Kaworu stood up from the bath, "What I'm trying to say, Shinji, is, I love you."
Bakura(as opposed to Shinji) looked up and bluntly stated, "Dude, no matter what all those fanfictions say, I'm not gay."
Kaworu smiled, "Really? Me neither! I'm just a friendly kinda guy."
Bakura perked up, "For real? That's awesome! Wanna got get some tacos?"
"Do I?" Kaworu said excitedly.
"So, didja know I'm the spirit of an ancient Egyptian thief?"
"That's nothing, I'm an angel."
Atemu and Marik both have electric six string guitars. They're standing in front of a corner that has hookers on it. They sing:
"He's Bakura!"
"He's fucking nutz!"
"He likes to kill people!"
"And hang out with slutz!"
"IT'S THE MIND OF BAKURA!"
Bakura walks out to applause, cat calls, and more than a few flying panties.
"Marry me Bakura!" Naru Narusegawa yelled, lifting up her shirt.
"No! Marry me Kura-chan!" Alphonse Elric said, lifting up his front plate of armor.
Nearby Anzu put a couple fives in Alphonse's belt for the peep show.
"Okay, now for our sexond show, I would like to take the time to ask you all a question." Bakura states.
The audience nods and murmurs their approval.
Bakura smiles a wicked smile, "What's dumb, redundant, cancer causing, and seems to go on forever?"
One audience member stands up to guess, "Uhhh… The Simpsons?"
"No! George Bush's constant grammatical suckage!" says another.
"My sexual organ!" Katsuya yells from his seat.
Bakura eyes him, "Well Mutt it's dumb, redundant, and cancer causing anyway."
And there was much laughter.
Bakura starts up again, "Well people, the answer is the fucking scourge of television…. Pokemon!"
"I heard that!"
"Dang skippy!"
"Fuckin' right, I hate that show!"
Bakura looks up in the audience at the person who made that last comment, grabbing the mic with an evil sneer he points out to the audience member with an air of disbelief, "Wait, Ash? Ash Ketcham? Shouldn't you be supporting your own show?"
Ash stands up in the audience, he has a five 'o clock shadow and a can of beer in one hand, with a slur he says angrily, "The Hell should I support that piece of shit? All it is is, 'Random-ass-pokemon-with-fucked-up-name, I choose you!' and 'Pika, pika pi!' More like pika penis! That's another thing! Have you noticed I haven't been laid in the entire show? Have you noticed that? Whenever they told me about this whole pokemon trainer thing they said there'd be pussy comin' at me left and right, but no! I'm so female depraved I've had to turn gay and have sex with Brock!"
Brock, sitting next to Ash, blushes and waves to the camera effeminately.
Admist the audience's laughter, applause, and general looks of shock, Bakura smiles, "I had no idea you felt that way."
"Oh, I got plenty more where that came from!" Ash says inebriated.
Quickly putting a hand up Bakura says, "Well, wait, you better save it for later in the show, Ash. Besides, right now we've got to pay some bills by going to a commercial break."
Bakura turns and sprints up to a camera, shoving his face in it, "DON'T GO NO WHERE HOME VIEWERS! MORE MIND OF BAKURA RIGHT AFTER THIS!"
Are you tired of falling short of her expectations?
Miroku looks at the screen and nods as Sango stomps off in the background.
Are you tired of not making the grade?
Miruko looks up at the screen after reaching climax way too early and nods.
Can you just plain not pop her pussy like you could in the old days?
Miroku nods at the screen again.
Well have we got the answer for you!
Miroku looks up at the screen with painfully faux hope, "Really? Tell me more!"
Alchematax! Alchematax is the all natural, no side-effects tablet made by alchemists with completely unnatural materials! Straight from the garage of brilliant mind Mr. Bubba Chubbs "The Dick Growin' Alchemist", Alchematax will be sure to put the bang back in your buck! The Cash back in your Prizes and make sure your Ding-Dong-Doodle is Scrumdiddlyumptious! She'll think you're back in your prime after you roxxorz her boxxorz with Alchematax!
Sango, on Miroku's arm, gives the screen a sultry look, "Prescriptions are one thing, Alchematax is totally different, plus it rocks my clit."
Warning:Alchemataxmaycausesuchsideeffectsasnauseavomitingdiabetesdissinessprematureejaculationcancertuberculosisanddeath.Alsohereisanothereasteregg,putthewordschittychittybangbanginyourreviewforanotherfabulousprize. Alchemataxhasnotbeenclinicallyproventoimprovesexualperformanceinmales,infactithasbeenclinicallyproventodotheexactopposite. Donotbuy,take,orbenearAlchemataxatanytime.
Alchematax, try our sample pack and if you're not completely satisfied send it back to Mr. Bubba Chubbs, "The Dick Growin' Alchemist" and he'll… probably not give a shit.
Alchematax, buy yours today!
