Season: Season 5.

Disclaimers: I stole them; they're all I mine! HAAAAA! You can never have them back! All right seriously, not mine, not making any money off of this, blah blah.

Feedback: Send anything. I'll even happily accept flames; I'm always losing my lighter.

Authors Notes: Someone offered a bit of a challenge to write a "fun" fic, and this is how my brain decided to interpret it.

Dedication: This fic goes out to CT. If it wasn't for her telling me where to find the team info, I probably never would have written it. Ct, I hope you laugh as hard reading this, as I did writing it.

ENJOY!

HAMMOND

Unauthorized Off World Activation

Pushing aside my paperwork, I rush off to the control room. I can only hope that it's SG-9. They're more than two hours overdue.

"Receiving IDC, it's SG-9," the technician at the computer tells me.

"Open the iris."

"SG-9, you're over two hours overdue; explanations, briefing room, now," I order. I can't allow them to see that I'm just happy that they're all home safe. I'm a General-The Man-I have to play the part.

Walking into the briefing room I find two of the members, Tarkman and Winters arm wrestling, and Major Benton and Lieutenant Grogan playing a game of paper football.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yell.

"Sorry sir," they all say to me, but I can see that Winters is trying to suppress a giggle.

"Why were you overdue without any injuries and without sending any type of message?" I ask.

"Uhhh…we sort of lost track of time while we were at the party," Major Benton says.

"Party?" I repeat. I can feel a migraine coming on, and I still have a briefing with SG-1 directly after this.

"Yeah it was in full swing when we got there. We asked what they were celebrating, and the people there told us they do it everyday. Sorta like that planet Colonel O'Neill got freaky with that hot chick and got all old on," He continues. Winters is openly giggling now. Ignoring his comment about Jack for the time being, I open my mouth against my better judgment to speak again.

"Could the same technology be in use?"

"Nah, we asked about that too, but they told us that they live long lives."

"SG-9 go for your post mission physicals, we'll continue this later, Dismissed," I say after I see SG-1 standing around in the hallway.

"Okey-dokey." Shaking my head at the lack of respect from my usually most respective team I follow them to the door of the briefing room.

"SG-1, I'll be back in a minute, just sit down."

As I walk into my office to grab the file for my briefing with

SG-1 I'm still bewildered by the peculiar actions of SG-9. Shaking the thoughts away, I walk back into the briefing room.

Seeing SG-1 already seated in their usual seats is no surprise to me. Unlike with SG-9, SG-1, and I dismissed with many formalities a long time ago. The only thing that would tell a casual observer who is in charge is the use of ranks.

"Colonel, Dr. Jackson was interested by the ruins found by SG-11. He believes that they may have been from the Ancients. This is where SG-1 will be going for their next mission. Dr. Jackson, if you will."

Daniel gets up to tell SG-1 and myself why he believes the ruins are Ancient. However, Daniel's definition of "interesting" is most people's definition of mind numbingly dull.

As he continues to ramble on and on I feel my mind beginning to wander. I notice as I have on many occasions that Jack is doodling, and Sam keeps sneaking glances at whatever the picture is. It must be funny; she keeps trying to suppress a smile.

"Jack, I want to see it too." Now why in the hell did I say that?

"Excuse me General?"

"Sam seems to think your picture is funny, so I want to see it too." I don't know why I'm digging myself into a deeper hole.

"Uh…sir…I'm not quite sure what you mean." He's trying to stall me, it must be good.

"Jack, just give the damn thing!" I say, snatching the drawing from in front of him.

If I'm interpreting it correctly, it's a monkey being sucked into a black hole.

"I didn't know monkeys wore glasses."

"What?" Daniel exclaims.

"Someone just shoot me…," Jack mutters as his head meets the table with a thunk.

"Jack it's okay. I'm sure Sam can make it all better, can't you Sam. Just be a good little Major and slip under the table, I'm sure that Jack will feel much better in no time."

"What?" Everyone shouts.

"General, I think it's time you saw a doctor," I say.

However, getting the General to the infirmary is a task that is easier said than done. In the end it takes the four of us almost fifteen minutes to get the rather husky man up seven levels.

When we get to the infirmary it looks like it's been hit by a tornado.

"Doc, what the hell happened in here?"

"SG-9. They said they had come for their physicals but they had only been sitting for five minutes when they decided to play a rather rambunctious game of hide and seek."

"Hide and seek, ooooh…I want to play, The General says.

"Sir, from the looks of things, I'd say we're dealing with some kind of virus…and it's contagious.

TBC….WHHAAAAAAAAA!