Summary/Disclaimer/Rating – Please see first chapter
CommunicationPart 2
'If the Daedalus had shown up even just a few seconds later then you'd be dead Major.' Rodney speaks the words quietly, as a statement, and isn't that a revelation in itself? Because Rodney never says anything. He'll taunt, he'll shout, he'll scream, he'll snark and use sarcasm as a weapon until he's blue in the face… But he never says a word.
John knows this too and right now he looks more confused than Rodney has ever seen him.
John was expecting to be screamed at, shouted at, berated, torn to tiny little shreds by the cruel barbs of Rodney's razor sharp tongue…
But Rodney's not shouting or screaming and John doesn't know how to deal with that, he just looks lost and the part of him that isn't wondering when he started to be able to read John's, seemingly blank, expressions is dealing with the sense of satisfaction that he's managed to confuse John, possibly just as much as John confuses him.
'You would have killed yourself,' he continues in the same tone of voice, 'using a bomb that I built, you would have left us, me, here without you and having to live with that knowledge, knowing that, forever.'
John's eyes darken with understanding and guilt, almost unnoticeable.
Except to Rodney.
Because all of a sudden he's noticing things he never would have dreamt of seeing before and it's because of this that Rodney witnesses the very second that John finds the words to apologize and he stops him before John can even say them.
Because although Rodney knows that John understands exactly where he's coming from. But he also knows that if the situation were to occur again then John would do exactly the same thing.
And sometimes it really sucks to know everything because Rodney also knows that words will never really make John understand, because, despite the Major's attitude, he knows that John still considers his life to be worth less then everyone else's.
And it hurts that someone Rodney cares about so much can think so little of himself.
Rodney yelled at John after he risked himself with the Genii, during the storm, when he went out alone to fight the wraith, when he took one of Rodney's nuclear weapons up into the atmosphere and detonated it… and it never did any good. Because John just tried to blow himself up along with the wraith hiveship and all of a sudden Rodney hates him so much for that that he has to bite the inside of his mouth until he draws blood to prevent himself from screaming , begging, pleading with John to understand and to stay safe, just once.
But it will do no good and only waste energy and Rodney's nothing if not pragmatic and he recognises that wasting energy after he's slept no more than six hours in the past fortnight is extremely stupid. He realises that he needs a new strategy because words, his relied upon weapon since he was five and he had found his sister's thesaurus, just weren't working.
With hindsight maybe he shouldn't have been surprised after all, everything about the Major has shattered his expectations and assumptions and basically destroyed most of the solid information he's built his life on.
However, words have never failed him before and he has no idea what a suitable substitute is, what do people normally use instead? But then he meets John's eyes and suddenly he understands.
And John tastes like fire, desperation and danger and a thousand other things that he's always tried to stay away from but now he realises was all he ever needed. And he can hear water rushing in his ears, a roaring as his breath runs out but quite frankly right now he doesn't care. All he can smell is sweat and gunpowder and John.
He forces his eyes open and realises that John has his open too and he's staring into blue eyes that are shining with a thousand different emotions and thoughts, the main one is, we shouldn't be doing this… No matter how good it feels.
And Rodney agrees. Every single cell in his body, every single honed instinct since he'd first tried a lemon cookie at age three and he proceeded to die in the middle of his kitchen floor while his sister begged for him to wake up, is screaming at him to run, they shouldn't be doing this because it's against regulations and it can't be real because he's never been in love with a man before and can tell by the look in John's eyes that he hasn't either. They shouldn't be doing this, no matter how good it feels, because of how good it feels…
But his hands are skimming over John's body wanting to take it all in, realising that they've wasted a goddamn year and now he has to hurry and experience everything before it gets taken away…
When they break apart his lips are swollen, his cheeks are red and he's panting and shaking but that's okay, because he can see John and knows that he doesn't look any better. John's eyes are dilated, confusion and arousal shining in them.
And he looks into John's eyes again, he can see fear, concern and… love.
Just maybe, communication doesn't always require words.
Fin
AN Well, I think that's it. Thanks for reading.