Disclaimer: I wish. I don't own the song, Dirty Little Secret, by Sarah McLachlan, either.
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This is my first Sailor Moon fanfic, third total. New pen name, though. Old one was, well, old. So here's to start off a new story with my favorite couple. If you don't like it, don't read it!
Dirty Little Secret
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Summary: Alternate ending and continuation of the Stars season. Before the lights leave, Usagi confesses to Seiya that she returns his love, and he leaves with a promise to someday return. Soon after the lights leave, Usagi suddenly and strangely moves to an unknown boarding school, very far away. Only Pluto knows her secret, and promises to help her until the day Seiya will return, who will make a great discovery. A Seiya and Usagi love story.
Prologue
If I had the chance, love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things
I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late
The wars were finally over. They were all free to live their own lives now. Nothing could hold them back. No more saving the world, it was all downhill from here on. They could all pursue their dreams and live content. All of the senshi were relieved and happy that their fighting days were done with. All except for one. She would be still be fighting, and for a long time.
Tsukino Usagi was walking home after the short goodbye to the Starlights and their Princess. It was too short, she decided, and she felt as if she was cheated out of a proper farewell, but did not know by who. She also felt weighed down and regretful. Before Usagi had proceeded to the rooftop (the location chosen due to its height and secluded nature, for the three travelers to take off undetected from the rest of Japan) to see the others off with her senshi, she had met with him. It had been too short for her, but very meaningful.
Flashback
The other lights had gone back to their apartment to gather some mementos to take back with them to their home, and the scouts had accompanied them. Their other belongings would stay, they had no use for them. Thesenshi might use some of their things later, Taiki had pointed out. If any in the group had noticed the two leaders of their corresponding senshi slip away, none mentioned it. Two scarlet eyes were the only ones to catch the small movement, being it hard to slip anything by the guardian of space and time. But she wold let them go, she knew of the bond they shared.
The two former warriors walked side by side silently, with many mixed emotions hanging in the air between them. Reaching the park which meant so much to them, they found and sat down on a familiar bench, though there was no Chibi Chibi this time. Neither looked at the other or said a word for a few moments, until they both turned and spoke to each other at the same time.
"Seiya-"
"Odango-"
They laughed together, and Seiya spoke again.
"Odango, I... I wish that we could have had more time together. Without the fighting, you know."
"That would have been nice, being so carefree and having so much more time. I also wish we could have had more time, it really was short, especially with the fighting. Do you... do you have to leave right away?" she said rather hesitantly.
Seiya was slightly surprised at the sincerity and sadness in her voice. "Yeah... Kinmoku needs us. Rebuilding it will take time and effort. Though, if I could, I would stay."
"Really? But I thought that-"
"That I would want to leave because of you and Mamoru?"
Usagi hesitated, but still said, "Yes..." and looked down at her feet.
"You know, I really should want to leave. I shouldn't want to stick around because I'd have to see you every day with that man... but I'd still stay if I could. You know how I feel about you. And I told you, it's fine with me that you don't feel the same. Being able to be around you, even without being with you, would still be good enough for me."
"Seiya, I..."
"But I can't stay here, so it doesn't really matter. Odango..." he reached for her hands and held them gently in his and leaned over to her, trying to get her to look up at him.
"Please, Seiya, don't..."
"Odango, I love you." She looked up at him, surprising him with tears in her eyes, not tears of pity, but tears of another kind. "I will love you until the stars crumble, until the sky falls, until all the planets in all the galaxies collide and everything as we know it is destroyed. None of which," he smiled a sad smile, "will ever happen."
Usagi slowly lowered her head as her tears finally fell and she cried. He had no idea.
"Oh, come now, was it really that bad?" he said, half joking.
She suddenly pulled her hands from his and leapt into his now open arms, hugging him tightly and sobbing into his royal blue dress shirt, which was quite new. Extremely surprised at her reaction, it took Seiya a moment to realize what had happened before he returned her embrace and soothingly stroked her back. He lowered his head next to hers and held it there, breathing in her scent and letting her soft hair caress his face for the first and last time.
Usagi's small hands gripped the back of his shirt as she clung to him with desperation, also aware of the fact that she would probably never see him again. For that reason, she had to tell him. She couldn't let him go without him knowing. Usagi gathered her courage, took a deep breath, and tightened her grip on his shirt for support.
"Seiya, I... I-"
"Shh, it's okay, you don't have to say anything." And she almost let it go... almost.
"No!" She pulled away from him, his arms sliding to her waist and away from her back, his face confused and sad. "Seiya, I tried so hard. I really did! But I just couldn't do it!"
