The Wild Goosechase

Chapter One: Chicken Run

By: Sci-Fi Raptor

Disclaimer: I do not own LH or any of its associations and etc. I do own the rest of this strange, demented fic…

I'll get to me fics eventually… I've just decided to get this off my hard drive just for fun…

(-O-)

SHIT!

It was the only thought that ran through his mind. They were on his tail and one wrong turn could very well mean his demise.

He was coming up to a four way intersection. He halted as quickly as he could and looked for possible escape routes. There were three of them ahead of him, this group having the strongest members among those chasing him. To his left was a single chaser, but she was strong enough to hold her own against him. To his right was the weakest one, so he chose to run that way. I never did check behind me… he thought as he ran under and past the single chaser between him and victory. He had to take another left, so the thought dissolved as he did his best not to slam into the wall as he turned. What he saw made him squawk.

It was a trap.

No wonder they had their weakest member guarding here, he thought, cursing himself for forgetting the guile that had kept him from their clutches for so long. He skidded to a stop, his face scraping the ground. He made a mad dash to go back where he came from, but his pursuers had caught him. There was no where to go. No where to run. He could try flying, but time and time again he had learned the hard way that it was impossible. Their leader stepped forward, the heel of her foot clicking on the ground as she slowly came up to him.

Without thinking, he tried to make himself as small as possible, making him seem ridiculously small compared to her towering form. He shuddered as she made a deep-throated laugh.

"Moohahahahaaa," she laughed as she picked him up by the neck.

Before he was knocked out, he had only one thought. Not the Udder Machine. Please not the Udder Machine! This body shivered, even though it was a summer day.

(O)

"When will you see enough!" Naru cried in a rage as she chased the resident perv. Shinobu sidestepped, as if by instinct, as Keitaro skittered past, followed by a wet, naked Naru, who at this point didn't even bother to cover up. Keitaro was in the dark as to how the girls collectively decided to tease him in such a manner since he always seemed to come out of their little 'games' with no harm done. Ever.

"I told you," he insisted. "It was an accident! And I was there first cleaning anyway!" he said, trying to rationalize to her why she shouldn't send him to the next world in the next few moments.

"Die Urashima!" said the resident kendo girl, hurling a massive ki-based attack at the unsuspecting boy-of-a-man. He remained none the wiser because Su got him first.

"Su Special Rail Gun Mark 1!" she shouted giddily and fired her rail gun-accelerated metal slug straight at his head, knocking him out instantly. Unfortunately, that gave him the exact momentum needed to collide straight into Motoko's ki attack, which also made him connect with the Naru Punch Naru was just dishing out. With Keitaro flying off into the distance, everyone who hadn't had a shot, and those who already had, at the resident male gave Su disapproving looks.

"Su, you let him get off too easy," Naru said, playfully slapping her.

"Indeed," Motoko added, "I was about to test out a new anti-male attack I'd learned at my last training mission.

"And I wanted to show off my new .45 caliber guns," Sarah said, slapping her like Naru did, but not as playfully.

"Oh well," Shinobu said in relief. "He'd gone, so I guess you all had better let him rest for tomorrow." She smiled when the rest of the girls weren't looking. It tore her apart everytime she had to see him go through this. And she saw it everyday. She hated herself for not standing up for him, but had to blame Keitaro too. If only he'd stand up for himself, then they'd surely leave him alone if he made it clear that these pranks were no longer fun and game for him. Oh well, she thought. I think that's another reason I love him…

Realizing what she just thought, her face flushed red, causing Su to get "curious."

(-)

Meanwhile, in LEO, Something strange and wonderful was happening. The metal slug that was still stuck on Keitaro was going through fusion. Apparently, the ki in Motoko's attack was the catalyst the scientists that made the A-bomb had unwittingly discovered. The ki in Motoko's attack had such a high concentration of probons, they drastically increased the chances of nuclear fusion occurring for the species of metal Su had used, and Keitaro started rocketing off like the upper stage of a soviet spacecraft, due to the high energy and velocity of the molecules burning off of the metal. Before he knew it, since he was unconscious, he had managed to fly/glide to the Bermuda Triangle and flew through a strange cloud at the threshold velocity necessary to break from his world to…

SCI-FI'S WORLD!

