the easy path. At first it seemed OK, but then Harry began to sense things watching him from the shadows - big things, with glowing eyes, like Sirius when he was in dog form. Thinking of Sirius made him think he could hear his voice, saying
"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny"
"I'm not Luke!" Harry said in surprise. "Where are you?"
"Where I always was." whispered Sirius. He began to bark and suddenly Harry could hear howling. He looked around, trying to hear where the howling was coming from.
"It's too late" said Hermione sadly. "Who knew what you would be?"
The howling was so loud Harry could barely hear her. "Don't go!" he yelled, but his words were drowned by the howling as the werewolf jumped straight for his throat. There was a loud bang.... and Harry jumped awake. The bang he had heard was the portrait hole swinging open. He sat up quickly, trying to look as if he hadn't been asleep. Ron and Hermione were the first through. Hermione was laughing about something, and her laughter cut Harry to the bone. When Ron saw Harry, he immediately headed towards him.
"Where've you been?"
"I felt strange at breakfast, and I went to Madame Pomfrey" said Harry, perfectly truthfully.
"Are you OK now?" Hermione asked, giving him a look.
"Better" he said.
"Tell you what then" said Hermione cheerfully. "Shall we go for a quick walk? Get you some fresh air? It's still quite light out"
"Good plan!" said Harry. "What about you Ron?"
"Sure" said Ron. "Anything to put off that Divination homework!"
The three clambered out through the portrait hole and headed for the lake.
"What was wrong with you then?" asked Ron when they were about half way to the lake. "It's not like you to be ill"
"I upset him" said Hermione apologetically.
"What did you do?" asked Ron in surprise.
"I told him what's been wrong with me since the beginning of term."
Ron looked at her sharply.
"Go on" he said, tension evident in his voice.
"I've got cancer. It's gone too far for any treatment to be successful, so I've decided not to have any, only pain relief. I want to enjoy the rest of my life, not spend it fighting a losing battle."
"How long?" asked Ron tightly. "How long have you got left?"
"About two years. I'll be leaving Hogwarts at the end of this year, to spend some time with my parents."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?" yelled Ron. "I thought we were your best friends, but you don't even think your imminent death is something we should be warned about? Do you really think so little of us?"
"I wanted things to be the same! Now you know that it's almost the end, things'll be different. You'll treat me differently - if I so much as frown you'll fuss all over me, asking if I feel OK, if there's anything you can do. I don't want that! I want a nice, normal year, unspoilt by my cancer. I'm not dead yet, and I'd rather you didn't cry for me until I'm gone"
"You can't just say that! You're dying - we'll never see you again! How can you think we wouldn't care enough about you to keep you here?"
"I didn't say you didn't care! Life has risks Ron." yelled Hermione "You could get run over by a car on your way home for Christmas! You could be dead before I am! It's not that I wanted to cheat you, I just wanted to keep things the same."
"They'll never be the same." said Ron. He had stopped shouting and was breathing in short, sharp gasps.
"Do you think I don't know that?" asked Hermione quietly. "I did everything I could think of - researched my type of cancer, asked all the doctors for their real opinions, worked out all the statistics. I found out that treating it now would only give me another year at best, and would give me great pain and discomfort. I decided that it wasn't worth the extra year. I couldn't have come back you see, and I wanted to. I even looked for a magical cure, but there's nothing anyone can do. So I want to stay here, keep things as normal as I can for as long as I can and then die quietly."
Ron's lip quivered. "Hermione" he said haltingly "What'll we do without you?" Tears began to flow down his face, and Hermione reached out and put her arms round him, her own body shaking with sobs. He clung to her and cried. Hermione beckoned to Harry over Ron's shoulder. He came closer and she put one of her arms round him, pulling him close.
Harry couldn't cry, but he stood there with his arms round Ron and Hermione, giving them strength, and drawing from them the strength he would need to face the times ahead.
***
The following months were strange for Harry. Hermione seemed to have decided that life was for living, and although she still worked hard in class, she was much less focused on her work than she had been. She and Ron had begun to go out, and there were times when he definitely felt like a spare part. He'd heard the saying "Three's a crowd" but had never thought it would apply to them.
The morning in the woods with Draco Malfoy stuck in his mind. Malfoy, true to his word, had never mentioned any of it again, but Harry couldn't help wondering how long that would last. Neither Ron nor Hermione had noticed that Malfoy was ignoring them rather than insulting them these days, but Harry had. Sometimes in Potions after Harry had received a particularly brutal tongue-lashing from Snape he would catch Draco's eye. Neither boy would smile or acknowledge the other, but there was an understanding between them. Harry found this comforting, though he couldn't say why.
One day after Christmas while they were making an Ageing Potion, Malfoy walked past the desk where Harry was crushing up his beetle wings. Leaning over, he said sarcastically.
"Those look like dust already Potter. Did Weasley give them to you? Probably not rich enough to afford real ingredients!"
Ron snarled, and Hermione said caustically
"Some people are given talent, wit and intelligence. What a shame that you missed out on all three Malfoy. Still, every family has a black sheep. Maybe your father'll have another child who isn't such a disappointment to him"
"How dare you insult my family you Mudblood scum!" spat Malfoy. He dived for his wand, only to find his wand arm gripped firmly by Harry, who gave him a look.
"Just go Malfoy" said Harry quietly. Malfoy glared at them all angrily. His fists were clenched. He looked like he was about to say something, but choked it back and stalked off.
Harry waited until the other two were busy stirring the cauldron to unfold the note Malfoy had dropped into his lap.
"You owe me a favour Potter. Now I'm calling it in. 7 o'clock, same place again."
Harry slid the note into his pocket. At the end of the lesson when they were sitting at their desks noting down the homework, Harry managed to catch Draco's eye and nodded. Draco nodded back.
When Harry arrived, Draco was sitting with his head propped on his knees, staring over the lake. He turned to look at Harry when he heard him approaching, and gave him a sort of smile.
"What'd you tell the other two?" he inquired, watching Harry as he sat down.
"They've gone for some 'alone time'. They probably won't even know I've been away." Harry couldn't quite stop the bitter edge creeping into his voice, though he tried very hard.
"Bad luck. Three suddenly became a crowd."