"Odan-"
"I thought if I just ignored your feelings it would all work out! I thought that my feelings would change! That everything would go back to the way it was before, that I would be happy without you... that I would love Mamo-chan the same!" The mention of Mamoru hurt Seiya, and it showed on his face. But the sadness wasn't there for long.
"But nothing changed... I had started to fall out of love with him before, but then I did completely... and I didn't know what to do! I was supposed to love him, we were supposed to get married, we were supposed to have a child together... I've seen her! Pluto showed me the future, and I tried so hard to keep it safe. But I failed... I stopped loving him."
Throughout her speech, Seiya's emotions went from sad, to confused, to heartbroken, to shocked, to sorrow for her, and ended with a mix of it all. "I promised myself that I would never give myself to a man I didn't love... and I don't love him. That means... that means Chibi-usa is gone! She's dead! I killed my own child before she was even born! And the worst part... is that I can't change it. I tried, but I couldn't make myself care about him that way anymore. Oh, God, I'm so confused, I don't know what to do, I've ruined everything!"
And she couldn't talk any longer, she could only cry. She put her head in her hands and cried. She cried for herself, for Seiya, for Mamoru, for Chibi-usa, and for the future that she knew was no more.
Seiya just sat there, completely speechless. Usagi's talk of knowing the future, changing it, and not loving her formerly destined lover anymore shocked him. He didn't know what to think or do. What was she feeling right now? What was he feeling? All he knew at that moment was that he loved her and that she was in emotional pain. So he held her, and she leaned into his embrace, not noticing the few silent tears he shed.
Even after all Usagi had said, she still hadn't expressed the most important thing. Could she? What would he do? What would she do? Would anything change? She had no answers, but would have to find out eventually. She would find out now.
Usagi pulled her hands from her face, turned her head in his direction, not quite looking in his eyes for fear of losing her resolve, and spoke.
"Seiya..." He looked at her again, questioning what she was going to say this time.
"Seiya, I love you."
His eyes went wide. The world around him stopped and went silent, seemingly sharing his shock at this unexpected confession of love. He couldn't speak. She couldn't really mean it, she was so torn up inside, what with the recent battle and her whirling emotions. But then she looked up and into his eyes. There were no doubt in them. There was only true sincerity, love, and longing.
"Odan... Odango, you can't really mean-"
"Please believe me! I... I tired not to, I tried to convince myself I didn't, I denied my feelings! But they wouldn't go away, and neither did you. They only grew, past what I felt for Mamoru, even. And, now, you know..."
She turned away from him, facing foward, not able to bear the silence. He was angry with her, she thought. She had withheld all she knew about the future from him, he still didn't know about her past. He must be so angry with her to not even respond. He pursued her without knowing that her boyfriend was much more than just a boyfriend, that he was her future husband and father of her child. Seiya was probably so hurt that she lied to him about the depth of Mamoru's and her relationship, though she never really outright said anything that betrayed the real truth. The guilt and sadness was just too much for Usagi.
"I'm so sorry, I should have told you. I didn't know what you'd say, if you'd still be my friend. I didn't even know what I would do, I was just so confused... oh God, Seiya, I'm so sorry! Please don't be angry with me!"
Suddenly fully aware of the situation, the fact that Usagi loved him sunk in. Words could not describe the pure joy he felt. It was if something magical and wonderful had burst within his chest, as if his heart was rejoicing. But she was crying! Why? She should never cry! Seiya realized then that she thought he was upset, he never gave her a response.
"Never, I could never be angry with you... Odango..." he whispered to himself. And with that Seiya wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush up against his chest, and kissed her.
Very surprised, Usagi had wide eyes as the man she loved crushed his lips against hers. They fluttered shut and released the few remaining tears, and she raised her arms to rest on his shoulders. It was tender and passionate at the same time. She could feel the emotion from him as he poured his heart out again to her, this time through his actions. Seiya's warmth covered her, his body stayed connected with hers as he lied her back against the bench.
Usagi was strangely comfortable on the hard wood, covered in a blanket of love. She had never felt so close to anyone before than she was right now with Seiya, and wondered how long it would last. For this one moment in time, she was happier than she had ever been before.
Seiya pulled his head back from her, just an inch, then returned his lips to hers, kissing her again. The gesture was repeated several times, some kisses short and some long. But all of the were full of their shared love, and their desire to stay on this high cloud forever. Usagi touched his hair, which she had wanted to do for a long time, and loved the feel of it's softness. Contrary to it's sleek look, itactually had a tamed, fluffy texture, and she loved it.