(O)

Moo occupied, former Japan

Klucktaro ran like a mad cock. That was the only reason they capture him; he was the biggest cock from his clutch of eggs. It was no secret that the Moo planned to wipe his kind off the face of the planet, but they did so in ways that they couldn't be blamed; not directly. Klucktaro was one of the few cocks left on the planet with viable seed to be distributed. It he couldn't 'transmit' his precious cargo soon, though, another generation would be left unborn and the Moo would be that much closer to their ultimate goal: worldwide pasteurization.

But spreading his seed and worldwide pasteurization were the last thing on his mind at the moment, unlike most of his short life. Right now, he was in full blowing panic over the dreaded udder machine. He shivered just as the thought of its name past his mind. He shivered again when he thought of what would happen after they mind-read him with it to acquit him of all charges. Oh, sure it wasn't the cheapest way, but it was a lot easier than trying to Moo-ray to whole planet and 'civilize' those that converted. They were mootorious with their devious tech, but very few had suffered under them. But the stories themselves were enough to make someone addled, as if hatched from a rotten egg.

And he had first hand experience.

He pecked at the walls in a desperate attempt to escape, but he accomplished nothing. Actually, he did accomplish something; the guards had something to laugh at. He glared at them with Chicken Hawk like eyes and got them to stop clucking at him. He hated those traitors. Pawns willing to be spayed so they could have comfortable lives. His eyes turned from anger to pity. No, he was in their position, and saw how easy it was to choose that road. Reproduction was a very strong urge, but next to the Udder Machine…

The guards turned somber as he did as if reading his mind, the irony in that long lost to them. They ruffled their feathers and trotted to their watch roost.

Thump

Klucktaro could feel the rumble in the ground, as if mini-earthquakes were approaching him. Klucktaro panted, not because he was hot though. The regional Bull was approaching. Klucktaro found the best hiding spot and made himself as small as possible. The guards were no longer in their roost; they were nowhere to be found.

"Moohahahaaa," the Bull said as he entered the prison pen. Klucktaro tried to stay as still and silent as he could, even though his heart was ready to explode. The Bull knew exactly where he was. The Moo had installed a tracer on him the day before he was to mate with a fellow sister in the Resistance. He knew, without doubt, that she was skinned and cut apart at some Mootcher Shop, for doing nothing but trying to do what she was genetically programmed to do. Doubtless, the Moo had gotten her on some other charge, something the Bhaa had dug up in advance of her trail.

The Bull was standing before him now, legs spread apart in the awkward bipedal way the Moo preferred to walk on Egg. From his position, he was forced to stare up at his testicles, each just as large as his whole body. He felt like a chick again, looking at them.

"Come out, Klucktaro. You will not die… yet," the Moo regional administrator said in a sinister tone. They had gotten most Chickens to think that mating was more trouble than it was worth in a series of propaganda campaigns and chemicals put into the water; why do you think the Moo filtered all their taps? They were cloning Cluckanity for now, in an attempt to reassure the public that the species would not perish. But Klucktaro knew better. He knew that those clones were nothing but shells, nanochips controlling their brain and getting them to do the bidding of the Moo. And that was another reason why Klucktaro was here. He knew too much. Today's session with the dreaded Udder Machine just might happen to have a convenient, fatal accident.

But they needed him alive for a little longer. As long as he was alive, he would always try to mate. There were a few Chickens left that wanted to mate that were unofficially part of the Resistance and it was impossible for the Moo, Bhaa or Mhaa to root them out by themselves, so they found them by watching him. But Klucktaro and the Chickens took the risk in hopes of keeping the fire of Cluckanity burning. Sometimes they succeeded, and sometimes…

"Come Klucktaro," the Bull said, tapping his plasma tipped spear to the ground. "You know the drill." Klucktaro cursed. He was hoping that maybe he'd have been killed in a bull fight by now. But he didn't get to his position by being spayed…

"Salutations, Hernandez. How are cows do?" Kluctaro said politely, though a mask of amiability covered his seething hate. He knew what would happen if he didn't act like this was just some routine mind-search, instead of the genocide operation it really was.

"They are doing well. Why, only yesterday, two of them bore me healthy young caves," the Bull said, rubbing it in. Klucktaro stayed silent, fuming inside with fury, thinking of all the things he would have done to him and his Bullhood had there not been scores of Moo-Rays tracking him. He didn't need to give them a reason to win this battle. They reached the chamber after a long while, since the Bull wanted this to take as long as possible. He had to maximize the chance that Klucktaro's seed would not be viable by the end of the interrogation. Klucktaro knew another horrible fact. There was enough radiation in the chamber to cause irreversible damage to his Cockiness. It was just another measure in the Moo's attempts of extermination.

