Authors Notes: Woohoo! Craziness abounds in this one! Sorry guys. I was really bored and came up with this idea. Not even sure what I was thinking when I started typing this out.

What would happen if the character you obsessed over actually was real? And what would you do if your first chance meeting didn't turn out at all like you thought it would. It's a short read, kind of holiday based. I don't have anything out there for the Halloween season and I love Halloween. Also, the only fanfiction author getting bad mouthed here is me. I'm making fun of my writing, my fics and my unhealthy obsession. Its pretty bad. If you dont think it is and want convicing...one of my bridesmaids, also my cousin,gave a speach at our weddingthat ended something like this: "Dustin, I just hope you can live up to her Ninja Turtles fantasy because man, we really loved those guys."

This one I dedicate to my friend Kitty who laughed so damn hard when I told her about it that I felt confident enough to post it. Thanks Kitty. LONG PANTS!

So…um…forgive me if this makes you feel like you've lost a few brain cells in the process of reading! Lol. Happy Haunting this Halloween guys!

Disclaimer: Oh yeah...I do not own Ninja turtles! And if Mikey and Raph were real...lets just say the next thing you'd be reading of mine after this little bit...would be my obit:)

Curse Of The Rabid Fan Girl

It was a dark and stormy night. Well, not really. More crisp and breezy really. And there were no clouds. Not even a trace of them. The only thing in that vast midnight blue sky was the moon-pale, orange and full. It was fall. And nights like these were the kind she enjoyed. Nights where you dreamed of curling up on the couch in front of a blazing fire with a hot cup of apple cider as you walked home from a late night at work, or in her case, her ballroom dancing class.

Joy breathed in deeply through her nose, then opened her mouth and smiled as she watched her breath come out in a foggy cloud. It was Friday night, she didn't have class again until Tuesday, her English Lit teacher had been abnormally kind, refraining from his usual weekend homework of four page essays, her roomie was spending the entire weekend at home which left the apartment to her and only her…AND she had had a bag containing a DVD of the newest Ninja Turtles episodes. Life just didn't get better than this! That DVD was going to be watched and worn out in the span of a few hours tonight! Sure there were probably keg parties to go to. She knew for a fact that a frat house down the block was having some ceremonial fiesta in honor of Home Coming-live band and everything. But hey, a girl had to have her priorities set, right? And what was more important than a night alone with a bowl of popcorn and her little red-masked hottie? Not a damn thing, that's what.

Well…maybe a little fanfic writing would be in order but it was ranking last on her to do list at the moment.

Crossing under an archway of gnarled oaks, Joy walked up the pathway to her apartment building, dug in the pocket of her coat for the keys and let herself in. A blast of warm air greeted her. Taking the stairs two at a time to the third floor, she practically bounced down the hallway to the fourth door on the left, unlocked it then walked in, closing and locking it again behind her. Ah, alone time!

She shrugged her coat off, tossed it carelessly over the back of one of the kitchen table chairs as she passed it, carefully maneuvering her little yellow bag containing her precious treasure as she did so. She couldn't let it go, not until it was in that DVD player!

The answering machine was blinking-two unheard messages. She noticed that as she walked by it, pulling her blond hair into a ponytail. They would remain unheard until tomorrow morning. Again…priorities.

Ten minutes later once changed into a pair of gray athletic pants and a maroon hoodie, Joy, bowl of chex-mix in one hand and a mug of hot apple cider in the other, popped the DVD in and sank down in the burgundy plaid couch, grabbing one overstuffed throw pillow to prop herself up with in the process. The minute the menu screen came up, she was all grins. As the opening credits rolled and the theme song played her mind worked around plots involving the manipulation of her favorite character in romantic situations. Girl meets turtle, turtle falls in love, saves her life…maybe a few near miss lemony scenes. Something good to get those readers drooling for sure.

"Oh if only he were real," she sighed dreamily, thinking that if he was she could stop wasting her time dreaming up steamy romance scenes involving some poor, unsuspecting cartoon character and get her hands on the real deal.