His lips were soft and the perfect size, and working wonders on her own. The kisses never went further then touching, though there was passion in each one of them. She became aware of Seiya's muscular build, surprised she hadn't noticed before just how sculpted he was. It gave her a sense of security, as well as adding to his attractiveness. Even though the man had muscles, he had been careful not to lay his full weight on her. Crushing her lips was one thing, her small body another.
Seiya was amazed at home much Usagi's skin was like a baby's. He had never really taken the time to notice how smooth it was, as much of their close contact was in battle. It was odd how such a small, delicate, and very feminine woman could defeat the strongest of enemies and save the world. She had saved her planet, her galaxy, and the entire universe. But she had also saved him.
When Usagi came into Seiya's life, he changed, and would never be the same. He would never forget her, and never love a single being half as much as he loved her. It was for that reason he stopped. This would make it hurt even more when he had to go. The more they continued, the worse the goodbye would affect them.
Seiya pulled his face away from hers and looked into her eyes, which slowly opened. He couldn't help but smile at the love that shone in them, love for him, and only for him. She smiled back in the same way, his eyes had the same emotion, and it filled her heart with happiness. He sat up, pulling her with him, then brought her into his embrace. They stayed like that for a while, trying not to think of anything other than the present. But all things must come to an end. Usagi let go of him, and brought her gaze up to his.
"Seiya... will I ever see you again?" The simple question hit Seiya hard, and he wasthrown back into reality.
"I... I don't know..." If I never see you again I'll die, he thought.
"I don't know what I'll do if you leave me now... please, don't go..." she said sadly.
"Odango, I have to go. I want to stay, I really do, and you know that."
"But... but I have to see you again! You can't leave me forever, I... I need you, Seiya!" Usagi was surprised at her own words, though every one came straight from her heart. "Will you come back? At least come back... please..." Usagi became desperate as she realized more and more that he was actually leaving, today, and that today, he would be gone.
Seiya smiled sadly as he stood up, again pulling her up with him. Odango, I never could deny you anything..."I... I will. In fact, I'll set the date! It'll take a long time to get things back on track on Kinmoku, and a long time to rebuild our society... but I think that after a few years things will be good enough that no one will mind me disappearing for a while." Tears again streamed down the girl's face as she smiled at him."Let's say... five.. no, I don't think I could bear it!" He laughed, despite the serious situation. "But I fear that it has to be this way." She frowned at that number.
"One!" she argued.
"Five." She looked at him, frowning, but still with those puppy eyes, begging him to agree. "Aaah..." Seiya sighed. He wanted it to be short, like one year. But he knew he had to stay longer than that. "Four."
"Two!" Usagi looked up at him and clung to his shirt like a child begging for a toy at a store, trying to get what they wanted in a compromise.
"Odango..."
"THREE."
He sighed again. He had become too soft because of this girl. But he wouldn't have it any other way. "Alright, three. Right here, this very spot! On this very day, at this very time!" Her lovely lips curled up and she beamed at him, and he smiled back, hugging her for what would be the last time for a long time. Both of them were so incredibly sad and yet so undeniably happy at the same time, standing there together in the park. Usagi was the first to break the silence, with a single word.
"Promise?"
Seiya took one look at his Odango, and knew he would never love any woman other than the one right in front of him ever again.
"I promise."
End flashback
And so the three had left, Usagi playing dumb about Seiya's affections. They had decided it was best to keep their meeting and feelings from the others. Three brilliant stars streaked across the darkening sky , and Usagi noticed that the red one, the one she loved, was shining noticeably brighter than the rest. She chuckled quietly, left the building with her four guardians and boyfriend (though she didn't really consider Mamoru to be that anymore), and headed home.
Usagi looked up at the sky, wishing on all the stars that her own would come back to her. But there were no shooting stars, red or white. In fact, she couldn't see the stars at all, as clouds covered the night sky. But still, she knew they were there.
Without warning, the skies opened up and it began to rain heavily. Usagi was still a ways from her house, and quickly sought shelter under a nearby tree. Fortunately, there was no lightning, and the tree would be a safe place to stay for a while. She looked around and realized where she was.
She smiled; it was the park again. Usagi knew that she was not far from that one bench she had once been on with Seiya just a short time ago. She couldn't see that place, but just like the stars, she knew it was there. The rain lightened up a little bit, and she decided to make a break for it.
