The morning broke on Hogwarts as Harry Potter rolled over in his four-poster bed. He saw Ron, Neville, Dean and Seamus all still asleep. He quietly rose and promptly tripped over a very large sack at the foot of his bed.

'What the heck?' he thought to himself. He hefted the surprisingly light sack onto his bed and examined it. It seemed harmless enough. He didn't know how wrong he was. Audience begins to boo and hiss at the cliché. Harry frowns at the bag, and quickly pulls it open. Out of it spewed a hundred million white feathers that were sticking to everything in their path.

"I am going to kill Fred and George Weasley!" Harry screamed, awakening his friends. With all of them awakened and hopping mad, it looked like an Engorgement Charm had been set on a chicken coop. A few weak laughs.

"Who's with me?" Dead silence enters the room. He then flies away the way he came. "Oh, come on! This is the fifth prank this year and we just got here yesterday. It has gone on long enough! Now are you with me?!" Dead Silence reenters the room and flies off just as quickly. He just used that joke before! As if you clowns could do any better? Watch us! The audience quickly throws together a story.

The author stares with shock at the audience. That was even worse than mine! Now will you let me keep writing? The audience huddles. Alright, we'll let you, but make it better! Fine!

Now, all of the fifth year boys were staring at Harry as if he had suddenly grown another head. And he had. His second head turned to look at him and said plainly, "Hello, I'm Harry Potter. And who would you be?" Harry stared in shock at his second head.

"Where did you come from?" he asked, dumbstruck. "Never mind." he said and quickly used a Severing Charm to remove it.

"What the he heck was that?!" Harry screamed into the air. "Why'd you do that to me, you brainless git?" I thought it would add humor? "You wish!" Harry shouted.

"And what about us?" Dean yelled upwards. "Me and Seamus are always overlooked by that J.K. Rowling and whenever we do make it in Fan fiction it's always slash! Even Neville gets more attention than us, and not by much! We want a gig!" Neville and Seamus nodded with him.

Suddenly, Neville leapt through the air at Seamus and Dean to knock their heads together. I am writing this story so I control you. Now you guys and that stupid audience can just shut up and go with it! Okay?

"NO!" both the audience and the Gryffindors yelled. Suddenly, Hermione and Cho Chang entered the room and began to make out passionately with Ron and Harry. The kisses broke and Harry and Ron just sat there dumbstruck. You guys behave yourselves and this is what you get afterwards. Mess up…

Hermione and Cho backed up and turned into Snape and Malfoy. The two advanced on Harry and Ron. The two of them let out a high, shrill scream. "All right!" they screamed in unison. "We'll do it! We'll do it!" Snape and Malfoy disappeared. That's better. Now can we get on with this? It's getting late.

The sun was beginning to set on Gryffindor Tower and they still hadn't thought of a way to get back at the Weasley Twins.

"Tie all their clothes together with magical knots?" Neville suggested.

"No, too dull," Harry replied.

"Set fire to their dorm," Dean volunteered.

"No, too risky."

"Put them in girl Muggle girl's clothing that only they can't see," Seamus put in.

"Great!" Harry yelled jumping up, his feathers flapping. They still hadn't gotten them all off. "Anyone know how?" Dead Silence enters and hands Harry a card saying he's quit. He then exits for the last time.

"Dang it," Harry said sitting back down. "He was the best running gag we had going."

The audience begins to nod off and snore heavily. The author notices this and blows a Reveille on his bugle to wake them up.

"I've got it!" Ron yelled, speaking for only the second time in this entire fic. "We enchant Malfoy and Snape to fall in love with them for 24 hours!"

All stare at him. "That is this sickest thing I have ever heard," Harry said slowly. "Let's do it!" he yelled. The five rubbed their hands together evilly. They were still rubbing them like that by daybreak.

Ron ran over to the girl's dorm (still thinking of his reward at the end of the story) to borrow Hermione's copy of Moste Pontente Potions. Luckily, Hermione was awake and all the other girls were down at breakfast. Then again, let's try that scene over. Unluckily for him, Hermione was awake, as were all the other girls of Gryffindor's fifth year, all still in their nightgowns.

"Eeeeeeeek! A boy!" they all screamed and leapt upon him all holding some very heavy object. They pummeled him mercilessly, until Harry came and rescued him and retrieved the book. Harry dragged Ron back and the four of them (Ron was unconscious at this point) turned to the page containing the Love Draught. It was a very complex potion, but, will wonders never cease, they had all of the ingredients in the dorm.

And pigs will fly. What was that? We didn't say a thing. Yeah, right. Now, shut up before I send you all to FanFic Character Heck. The audience quickly shuts up.

