Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon.
Alright people, this is a fic I thought up in five minutes, if you think it's boring then think so! I'm not gonna force you! I wrote this in boredom, trying to give myself a laugh.
"Unfortunate Idiot Trainer John"
Today was John's last day as a 9-year old boy; tomorrow he would get his licence as a trainer.
"Wohoo! I wonder what kind of Pokémon I'll get?" he said out loud like a moron before falling asleep on the floor since I was too lazy to describe how his room looked like.
The next day the sun shone in from the window.
NO! Too cliché!
(sigh) The next day it was raining, the clouds were dark and grey.
TOO DARK!
Dammit! Then it was snowing for crying out loud! I bet I haven't seen THAT kind of start! But only over the house
Okay, accepted. Wait, only over the house? Isn't that a little stupid? Illogical?
Screw you!
Moron.
Anyway, now John woke up on his bed and wondered how the heck he ended up there, he fell asleep on the floor! Anyway, he got dressed in his everyday clothes without taking a shower and walked down the stairs. Since he had to hurry so much since he was a moron he tripped and fell down the stairs.
"AAAHAHAAA! OOOWWIEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed as he laid on the floor, blood red n the face.
"JOHN; SHUT THE HELL UP! IT'S 6 IN THE MORNING! His mother shouted, she and her husband had to go through this everyday just because their son was a full-fledged idiot. "You frickin' idiot!"
Umm, wasn't that a little angst-sueish?
NO IT WASN'T SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I'LL…
Several minutes later John appeared in the kitchen where his parents sat, amazingly full dressed and up early even they were sleeping some minutes ago. To top it off, his face was totally recovered.
"Happy birthday, Idi… John," his father said, "will you embark on your journey as a Pokémon trainer?"
Jonathan nodded like a retarded moron, showing off a goofy smile. "Yeah, yeah, yeah! And I'm heading off now, see ya!" he said as he bolted towards the door, missing it and running into the wall. He collided and bounced back on the floor, leaving a bloody mark on the wall.
"You just had to do it again, hadn't you? Now I'm holding you allowance until that's cleaned off!" his father scolded as John lay on the floor screaming and holding his face.
Later, after he had finished breakfast, his mother came up to him.
"John, I know you're very excited on starting your journey but there's something more you need," she said.
"What? Is there something wrong?"
"No, but I would like to give you this as a birthday present," she gives him a bike she magically had behind her back.
John jumped in joy. "WOW! Are you really giving me a bike?" She nodded. "Thanks mum, you're the best!" He jumped on his bike and pedalled away, looking back at his parents at the doorway.
"Bye, honey."
"Take care, son," his father said.
"Bye mum, bye dad! I'll take care of me no worries!" John shouts while pedalling. But he was looking over his shoulder, causing him to see nothing ahead of him. He hit the edge of the pavement. "OOPS!"
Next thing he knew, he was for a stupid reason flying 20 feet up in the air along with bike. "WHEEE HE HE HEEEeeee!" he screamed as he hit a wall. His mother sighed.
"He's such an idiot…" Her husband nodded in agreement.
After a tedious cycling tour, he arrived at the lab where Prof. Oak was.
"Hi professor! Are there any Pokémon for me?" he asked.
"Yes they're over here, follow me young man," he beckoned the 10-year old to follow. As they were walking John noticed the large shelves which had pokéballs on them.
"WOW! Those are some big balls you got there, professor!" he shouted. The old man looked at him strangely.
"Ehh, I mean, those are some clean balls. No, I meant that's a very nice shelf you got there!" he countered.
"By the way, you're John, right?" John nodded, "well, your parents called earlier today and they told me that you were a little… ehm, clumsy," he said.
"Clumsy, who me?" said John as he stretched out his arms wide, accidentally hitting a lever causing the fire alarm to go off. Water was spraying down the whole lab and when it was over, the professor seemed very mad. John gave one of his goofy smiles again.
Outside, we could see someone getting thrown out of the window from the lab, it was John of course, dumb ass.
"AND DON'T EVER COME BACK!" Oak shouted.
Later, when he was walking, he walked across a female police officer with blue hair.
"Young man, do you know who owns this Pokémon?" she asked him, holding up a pokéball.
"Umm, I really don't know, it's just a pokéball," he replied.
"It's a Voltorb, I found it lying around recently and…" she was cut off by the Voltorb who jumped in John's arms. "Hmm, it seems like it likes you, you look like a good trainer, could you take care of it?" John nodded very quickly. "Thank you!"
'Yes, now I don't have to take that pest of a Pokémon to the station!' she thought evilly.
"All right!" John said out loud, making a v sign with his index and middle finger, to top it off, he makes a weird grimace too. People looked at him like if he was some mentally disturbed kid, "I got Voltorb, but wait, what the heck is a Voltorb? Better check the Pokédex mum gave me," he picks up a red contraption known as the Pokédex and scans the pokéball-like Pokémon.
"Voltorb the Ball Pokémon. This Pokémon is known to have a hot temper and is most likely to explode for no reason, treat it carefully or your ass will be blown up!" it beeped. John was dumbfounded by the last part.
"My ass? Dad must've done something to it… anyway. What element is it?" he asked the Pokédex. It remained silent. How could someone be so utterly stupid and talk to a machine? He pushed on some of the buttons and finally it spoke.