Bakura, unaware that he's back on air, is talking with Brock, "So, wait, you're always tryin' to mack on Nurse Joy, and now here we find out you take the Dirty Sanchez from Ash, what's with that?"
Brock smiles nervously and answers, "Well, I'm really more of a trisexual than anything."
Bakura raises a brow in confusion, "You mean bisexual? There's no such thing as trisexual."
Brock throws an effeminate wave of the wrist at Bakura, "Tch, puh-leeze. Trisexual so exists. Girls, boys, and pokemon. Duh!"
Bakura's tan face turns a little green as he backs away from the trainer.
"Hey 'Kura-bitch, you're on air!" Marik screams from his front row seat.
"Huh? Oh shit-ninnies! You're right! Ahem, welcome back, ladies and gentlecunts! We've got more of my disturbing mind ready for your viewing pleasure!"
The crowd cheers enthusiastically.
Bakura raises his hands to calm them down, "OK people, OK! It's time for some viewer mail! That's right, I, Bakura, will be answering some reviews from you, the viewers! First review!"
Hey bakura kick tea's dumb ass for me- darthjag
Bakura pulls out a hatchet and looks at Anzu menacingly.
She starts to shift nervously in her seat nervously, "Uh, H-Hey 'Kura-chan. What're ya doin' with that hatchet? You're not going to throw it at me are you? B-Because that wouldn't be the friendly thing to do, what with us being friendly friends and all."
"Sorry Anzu, well… OK, I'm not really sorry, but if I don't do this my ratings will go down."
"BUT 'KURA-" THUNK!
The crowd cheered.
"Freakin' Sweet!" Peter Griffin says as he jumps out of his seat near Anzu's, "I totally got that Japanese girl's blood on me! Oh and check it out, I got some brain on me too!"
"AAAH!" Anzu runs out of the studio, very much alive and untouched by the hatchet.
Peter and the rest of the audience looks after her, "Huh, if these aren't her brains on my shirt, then who's are they?"
Meg falls out of her chair, dead from hatchet-to-the-brain related injuries.
Peter sits back down in his seat with a sigh, "I guess we'll never know."
Bakura smiles into the mic, "OK people, settle down. I know it's good times but the show's almost up and we still have some stuff to do. OK, now in our last episode there was an Easter Egg that many of you managed to find and send into us here at the Mind of Bakura! We told you you would get a fabulous prize, and here it is! A strip tease!"
Bakura starts to dance and slide off his jacket as 70's porn music starts to play in the background.
The ladies in the crowd go wild.
"Oh wow Ryou, your yami is totally hawt, like, serious beef cake." Malik said to Ryou, sitting on his lap.
"Oh I know, I so wish we still shared the same body!"
A naked Bill Clinton stood up from his seat, martini in hand, and saluted the stripping Bakura, "By God, that man's a patriot!"
The 70's music hit a skip and stopped playing as Bakura threw his jacket back on, "A strip tease… from Pegasus that is! MUWAHAHA!"
"NOOOO-OOO!" the audience screams in horror as the screen turns on to show the gruesome site.
Warning: This is for those of you who found the Easter Egg… also, those who didn't find it are welcome too, I just felt like taking up extra space. Enjoy.
Pegasus slowly removes his jacket and shirt, giving a sultry look at the screen, "Oh yea, audience-boy, you know you want me."
Pegasus unbuttons his pants and throws them off to reveal a pink thong underneath.
"You want me so bad!"
In one swift movement Pegasus throws the thong off and-
BOING!
An inflated Toon Summoned Skull balloon pops out of his groin area, confetti showering down with it as it deflates.
Pegasus grins at the camera, "Happy Valentines Day, everybody!"
Bakura looks at the screen as the audience sighs with relief at having not been subjected to the sight of Pegasus manhood.
"Well bitches, we're almost out of time. As a matter of fact we've only got time for one more segment, my favorite one!"
THIS ISN'T FUCKING NEWS!!!
The crowd cheers frantically.
"Today in This Isn't Fucking News we've got something here for you that was, in reality, all over the news networks."
"Anna Nicole Smith died-"
"Wait! Stop it right there… already don't care. Seriously, the only thing Anna Nicole was to the world was a pair of overgrown tits. That's it! She had no real redeeming values to make her death memorable! Besides she was highly responsible for her own death because she was too fucktarded to know that mixing drugs, beer, prescriptions, and slim fast was a bad idea! We don't need this shitty news clogging up our day! Now here's something that's real news and should be all over the networks, but isn't!"
"Ben & Jerry's has named a new ice cream in honor of the comedian: "Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream."
"GENIUS! It's great! It's got two things everybody loves! Ice Cream and Stephen Colbert! C'mon, they even have a great tag line for it, "The Sweet Taste of Liberty in Your Mouth"! Who can resist that? I'll tell you who, someone who isn't me. Peace easy bitches, this show's ovah and I'ma go get some Americone Dream. Night."
Atemu and Marik play a hard rock song as the crowd cheers and Bakura walks backstage.