Joy dismissed the though, as she'd done several million times before, and put her full concentration on her DVD.

It wasn't until half way through the episode that she started to get a strong and incredibly eerie feeling that someone was watching her. She could feel eyes, boring right into the back of her skull. The second she knew for sure that she wasn't alone was when the lights went out, leaving only the dim red/yellow glow of the candles scattered around the living room that she'd lit earlier.

A gasp lodged itself in her throat as a feeling of cold dread swept over her. Hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Every news story about abducted college girls came back to her, screaming their entrance into her train of thought like a runaway freightliner. Suddenly she really, REALLY wanted that ninja turtle of hers to be real. But he wasn't…and there was someone in the apartment with her…behind her, probably grinning in anticipation of an easy slaughter.

Gripping the remote, her only real form of weapon aside from the harmless throw pillow, she closed her eyes, counted to three, then sprung up and whipped around to confront her might be killer.

Her mouth dropped, as did the remote and her eyes went wide with unadulterated shock. Instead of coming face to face with a masked man dressed in all black, she came face to face with the masked mutant that ruled her dreams! He was just…standing there, leaning against the wall, looking at her with an unreadable expression, his arms crossed in that arrogant way she so loved to describe when writing about him.

"Oh…my god…" she whispered. "Raph!"

"It's Raphael," he replied, deadpan, with a slight inclination of the head.

He didn't look happy. No, not at all. Far from it really. Oh, but she could make him happy. Not to mention make herself happy. The opportunity to fulfill her wildest fantasies was standing right before her! And to think, an hour ago she though a DVD to watch in an apartment she had all to herself was as good as it could get!

Joy's mouth turned up in a grin and soon she was smiling like someone who'd gone purely psychotic, unable to control it or water it down even the slightest bit. "Holy crap, I cant believe you're standing here. In my living room! This is crazy…this is…its…"

"What," he asked, coming off the wall and dropping his arms. "You're dream come true? Your every wish fulfilled. Yey Joy, the turtle of your dreams has come to sweep you off your goddamn feet and make an honest woman outta ya? Not a chance in hell babe."

That wiped the grin right off her face. And sent her reeling backwards a foot or two as if she'd been slapped. "Wh…what?"

"Explain somethin' to me, would ya? What exactly makes you think you can turn me into some housebroken boy toy with an attitude that's been cut in half, huh?"

Joy backed up another step. This wasn't how this was supposed to be happening! He was supposed to come in and take her like a wild man on the couch! Not yell at her! "I…don't understand," she whimpered pitifully.

"You got me cryin over the loss of some broad in one fic, actin' like some moody, lovesick teenager in another and I'm not even gonna get into all the little stories you've written for yourself lady."

He started toward her and she backed up even more, releasing a tiny cry of surprise when her back met resistance.

"Ooh, looks like I've got ya trapped. And you want to know what I'm gonna do?"

Chin trembling, Joy shook her head quickly, her arms rising to cross protectively over her chest. The candlelight, light that could have been romantic in the ideal situation, now looked sinister, throwing long, trembling shadows over the living room floor and its furniture. Throwing its red glow over the livid face of the mutant turtle fast approaching her.

His hands fell to the sais tucked in his belt and, faster than she could even comprehend, they were yanked free and sent spinning. It was an impressive show of his deadly skill with the weapons and made her blood run cold.

"You're gonna pay for every hoop you put me through, every opportunity you took to make me look like some weak willed lapdog."

"Please," she whimpered, crying out as he ran the tip of his sai slowly down her arm.

"Please what…make it quick?" He laughed, a cold, heartless sound that filled her head and sent her toppling into an entirely new realm of terror. "Not after that slow, humiliating death you put my character through lady. I think it's only fair you get the same treatment, don't you?"

Wind whistled through the cracks in the window, rattling it frame. Two candles flickered out. Night closed in around them and Joy shut her eyes against it, terrified that-.

