Disclaimer: See first Chapter.
A/N So yes, I've continued my little umm thing here. It's not the wisest choice I've ever made since I got a lot of other stories to finish, but I will do my best. This is going to be a long story for a heads up. I'm going into Severus' older life as well.. and I'm open to many pairings for this story. chaeli.meep. I did post the full version on another site, it's in my profile if you wish to read it. Thank you to all who read and reviewed :)
10:34 am, Platform Nine and Three Quarters, Boarding Hogwarts Express, Start of Seventh Year, Monday September 1st 1969.
I'm lugging my damn trunk again because my father needs to get home for my mother. I know the woman will die soon, but it doesn't matter much to me anymore. My father has tormented me for the last summer and I don't intend to return home when my mother dies.
I never think about my home life when I'm at Hogwarts, either way being in both places only makes me hate everything more. Walking towards the wall in between platforms nine and ten, I look around casually to check if anyone's around.
One muggle with a briefcase walks by quickly but otherwise I'm okay to go ahead and walk through the barrier. Lugging my trunk along with me, I enter the Platform Nine and Three Quarters. Witches and wizards soon come into my sight, all talking and saying their goodbyes to the students.
I walk past all the other laughing teens, intent to get a compartment of my own at the back of the train. Once I get to the back of the train I get my wand to levitate my trunk up and onto the train from the wooden platform where I left it lying only a second ago.
Throwing my black stringy hair back so I can see properly, I maneuver my trunk through the crowd towards a compartment near the end of the train, managing easily to find one abandoned and left alone at this time.
I magic the trunk to the racks above the seats and walk back to the door and close it. Taking off my faded jeans and grey t-shirt I go back to my trunk and open it, grabbing a robe from within and stuffing it over my head. I stuff my muggle clothes back into the trunk, trying to push them to the bottom so they're well hidden from my dorm mates when I open the trunk next.
Fishing in my trunk for one of my freshly bought books I finally close the trunk and sit down on the seats, getting myself comfortable to read for the long train ride ahead of me.
2:31 pm, Last Compartment of the Hogwarts train.
My reading wasn't bothered by anyone until Bellatrix Black decided to bring her annoying face into my presence. She opened the compartment door and walked in as if she owned the compartment, and stood in front of me in her black school robes, as if she could really act superior to me.
I never once looked up from my book, although the black lettering now became blurred in my vision because I wasn't paying it attention I was the bit of Bellatrix I could see with my eyes never leaving the book.
"I hope you know about the meeting during Christmas Holidays, Severus. The Dark Lord is interested in meeting you from the way Regulus talks about you." she half snarls, and I know she has quite a lot of jealousy held for me concerning Regulus and how he managed to interest the wizard known as Voldemort in me.
"I knew about it." I reply stiffly, still not looking up at her and regarding her with silence. How could I not know about it? Regulus had always had an abnormally keen interest in me after that night during fifth year, and while no one knew what was really going on between us, people recognized there was some sort of alliance between us.
Of course that would be just the Slytherins, the rest of the school doesn't have a clue about Slytherin or the alliances we make with each other that we like to pretend are friendships. Bellatrix has never trusted me because of the way Regulus can talk about my rightfully earned skills in the Dark Arts.
"Well see that you get to it. Regulus will suffer if you don't go." Bellatrix tells me, as if she's got some good reason to be able to talk the way she is to me. I finally set me book down, not bothering to look at her still I look out the window as the passing village outside.
"Why should I care if Regulus suffers?" I ask her, and I can almost feel her rage at being so obviously brushed to the side as I am doing to her. My hands are sitting on my lap as I have my head in the direction of the window; I'm hardly moving a muscle with someone so close to me. It's not safe to move around another viper, after all.
"I was under the impression you two were close." she grits out, not moving from her standing position bearing over me.
"You got the wrong impression." I tell her abruptly, knowing how pissed off she must be. It's so much fun to rub her the wrong way because I know she won't do anything seeing as I'm about as powerful as she is, if not more.
"Oh am I? Tell me, Severus, did you like being bottom? Is it satisfactory for you to be in the role of a girl?" Bellatrix asks, and for once I'm the one angry in this word game. I glare up at her, and she just looks back with triumph.
"Oh yes, I know about that. Regulus told me to finally get me to leave him alone about you. So maybe you should show me some respect if you don't want me to go blabbing." she tells me and I'm fuming. I'm going to kill Regulus after a fuck him one more time.
"Is that all you want?" I say through gritted teeth, squeezing my hands in my robes to keep from getting up and strangling her myself.
"One question." she tells me, her demeanor getting more happy and smug by the second. She was holding herself more proudly, and the smile on her face was nothing but arrogance.
"What?" I snap back at her.
"Did he fuck you often?"
I swear her grin has gotten impossibly bigger while my scowl has only gotten darker. Oh, I will get her back for this. After I answer the question as leverage to keep her mouth shut.