The five Gryffindor boys set about preparing the potion (Ron was now awake) in Neville's 16^th cauldron and had it finished before Breakfast was halfway finished. Harry divvied it into two small vials. He handed one to Dean and kept one for himself.

"According to the book, we have to pour the potion into the drinks, and the instant after they drink it, we have to say the names of the ones we want them to fall in love with. I'll take Malfoy. You take Snape, Dean."

"But why me?" Dean asked bewildered. "Why not Ron or Neville or Seamus?"

"For the readers," Harry said simply. "They know if I do it, Gryffindor will lose a thousand points. Same goes for Ron. Neville would chicken out."

"That still leaves Seamus!" Dean yelled angrily.

Harry opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it in thought. "He's right you know," Harry called out into mid-air. "They don't know what Seamus will do either. You wrote it yourself, look." Harry pulled down a part of one of the earlier segments in the fanfic. He read, " 'Me and Seamus are always overlooked by that J.K. Rowling.' See? So why Dean?"

Because I wanted to. So there. Now just go along with this will you? Remember Cho.

Harry's eyes slid out of focus as he remembered Cho. "Like he says Dean, because he wanted to. Now let's go eat."

They quickly ran down to the Great Hall (seeing as how they ate nothing the other day) and went over their plan of action one more time. The plan finalized, the Gryffindor's strode casually into the Great Hall. Dean made a beeline for the High Table and Harry for the Slytherin table.

"Excuse me, Professor Snape?" Dean asked nervously. Snape looked at him with confusion in his eyes.

"Who are you?" he asked in surprise.

"Dean Thomas," he said indignantly. Snape's face was still blank. "In fifth-year Potions class." Blank. "In Gryffindor. Wasn't in the British version of the first book." Snape quickly pulled his copy of the latest Harry Potter book and skimmed through it for his name.

"Thomas. Thomas," Snape muttered as he flipped through. "Ah here it is!" He face instantly grew that cold and twisted face he got when dealing with Dean's class. "Yes, what is it?"

Dean came around to the back of the High Table and pulled out his summer's homework. "In the Power-Up Potion, we were supposed to add five stewed frog's eye's, right? Well, I tried that and it exploded. What happened?" he asked while pulling out the vial of potion from his robe's pocket.

The audience begins to drift off again. The author sees this again and slaps each and every one of them upside the head.

"No, no, no, you stupid boy," Snape said evilly. "You add five-eighths of a cup of stewed frog's eyes, not five, and another thing…" Snape went on and on as Dean secretly poured the potion into his pumpkin juice. "That!" Snape yelled, causing Dean to jump and hide the vial back in his pocket.

"Thank you, Professor," Dean said in a stickily sweet, cheery voice. "Oh, you look thirsty, have some pumpkin juice." He handed the mug to Snape, who seemed to have already almost forgotten him again.

"Thank you, my dear boy." He took a heavy swig of his Pumpkin juice and his eyes glazed over. "Fred Weasley," Dean muttered in his ear.

Professor Severus Snape had never felt this way before. He looked towards the Gryffindor table and fixed his eyes upon Fred Weasley. He had never seen such a beautiful boy. His hair a fiery red. Several audience members begin to look sick. His eyes a deep pool of brown, which he could stare at forever. The author begins to feel queasy typing this. He wanted him so badly. All members of the audience begin to puke. The author joins them.

Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table Harry has it a bit more easy than Dean had. He just walked up to Malfoy and "accidentally" bumped into him, pouring the vial's content into Malfoy's goblet. Malfoy turned to stare at him in anger, but that look turned to passion he moved to put his arms around Harry. Harry leapt back.

"What the heck do you think you're doing?" he screamed at the sky! The author (doubled over with laughter) goes back and undoes the previous three lines.

Malfoy turned to stare at Harry in anger. "Watch it, Potter," he snarled turning back to the conversation he was (sort of) having with Crabbe. He took a drink of his pumpkin juice. His eyes glazed over and Harry knew that it was time to act. He sprung at Malfoy and hissed, "George Weasley" into his ear.

Malfoy turned to look at the Gryffindor table. He fixed his eyes upon George Weasley. He had never seen such a beautiful boy. His hair a fiery red. Several audience members feel a twinge of déjà vu as they reach for their barf bags. His eyes a deep pool of brown, which he could stare at forever. The author begins to feel queasy typing this. But he continues anyway. He wanted him so badly. All members of the audience begin to puke again. The author joins them with the snack he had just eaten.

As one, Malfoy and Snape stood up and began to walk towards the Gryffindor table.