Chapter 3:
The rain came down relentlessly over those next three days and the world was filled with gloom. With no other option, Ishizu did the only thing she could do. She packed. That whole first day she did nothing but pack. It didn't matter anyway. She had told Kaiba the previous evening that she would be leaving today. As far as Kaiba was concerned, she had already left.
By the second day, she was all packed up, and the men from the boat had taken her stuff on board, ready to be shipped out the next day. She didn't know where she would put her things once she got back to Egypt again, but she figured that she would worry about that when the time came.
She also, officially, moved out of her place, sold her car, and alerted her brothers of her departure. She sought shelter with Odion for the night but didn't get much sleep.
On the third day, she walked around with Marik and Odion until late in the afternoon. When the sun started to set, she bid farewell to her brothers and made her way to the docks. She would be riding on a large boat with many other passengers on board and her things would be dropped off in Cairo.
The boat wasn't due to leave for another three hours, so for those three hours she waited on the deck, looking out at the rain pouring over Domino for the last time. She would miss the city, but all the while she tried to convince herself that her place was back home. Back in Egypt. There was a roar of sailor's voices echoing throughout the dock. From what she could hear, they were talking about the boat leaving in three minutes. That's when Ishizu got an unexpected call.
She used her cell phone so rarely, that it took her a while to realize that the annoying sound she was hearing was coming from her. After remembering which button she was supposed to press, Ishizu doubtfully spoke into the phone. "Hello?"
"Ishizu!" A familiar voice rang out. "Where are you! Are you on the boat? Has it left yet?" She looked at the phone in confusion.
"Mokuba? Is that you?"
"Yeah it's me." He said, sounding worried. "Have you left yet?"
"Mokuba, how did you know I was still in Domino?" she asked. From her knowledge, neither of the Kaiba brothers should have been aware of her presence.
"I just found out. Marik told Yugi, who told Tea, who told me. Now, have you left yet?"
"No, I'm about to. What's wrong?" she could tell by the tone in Mokuba's voice that this wasn't just a friendly goodbye.
"Its Seto. He won't admit it, but he really misses you. I think he's suffering."
"How?" She asked immediately. Her stomach had hit the floor with a bang and she was instantly filled with worry.
"He's all passive and he's gloomy all the time. Please Ishizu, don't leave. I know my big brother isn't the most emotionally expressive guy in the world or the most romantic, but you have to understand that he was doing the best he could."
"I do understand that now but..."
"Then stay. You can't do this to him. He loves you. I know the two of you are smart enough to make it work without being miserable. Please?" Mokuba begged. Ishizu was beginning to fall apart again. As she got to know him more, Mokuba had sort of become the little brother she wasn't able to have with Marik growing up.
Ishizu gave a heavy sigh. "Where's Seto? Let me speak with him." There was an uncharacteristic silence suddenly.
"Actually Ishizu I don't know where he is right now. He walked home from work and he hasn't come back yet." The boat whistle sounded and the ship began to make its way across the ocean. Ishizu looked around and saw how hard the rain was coming down. Like herself, she knew that Seto was not a fan of the rain.
"Mokuba, it's pouring out there! How long has he been gone?"
"A few hours. But I'm sure he's... Seto!" Mokuba yelled in the distance.
"I'm fine Mokuba. Go to bed."
"But Seto, it's only seven o'clock."
"Don't argue with me Mokuba! Go!" There was another long silence before Ishizu interrupted.
"Mokuba what's going on."
"He's just sitting out there. Seto... he looks like he's going to... but he can't... he wouldn't!" Ishizu had heard enough. Without a second thought about the logic of it, she took off her waterproof coat and her shoes, hung up the phone, and dove off the boat.
Emotional Roller Coaster
Loving you ain't nothin' healthy
When Ishizu arrived at the gates of the Kaiba mansion, she could immediately see what Mokuba had been so shaken up about. It shook her up too. She could hardly believe her eyes as she walked closer and closer to the gate. Her heart sunk, but at the same time, she felt happier. Kaiba was sitting on the ground with his back to the gate, soaking wet from the rain. And the strangest part of all, he was crying.
They were the pitiful whines of a man that couldn't take anymore. The whines of a man who was angry with his self. The whines of a man who wasn't used to crying. He covered his face in shame of his weakness.
"Damn it. Why won't it stop." He muttered to himself, still unaware of Ishizu's presence.
"Why won't what stop?" Ishizu asked, now at the gate. Kaiba jumped and quickly turned around angrily at the intruder. When he saw her, she could tell that he was shocked and confused.
"Ishizu! What are you doing here? I thought you went back to Egypt." He answered nastily. This came as no surprise to Ishizu. She had expected him to react this way from the beginning. "Or were you so pathetic that you had to come back for another try."
"From here it doesn't look like I'm the pathetic one Seto. Not anymore." He looked like he would jump up and slap her right in the face if there weren't a gate between them, but his eyes were still red and teary.
"Then what do you want from me Ishizu? Say what you have to and leave." If she didn't know better, Ishizu would have sworn that had been a plea rather than a command.
"I'm here because you can't seem to keep yourself out of trouble. Really now, I'm gone for three days and you have nothing better to do than sit in the rain. I'm surprised at you. Aren't you the one that said I needed to get a life?"
"Funny Ishizu." Kaiba said, starting to pick himself up from off the ground and facing her. "But seriously, why are you here?"
"I heard what you said that night. About how you didn't know how to act. How you'd never been in love before..."
"Ishizu stop." He interrupted, but Ishizu was going to say what she came here to say.