"Yeah"
There was a small pause. Then Malfoy said thoughtfully
"What's it like having friends?"
Harry turned to look at him, trying to see if Draco was joking or whether he really meant the question. Draco met his eyes, looking uncomfortable but he seemed as if he was telling the truth. "I'm serious" he said quietly. "I don't think I've ever really had a friend, and I want to know what it's like."
"What about Crabbe and Goyle?" said Harry, playing for time while he tried to think of an answer.
"They're sidekicks, henchmen, whatever. Friends are supposed to be your equal, and only in an alternate reality could Crabbe and Goyle ever be considered my equals. All brawn and no brain is a saying designed for them."
"A difficult comment to argue with" Harry agreed. He frowned, trying to think of his answer.
"I don't know" he said quietly. "I know what it's like not to have friends, and I can see the differences between then and now, but it's difficult to say how it's different. It just is."
"Not really the most helpful description" said Malfoy, sounding slightly disappointed.
"It's having someone to sit with in lessons and talk to at break. I know Ron and Hermione will help me if I'm in trouble and stick up for me if I'm getting picked on. I can go to them with most of my problems, and they'll help me without telling anyone, and I'd do the same for them. They make me laugh" said Harry. He had come to the end of his explaining power, and looked at Malfoy earnestly. "Do you know what I mean?"
"I think so"
"Aren't you lonely without friends?" asked Harry tentatively.
"I'm human, aren't I?" say Malfoy, sounding surprised. "Of course I'm lonely! Most of the time I can push it to one side, but sometimes I can't." Harry nodded, remembering his life before Hogwarts. There was a pause while both boys stared out over the lake.
"Would you say I'm your friend?" asked Malfoy suddenly.
"I don't think so" said Harry apologetically.
"Why not? You've told me a secret, which I haven't told and I've told you something that I hope you won't pass on, so we must trust each other somehow. That list seemed to be mostly about trust." Malfoy's tone didn't seem accusatory or angry, just curious, but there was a funny undertone to it.
"Yes" agreed Harry, trying to work out what he could hear in Malfoy's voice, "but you've never made me laugh, I wouldn't dare sit with you or talk to you and neither of us would go out of our way to help the other."
"Is that what you really think?" said Draco in a measured tone.
"When you set this up, you didn't just come to me and say 'Harry can I talk to you', you picked a fight with my best friend as an excuse to give me a private note. This first thing you asked me was what excuse I'd made to the others so I could come and meet you. That seems to say to me that you don't dare talk to me either, and if we're afraid to talk to each other then how can we be friends?"
"Do you think we could be?" asked Malfoy. Harry gaped at him, wondering if he'd heard him correctly. Draco Malfoy, asking to be his friend? A hurt, embarrassed expression crossed Malfoy's face.
"It doesn't matter" he said abruptly. "Sorry to have wasted your precious time Potter." He started to stand up.
"Wait!" said Harry quickly. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure that I'd heard you properly. I mean, it's not the sort of thing you usually say to me, is it?"
Malfoy looked more hopeful, and settled himself back into his initial position.
"I do think we could be" said Harry softly. "I'll be your friend if you'll be mine."
"Thank you" said Malfoy. "That means a lot to me Harry"
Harry grinned in embarrassment.
"Smiling already" observed Draco.
"True enough" said Harry.
There was a small pause, which Harry broke by asking which Quidditch team Draco supported. The conversation went on from their, both boys discussing Quidditch with enthusiasm until Draco suddenly looked round.
"Gone dark, hasn't it? What's the time?"
Harry glanced at his watch.
"We're going to get into trouble!" he exclaimed. "We should be in the Common rooms by now!"
Malfoy checked his own watch and gave a strangled exclamation. "Come on!"
Both boys ran back to the school as fast as they could. When they reached the entrance hall, Harry panted out a quick
"See you tomorrow" before hurrying off up the stairs to the Gryffindor Common room.
From then on, Harry met up with Draco regularly. He, Ron and Hermione had established a routine so that Hermione and Ron could have some 'alone time', and Harry used the time to meet Draco. He didn't tell them what he did in that time, and they didn't ask. He didn't know what, if anything Draco had told Crabbe and Goyle, just that they seemed to know nothing. Then again, thought Harry, both of them were so stupid they probably didn't even notice Draco's absence. Both boys had been wary of each other at first, but Harry had slowly come to rely on Draco for support. He found his sarcastic sense of humour a blessing, and the fact that he always had time to listen to Harry's complaints about Ron, Hermione and life in general. In return, Harry listened back and found out lots of things about Draco that he had never known, including one bombshell that knocked Harry for six.
The boys had been in the library, where they had taken to meeting in a quiet corner, collaborating on their Potions homework and generally chatting. Harry had been telling Draco a story about the Weasley twins, which both boys had found very funny, and had gone on to talk about family. Harry had given a description of the Dursleys and their attitude towards magic.
"Honestly, they hate people of magic blood, like your family hates people with Muggle blood. They see all wizards as freaks, and when they took me in they vowed to stamp all my magic out of me" Harry explained. "I had to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs and was generally despised and ignored."
"What about your cousin? He's nearly the same age as us isn't he? Shouldn't it have been like having a brother?"
"Better no brother at all than Dudley! He beat me up all the time. I'd say he was more intelligent than Goyle, but only just"
"I had a brother once" said Draco thoughtfully. "He was two years older than me and I thought the world of him"
"What was he like?" asked Harry curiously.
"Strong, right from babyhood, lively and intelligent. Father always said I was a terrible disappointing baby, but I never heard him say that about Salazar. Everyone was really upset when he died, but I think what upset Father most was when he realised that I was his heir."
"How did he die?" asked Harry quietly.
"He fell into the lake when he was seven and I was five. Both of us could swim, but he banged his head on a stone when he fell in. He was too heavy for me to pull out, and he drowned before help could arrive." said Draco emotionlessly.
"I'm really sorry" said Harry. He hoped Draco could hear how much he meant that, the words themselves seemed almost meaningless in the context of what Draco was telling him.
"Yes" said Draco, talking almost as if he hadn't heard Harry "one minute he was on the bank with me, feeding the ducks on crusts of bread from his hand, and the next he was face down in the water and not moving. I was a puny little thing, and he was two years older than I was and a big lad. There was nothing I could do."
