AN: I'm not entirely happy with this one, but I just wanted to get it posted. Debra's POV, it's her feelings when she loses Ray. Please read and review. Thanks )

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone.

Two weeks have passed. I try to smile but I can't. I try to breath but it's hard. All I can do is cry. The sorrow I feel in my heart is expressed through my sobbing and tears, the silent wails I cry at night, the coldness I feel around me. It consumes me and I feel as thought I'm drowning.

I think of you and our life together. I called you an idiot, yet you called me adorable names, many of which will never quite make sense to me. I denied you sex, yet you hugged me and held me tight in your arms whenever I wanted. I yelled at you, yet you told me you loved me no how much of a bitch I was. But now you're not here. There's no one to call me names, hug me and hold me, or tell me they love me. Now I am alone; I guess maybe I deserve this.

When I read your note, I cried. I cried for you, and more selfishly, for myself. I cried for what we had lost. I cried for our past. I cried for my future. I cried for your pain. But mostly, I cried because I never knew.

I will never understand what you did, why you did it or how. I guess it wouldn't change anything anyway. I can't change what's already happened. I wish I could. I long to hear your beautiful, happy voice once more, see you smile one last time, lie in your arms for all of eternity. But when I think of you I can't help but cry. My head is consumed with the haunting image of you and your last few minutes on earth. What was going through your head? I want to scream in desperation. How can I live without you? I don't think I can.

How will I be able to nurture our children without you? How can I take your mothers criticisms without you with me? How can I handle my deep insecurities, fear and self doubt without you? How can I love myself without you here to love me too?

I don't think I can.

I guess I never really knew how much I need you. How much I can't live without you. But it's too late because you're only in my heart and mind now.

I still expect to see you walk through the door, hear you yell to me from upstairs, hear your gorgeous laughter echo throughout our house. I still wait for the feel of your hand on my shoulder every night. But it never comes.

I pray you're watching over me. Protecting me from what I have become. I hope you're smiling down on me. I pray you're close to my heart.

I pray I'm not alone.

Silence.

Well, I hoped you liked it. I wrote it in, like, 10 minutes lol. Please R&R