As Klucktaro jumped to his receptacle, using his wings to land comfortably, he waited for the Bull to leave the chamber so the Udder Machine could initialize. Klucktaro buried his head under a wing, even though it wouldn't stop the Udder Machine from doing the Devil's work.

As the monstrosity hummed to life, sirens blazed. That's weird, Klucktaro thought. Maybe this is a new model? He shuddered at the thought. The Udder Machine was dreadful enough as it was. But he realized something was wrong. The hum died down and he could feel the thumping off AA guns blazing.

Why would anti-Slaughtercraft guns start shooting now? Are we under attack? Who could possibly attack them after the War?

To answer his question, the wall to the left of the chambers exit turned into a big whole that led to one thing that Klucktaro couldn't stop himself from flying after. Freedom.

(O)

Keitaro groaned. He felt like he went through a wall made or reinforced concrete at fifteen time the speed of sound. And then through a titanium one reinforced with iron. He looked at his surroundings and deadpanned. There he was, sprawled next to a steel wall with a large hole in it, and a concrete one beyond that. Now let's figure out if we're three of three… he thought sarcastically. He was kind of irked that he had landed (and survived) with such violence, since he usually bounced off reinforced concrete. I must really have made the girls really mad this time, he thought sadly, eventually blaming himself for something that really wasn't his fault. But his environment had conditioned him that way, as his experience let him stand up as if he'd just tripped over a shoelace. As he got up and smacked the dust off of his body he noticed a small, full crested rooster looking at him with its mouth open wide.

Keitaro was about to pay it no heed and walk out the wreckage that had become routine in his life when the impossible happened.

"You… hue-man?" the rooster said in the Moo's language. Keitaro turned to it and had a wide mouthed expression of his own. It took him a few moments before he could respond.

"Y-you talked!" he said, jumping in surprise while pointing an accusatory finger at the offending fowl. The rooster clucked.

"You speak Nipponese?" it said in fluent Japanese. Keitaro remembered the archaic version of modern Japanese known as Nipponese and responded in kind.

"How in Kami's name are you speaking to me?" he said wildly. The rooster shook its head a few times, as if trying to get a tick off of its scalp.

"We don't have time for this," the rooster said and went straight through the new entrance Keitaro made. "The Moo will be here soon. Follow me if you want to live."

"What are the Moo?" Keitaro said, forgetting for a moment that he was asking a rooster.

"I'll explain to you later. Just follow me," the rooster said and trotted out. Knowing nothing better, Keitaro did his best to keep pace with the anomalous rooster.

(-)

Klucktaro wasn't sure what more madness was. The fact that he had come face to face with a human, or the fact that the Moo hadn't Mooed at him yet. Don't count your chickens till they're hatched, he thought, remembering the idiom that had kept him from dooming himself time and time again. He turned his head sideways to see if the human was still there. And that my mind isn't as addled as a chick from a rotten egg, he thought to himself. Reassuringly, the human had kept pace with him. Klucktaro looked ahead, and almost skidded to a stop. Thankfully, the human moved quickly enough to stop too and not trample him.

Before them were the four guards that had disappeared when Klucktaro's Bull came to take him. And they were loaded for bear too; each had a back mounted Moosile launcher and a personal Moo-Ray under each wing. The senior of the group walked up to him, clucking like he had found a big, fat, juicy worm.

"I greet you Klucktaro. I had no idea you had friends in such high places," the eunuch said.

"I didn't either, not till now," Klucktaro said. The rooster walked up to him and stood on one leg. He grabbed something from his utility pouch and put it on the ground before him. It was an activation key.

"Clucka la resistance," the coop leader said, cocking his head sideways. The other three followed suit. Kentaro was about to ask why they would do such a thing until he realized what was going on. They weren't guards who chose the easy path. They had chosen a fate worse then death. They were infiltrators; Resistance members who had chosen to be spayed so that they could hurt the Moo better then someone like he could. Klucktaro suddenly felt shameful for everything that he had thought of them.

As if reading his mind, the eunuch said, "Don't worry, comrade. You didn't know," he said assuringly but went straight to business. "Take this key and activate the motorized combat vehicle parked next to the armory. Get away as quickly as you can, but smash the armory before you leave so that the Moo are distracted."