"It must have been awful"
"It certainly wasn't pleasant. Still, there's no point dwelling on it. It happened over ten years ago now after all - I can hardly remember him"
"Still" said Draco after a while "Granger's crack about my father maybe having a less disappointing child certainly stung."
"Ouch!" said Harry, remembering the comment vividly all of a sudden. Draco had been about to leave when Hermione had said something and he had gone mental.
"She wouldn't have said it if she had known" he assured Draco. "Hermione's not like that"
"Are you sure?" said Draco, giving him a probing look.
"Of course I'm sure!" answered Harry in surprise. "Hermione's my friend - I've known her for nearly five years - and I'm sure she wouldn't say anything like that if she had any idea that there were circumstances like that"
Draco shrugged and changed the subject, but the conversation hung over the rest of the evening like a black cloud.
After that, Harry nearly started talking to Draco in lessons, but not quite. One day in late March however, Harry arrived late to a Potions lesson to find Hermione sitting in his usual seat next to Ron. Harry gave her a slightly hurt look. He had only gone to Madame Pomfrey for a cold remedy - Hermione must've known he'd turn up. He ignored Hermione's apologetic glance and quickly looked for somewhere else to sit. Seeing the space next to Draco, he walked quickly over and sat down, ignoring the shocked gasps from the rest of the class. Snape raised an eyebrow, but obviously couldn't think of anything to say. He started teaching as always, but kept looking at Harry with a peculiar expression on his face.
"You've put the cat among the pigeons" Draco murmured when everyone was busy concocting an invisibility potion.
"I know!" grinned Harry, carefully cutting up his roots. "Still, they'll get over it, and if there's trouble we can say I only sat here 'cos Hermione took my seat."
"Doesn't stand up as well as it might, you probably would've taken hers before." "But we're friends now" said Harry determinedly, but looking at Draco apprehensively "and I'll sit with you if I want to"
"True" said Draco. There was nothing unusual about his tone, words or expression, but Harry thought he saw something odd flicker in Draco's eyes before the older boy looked back at the potion he was stirring.
"Those roots ready yet?" asked Draco cheerfully.
"Almost!" said Harry, wondering if he'd imagined it. Draco made some lame joke and Harry laughed as he tipped in the roots. The two kept up an easy chatter as they made the potion, and Harry was so involved in what he was doing that he failed to notice Ron looking at him and Malfoy, a jealous expression on his face. Hermione too was sending him concerned, almost warning, glances but Harry was completely unaware of anyone paying him special attention. Perhaps due to the amount of energy he was putting into glaring at Harry, Ron managed to mess up the potion that he and Hermione were making, dissolving Hermione's cauldron in the process. Harry and Draco's potion was perfect and Snape made a sarcastic remark to the effect of saying that it was Ron's influence on Harry that had caused years of abysmal potions work on Harry's part, and that if he could destroy even Hermione's work then Ron's abilities must be even less than Neville's. The Slytherins snickered appreciatively. Harry pointed stayed silent and shot Ron a sympathetic glance. To Harry's surprise, Ron glared at him. After the lesson, Harry waited for the other two as always. Hermione chattered as easily as always, but Ron seemed to be ignoring him. Harry groaned to himself, and hoped that they would be in a more private place when the inevitable row came.
The row took place in their dormitory that evening. Harry had gone up there to collect his quill, and suddenly became award of Hermione and Ron following him. Hermione shut the door and the three looked at each other.
"Explain" said Ron in a voice as cold as the Arctic.
"We've been getting on better lately, so when Hermione took my seat, I sat next to him. It really isn't a big deal Ron" said Harry as calmly as he could. "You're still my best friend. My talking to Draco doesn't mean anything else had to change"
"And how long ago did you start this treachery?" spat Ron, his face beginning to go red. Hermione laid a warning hand on his arm.
"The day Hermione told us she was dying" responded Harry unflinchingly. "He made me feel better, and promised not to tell. Later on, he called the favour in, and that's where we are now"
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"There's nothing to tell!" said Harry, beginning to get angry with Ron's tone.
"When you two go off for your alone time, I go to the library and talk to Draco. It doesn't change things with us"
"You talk to that slime four days a week!" yelled Ron. "This is Draco Malfoy - Muggle hater! He's called all three of us some pretty horrible things in the past, and you forget it all because of a few well-chosen words? He's evil, and a You Know Who supporter Harry. How can you speak to him? It makes me sick!"
"You're talking as if it's a big deal!" yelled Harry, losing his temper in turn. He saw Hermione try to say something, but went on shouting anyway. "It's not! I speak to him in the library when you two are busy - it's not like I'm going to abandon you for him! You're my best friend and you'll always be my best friend, but I'm allowed other friends too!"
"But not Draco Malfoy! He hates all three of us, and my family! How are you going to cope with that? His family are evil to the core, and they'll tear you apart if they get you near them. You watched his father fawning over You Know Who, and you think that Draco's a good person? Don't be naive."
"You've never talked to him - you can't possibly know what he thinks about anything." yelled Harry. "I'm sorry you feel so strongly about this, but I still want to be his friend" he added more calmly.
"Ron, I think you're being irrational" said Hermione softly into the pause. "Harry can talk to Draco if he wants to, but we don't have to. It doesn't change your friendship with Harry"
"But Harry obviously thinks it does, or he wouldn't have kept it secret"
"I just didn't want to upset things" said Harry. "I was never planning on sitting with him, or speaking to him in public for that matter. I only sat with him because my seat was taken. I'm sorry to have upset you."
"You looked so cosy together" said Ron bitterly. "Should've known you'd go off with someone with money!"
"Ron!" gasped Hermione. "Don't talk such rubbish! Harry's not going off with anyone, and this has nothing to do with money!"
"For God's sake talk sense!" snapped Harry. "I knew Malfoy had money right from the beginning. If I'd wanted cash, I'd have made friends with him then. I made friends with you because you make me laugh and I trust you. We've shared a lot of things Ron, and nothing can change that. Why won't you believe me?"
"You kept secrets from me"
"No one tells everyone everything. It's not possible. There must be things you are keeping from me, whether you know it or not. This really isn't serious."