"But more importantly, how I had changed. You're right about that. I did change, and it wasn't fair to you."
"Ishizu..."
"No, Seto. Let me finish. When I first met you, I knew you'd be a difficult person to deal with. And when we became close, I knew we wouldn't have a very… conventional relationship. I don't know what happened. Something inside of me stopped working correctly. For some reason, which seems ridiculous to me now, I thought that you'd become this perfect man who would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and we'd share each and every emotion we felt with each other.
"And when that didn't happen I thought that I was to blame and I felt weaker. And the weaker I became the more difficult I was. I started to blame you for not being that perfect man and I blamed myself for not being able to make you that man and for being in love with you. The only thing that kept me going was remembering the man I could feel inside of you. Someone who is completely devoted and caring.
"But I realize now that you're not just that man and that's not the Seto Kaiba I fell in love with. You're also jealous, power-hungry, sadistic, stubborn, emotionally disabled, a complete and total jackass…"
"Are you done?" Kaiba interrupted.
"But I still loved you. I knew you weren't just those things. I know you blame yourself for what happened between us, but it's my fault too. I was so wrapped up in this image of what our relationship should be like and in hating myself for not being able to make it happen, that I didn't realize that you were completely oblivious about what to do when you're in love."
"No really, you're too kind. Stop…please." Seto remarked sarcastically, embarrassed about all of this being said so bluntly.
"The point is, I know what's wrong now and I won't make the same mistake. I just don't want to loose what we do have."
"Ishizu wait." Kaiba interrupted. "You're being too hard on yourself. Most of it is my fault. Even if you did get some kind of bloated, sappy, image of me, I didn't make things any easier. I changed too."
"You didn't know how to deal with your feelings."
"That's no excuse. I changed on purpose to protect myself."
"What do you mean?" Both Kaiba and Ishizu leaned into the gate, so close, that they could almost touch each other.
"I mean, I didn't want to open myself up to you Ishizu. I didn't want to feel the way I do. It hurts and it makes me feel weak. I just wanted what we had to be like what I had with every other girl; sex based purely on physical attraction without disruption from emotion attachment.
"The first time I kissed you, I realized that there was something serious happening and it bothered me. It didn't just bother me; it fucking scared the hell out of me Ishizu. You understand? Things went okay for a little while but then I noticed how upset you were getting and that made me feel like crap and frustrated. I even went so far as to ask you to turn the lights down so that I wouldn't have to see your pain when we were together.
"I'd treat you like shit when we were together, and apologize while you slept. I don't know, maybe I thought that you'd realize how weak I was and leave me so I tried to ignore how I felt about you."
Ishizu paused for a moment taking in everything that he said. Seto cast his eyes away from her in shame. She didn't like seeing him like this. The defeated boy on the other side of the gate was not the Seto Kaiba she fell in love with. Ishizu wanted her arrogant bastard back.
"Seto I don't hate you and I'm not going to because of what happened. But you need to know something that I learned recently. Showing your emotions won't make you weak and hate doesn't make you stronger. Hating your father isn't what made you stronger. It was the love you had for Mokuba and wanting him to have everything that fueled you and your love for the duel and of power. That's what made you strong.
"Stomping all over you, and hating you isn't going to make me any stronger Seto. I found so much strength in knowing that you love me and knowing the truth about why things went wrong and you will too. We both messed up but that's okay. We'll know what to look out for now. But Seto, I'm not ready to give us up."
There was a long silence afterwards. Ishizu hung on to every passing second. She needed to hear his response. It was done. They had laid everything out in the open. As the seconds ticked past without a response from Kaiba, she felt her eyes well up with tears. She was struggling to hold them back. Ishizu couldn't tell if Seto was crying or not. His entire body was soaking wet just like she was.
Kaiba had been keeping his head lowered towards the ground for most of the silence. After about a minute or so, he raised his face towards the sky with his eyes closed. He ran a hand across his face and through his hair. Finally, Kaiba came to his feet and met Ishizu eye level.
She couldn't tell by looking at him what he was going to say. She was doing the best she could to stand up straight and hold back her tears. She desperately wanted to hear him say something good. She looked into his eyes but could find none. Suddenly, she felt his hand grasp her's comfortingly.
"I don't accept failure." He finally replied, gently. She couldn't take anymore, her emotions were going crazy. Relief spread throughout her body but her tears still came down. Kaiba's arms found their way through the gate and embraced her. His lips followed, planting a sweet kiss atop her forehead. "Stop crying Ishizu." He said over her head. It sounded as though he himself was choking back a lump in his throat. "It doesn't suit you."
"It doesn't seem to favor you either." She both cried and laughed into his chest.
"Let's agree to never cry like this again." Kaiba tried to joke. Ishizu was still choking on her tears and unable to speak but nodded furiously. He raised one of his hands up behind her head and lightly pet her.
"I love you." She whispered in his ear. She felt his body tremble next to hers. He raised his head with a pained expression on his face. As much as she knew he wanted to say it, forming the words was too hard, too alien for him. Despite this, she could see him trying to reply.
She quickly raised a finger to his lips and motioned his face towards hers. Ishizu reached through the bars and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. The moment their lips met, a shock wave passed through them both. If not for his arms there to hold her up, she surely would have fallen to the ground in tears. Emotions were running high for the both of them, going up and down and all around, in loops and spirals and twists. It was an ongoing emotional roller coaster for the both of them and there were no brakes. The kiss said it all. Finally, Ishizu heard Kaiba say the four words she'd been waiting to hear for so long. I Love You Too!
Loving you was never good for me...
But I can't get off!
The End
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