Klucktaro took the key in his beak, but realized he now lacked the facilities to talk. Knowing that putting it back on the ground, saying what he wanted to say and picking it up again would take too many of the few seconds that remained, Klucktaro just stood on one foot and raised the other. His comrade did the same and they shook talons.

"Quickly now," the leader insisted. "The Moo will be here any moment." The other eunuchs rooted in encouragement and Klucktaro became a Moosile on legs. The human has alert and followed him in an instant. Moments later, Moo-Rays and back mounted Moosiles were flying behind them, though they missed by a realistic amount. The clutch that they hatched from must have come from a military root. Klucktaro looked back and saw that some of the Moo had finally joined in on the fray, which would explain why the fellow roosters had turned their guns on him; they couldn't blow their cover.

Klucktaro quickly bore upon the prescribed behemoth and slapped the key to the entrance panel. The vehicle's door opened with a hiss and he jumped in. The human wasted no time and hopped in after him. The vehicle was as big as a house for Klucktaro, even bigger, but it was of comfortable dimensions for the human. Up till now, the human had known what to do, so he assumed that the human would go to the gunnery station (that was also of suitable dimensions for a human, since this was a Moo vehicle). But he was proven wrong when the human went to a corner, and curled up into a little ball while soiling itself. Klucktaro ignored the offensive smell and went to the control interface. Even though he was Chickenese, he had enough experience with Moo weaponry to know how to use this one. The first thing he did was sever the connection between this vehicle and the Moo. Now there was no threat of them taking the vehicle by force electronically. Next, he activated a Chicken friendly console that would let him control the vehicle. He knew he could drive and shoot, but he'd never had to do them both at once. Useless human… he thought to himself but cracked the eggshell of that line of thinking when he remembered that it was the human that had saved him from the dreaded Udder Machine. Klucktaro shivered, even thought the vehicle was temperate in temperature.

Klucktaro made the vehicle head towards the fortified entrance that the Ram he was in would easily trample through, like a raging Bull going through a coop full of unfertilized eggs. Klucktaro grimaced when he remembered what he had found out what the Bhaa and Mhaa did with those eggs. He turned the main gun 180 degrees until he had the armory in his sights. He fired the smaller cannon first to make the reinforced concrete wall easier to pierce for the main cannon. Once it turned into Pecked Cheese (a foul product of the Moo), he fired his main gun. The projectile soared through the air and met its fate in a beautiful explosion that rocked even the Ram. Instantly, the comms went ablaze and Moo radioed to his Ram as to the identity of the "dead fowls" occupying it. Klucktaro responded to turning the radio tower into a sleeping lot. The Moo had always had the advantage in technology against the Cluckanity and could always count on mechanized combat vehicles that were impervious to anything, save a multi-megagram landmine, and could level a whole roost before you could even cluck. But now they would pay for such power, Klucktaro would make sure of it.

The Ram rammed through the relatively flimsy titanium barricades and thundered on to a Moo city nearby. Turning on the boost, the Ram was near one within minutes, too early for the Slaughtercraft to swoop down on him and stop him in his tracks. With rage and fury like a Bull who sees red, Klucktaro turned the Mootown into a graveyard, burying the Ram and thousands of Moo under it. Fuel rods spent, the Ram died, as if deciding that this city would be its grave.

(O)

Keitaro had never in his life felt disgraced. He'd felt disappointment, embarrassment and other not so nice feelings, but he'd never ever felt disgraced. But then, he'd never pooped on himself. The rooster obviously noticed, but ignored him. It went to some strange hidden console and he felt the thing they were in start moving. He suddenly remembered that a few moments ago, that rooster was talking to him and now it was driving whatever the hell this thing was. Keitaro stayed in his corner of piss and feces and waited for whatever was to come. The thing they were in suddenly lurched, and slowed down a few minutes after. Then Keitaro heard popping sound and felt the ground under him rumble. Before long, the lights in the thing turned off and the rooster left the console. It walked up to Keitaro, eyeing him up and down. He could tell that something was going on in the back of its mind, but its face held no expressions he could understand. It pointed its beak to a compartment, saying, "Wash yourself in there. And leave you wrappings there too. You will need them no more."

Wrappings? Keitaro thought, thinking of Motoko without a shirt. His nose sprouted a leak.

"Have you suffered any neurotrauma?" the rooster said in what sounded like alarm. Yes I did, Keitaro thought, almost saying it aloud. I woke up and started talking to a chicken. Then, some more chickens came out of nowhere and started shooting at me. And just to make it more exciting, there were also cows with them!