"I'm sorry we've been making you feel left out Harry" said Hermione quickly. "We'll spend more time with you in future"
"Honestly, you don't have to. I don't mind any more - you don't have to make yourselves miserable for me"
"We won't be miserable" said Ron. "I think that's a good idea Herm. It'll be just like the old days!"
Hermione pulled at her boyfriend's arm and they began to walk down the stairs, Harry following them a bit behind. As he listened to Ron's voice, he couldn't help thinking that somehow what he'd said and what Ron had heard had been two different things, and he knew that things were going to be difficult from now on.
Stranger in the mirror
Harry looked at his face in the mirror. Gaunt and shadowed, his eyes glowed an eerie shade of green, giving a strange tint to the enormous bruise that shadowed his jaw. He glared at his expression, flicking a strand of crow-black hair out of his eyes. Suddenly he turned away with a snarl of disgust and threw himself down on his bed. He lay, quite still, face down. Only the rise and fall of his chest gave any reason to suspect that there was life in his body. After a pause, his shoulders began to shake.
Hogwarts, Harry's fifth year
"What's up Hermione?" asked Ron tentatively. They were all on the Hogwarts Express, heading back to Hogwarts for the beginning of their fifth year. The three hadn't met up in the holidays this year, and the two boys had lots to say to each other. Hermione however, had been uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole trip. She had answered all their questions about her time in Bulgaria in her characteristic style, and had even responded to their questions with some of her own, but the nearer they got to Hogwarts, the quieter she became, to the point that it was no longer possible for the boys to pretend that they hadn't noticed something was wrong.
"Nothing" said Hermione, giving them an almost startled look, as if she hadn't expected them to notice anything wrong.
"You've gone really quiet" Ron explained "and I just wondered if there was something the matter"
"Just tired, that's all" Hermione said "It's nice of you to ask" she said, giving them a grin that seemed to be crumbling around the edges, "but really, I'm fine"
"If you say so Herm" said Ron. Harry quickly changed the subject and they talked about Quidditch for the remaining distance to Hogwarts, but Ron and Harry exchanged glances full of puzzlement when Hermione was distracted.
Hermione seemed to get more lively once they had arrived at Hogwarts, but over the next few weeks it began to be clear that Hermione had something on her mind. She was definitely distracted, even to the point of stopping answering questions in class, and once Professor McGonagall had to repeat a question she had asked her. Hermione was spending all of her time in the library - something that in itself was not uncommon, but the fact that she seemed not to want either of them to even be there while she was, and the fact that she was not always where she had said she would be reinforced their idea that there was a problem. But the strangest thing of all was the way the teachers acted towards Hermione. Even Professor Snape seemed to making some sort of effort to curb his tongue where Hermione was concerned, though his behaviour to Harry and Ron hadn't changed.
Harry mentioned his fears to Ron one evening in the dormitory.
"Ron?" he said nervously "Have you noticed how oddly Hermione's behaving?"
Ron appeared from behind the drapes of his bed and went to sit at the window. His face was folded in an expression of worry.
"It's really odd isn't it? She's thinner than she used to be, and she's so distracted all the time." He stared out over the darkened grounds, his eyes staring towards the lake.
"What can be wrong with her?" he burst out "There is something, we both know it, but what can it be?"
"I've no idea. The teachers know though, whatever it is"
"What?" gasped Ron, his face in the moonlight shocked and surprised. "It must be really bad then, whatever it is, for the teachers to know"
"Snape was nearly nice to her the other day. McGonagall keeps giving her this odd, sort of sad look and Madame Pomfrey seems to look at her all the time"
"She must be ill then." Ron said logically "She must have had flu or something, some sort of horrible Bulgarian disease, and she's not over it yet. That's all it'll be Harry, she's just tired and not feeling so well. You know she always retreats to the library when she doesn't feel well. She'll get better soon, no problem" Ron's voice was cheerful, but Harry could see in his friends eyes that he didn't really believe this, that he knew there must be something seriously wrong and was just trying to convince himself otherwise. Harry said all the things that he knew Ron wanted to hear, knowing that Ron could see in his eyes that he didn't believe the words as they came out of his mouth. Both boys finished their feeble efforts at deceiving themselves and sat in silence for a while.
"We'd better go to bed" said Harry eventually, loath to break the silence "The others'll think we're mad if they come and catch us sitting in the dark."
Ron nodded, but made no effort to move. Harry stood up quietly and went to bed, leaving Ron silhouetted against the window.
He fell instantly into a log-like sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but it was not the kind of sleep that is refreshing. When Harry awoke the next morning, his jaw was clenched and his head hurt. He had also overslept, and had to hurry down to breakfast. Ron had already finished his and had gone off to the library to do some last minute Transfiguration homework, so Harry sat down next to Hermione. She looked terrible, he noticed. Her eyes had huge bags under them and she looked pale and drawn. Her hand trembled as she moved a spoonful of cereal to her mouth, and Harry suddenly realised how thin she had become.
"What's going on Hermione?" he asked. He was slightly surprised at himself - he had meant to lead up to his question gently, after inquiring how she was, whether she had slept well, all the sort of pleasantries that people go throughout of politeness or fear when building up to something important.
"You've been quiet and distant all term. Don't deny it Herm. Ron and I both know there's something wrong. Can't you tell us about it?"
"I'm dying" said Hermione calmly and matter-of-factly, lifting another spoonful of cereal to her mouth with hands that trembled. Harry sat there, stunned.
"What?" he whispered, too stunned to even begin processing the information.
"I'm dying" Hermione repeated, her voice quavering slightly now. "I've got cancer, it's too far gone to treat with any success and I'm going to die, probably in the next two years"
"Are you sure?" asked Harry, his voice trembling. "Is there nothing that can be done - no spells or anything?"
"No" said Hermione quietly "I've looked everywhere, considered everything. There's no hope Harry" she said. "This year at Hogwarts will be my last"
Harry stared at her, his face completely white.
"Why didn't you say something?" he asked hoarsely. "Were you going to die before you let us know you were ill?"
"I didn't want to ruin your year. The cancer's slow progressing - I should be functioning almost normally this year. I didn't want you to fuss over me Harry - I've accepted this now and I didn't want you to be always asking me if I felt OK. I wanted one last year of normality, as much as I could have it"
"We're your best friends - didn't we deserve to be told what was going on, rather than having to guess?"
