A/N: Just a random thing I thought up of in my head… Randomness is good…
So anyways, this fanfic is a Fullmetal Alchemist and Harry Potter crossover where the characters are so out of character it's… well, it's supposed to be funny, but being the horrible fanfic writing that I am, you never know.
Okay! Here's chapter one!
Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, or Harry Potter. It belongs to JK Rowling and some Japanese dude whose name starts with and H… and an I… and an R… Okay I'll shut up now.
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"I GIVE UP!" Ed yelled to nobody in particular. "GOT IT? I DON'T NEED A STUPID PINK STONE TO DO MY JOB."
"What are you talking about?" Al asked, still shocked by his brother's outburst. He scratched his metal head that had no hair for no reason at all. "The philosopher's stone is red you idiot! NOT PINK. I HATE PINK. PINK IS THE EVIL COLOR OF… PIGS!"
The people in the streets just stared…
"I AM A GOD! BWAHAHAHAA!" Ed continued his meaningless yelling and screaming until Al had to drag him back to the headquarters, by the collar. As the two passed the colonel, one muttering about random things that the evil authoress of this story made him say, and the other screaming about pink pigs, Mustang shook his head and said, "They've finally cracked."
Moments later the colonel started obsessing over a stray dog that had the fortune to pee on his head. Don't ask how.
When Ed and Al finally reached their room, Ed got up and drew a large random blob on the floor with chalk. Al watched his brother fill up the blob with some squares, pentagons, circles, more blobs, birds, flowers, a sun, and some random objects that have no name in this world and never shall. When Ed was finally done, Al got up, threw a piece of gray chalk at him and yelled, "Fill it in with gray! Or else I'll stuff your face in a big, big, bowl of MILK!"
"WHY GRAY?"
"Because it's the best color in the world, and I'm completely covered in it! EVEN MY SHINY HEAD!"
Ed did as he was told, constantly glancing at Al and his gray, shiny head/helmet, and the bucket full of milk that had appeared out of nowhere in his hands.
Al assessed the blob when it was done, and then said in a confused voice, "So uh… Why'd you go create a gray blob filled with random objects?"
"I'm going to transmute myself some arms! GWAHAHAHAHAA!"
"You can't do that!"
"And why not?"
Al waved his arms around like crazy, gesturing at the blob. "IT'S NOT EVEN SYMMETRICAL!"
"So? I'm a prodigy. Everything I do works."
"EXCEPT YOUR HEIGHT! AND THAT FREAKY HOMUNCULUS WOMEN WE MADE!"
"…" A small, very small, moment of silence follows.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHRIMP SO PUNY HE THINKS A HYDROGEN MOLECULE WEIGHS A ZILLION POUNDS?"
"I never said that." Al whined.
"But you meant it. Didn't you? Didn't you? AHA! Your eyes blinked! YOU MEANT IT!" Ed yelled in a slightly crazed voice.
"Ed… I can't blink."
"WHO CARES?"
Al gave up arguing with his brother and watched silently as Ed approached the transmutation blob circle thing. "It's not going to work…"
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Harry concentrated on the hoop in front of him. He imagined himself there, and attempted to apparate.
It didn't work.
He tried again.
It didn't work.
He tried again.
It didn't work.
"DAMMIT! BLOODY HELL! WHATEVER! I'M NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO APPARATE! AARGH!" Harry yelled in the frustration that the evil authoress of this story fed to him.
He tried again. CRACK!
It worked, sorta. Kinda… Not really.
"EEEEEP!" Hermione screamed when she saw Harry's body in the hoop. At least, his incomplete body at the time. Harry just rolled around screaming, and foaming at the mouth, of course. Ron ran over to him, looked at him, and started screaming also. Everybody followed suite like the obedient bunch of wizards/witches they were.
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Before Ed could place his hands on the transmutation blob thing, they heard a large CRACK! And something appeared in front of them.
To Al, it was a bloody arm and leg.
To Ed, it was… JACKPOT!
To Harry, it was… GIVE ME THEM BACK… NOW!
Ed ran towards it excitedly and held up the limbs proudly. "Told ya so!"
"I am so glad I've lost the ability to throw up." Al moaned.
Ed stood there, crouched over the detached, bloody limbs and murmured, "My precious…"
After a few moments, Al looked at him and asked, "So uh… what do we do now? It'll start rotting soon you know."
"I can use alchemy to sew them own, duh!" Ed said, placing his hands down onto the floor to mimic the process. He accidentally triggered the transmutation blob circle thing.
Soon they found themselves being attacked by the giant cuckoo of their nightmare.
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A/N: So, this is where I end, for now. PLEASE REVIEW!