Running as fast as she could (even though it didn't really matter, she was already soaked), Usagi was once again caught in the rain when it started to pour again. Groaning in aggravation, sheducked under the nearest tree, and wondered how many times she would have to hide under the large plants on the way home. She looked around to see just how far she was from her house, and discovered she was much farther now than she was when she left the park. She was in front of Seiya's old apartment. Wishful thinking... stupid Usagi!
Old apartment... old apartment. It finally hit her. Seiya was gone. The fact was slammed into her mind and she gasped. What was she going to do? I can't stay with Mamoru any longer, I know that. Chibi Chibi won't be home when I get there. Chibi-usa won't be there... ever... he's gone... "He's gone," she finally said out loud. Saying the truth put her into her reality that she blocked out when he left, and she collapsed in anguish as she trembled and sobbed against the tree.
All the bottled up sadness came bursting out in a fit of emotion, and the small young woman was overwhelmed by it. She saw his face in her mind, all the times they had shared, all the times she had pushed him away, all the times she took for granted. Dammit, Seiya... why did you have to be so wonderful?
She saw fighter protecting her during battle, and even Seiya protectingwhile untransformed. She saw the countless times he saved her-physically and emotionally. She saw him telling her how he liked her shine, saw him approaching her at school every day. She saw him walking towards her asking for a tour, coming to her just to talk, for everything. She saw his silhouette walking towards her in her rain running towards her, calling her name, he was everywhere. In her mind, and in the illusions outside of her head.
"Odango..." She closed her eyes and shook her head, she wanted his voice to go away!
"Odango!" There it was again! She gritted her teeth in frustration, but stopped when she felt a hand on her right shoulder. Usagi opened her eyes... and right in front of her... was Seiya. Not an illusion, the real Seiya. She was still in shock when he pulled her up to him, which he seemed to be doing a lot lately.
"Odango?"
"Seiya? How? But, why-" It was his turn to throw himself at her, as his body engulfed hers tightly. She stood speechless, barely able to move.
"I couldn't stay away... I had to come back one last time.. I knew I would come back, but I had to be with you again..."
And he was kissing her all over. He kissed her lips, her nose, her forehead, her eyes, her cheeks, her whole face. Usagi was wrapped up in his love and intoxicated, returning his kisses with her own as their lips met for the second time that day. It was more powerful this time, with more desire.
Seiya noticed that she was trembling in his arms, and it wasn't because of anything he was doing. He now saw how wet and cold she was, in such skimpy clothing and soaked from the rain. Seiya stopped, much to her displeasure, put his arm around her, and began walking to his apartment-conveniently right across the street.
"You're soaked, Odango."
"I don't care."
He took her inside, into his room, and sat her on the bed.
"I'll be right back." And he was, about ten seconds later. "Stupid Yaten... should've known. Out of all the things he took home, it was his clothes. That vain, girly little man. Always obsessed with his clothes... long showers... aaargh. They would have fit you the best, but you can borrow some of mine."
"What? I don't need your clo-"
"You'll get sick if you don't change out of those." Usagi realized that he was right. He went across the room and opened a dresser, pulling out a black t-shirt and the smallest shorts he had-which he couldn't wear anymore after Yaten attempted doing the laundry and failed miserably. He gave them to Usagi and left the room so she could change. The shirt was huge, and so were the "shorts." The shirt reached her upper thighs.
She decided to do away with the shorts and just get a larger shirt. She discovered a comfortable light blue dress shirt that reached her mid thighs, no shorter than her original skirt. She buttoned it up almost all the way, leaving the top two undone. It was a little skimpy, but she didn't have much of a choice. The shorts wouldn't even stay up!
When she was done, she came out of the room to find Seiya leaning against the wall right next to the open door. "I'm done, you can come back in now." He followed her back to the room.
"How well do the clothes fi-" he stopped, and blushed lightly, when he saw her attire. "Oh."
"The shorts were too big... so I kind of went through your drawer, I hope you don't mind..." Usagi looked down as her blush outdid Seiya's.
"Oh, no! It's okay!" he replied a little too quickly. He was very nervous. Just Usagi and him, in his apartment, at night, and she was wearing hardly any clothes. "So... can I get you something hot to drink? Perhaps some food?"
"You came back for me... and you want to give me food?" Usagi, too, was very nervous, but a little angered by his comment after coming all the way back.. She felt so strong right now, and he wasn't on the same page...
"Well..."
"If you came back to be with me, then be with me..." Seiya was surprised at what she was saying, while Usagi was just plain shocked that she voiced what she had been thinking. "Seiya, I love you."