"Unadulterated?"

Raph jumped at the sound of his younger brothers voice coming from directly above him and stopped typing. "Jeez Mikey…give a guy a freakin' heart attack," he muttered, turning away from his story to glare at the orange-masked turtle.

"Yeah well," Mikey straightened and rubbed the back of his neck, grinning a little, "you're gonna wish I'd given you one once she finds out you're writin' this."

"Nah, she'll think it's funny."

"Oooh, I doubt it bro."

"Doubt away. The girl adores me too much to stay mad at me."

A new voice joined the conversation, dry, irritated and undoubtedly female. "I wouldn't go that far Raph."

The two turtles jerked to attention, whipping around to face the doorway to their brianiac brother's computer room. A woman stood there-average height, blond hair pulled up in a ponytail, gray sweatpants and a maroon hoodie, and a look of simmering fury on her face.

"Hey Drea," Mikey said cheerfully, "I was just leaving!"

He ducked by her, not even bothering to wish his older brother good luck. It was best to get out of the line of fire before the shooting began as far as he was concerned.

Raph watched his brother disappear, wishing he could do the same, then swallowed thickly and forced a bright smile. "Hey Drea…I was just…tryin' my hand at some of that fan fiction ya love so much. Thought I did pretty good."

She didn't answer. She only continued to glare at him, gray eyes ice cold with hostility.

"Come on. I was just havin' fun. You know I didn't mean any of it."

Still, nothing but silence.

"Um…Happy Halloween?"

Without muttering a word, she started stalking towards him. Murder was written clearly in eyes.

Raph gulped, terror swamping his senses. "Oh shi…"

Two Hours Later

"So that really happens to guys, huh?"

Drea pulled her attention away from the movie they were watching, Miss Congeniality, and grinned down at Raphael. He was reclined against the couch cushions, feet propped up on the coffee table and crossed at the ankles. In one hand was a jar of her favorite facial masque cream that he was intently reading the instructions off of. His other hand was in her possession, receiving a modified manicure, punishment for his not-so-humorous fic. Well…it would have been punishment if he didn't seem to be enjoying it so much.

"Yeah, that happens," she replied, her brows furrowing in concentration as she attempted to smooth out an impossible callus on his thumb. "It's the whole thing about finally having a woman of your own when you've wanted one for so long. Get as pissy or offended as you want to Raphie boy, but I'm right."

Drea resituated herself, turning to face him, pulling her other leg up onto the couch and crossing the two limbs. "Take your average human male and put him in your situation," she said, waiving her nail file in a little circle before she set off using it again. "Early to mid-twenties, never been with a woman before…put him in a situation where he gets a girl along with all of the perks of a relationship and all those rough, angry edges are bound to wear down a little. It's kind of a getting affection from someone that's not a family member thing and…well…finally getting rid of the sexual frustration that's been building up for so long."

Raphael stopped reading and looked up at her. "You sayin' I'm sexually frustrated?"

Drea flashed him an impish grin. "Caught that, did ya?"

"Hey Raph…you wanna hand me those fake cucumber slice thingies?"

Glancing at his younger brother, Raphael rolled his eyes. "Mikey…you're kind of a little gay…you know that, right?"

Michelangelo was sitting beside him, reclined to the point that he was almost laying down. His face and neck were covered with facial masque cream, his eyes were closed and he was holding out his hand. "Says the turtle getting the manicure," he said, waggling his fingers impatiently. "Come on bro! I need to soothe the puffiness under my eyes!"

"Here Mikey," Drea said, grabbing a small tin canister from the coffee table and tossing it to him. "Knock yourself out."

They lapsed into comfortable silence that lasted until the movie. Then, Drea turned to her green skinned friends and said, "Hey, you guys want to watch What Not To Wear?"

"Hell yeah!" they replied with no hesitation.

"Okay. Mikey…change the channel please and Raph, huh, I need your other hand."