"It is a grass elemental, no just kidding you moron! It uses Electric attacks mostly so don't bathe when it's in the vicinity," it beeped again.
Jonathan fumed for a while but then took control of his temper. "Anyway, Voltorb, what should I call you? Exploder?" he suggested.
The Voltorb looked at him with happy eyes and glowed white. "OMG! Are you evolving?" John said surprised and sat down next to it. Unfortunately, it exploded, sending John flying 4 feet back.
"Why did you do that?" he asked, all black in the face. It looked at him curiously, "are you a boy or girl?" It spun around once, showing its master it didn't know. John consulted his Pokédex.
"Hello? It is genderless, fatass! How on earth would you think they'd reproduce?"
"MY ASS ISN'T FAT!" John screamed off his lungs at the Pokédex, after that he walked out of Pallet Town.
Later, he found himself in the forest he just had entered.
"I wonder why this forest isn't allowed to be in these days?" he wondered, suddenly a screech woke him up from is thoughts.
"SCYYTHER!" A giant green praying mantis with claws for hand stood about 10 feet from him, ready to battle. He fumbled with his Pokédex and pointed it towards the opposing Pokémon.
"Scyther the Mantis Pokémon. This Pokémon uses mainly its scythes when it battles, lately they have become very fierce towards humans. If you encountered one in a forest, chances are you were in its territory. One advice, RUN AWAY BEFORE IT CHOPS YOUR HEAD OFF!" it beeped frantically.
Jonathan gulped when he heard that, he looked at the Scyther, which patiently waited for the human to use one of his minions.
"Ehh, I'm sorry, if I disturbed, but I really didn't mean to wander into your territory," he excused.
The Pokémon shook its head.
"Is this your territory?" he asked, the creature shook its head again. "So what are you doing here anyway?" he asked. It marched on the ground standstill and waved its claws in the air. "Were you… dancing?" It sighed, glaring at him.
"No, no, no. You were just strolling around right? And you're training too?" It nodded. "Well, I'm giving you a fight then, go Exploder!" He threw his pokéball, revealing another ball, Voltorb. The Scyther raised its blades, going into fighting stance.
"Exploder start with a-" Exploder exploded right in his face before he could finish, making it all black. After the second explosion, Exploder fainted. Scyther lowered its blades slightly, tilting its head. A sweat drop formed on the left side of its head and then it burst out laughing.
John wiped the black colour off his face and glared at the laughing Pokémon.
"You think that's funny huh? DO YOU?" he picks up a pokéball and prepares to throw it at the Scyther, "Hey you! Catch this if you can!" The Scyther looked up and saw the human throw a ball that was used to capture the likes of it. It stopped laughing and got ready to dodge.
It then got a better idea; just before the ball was about to catch it, it sliced the ball four times, dividing it to 16 pieces.
"Um, whatever! I got more, lot's more!" John screams as he throws two more pokéballs. They sailed through the sky as one of them missed due to a dodging Scyther but the second one hit it right in the mouth.
"Scyrrmphmmmff!" it screamed as it tried to get the ball out of its mouth. John found that very hilarious, so it was his turn to laugh. He laughed so hard he didn't though of getting anew pokéball to catch the Scyther.
Finally, the mantis got the ball out of its mouth. It glared furiously at the laughing trainer.
"SCYTHE!" it screamed, John stopped laughing and looked at the pissed mantis.
"Heh, nice Scyther, I don't want to hurt you… p-please d-don't kill me… I-I will leave now," he stammered as he brought up his Pokédex.
"This Pokémon usually tears up numerous wounds on its prey and sucks out the blood from it… no wait, my bad, heh, I accidentally referred to Kabutops. Scyther is a predator, if you've already faced it, running away is pointless, it will hunt you down until-" John turned it off, not wanting to hear anymore.
The Scyther picked up the saliva covered pokéball with its blades and looked at it, then at John. It grinned a little evilly before throwing the ball up and kicking it with all of its might. The ball travelled towards John at a very high speed and hit him right on the nose.
SPLAT! The saliva covered ball hit him in the face.
CRACK! It hit him right in the nose, making him fall down.
"AAAAHH! MY NOSE! AHHAHAAAA! EEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed high pitched like a girl, kicking in the air and clutching his nose, which was red.
Scyther's anger turned into laughter again, it laughed so hard it fell down. It was holding its stomach because it was too fun, it could hardly breathe as it laughed. It couldn't stand the look so it flew away, sometimes falling down on the ground because of the laughter when it turned to the unfortunate trainer.
Later, don't ask me how or why, John arrived at Viridian. He walked into the PokéCentre.
"What happened to you?" someone asked.
"I got attacked by a Scyther!" snarled John.
"How come? I can't see any cuts…"
"It kicked a pokéball right at my face, dammit!" he shouted. Almost everybody in the room laughed out loud.
"Can I have this Pokémon healed, it exploded for no reason…" he said to the nurse.
(Later)
"Why did you explode just like that? I could've been killed!" John scolded his Voltorb, who looked at him strangely.
"Seriously, you are one stupid looking Pokémon! No return!"
"Umm, you know that Voltorbs are easily angered right?" a man pointed out,
"It has a name you know! Its name is Exploder!" as he said that, the Voltorb popped out and exploded… again.
The End…?
Conclusion: Giving your Voltorb/Electrode the name Exploder is a very bad idea!
I hope you liked it! Too bad it's rated T…