"No," he said instead. "I picked my nose too hard." The chicken turned its head to the side so its left eye ball was looking straight at Keitaro. It must have been pondering what he said.

"Is 'picking my nose too hard' fatal to you health?" it finally asked. Keitaro howled into laughter, visibly taking the rooster by surprise. It jumped back, using its wings to maximize distance.

After calming down, he finally replied, "No, it's not fatal to my health." That being said, he went to the compartment. Inside, he found a shower, which was really strange, since he was sure whatever he was in was no luxury train. He cleaned himself thoroughly, and left his "wrappings" (clothes) in what he thought was the trash receptacle. Keitaro wasn't a fast thinker; statistics proved that he was painfully by far one of those who would be least likely to be described as that. But for once the neurons in his brain were adding up the sum of inputs that his senses had brought in, tied it to memory and outputted one result: from the reaction he had seen from the chicken (rooster, he reminded himself. It wouldn't be advantageous to be making a mistake like that), he might have been the first human he'd seen for a long time. A darker thought crossed his mind after he remembered the cows and chickens that were firing at him. I might be the only human left…

But that didn't make sense. Less than an hour ago, he was immersed in a country so crowded with people, housing cost an arm and a leg each month. This country that he lived it was just to the east of another country that had a multibillion populace! How so many people could disappear that quickly was beyond him. How the hell he was talking to a chicken almost made him crazy! Maybe its all a dream? he thought optimistically. Maybe I'm about to crash into a pole and I'll wake up in a few minutes…

He left the compartment feeling a bit embarrassed. He had never gone out in public naked. But if I'm right about what I was thinking… it wont really matter, will it? he thought sadly. The cock eyed his crotch as he stepped outside. It stared at it longingly long enough to make Keitaro uncomfortable. He coughed to get the cock's attention.

"So, um… what do we do now?" Keitaro asked. The cocked jerked its head up and shook it left and right.

"We must leave quickly, before any Moo follow us to this Ram," it said. It walked up to the door and pecked at a console near it. Seconds later, the door hissed open, but a cloud of dust followed. Outside, there was nothing but wreckage, but they were in an area where they could just climb to the surface. Keitaro followed the cock away from the city, it being courteous enough to use a path that would accommodate Keitaro's size.

Why are there so many cow carcasses here? Keitaro thought to himself as they left the outskirts of the junkyard. What was even stranger was that they were not rotten, as if they had been slaughtered minutes ago. Nevertheless, the contents of their chambered stomachs were offensive enough to cause Keitaro to wrinkle his nose, and even more. The unlikely duo had finally reached a woodland area that seemed like excellent cover. The two traveled deeper into the forest until the cock decided to stop.

"We shall stop here for now and rest," the cock said. "It will be night soon, so we can go back on open road so that we may get to a safe house quicker than if we traveled through these woods."

"Good," Keitaro huffed and collapsed where he was standing. He adjusted himself so that he could rest on his back. From his point of view, he could see birds and other animals of the forest scurrying to their refuges for the night. Soon, the nocturnal creatures would come out and seemingly take over the world. Keitaro gave out a long winding sigh as he watched the forest. What have I gotten into this time? he thought.

"Hey… you have a name?" Keitaro asked after a long time. There were so many questions he would rather have answered, but he thought that that one would be the most appropriate. The cock stopped scratching the ground and pecking at it to turn its head towards him.

It clucked and said Taro. Keitaro did his best to not laugh. Taro was such a funny name. It reminded him of someone on some TV show in his childhood that always got into ridiculous shenanigans. What was even more ridiculous was that he was talking to a chicken and not eating it.

"What is your name?" it said and cocked its head to the side in what was probably curiosity.

"My name is Keitaro," Keitaro answered. Now that the hard part was over, maybe he could get some answers.

"How can you possibly exist?" they said at the same time. Though they had some basic knowledge of each other, they might as well have been talking to aliens. Not knowing how to respond, they both stood quiet.

After a while, the cock said, "We should get moving." Keitaro got up and followed it, though he was still unnerved by the cock staring at his… well you know.