"I didn't want you to be worrying about me all the time! I just wanted to carry on as normal - pretend it isn't happening." Hermione admitted.
"I'll have to tell Ron now" she went on practically. "Now you know, it's not fair for him not to. Let me tell him myself though Harry" she said, looking at him suddenly for the first time during the whole conversation. "This isn't the kind of news you should hear on the grapevine. I'll tell him tonight, after lessons"
Harry stood up, ignoring the food on his plate. The thought of eating anything made him feel ill.
"OK" he said softly. He then turned and walked out of the Dining Hall. He headed straight for the dormitory, and his invisibility cloak. He quickly pulled it on, and sat quietly on the bed, waiting until Gryffindor was silent. Then he made his way down to the lake. Removing his invisibility cloak, he sat gazing across the lake, tears rolling down his face.
Harry sat there all morning, completely unaware of anything around him, contemplating the dreadful news he had heard that morning. Hermione dying, no hope of curing her... The conversation flowed round his head until the words almost became meaningless. Memories of Hermione flowed through his mind, Hermione laughing, smiling, glaring at him and Ron, exchanging exasperated looks with Ginny when they were being particularly dense about something. Hermione scolding them for breaking rules, brewing Polyjuice Potion secretly in the toilets - thousands of memories collected over four years. But interspersed between all his memories was Hermione's voice saying calmly "I'm dying"
So absorbed was he in his memories that he failed to notice the figure approaching him until they sat down next to him.
"I don't know why I'm here" drawled a familiar voice.
"I don't know how I knew you'd be here, or why I even cared, but I thought you could do with..."
"Go away Malfoy" said Harry flatly, making no attempt to hide the fact that he was crying.
"I thought you might like someone to talk to, someone who's not involved in whatever your problem is and who knows how to keep secrets."
"Why would I ever talk to you? We've been enemies for years."
"Because whatever this problem is, it's big. Too big for you to handle alone, and there is nobody else."
"There are plenty of people! Why do you think I'd talk to you rather than Ron or Her.. Her.." Harry stumbled over the name and gulped.
"The problem's to do with Hermione, right? And whatever it is, Weasley doesn't know. Right again? Oh, I'm a good guesser" he said proudly, as Harry's face told him everything he needed to know.
"Now, you're the great Harry Potter, boy wonder. You aren't likely to be cutting class and crying in the woods because she dumped you for Krum, so it's something bad. If she was pregnant - well, that'd shock you, and everyone else for that matter, but you wouldn't be like this, even if it was your baby. Snape didn't even send anyone to look for you, despite the fact he hates you! He looked at Hermione, then started the lesson"
Malfoy suddenly paused. There was a different tone in his voice when he started speaking again.
"I don't like the way this is going Potter" he said. "In fact, I might leave now before I guess things I'd rather stay out of"
"She's dying" said Harry softly. "And you'd better mean what you said about secrets because she doesn't want anyone to know. She wouldn't have told me if I hadn't guessed. She's telling Ron tonight. She wants to pretend it's not happening - just live her life as normal until she's too ill to carry on"
"Ouch" said Draco with feeling. "What's up with her?"
"Cancer. She says it's too far gone to be worth treating the Muggle way, and she can't find any spell to treat it or cure it. She's got about two years"
"I'm sorry"
"No you're not!" snarled Harry. "You hate Hermione! You always call her a Mudblood - you said you wished the Basilisk had killed her! How dare you say you're sorry now!"
Malfoy flinched, but said quietly.
"Did you never say something you didn't mean? She wasn't dead, she was going to live. Things aren't always easy for me Harry, whatever it looks like. I am sorry about Hermione. She's clever and brave - she doesn't deserve this. No one does."
Then Harry began to sob. Burying his head in his arms he cried as if his heart would break. Draco watched him for a minute, but as Harry's sobs grew louder he put his hand on Harry's back between his shoulder blades. He said nothing, just rubbed Harry's back until he had cried himself out.
Harry was very embarrassed when he had cried himself to exhaustion. He lay there, worn out and wondering what to say. Draco said nothing, just continued to rub his back. After a while though, he said
"We might be wanting to make a move. Lessons end for lunch soon, and you might want to clean yourself up a bit before facing your friends again." Harry raised his head from his knees and looked at Draco.
"On second thoughts, we'll just go to the medical wing. You look like you could use some sleep and some sort of calming potion. Come on"
He stood up and reached out a hand to help Harry up. Harry looked at it dully for a moment before taking it and allowing Malfoy to help him to his feet.
"Thanks" he said tearfully.
"I will be expecting you to return the favour." Malfoy said wryly, but with a trace of affection in his voice. "I never do something for nothing Potter. Oh, and your secret's safe with me. I won't talk about any of this." Harry sniffled, and Draco began to prod him in the direction of the castle.
"Come on, we're running out of time."
***
Harry slept for the rest of the day. When he headed for the Gryffindor common room, everyone was at dinner. He sat in the chair closest to the fire and stared into its depths, waiting for Ron and Hermione to come in. As he stared into the flames, he felt sleep calling him. When he checked his watch and saw he had almost half an hour before the others got back he decided he might as well doze there. He allowed the heat of the fire and the flickering flames to lull him to sleep.
Perhaps because of all the sleeping he'd been doing that day, Harry's sleep was restless. Once he heard a voice say "You have served me well." He started awake and looked around, seeing no-one he relaxed back into his chair and back into a restless doze.
He was walking through a barren landscape, struggling along a narrow path covered with bushes, boulders and thorns. Up ahead he could see a fork in the path. One route was even worse than the path he was on, and one seemed slightly easier. Harry started along the easy path. At first it seemed OK, but then Harry began to sense things watching him from the shadows - big things, with glowing eyes, like Sirius when he was in dog form. Thinking of Sirius made him think he could hear his voice, saying
"Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny"
"I'm not Luke!" Harry said in surprise. "Where are you?"
"Where I always was." whispered Sirius. He began to bark and suddenly Harry could hear howling. He looked around, trying to hear where the howling was coming from.
"It's too late" said Hermione sadly. "Who knew what you would be?"
