No more PMSing

Disclaimer: unfortunately for me the only thing I own of Hellsing is the DVD Box Set (I WANNA GET A WALLSCROLL!)

Author: icedragongurl

Anime: Hellsing

Rating: PG-13 for Period talk

Summary: Seras randomly taking a shower and talking to herself about things she was grateful for not having to deal with now being undead Alucard/Seras oh yeah and Alucard shows up in her bathroom! (Oneshot)

Part: 1/1

The young orange haired undead turned the knobs in her shower on, she had just come back from a Ghouls Massacre. While her blood-drenched clothing was in the wash she figured the least she could do was tend to her small wounds and wash off. She had her black towel wrapped tightly around her as she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She was a mess. After endless nights of no sleep it had managed to take a toll on her body, there were bags under her eyes.

A bruise was forming around her left eye from where a fellow Hellsing Soldier had accidentally elbowed her in the face. She was still contemplating whether or not it was even an accident in the first place! She grumbled to herself as the mirror was steamed up from the hot water. She undid her towel draped it over the shower top and leapt into the shower.

The tension in her muscles faded instantly, the warm water rushed over her body and cleansed the dirt and blood from her pale skin. She bended down and snatched up her Venus razor and propped her leg up on the bathtub ledge. She muttered foul curses under her breath as she tried her very best to not nick herself this time. She didn't understand how she was undead yet her hair grew at a regular pace!

She bit her lip as a slight stream of blood streamed down a cut on her leg. She was going to need to grab a bandage for that. "Good god…this is so bloody annoying" she pressed her hand against the cut and slowed the bleeding down. She washed the remaining blood remnants off of her hand and finished her shaving. " I don't see why I have to still bloody shave! These razors are every woman's enemy! Well that and their period. Thank god that I don't have to deal with THAT anymore! Couldn't imagine having to buy tampons and pads for all eternity. That would wrack up one hell of a bill! That's one of the many upsides of being undead"

She hadn't noticed the eyes that were watching her from the mirror; the blood red eyes gave her a look of confusion and interest. Alucard had absolutely no clue why his fledgling was taking a blade to her own skin and inflicting such unnecessary pain upon herself. What was this… period she was talking about? Intrigued beyond point of reason (not that Alucard had a sense of reason in the first place) he took shape in the bathroom and stood leaning against the wall in front of the see through shower. She hadn't noticed him at all yet. She just kept talking to herself about Periods and diets and shaving, until he let out a soft cough to indicate his presence.

Seras let out a shriek and if it hadn't been her master she would have sprayed them with the removable showerhead! That doesn't mean she didn't react… she tugged the towel down, slipped on her soap, and crashed to the shower floor. She let out a groan of pain, and Alucard gazed down at her in amusement. "Was the little show deliberate or accidental because either way it was hilarious." Seras glared at him angrily, "GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!" Alucard frowned, "I want to know why the devil you're cutting yourself deliberately." Seras fell back to the floor on her face. She sweat dropped and shook her head, forgetting for the moment that she was in all her glory. Holding up the razor she showed him it, "We women grow little hairs on our legs and underarms a lot like you men, except we women don't like to be hairy as an ape so we shave the hairs off, we aren't hurting ourselves we're getting rid of those annoying hairs." Alucard nodded showing he understood, "And this… period… is it some arch-villain?" Seras blushed bright red.

She didn't want to be the one to explain to her master what a period was. Unfortunately, if she didn't he would ask Sir Integra and that would not be pretty at all. Seras sighed in exasperation, this was not how she wanted to spend her evening! Then it dawned on her again that she was in the nude in front of her master. She shrieked again startling her master; she pelted her soaps and shampoos at him. "GET OUT! I'M NAKED MASTER! DON'T COME INTO A LADIES BATHROOM WITHOUT PERMISSION!"

Dodging all of the items thrown Alucard smirked mischievously before vanishing. Seras was breathing deeply as she was out of breath; from now on… she was bathing with a swimsuit on and keeping her inner thoughts to herself!

Owari