(O)

Klucktaro wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing. Maybe he was trotting into a plan the Moo had hatched to get to the Resistance's coop. For all he knew, Humans had gone extinct a long time ago. The most likely cause that this human was walking with him on the interregional road was because the Moo had found some human DNA somewhere and cloned him with it, like they cloned Chickens. But this Keitaro had not even gotten around to making up an excuse for why he was alive, so Klucktaro had hope that maybe Ostrich had sent him down to Egg to save Cluckanity from the evil clutches of the Moo. Besides, it would take a few weeks to get to his coop, so he could try and figure it out till then.

And he had more pressing matters to attend to- they had to go through Bhaa and Mhaa infested territory before they would ever get close to his coop. There were safe houses along the way, but they would have to be very careful. One wrong move, and the Bhaa would be on top of them, like how they would go on top of a mountain. What he felt was the most pressing matter was the worm dangling off of Keitaro. Klucktaro just couldn't keep his eyes off of it. It was calling for him to peck at. And it looked like a juicy worm too, one of those fat ones that came crawling to the ground when it started raining. It was so tempting that Klucktaro almost pecked it out a few times. But he controlled his urge; he was pretty sure Keitaro wouldn't be too excited if he lost that, whatever it was.

Klucktaro spent most of the time they had spent together since fleeing the city he had flattened thinking about it. He had learned that the humans used to eat Chickens, so maybe it was an evolutionary enhancement used to lure Chickens? That was a puzzling theory, since the way it expanded and contracted so much didn't imitate a worm that well. And then there was that fleshy thing behind it. It was probably the only thing that had helped Klucktaro from pecking the worm out. He couldn't really figure out what it was, so he decided he would ask him some time later, when they were safe.

Thinking of which, they hadn't talked to each other the whole time. Klucktaro had been going on automatic at a pace that caused the human to turn moist. Ostrich damnit, Klucktaro was even panting. He slowed down to a more reasonably pace, and noticed the human make a grunt of what he hoped was gratitude. Surprisingly, he felt the urge to squawk and checked his bearings. It was almost sunrise (the human had actually managed to keep up the pace with no complaints. Klucktaro allowed two breaks the whole time, both of which the human used to submerge its head inside a body of water, in what Klucktaro assumed was a human's method of dissipating excess metabolic energy and hydration) so they would have to hide. Fortunately, they were within trotting distance of a safe house sponsored by a Moo he trusted very well. Klucktaro picked up the pace and they were soon in a small Moo town, known underground for the illegal trafficking of Moo Juice.

Klucktaro quickly arrived at the safe house and went to the back, followed by Keitaro. When Keitaro realized that the running was over, he collapsed and started panting like Klucktaro had been after narrowly escaping the Bhaa that had busted him in the middle of his last mating operation. No matter; expect for the patches of black fur, he blended in perfectly with the Moo Grass the Moo had introduced from their home world.

Klucktaro pecked at the doorbell and waited two microns. Then he pecked it twice consecutively. After waiting a few more micros, he pecked it one final time. He stepped back and waited. Moments later, the door cracked open cautiously, showing only the darkness of the house within. Suddenly, it opened up completely and Kluctaro had a Moo-Ray pointed straight at his beak. Normally he would be squawking and trotting about madly, but he had come to expect this by now. Before him stood Moodini, a large scale Moo-Juice dealer that had very intimate ties with the Resistance. When he recognized Kluctaro, he dropped his gun and dropped to all fours.

"Holy Cow!" he said exasperated. "I was so sure the Bull had finally caught up to me! We weren't supposed to have drop for another arn!"

"Sorry," Klucktaro said, clucking. "We didn't mean to scare you." The Moo got back on its hind legs and picked up his gun. "We just need a place to hide out until nightfall," Klucktaro continued. "They busted us in a mating op and we're on the run. I think I still have a tracer on me."

"Oh dear, we have to get rid of that before they break through the interference net then…" Moodini said nervously as he ushered his guest in. But then he noticed something amiss… "What in the name of Holy Cow is that!" he said, pointing a hoof at Keitaro. He was getting back on his feet and had caught the Moo by surprise.

"He's a friend!" Klucktaro said before the Moo entertained thoughts of blasting him with his Moo Ray.

"A friend!" The Moo said in apprehension. "It's a monster!" he said and pointed the Moo Ray at Keitaro anyway. Having no idea what was going on, Keitaro stood there in all his naked glory, completely dumbstruck.

"Don't do it!" Klucktaro squawked and run in front of the Moo's line of sight. "He saved my life!"

"MOO!" the Moo groaned with a Mad-cow look in its eye.

(-O-)

No birds or cows were hurt in the making of this story. I'm not so sure about Keitaro though…