The howling was so loud Harry could barely hear her. "Don't go!" he yelled, but his words were drowned by the howling as the werewolf jumped straight for his throat. There was a loud bang.... and Harry jumped awake. The bang he had heard was the portrait hole swinging open. He sat up quickly, trying to look as if he hadn't been asleep. Ron and Hermione were the first through. Hermione was laughing about something, and her laughter cut Harry to the bone. When Ron saw Harry, he immediately headed towards him.
"Where've you been?"
"I felt strange at breakfast, and I went to Madame Pomfrey" said Harry, perfectly truthfully.
"Are you OK now?" Hermione asked, giving him a look.
"Better" he said.
"Tell you what then" said Hermione cheerfully. "Shall we go for a quick walk? Get you some fresh air? It's still quite light out"
"Good plan!" said Harry. "What about you Ron?"
"Sure" said Ron. "Anything to put off that Divination homework!"
The three clambered out through the portrait hole and headed for the lake.
"What was wrong with you then?" asked Ron when they were about half way to the lake. "It's not like you to be ill"
"I upset him" said Hermione apologetically.
"What did you do?" asked Ron in surprise.
"I told him what's been wrong with me since the beginning of term."
Ron looked at her sharply.
"Go on" he said, tension evident in his voice.
"I've got cancer. It's gone too far for any treatment to be successful, so I've decided not to have any, only pain relief. I want to enjoy the rest of my life, not spend it fighting a losing battle."
"How long?" asked Ron tightly. "How long have you got left?"
"About two years. I'll be leaving Hogwarts at the end of this year, to spend some time with my parents."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?" yelled Ron. "I thought we were your best friends, but you don't even think your imminent death is something we should be warned about? Do you really think so little of us?"
"I wanted things to be the same! Now you know that it's almost the end, things'll be different. You'll treat me differently - if I so much as frown you'll fuss all over me, asking if I feel OK, if there's anything you can do. I don't want that! I want a nice, normal year, unspoilt by my cancer. I'm not dead yet, and I'd rather you didn't cry for me until I'm gone"
"You can't just say that! You're dying - we'll never see you again! How can you think we wouldn't care enough about you to keep you here?"
"I didn't say you didn't care! Life has risks Ron." yelled Hermione "You could get run over by a car on your way home for Christmas! You could be dead before I am! It's not that I wanted to cheat you, I just wanted to keep things the same."
"They'll never be the same." said Ron. He had stopped shouting and was breathing in short, sharp gasps.
"Do you think I don't know that?" asked Hermione quietly. "I did everything I could think of - researched my type of cancer, asked all the doctors for their real opinions, worked out all the statistics. I found out that treating it now would only give me another year at best, and would give me great pain and discomfort. I decided that it wasn't worth the extra year. I couldn't have come back you see, and I wanted to. I even looked for a magical cure, but there's nothing anyone can do. So I want to stay here, keep things as normal as I can for as long as I can and then die quietly."
Ron's lip quivered. "Hermione" he said haltingly "What'll we do without you?" Tears began to flow down his face, and Hermione reached out and put her arms round him, her own body shaking with sobs. He clung to her and cried. Hermione beckoned to Harry over Ron's shoulder. He came closer and she put one of her arms round him, pulling him close.
Harry couldn't cry, but he stood there with his arms round Ron and Hermione, giving them strength, and drawing from them the strength he would need to face the times ahead.
***
The following months were strange for Harry. Hermione seemed to have decided that life was for living, and although she still worked hard in class, she was much less focused on her work than she had been. She and Ron had begun to go out, and there were times when he definitely felt like a spare part. He'd heard the saying "Three's a crowd" but had never thought it would apply to them.
The morning in the woods with Draco Malfoy stuck in his mind. Malfoy, true to his word, had never mentioned any of it again, but Harry couldn't help wondering how long that would last. Neither Ron nor Hermione had noticed that Malfoy was ignoring them rather than insulting them these days, but Harry had. Sometimes in Potions after Harry had received a particularly brutal tongue-lashing from Snape he would catch Draco's eye. Neither boy would smile or acknowledge the other, but there was an understanding between them. Harry found this comforting, though he couldn't say why.
One day after Christmas while they were making an Ageing Potion, Malfoy walked past the desk where Harry was crushing up his beetle wings. Leaning over, he said sarcastically.
"Those look like dust already Potter. Did Weasley give them to you? Probably not rich enough to afford real ingredients!"
Ron snarled, and Hermione said caustically
"Some people are given talent, wit and intelligence. What a shame that you missed out on all three Malfoy. Still, every family has a black sheep. Maybe your father'll have another child who isn't such a disappointment to him"
"How dare you insult my family you Mudblood scum!" spat Malfoy. He dived for his wand, only to find his wand arm gripped firmly by Harry, who gave him a look.
"Just go Malfoy" said Harry quietly. Malfoy glared at them all angrily. His fists were clenched. He looked like he was about to say something, but choked it back and stalked off.
Harry waited until the other two were busy stirring the cauldron to unfold the note Malfoy had dropped into his lap.
"You owe me a favour Potter. Now I'm calling it in. 7 o'clock, same place again."
Harry slid the note into his pocket. At the end of the lesson when they were sitting at their desks noting down the homework, Harry managed to catch Draco's eye and nodded. Draco nodded back.
When Harry arrived, Draco was sitting with his head propped on his knees, staring over the lake. He turned to look at Harry when he heard him approaching, and gave him a sort of smile.
"What'd you tell the other two?" he inquired, watching Harry as he sat down.
"They've gone for some 'alone time'. They probably won't even know I've been away." Harry couldn't quite stop the bitter edge creeping into his voice, though he tried very hard.
"Bad luck. Three suddenly became a crowd."
"Yeah"
There was a small pause. Then Malfoy said thoughtfully
"What's it like having friends?"
Harry turned to look at him, trying to see if Draco was joking or whether he really meant the question. Draco met his eyes, looking uncomfortable but he seemed as if he was telling the truth. "I'm serious" he said quietly. "I don't think I've ever really had a friend, and I want to know what it's like."
"What about Crabbe and Goyle?" said Harry, playing for time while he tried to think of an answer.
"They're sidekicks, henchmen, whatever. Friends are supposed to be your equal, and only in an alternate reality could Crabbe and Goyle ever be considered my equals. All brawn and no brain is a saying designed for them."
