Chapter 3 – Do we have a future?

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6th Year, March

Midnight. Harry sat in his bed thinking. He could hear the sounds of his dorm-mates sleeping; the various snorts and mutters were easily identifiable after so many years together. Himself, he could not get to sleep yet; his mind was too busy examining his relationship with Draco. Since they kissed for the first time they had met a few times in the Room of Requirement. They had talked about classes, done homework together, kissed some more, but neither had brought up either their past rivalry or what these meetings might be leading to.

Harry was also beginning to wonder about other people noticing what was happening. He had seen Hermione glance at him when he had gone off alone, or when he had returned. Given how smart she was, he wondered how soon she would say something to him. Ron, being Ron, did not seem to realise that there was anything happening other than Harry giving him time to be alone with Hermione. Harry wondered if any of the Slytherins had noticed Draco's disappearances.

Harry made a decision. He wanted to develop his relationship with Draco further, but they must talk first, so he began to list what they needed to discuss.

….Their rivalry.

….Other people noticing.

….The whole Boy Who Lived/Death Eater's son scenario.

….Voldemort and the Prophecy.

….Whether Draco wanted to take the relationship further.

They were all scary, but that last one was the worst. What if Draco didn't want to go further? What if he was just having a bit of fun? Could Harry cope if Draco decided to break it off? After a bit of thought he realised that he could cope with knowing, it was not knowing that was the problem. He believed that even if they did break up, Draco would not use what he now knew in school. If they ended up on opposite sides in the war, he would deal with that then.

As he lay back in bed feeling that he might now be able to sleep, he decided to start talking to Draco next time they met. He would not ask questions, but start by telling Draco some things about the past and wait for Draco's reactions. Before the Easter holiday he would find out where their relationship was going. If it went well they would have more memories; if not he would still have the existing ones, and two weeks to come to terms with it.

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3 Days Later

It was another wet and windy day so Harry had come to the Room of Requirement to complete some homework. Although they had not arranged to meet, he was not surprised when Draco appeared shortly afterwards and started his Arithmancy assignment. Now Draco was stretched out on the rug in front of the fire and Harry was curled up in the armchair.

"I want to tell you some things," Harry began. "I need you to listen and not interrupt please. If you've got questions, ask me when I've finished." He had decided to start by telling Draco something about his past rather than discussing their relationship. Then he would let Draco decide the next phase of the conversation.

"Okay." Draco turned over to look at him.

"The first time I went to Diagon Alley I was excited and confused and scared. Hagrid had only just told me about being a wizard and about my parents and Voldemort. My Muggle relatives had never told me anything about magic, because they didn't want to believe it existed. I was excited about going to Hogwarts and the whole idea that magic was real. And then I was confused, 'cos when we got to the Leaky Cauldron all these people wanted to meet me and I didn't understand why. And I was scared. What if people didn't like me? What if they thought I was a freak like everyone else did?

"And then on the train I made a friend, the first friend I'd ever had. And then Hogwarts was so … magical. And there was Quidditch, and more friends, and real magic. I was so happy for a while." The words had been pouring out but then he stopped, frowning.

"But there were people who didn't like me, and there was the whole 'Boy Who Lived' thing, and there were scary things happening. And then there was Voldemort." A long pause. "And it's been like that ever since; exciting, confusing, scary. And now I'm more confused and scared than ever."

Draco waited until he was sure that Harry had finished. At some point during the outpouring he had sat up on the rug, wrapping his arms round his knees. His expression was thoughtful.

"Can I tell you something now?"

"Go ahead."

"When I met you in Madam Malkin's I was excited too. And I was scared. I was finally going to Hogwarts and I was going to meet new people and it was going to be different. I knew a few of the others of course; Vince, Greg and Pansy had been visitors with their parents several times. I had always wondered if they were friends of Draco, or friends of 'the Malfoy heir'. I wanted to meet people who didn't care about my family, who wanted to know me. Then I met you and you didn't have a clue who I was, but I didn't know how to talk to you. Then on the train I messed up again, and so I hated you because I was eleven and I couldn't cope with rejection. So I was spiteful and malicious to you and your friends, because I wanted what you had. I wanted friends who liked Draco, like you had friends who liked Harry. What I realised recently was that I've always wanted to be your friend, so I kept acting to make you notice me, because at least that way I had your attention."

"Well that certainly worked!" Harry tried to make it sound like a joke because he couldn't bear the tears he could see in Draco's eyes. "So what changed? Why were you so different in October?"

"Last summer holiday I had a lot of time to think for myself. Those hexes – it took a long time to remove all of them and the treatment left me weak. My father was in Azkaban and my mother wasn't going to interrupt her holiday plans for me, so I was on my own. At first I hated you more because of what you'd done to me and I just started planning what I would do to you when we got back to Hogwarts. That made me think about everything I'd done previously, and gradually I started analysing our whole acquaintance. That's when I realised I still wanted you for a friend, but I couldn't just walk up to you and say that. You wouldn't have believed me, and Weasley and Granger would have been worse, so I carried on acting the same while I tried to work out how to approach you."

"I did notice you were still being your horrible self verbally, but you didn't seem to be acting on it," Harry admitted.

"What changed you? Last year you wouldn't have noticed that," Draco queried.

"I think I grew up. Like you I had a lot of time to think this summer. Apart from the garden they didn't give me any chores to do, so when I finished gardening I could just sit and work out what went wrong last year at the Ministry. That led to me thinking about the whole of the last five years, and I realised that I get emotional and then act without really thinking or planning. Take that day on the train – you came in and insulted my first friend so I reacted by deciding to hate you. Same thing in Potions – Snape says something, I react without thinking. Same thing at the Ministry, so people got injured or killed. So I decided I've got to start thinking."

"Is that why you go off by yourself so much?"

"Yes. I try to plan alternative reactions to situations. Then when the situation happens I call up the memory."

The two boys sat in silence for a while until they realised it was nearly dinnertime. As they neared the door, Draco turned to Harry and hugged him. They rested their heads on each other's shoulders and just stood there for a minute. Since they had agreed not to be seen together near the room, Draco left first. While Harry waited he thought about what had been said. He would have questions next time, but they had made a start today.

A/N Thanks to my reviewers.