"Odango," he would never get tired of hearing her say that, "I love you, too." She walked over to him and rested her hands on his upper arms, her face looking up to his, knowing what was to come, and what she wanted. And he gave it to her. Gently winding his arms under hers and around her back, her brought his face down and she brought hers up, and their lips connected.
It started slow, and light. But they both wanted more. Usagi didn't know how to get at it, but Seiya did.The playful manlightly pinched her waist, successfully tickling her and making her gasp at the sudden feeling. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into her mouth, and she nearly melted at the new sensation. His tongue stroked hers as they tasted each other.
Seiya moved his right hand to her upper neck and gently tilted her head upwards, deepening their kiss, and earning a moan from Usagi. Never could he have ever imagined that he would ever be this close to her. Only the wonderful feelings he was having and the love he felt proved he wasn't dreaming.
Seiya moved to her neck, kissing her cheek and jaw on the way there. She softly said his name as his lips caressed her. He placed feathery kisses along her collarbone, taking time to suckle the skin here and there. Usagi could feel his tongue like velvet on her neck, loving the feelings his actions were stirring in her.
She leaned into him, making their bodies impossibly close. She'd never felt this way before, and felt something pushing her on. There was something she wanted... no, needed, more than anything. She didn't know he felt the same.
"Seiya... I..." Usagi could not believe she could say what she wanted to, somewhere she had found courage, perhaps from him.
"Odango?" He looked at her strangely.
"Seiya, I want... I-I need..." The courage was going fast, and it seemed as if he understood what she was going to say.
"You can't mean-" Usagi tightened her light grip on his arms.
"Seiya, I need you. Please..." She felt as if she would explode if she couldn't have more of his love, and her eyes and expression begged him to comply.
He was dumbfounded that here she was, saying this, to him. But he never was able to deny her wishes, even though he wanted it as much as she did.
"Are you... sure?" He prayed with all his heart she wouldn't take it back. And she didn't.
"Yes..." she whispered. "I... I want you to make love to me..." And that was all he needed.
Seiya held her tightly and kissed her with all of his love,revealing his desire to her. He slowlylaid them on his bed behind them, careful not to put his full body on hers. The bed smelled like him, Usagi noted, and she loved it. The shirt she was wearing smelled like him, his room smelled like him, and he, the man loved, smelled wonderful. Usagi couldn't quite describe it, but it was intoxicating. She smelled flowery with a tint of citrus, and he had a fragrant, yet very masculine natural scent.
He smells like... he smells like... like... she smiled to herself. He smells like Seiya. He had his own scent, and she wanted to be covered in it forever.
"I have to leave tomorrow... first thing in the morning, so they won't miss me. They'd be quite mad if they found out I snuck back right under their noses... but I really did have to see you."
"I understand... but we have this one night together... and I love you."
"I love you more than you'll ever know, Odango." She paused for a moment.
"...Show me." she whispered.
"Only you could stop me," he confirmed, and smiled, as he lowered himself to kiss her once more. Without breaking the kiss, Seiya moved to unbutton her shirt-his shirt. He liked her in his clothes, it made her his, in a way. She began to undo his, and shortly after he had pulled the one she was wearing from her, she was able to remove it. Neither were very aware of the remaining clothing being shed, only of the feel of their bare bodies next to each other. Her soft, feminine body against his masculine one, their lips connecting and separating repeatedly, and their hands wandering, they began to understand each other's bodies.
Then the moment came, when they joined as one on that rainy night, that would create an unbreakable bond between them. They loved each other slowly and with more passion than either of them had ever experienced. Their love, after a very long time, hit its high and floated back down gracefully. They called out each other's names, then nestled in the warmth they had created. Blissfully they slept, holding each other close, their two hearts connected.
A few miles away, a young woman stopped in her tracks in the kitchen, suddenly releasing the refrigerator door with a start. Her cornflower blue eyes opened wide as she felt a surge of energy, of love, somewhere near. The blonde beauty knew that a bond of love had been formed between two very close people. Who, she had no idea. But the goddess of live and beauty knew that it must have been a pretty powerful love for it to have reached her.
It had happened a few times before, but not this strong. It was like a warmth in her chest, like drinking a warm drink, or seeing someone for the first time in a long time, or just being very, very happy. But it was strong.
She briefly wondered what two people had managed to love each other so much, then pushed the thought aside andmoved back to her peanut butter and banana sandwich. "That's the last of the peanut butter... Haha! Minako strikes again!"
Back at the other house, the two hearts failed to notice the a heartbeat joining them. Perhaps because it wasn't physically there yet, but very soon, that little heart would be there, along with a new life.
Good? Bad? Lemme know!