"A difficult comment to argue with" Harry agreed. He frowned, trying to think of his answer.
"I don't know" he said quietly. "I know what it's like not to have friends, and I can see the differences between then and now, but it's difficult to say how it's different. It just is."
"Not really the most helpful description" said Malfoy, sounding slightly disappointed.
"It's having someone to sit with in lessons and talk to at break. I know Ron and Hermione will help me if I'm in trouble and stick up for me if I'm getting picked on. I can go to them with most of my problems, and they'll help me without telling anyone, and I'd do the same for them. They make me laugh" said Harry. He had come to the end of his explaining power, and looked at Malfoy earnestly. "Do you know what I mean?"
"I think so"
"Aren't you lonely without friends?" asked Harry tentatively.
"I'm human, aren't I?" say Malfoy, sounding surprised. "Of course I'm lonely! Most of the time I can push it to one side, but sometimes I can't." Harry nodded, remembering his life before Hogwarts. There was a pause while both boys stared out over the lake.
"Would you say I'm your friend?" asked Malfoy suddenly.
"I don't think so" said Harry apologetically.
"Why not? You've told me a secret, which I haven't told and I've told you something that I hope you won't pass on, so we must trust each other somehow. That list seemed to be mostly about trust." Malfoy's tone didn't seem accusatory or angry, just curious, but there was a funny undertone to it.
"Yes" agreed Harry, trying to work out what he could hear in Malfoy's voice, "but you've never made me laugh, I wouldn't dare sit with you or talk to you and neither of us would go out of our way to help the other."
"Is that what you really think?" said Draco in a measured tone.
"When you set this up, you didn't just come to me and say 'Harry can I talk to you', you picked a fight with my best friend as an excuse to give me a private note. This first thing you asked me was what excuse I'd made to the others so I could come and meet you. That seems to say to me that you don't dare talk to me either, and if we're afraid to talk to each other then how can we be friends?"
"Do you think we could be?" asked Malfoy. Harry gaped at him, wondering if he'd heard him correctly. Draco Malfoy, asking to be his friend? A hurt, embarrassed expression crossed Malfoy's face.
"It doesn't matter" he said abruptly. "Sorry to have wasted your precious time Potter." He started to stand up.
"Wait!" said Harry quickly. "I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure that I'd heard you properly. I mean, it's not the sort of thing you usually say to me, is it?"
Malfoy looked more hopeful, and settled himself back into his initial position.
"I do think we could be" said Harry softly. "I'll be your friend if you'll be mine."
"Thank you" said Malfoy. "That means a lot to me Harry"
Harry grinned in embarrassment.
"Smiling already" observed Draco.
"True enough" said Harry.
There was a small pause, which Harry broke by asking which Quidditch team Draco supported. The conversation went on from their, both boys discussing Quidditch with enthusiasm until Draco suddenly looked round.
"Gone dark, hasn't it? What's the time?"
Harry glanced at his watch.
"We're going to get into trouble!" he exclaimed. "We should be in the Common rooms by now!"
Malfoy checked his own watch and gave a strangled exclamation. "Come on!"
Both boys ran back to the school as fast as they could. When they reached the entrance hall, Harry panted out a quick
"See you tomorrow" before hurrying off up the stairs to the Gryffindor Common room.
From then on, Harry met up with Draco regularly. He, Ron and Hermione had established a routine so that Hermione and Ron could have some 'alone time', and Harry used the time to meet Draco. He didn't tell them what he did in that time, and they didn't ask. He didn't know what, if anything Draco had told Crabbe and Goyle, just that they seemed to know nothing. Then again, thought Harry, both of them were so stupid they probably didn't even notice Draco's absence. Both boys had been wary of each other at first, but Harry had slowly come to rely on Draco for support. He found his sarcastic sense of humour a blessing, and the fact that he always had time to listen to Harry's complaints about Ron, Hermione and life in general. In return, Harry listened back and found out lots of things about Draco that he had never known, including one bombshell that knocked Harry for six.
The boys had been in the library, where they had taken to meeting in a quiet corner, collaborating on their Potions homework and generally chatting. Harry had been telling Draco a story about the Weasley twins, which both boys had found very funny, and had gone on to talk about family. Harry had given a description of the Dursleys and their attitude towards magic.
"Honestly, they hate people of magic blood, like your family hates people with Muggle blood. They see all wizards as freaks, and when they took me in they vowed to stamp all my magic out of me" Harry explained. "I had to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs and was generally despised and ignored."
"What about your cousin? He's nearly the same age as us isn't he? Shouldn't it have been like having a brother?"
"Better no brother at all than Dudley! He beat me up all the time. I'd say he was more intelligent than Goyle, but only just"
"I had a brother once" said Draco thoughtfully. "He was two years older than me and I thought the world of him"
"What was he like?" asked Harry curiously.
"Strong, right from babyhood, lively and intelligent. Father always said I was a terrible disappointing baby, but I never heard him say that about Salazar. Everyone was really upset when he died, but I think what upset Father most was when he realised that I was his heir."
"How did he die?" asked Harry quietly.
"He fell into the lake when he was seven and I was five. Both of us could swim, but he banged his head on a stone when he fell in. He was too heavy for me to pull out, and he drowned before help could arrive." said Draco emotionlessly.
"I'm really sorry" said Harry. He hoped Draco could hear how much he meant that, the words themselves seemed almost meaningless in the context of what Draco was telling him.
"Yes" said Draco, talking almost as if he hadn't heard Harry "one minute he was on the bank with me, feeding the ducks on crusts of bread from his hand, and the next he was face down in the water and not moving. I was a puny little thing, and he was two years older than I was and a big lad. There was nothing I could do."
"It must have been awful"
"It certainly wasn't pleasant. Still, there's no point dwelling on it. It happened over ten years ago now after all - I can hardly remember him"
"Still" said Draco after a while "Granger's crack about my father maybe having a less disappointing child certainly stung."
"Ouch!" said Harry, remembering the comment vividly all of a sudden. Draco had been about to leave when Hermione had said something and he had gone mental.
"She wouldn't have said it if she had known" he assured Draco. "Hermione's not like that"
"Are you sure?" said Draco, giving him a probing look.
