Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, so don't sue me.

Ellie Nash bounced the rubber band as she sat in her bedroom, tears flowing from her eyes. She'd been doing this for about two hours, and the skin beneath the rubber band had turned red. She didn't really care though, she figured this was better than what she used to do.

Ellie's eyes wandered around her room and rested on the familiar compass. She didn't reach for it though; she just snapped her band harder against her arm. She didn't want to cut, and she knew her dad wouldn't have wanted it either, though it didn't really matter what her dad wanted, he was dead now.

She'd just found out the news a little while ago, and had been locked in her room since. Ellie couldn't believe it, she'd gotten an e-mail from her dad just three days ago, and now he was gone.

The phone rang, and Ellie groggily answered. She didn't remember falling asleep, but it must have happened really late. Her skin had broken a bit from being repeatedly hit with the worn rubber band on her wrist.

"Hello?" she said into the receiver.

Marco's voice came from the other end, "Ellie where are you? It's already lunch time, and you're not at school!"

Ellie glanced at the clock; it was 12:45 in the afternoon. "Sorry, I just didn't wake up."

"What's happening?" Marco asked.

Ellie choked back tears, "M-my dad d-died," she sobbed.

"Oh, Ellie, I'm sorry," Marco said sympathetically.

"It's okay," she replied, "I'm just gonna get something to eat."

"Aright, bye," said Marco, then the line went dead.

Ellie made her way down the stairs, only to see her mom passed out on the couch, with an empty whiskey bottle in her hand. "Mom," Ellie whispered, and her hand automatically jumped to the rubber band, snapping it about thirty times, until it began to bleed slightly. She ran up to her room and slammed the door.

She kicked her door, denting it a little. "She said she'd stay sober!" Ellie screamed to no one in particular. "Why is she drinking! Why is she drinking!"

Ellie collapsed onto her bed in uncontrollable sobs. "She said she'd stay sober, why isn't she sober?" Ellie muttered to herself quietly, over and over again.

After about twenty minutes, Ellie sat up, and snapped the rubber band against her already hurt wrist. After about the fifth time, the rubber band broke. Ellie picked up a random object and threw it, hitting her mirror and causing it to break.

Ellie lumbered over to her mirror, "Great just what I need, even more bad luck," Ellie muttered to herself. She saw a piece of glass resting on her dresser, she picked it up and lowered it to her skin. She pressed it into her flesh and ripped it open with the edge of the piece of glass.

Ellie watched the blood pour out of her wrist, not trying to stop it. She finally grabbed a cloth and pressed it against the cut. Ellie fell back onto her bed and cried herself to sleep, she'd messed up everything.

Ellie awoke at about three in the morning. She noticed that there was a long scar from the cut, and covered it with her arm warmers. She noticed she was very hungry, since she hadn't eaten in about a day and a half.

She made her way down the stairs to get a snack and noticed another bottle next to her mother's passed out figure. She grabbed a quick snack and brought it up the stairs; she didn't think her mother would care, since she was nearly unconscious.

When she finished, Ellie was still hungry, but she didn't feel like going back downstairs, so she just went back to sleep.

A/N So tell me what you think. This is in the fifth season.