"Every night after Christmas in fifth year and twice after a Quidditch game, or even during the Quidditch game depending on which one it was." I reply, smiling as she turns slightly green. Really, it's a befitting colour for her. And I did, after all, answer the question.
Not that I want to remember fifth year, it may very well have been one of the worst years I'd ever had. Regulus was good at sex, I just didn't want to have it. I don't see much use in having sex; all it is is a bodily release.
"I didn't need to know so much detail." she snarls at me and walks out of the compartment, letting the door slide shut with a slam that shook the compartment.
"Well maybe next time don't ask, you twat." I say to thin air, ignoring the fact I shouldn't feel so smug after letting out the secret I've kept inside of me for two years. I get myself settled down with my book again, ready to face the new year if I have to.
5:45 pm, Hogsmeade wizards village.
The train came to a stop with a jolt, and I was sent flying off the chair ungracefully to the floor. Getting up in haste, making sure my robes were completely wrinkle free so my fall doesn't show at all, I regain my composure and walk out of the compartment.
What surprised me today was the fact that Black and Potter left me alone. Maybe they got some brains for their big fat heads. I just hope they don't have anything planned for me later. Black and Potter always gang up on me, and their lovely reason for it?
They don't have much of one. I'm not a desirable person to be around and I'm drawn into myself so of course I must be evil. Then again I guess I am evil, my mother prophesized I would be a murderer and I've always been fascinated with the Dark Arts, not to forget I've never thought one good thing about anyone.
Even when Regulus was on top of me and pleasuring me to my damnable hearts content, I never thought one fond idea about him.
Walking down the train and out into the cobbled street, I notice the carriages and hope for one as equally empty as my train compartment had been. Walking towards the farthest carriage I stare down the invisible horses who look steadily at me.
They always do this, and even though I have never known or seen death they are visible to me. It's as if the sense something in me, something that has to be dark. I climb into the empty carriage carefully, weary if they decide to speed up without my knowledge.
Once I'm in the carriage safely I notice someone else approach the carriage and I wonder who the hell it is. Watching the door to the carriage open, I see an angry Black step in, send me a glare that tells me clearly he's only here because he's angry as hell and he wants to be left alone.
I let him sit opposite of me and watch him steam off out of the corner of my eye. Really, he and Regulus do have similar features and yet major differences. Black is slightly bulkier, from being more active I guess.
He's sitting there with a dark scowl on his face, and rigidly holding his back up near the seat. Once the carriage starts moving his tense body unlatches and I can see him calm down, and it somehow relieves my tension of being anywhere near him.
I am still facing the side of the carriage, not daring to show him anything but a Severus Snape who isn't paying any attention to him at all. I know we won't talk to each other, seven years of taunting me and my trying to curse him black and blue are between us.
But when he sighs, I look directly at him for once, only to watch him narrow his blue eyes at me. "What, Snivellus?" he asks sharply, and I only look at him with a blank stare.
"Why are you here?" I ask, not really expecting an answer but it doesn't hurt to ask.
"None of your damn business." he growls at me, reminding me very much of a shaggy dog protecting its scraps. Bloody Gryffindors.
"It's not everyday you grace my presence, Black, without a hex or a jibe. I have a right to know why the hell you broke my happy solitude." I snipe back, staring him down with my black eyes, hoping my foreboding appearance will get him shaken enough to let something slip.
"You can't seriously like being alone!" he blurts out, now staring at me in astonishment.
"I seriously like being alone, Black. Quit changing the subject." I tell him with a strong pointed stare. Of course I like being alone, I don't understand why people like being in big groups with each other. Someone backstabs you eventually unless they are really brainless.
He only gives me a dark glare, turning his head away from me and looking out the window as if he can ignore me. I don't know why he and Potter aren't joined to the hip right now, and I don't really care. It might be the end of my torment from them if I'm lucky, though.
Once the carriage comes to a stop with a jolt, I move towards the right door and open it up. Crawling out of the carriage I eye the demons that are pulling the carriage once more before looking up at the school for one last time in this very spot.
"Can you see them?" Black asks me, having stepped out from behind me with a soft thump on the ground. The horses seem to like Black, as their sharp eyes gaze fondly on him, but he cannot see the horses, even though he knows they're there.
"Of course I can." I reply in a clipped voice, watching as the other students start to file towards the door. I know I have to join them quickly.
"Someone in your family died?" Black asks, and since I have no desire to get friendly with him I walk away form him towards the castle, completely ignoring his question. I doubt he's going to be in a very good mood for getting rebuffed like that, but that will only hold amusement for me.
I'm not about to tell him 'no, but it's been confirmed that someday I will be the cause of someone's death' as my reason for being able to see the horses.
6:00 pm, Hogwarts Great Hall, The Sorting.
