She woke up. She was sweating… she hadn't been able to sleep much the past few weeks since he'd left. His key was on her nightstand. She couldn't bring herself to believe he was gone.

Her shift started in an hour and a half… to little time to go back to sleep. She couldn't anyways… she decided to get up and make some coffee.

Her mind wandered… everything was going so well. She was really in love… what had happened? Was this not the man who wanted to marry her? The letter though… that's what did it. She told herself it was nothing… he didn't mean it.

She had her coffee and showered. When she got to work, Susan approached her in the lounge.

"Hey… We didn't really get a chance to talk about that letter…"

"Oh it's fine… it's better this way anyways." She forced a smile… inside she was dying. It's fine? It's' so far from fine…

"Abby he's probably just frustrated with the way things left… I mean he first came back you weren't exactly there to meet him with open arms…"

"That's reason enough for him to do this right? Look Susan… I'm fine… okay? Drop it." She rolled her eyes and slammed her locker shut... she mumbled something under her breath as she walked out of the lounge. Susan didn't dare talk to her for the rest of the day.

There were a series of traumas, but nothing out of the ordinary. A few MI's.. nothing too bad.

On her walk to the EL she saw s she was normally o many other couples. She was angry at how she felt... she was the one who usually did the heart-breaking.

Abby opened the door, and threw her coat and keys on the kitchen table. She had been thinking about this all day. She didn't know if she was going to go through with it or not… the last time she had even thought about this was the night he had promised never to leave her. It seemed a million years ago... but it wasnt even two. She looked at the bag with the bottle of cheap wine inside of it.

Again, it took her forever to get it out of the bag.

And again, it took her forever to open it.

And again, even longer to pour it.

She was sitting there just staring at the glass with the answer to her problems inside of it... or so she thought it was the answer. The reflection on the glass was not that of her face, but the time she had spent with him. It was like a slow movie. Okalahoma. The lockdown at the hospital… that first kiss. The two of them at the beach, talking about his theory or something. That morning with the Goo Goo Dolls playing. All of the talking and intimate moments they have had. And for some reason she kept laughing to herself about when him and Luka were fencing.. that made her laugh. She loved to see that he cared so much for her. She missed him much. It hurt just to think about him... and yet thinking of his face... his touch... was the only thing that kept her from going insane.

She went to bed without drinking anything. She thought he might be proud of her for that… she hoped at least. Hope was all that was keeping her together these days.

Little did she know, halfway around the world, the man she missed and loved so much was thinking most of the same thoughts as she was... and missed her quite alot as well.

-----

He lay awake. The woman next to him.. it wasn't quite the woman he wanted. He looked at her. She was quite beautiful.. but he couldn't get the images of Abby out of his head. Her face, her smile, her laugh.. everything she possesed was everything he needed.

The woman, Kem, opened up her eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey Ab--" He stopped talking.

"Ab.. what? John.. what were you going to say?"

He tried to think.. "Um ab--out those checks for the clinic.."

"You were going to say Abby, your friend from Chicago.. weren't you?"

He had always been a horrible liar. "Sorry.. I don't know what came over me. Lets go back to sleep." He gave his best "Sorry" look. Obviosly it didn't work.. she looked offended.

"No Carter. You've been distant for a while now.. whats going on?" She stood up and had her arms crossed.

"I don't know.. I'm away from my friends, family.. I havn't seen the people most imortant to me in over two months!" He knew by the look on her face he'd mest up.

"So what am I? Some random screw John? I thought.. we had something!" Her eyes were watering.

"We did! I mean -- we do. We do.. I think we do.. I don't know Kem.. I think I need to go home and sort things out.." He looked genuinely sorry.

"John.. I can tell you don't love me. You need to find out what you want."
And with that, she walked out.

He thought about it for a while.. he didn't love Kem. At all. He quite liked her.. but nothing close to what he ever felt for Abby. He wasn't sure if he was still in love with Abby. Of corse he thought about her all the time, dreamed about her from time to time, wondered what things would have been like if he would have stayed sometimes.. Oh wow. What was he talking about? He loved her.. he loves her. He loves Abby.

Two days later he was on the plane back to Chicago.. back to her.

-----

He opened up the doors the the ER.

"Carter?" Susan popped up. She ran up to him. "Thank God you're not dead. What are you doing back?"

"I thought about things.. it was time. Hey.. is Abby on?"

"No.." she looked apprehensive. "She took a personal day." He started to walk out. "Carter.. not that it's any of my business.. but you hurt her. She's devestated.. I dont know if now is a good time."

"Susan I love her.. I have to go see her." The look in his eyes was sincere..

"Fine. She's at home." With that he left.

Abby came out of the lounge.

"Hey Susan.. whats wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

"Well.. I sortof did. Don't worry I made up some excuse like you were gone or something.. he looks like he misses you Abby.." She was looking for approval of what she did.

"What?" She sounded like she was talking about Carter.. Yeah right..

"Carter's back, Abby."