"Of course I'm sure!" answered Harry in surprise. "Hermione's my friend - I've known her for nearly five years - and I'm sure she wouldn't say anything like that if she had any idea that there were circumstances like that"
Draco shrugged and changed the subject, but the conversation hung over the rest of the evening like a black cloud.
After that, Harry nearly started talking to Draco in lessons, but not quite. One day in late March however, Harry arrived late to a Potions lesson to find Hermione sitting in his usual seat next to Ron. Harry gave her a slightly hurt look. He had only gone to Madame Pomfrey for a cold remedy - Hermione must've known he'd turn up. He ignored Hermione's apologetic glance and quickly looked for somewhere else to sit. Seeing the space next to Draco, he walked quickly over and sat down, ignoring the shocked gasps from the rest of the class. Snape raised an eyebrow, but obviously couldn't think of anything to say. He started teaching as always, but kept looking at Harry with a peculiar expression on his face.
"You've put the cat among the pigeons" Draco murmured when everyone was busy concocting an invisibility potion.
"I know!" grinned Harry, carefully cutting up his roots. "Still, they'll get over it, and if there's trouble we can say I only sat here 'cos Hermione took my seat."
"Doesn't stand up as well as it might, you probably would've taken hers before." "But we're friends now" said Harry determinedly, but looking at Draco apprehensively "and I'll sit with you if I want to"
"True" said Draco. There was nothing unusual about his tone, words or expression, but Harry thought he saw something odd flicker in Draco's eyes before the older boy looked back at the potion he was stirring.
"Those roots ready yet?" asked Draco cheerfully.
"Almost!" said Harry, wondering if he'd imagined it. Draco made some lame joke and Harry laughed as he tipped in the roots. The two kept up an easy chatter as they made the potion, and Harry was so involved in what he was doing that he failed to notice Ron looking at him and Malfoy, a jealous expression on his face. Hermione too was sending him concerned, almost warning, glances but Harry was completely unaware of anyone paying him special attention. Perhaps due to the amount of energy he was putting into glaring at Harry, Ron managed to mess up the potion that he and Hermione were making, dissolving Hermione's cauldron in the process. Harry and Draco's potion was perfect and Snape made a sarcastic remark to the effect of saying that it was Ron's influence on Harry that had caused years of abysmal potions work on Harry's part, and that if he could destroy even Hermione's work then Ron's abilities must be even less than Neville's. The Slytherins snickered appreciatively. Harry pointed stayed silent and shot Ron a sympathetic glance. To Harry's surprise, Ron glared at him. After the lesson, Harry waited for the other two as always. Hermione chattered as easily as always, but Ron seemed to be ignoring him. Harry groaned to himself, and hoped that they would be in a more private place when the inevitable row came.
The row took place in their dormitory that evening. Harry had gone up there to collect his quill, and suddenly became award of Hermione and Ron following him. Hermione shut the door and the three looked at each other.
"Explain" said Ron in a voice as cold as the Arctic.
"We've been getting on better lately, so when Hermione took my seat, I sat next to him. It really isn't a big deal Ron" said Harry as calmly as he could. "You're still my best friend. My talking to Draco doesn't mean anything else had to change"
"And how long ago did you start this treachery?" spat Ron, his face beginning to go red. Hermione laid a warning hand on his arm.
"The day Hermione told us she was dying" responded Harry unflinchingly. "He made me feel better, and promised not to tell. Later on, he called the favour in, and that's where we are now"
"Why didn't you tell us?"
"There's nothing to tell!" said Harry, beginning to get angry with Ron's tone.
"When you two go off for your alone time, I go to the library and talk to Draco. It doesn't change things with us"
"You talk to that slime four days a week!" yelled Ron. "This is Draco Malfoy - Muggle hater! He's called all three of us some pretty horrible things in the past, and you forget it all because of a few well-chosen words? He's evil, and a You Know Who supporter Harry. How can you speak to him? It makes me sick!"
"You're talking as if it's a big deal!" yelled Harry, losing his temper in turn. He saw Hermione try to say something, but went on shouting anyway. "It's not! I speak to him in the library when you two are busy - it's not like I'm going to abandon you for him! You're my best friend and you'll always be my best friend, but I'm allowed other friends too!"
"But not Draco Malfoy! He hates all three of us, and my family! How are you going to cope with that? His family are evil to the core, and they'll tear you apart if they get you near them. You watched his father fawning over You Know Who, and you think that Draco's a good person? Don't be naive."
"You've never talked to him - you can't possibly know what he thinks about anything." yelled Harry. "I'm sorry you feel so strongly about this, but I still want to be his friend" he added more calmly.
"Ron, I think you're being irrational" said Hermione softly into the pause. "Harry can talk to Draco if he wants to, but we don't have to. It doesn't change your friendship with Harry"
"But Harry obviously thinks it does, or he wouldn't have kept it secret"
"I just didn't want to upset things" said Harry. "I was never planning on sitting with him, or speaking to him in public for that matter. I only sat with him because my seat was taken. I'm sorry to have upset you."
"You looked so cosy together" said Ron bitterly. "Should've known you'd go off with someone with money!"
"Ron!" gasped Hermione. "Don't talk such rubbish! Harry's not going off with anyone, and this has nothing to do with money!"
"For God's sake talk sense!" snapped Harry. "I knew Malfoy had money right from the beginning. If I'd wanted cash, I'd have made friends with him then. I made friends with you because you make me laugh and I trust you. We've shared a lot of things Ron, and nothing can change that. Why won't you believe me?"
"You kept secrets from me"
"No one tells everyone everything. It's not possible. There must be things you are keeping from me, whether you know it or not. This really isn't serious."
"I'm sorry we've been making you feel left out Harry" said Hermione quickly. "We'll spend more time with you in future"
"Honestly, you don't have to. I don't mind any more - you don't have to make yourselves miserable for me"
"We won't be miserable" said Ron. "I think that's a good idea Herm. It'll be just like the old days!"
Hermione pulled at her boyfriend's arm and they began to walk down the stairs, Harry following them a bit behind. As he listened to Ron's voice, he couldn't help thinking that somehow what he'd said and what Ron had heard had been two different things, and he knew that things were going to be difficult from now on.