Ah yes, the wonderful sorting of our new students. The Slytherins this year look like unpleasant bunch, as always, their minds full of sly thoughts. The Hufflepuffs are again a homely bunch, the Ravencalws are bookworms and the Gryffindors are… confused.
The new first years look intimated by the happy, laughing, joking lot they've been sorted into. As always their nervous faces will soon turn into curious glances. What interests me the most right at this moment, though, is where Black is sitting.
Black is sitting far from his friends by a few other Gryffindor boys, his face looking cheery but underneath that I can tell there's well hidden anger. His dark long hair is tied behind his back and his robes look presentable, but he's not cracking off jokes a mile a minute without his precious Potter to be there with him.
And lo and behold Potter is with some redhead, oh I know her, the stupid girl tried to defend me from Potter once in fifth year. They look quite cozy sitting together with Lupin and Pettigrew sitting beside them and eating as they chatter quietly.
Potter's messy hair is in complete contrast with the redhead's perfectly brushed hair, but she's pretty just the same. I know the girl is a mudblood, and I believe I've insulted her before and paid dearly for it. I'm seeing a reoccurring thing today with my damned fifth year.
I reach for a cup and some chicken in front of me, deciding now was good a time as ever to eat something. Piling my plate with things selectively, I'm not the easiest pleased person in the world, I dig in slowly and relish in the warm food. Warmth is something I've been denied all summer, and to have it again is reassuring in some small way.
The plates around me clank and clang as others around me eat and talk to their friends. Some of the Slytherins in my grade acknowledge me and talk to me for a few minutes, but it's very briefly.
I can't wait to get into bed tonight, it'll be more comfortable then the floor at home.
9:23 pm, Seventh Year Dormorties
I forget over the year how much of a luxury it is to have a bed, my father having set fire to me bed once in a drunken rage and being too lazy to replace it. He doesn't have high hopes for me and my mother gave up on me the minute after I was born.
With her death my father will wither away, probably, and I can't say I will miss him. My parents loved each other once, but after I was born things fell apart. My dad reminds me of that constantly.
I try not to think of my home life too much, and I know one day I will get a pensieve, take all my bad memories out of my head and stuff them into the jar to hold them. I might then break the pensieve and see if I can truly lose the memories forever.
"Goodnight, Severus." one of my dorm mates says to me as I get into my bed and close the drapes. I'm not sure who said it to me so I just pull the sheets up over me, throwing the green cover to the floor as I know I'll probably roll off the bed onto the floor out of habit.
"Goodnight." I reply smoothly before closing my eyes shut and resting my greasy hair on the silver pillow and losing myself to darkness. Closing my eyes seems to shut my whole body off and make it settle down, eager for a good night's rest.
1:00 am, Seventh Boys Dormitory, the floor.
I actually woke up screaming, screaming in agony as I was brought out of the dream. I never recall ever dreaming, so the fact I woke up after falling to the floor on the green cover after a nightmare is awkward and disturbing to my mind.
"What the hell is going on?" I hear someone ask from across the room, faces appearing out of the green drapes all around me of my dorm mates staring at me as I lay on the floor. I know I should get up and regain composure but the aftershock of that dream is leaving me paralyzed in the very position I woke up in.
I was walking down a dark hole when a snake came up behind me and bit my arm. I was infected with poison so greatly that just as soon as I was dying something picked me up and started to scrape along my skin with a nail of some sort, making my skin blister and bleed as if this nail was red hot.
Then the nail turned into a black sword and it sliced off my arm, I don't know which one anymore, and my arm turned into a pile of ashes. The blood flowing from my wound mixed in the ashes until it rose and consumes my body, even though I struggled to get away from it.
And the worst part was when something grabbed me from behind and stuck something in my heart, making me bleed more even though I could still think and feel, something had broken through the darkness of my mind and given me such a terrible vision that I wonder if the dream means anything.
I finally wake up when someone slaps me on the face, Alexander standing over me with a sharp glare in his hazel eyes. His rotund face glares at me as he slaps me again, making me finally come out of my trance like state.
I would have blushed in this moment if I knew what it was like to blush. "I had a nightmare." I tell them simply, getting up and falling back down into the bed, bringing the sheets with me.
"You don't ever dream." one of the boys still in their bed says, and Alexander walked back to his bed and growls at everyone to shut up and get back to sleep. Who cares if I never dream, he says, it happens to everyone.
But there is the problem. I never dream, not once in my life have I ever had a vivid vision or inclination of having dreamt about something. This will be on my mind for awhile until I can figure out what my subconscious is telling me.
Settling back down into bed I try to find sleep again as the dream keeps coming back to me in flashbacks. The memory makes me want to shiver with disgust, or is it fear I feel right now?
How can a dream create fear, though? If anything it's just an irrational thought process of the tired mind. But there it is again; this dream makes me feel a feeling foreign to me. Dread.
I don't think I'll be going back to my darkness in sleep for a while.
Hmm well if you read review and tell me what you thought.