Hello, I am Deb-lil, and I am here to take up Tikvah Ariel's challenge. I think I meet all the requirements, except one. Lockhart does have a word with a woman on the street in the beginning. It's only for a bit, so ah well. Everything else is there. I combined the ostrich and the language together. I think I did a nice job with that one ;)

The Challenge:

"Ostrich; Challenge number 1: This is a Harry Potter challenge for those writting fanfiction. What do Bellatrix and Gildorey Lockhart have in common? Nothing, which is why they aren't any entries under these two in the filters. SO for the challenge you have to a)Have the two main characters be Lockhart and B. Lestrange, b)Have no secondary characters, c)Include an Ostrich, ancient langue, and a magical green thumb. Any one who does this send me a review saying so! It ought to be hard." –Tikvah Ariel

Passerby in the Forest

Gilderoy Lockhart, his wavy blond hair blowing in the October breeze, looked around at the passerby with wide, attentive eyes. He couldn't remember being out of the hospital ward without Miss Miriam by his side. Would she be angry with him if he weren't in his room? He didn't want her mad at him. After all, she was one of his biggest fans. Maybe, just maybe, he should walk down this street and see the strange land for himself before heading back to Miss Miriam.

"Hmmm…" Gilderoy mumbled as he strolled down the street, his hospital robe billowing in the breeze. "I hope the press doesn't recognize me…I'm not fit for an interview…"

"Mommy, why is that man talking to himself?" A small girl squeaked to her mother, looking up at Gilderoy with confusion.

"Oh, hello dear," Gilderoy said kindly, flashing her his perfect smile. "Would you be wanting an autograph? Better ask mommy first." He looked up at the woman. "Sweet little child you got there, ma'am." He told her, before going to pat the child's head.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Shrieked the woman, pulling her daughter down the street.

Gilderoy smiled. It was always so nice to meet fans…even the pint-sized ones. He was totally oblivious to the wide berth people were giving him.

In the distance, Gilderoy noticed woods. In the art rooms at home, he colored many pictures of trees. Miss Miriam said they were absolutely spectacular, and Gilderoy was a natural with all types of plants. Gilderoy wanted to see the real big ones for himself.

He bounced over to the clearing, and looked around. The trees were just so beautiful. And green too. Gilderoy was proud; he knew all his colors.

Thoughts of what Miss Miriam would say if she saw him out here left his mind as he bounded into the forest.

Bellatrix Lestrange skulked through dense trees. She had Apparated a safe distance into the woods, so no Muggle or wizard would notice her. If she was seen, the mission would be bungled…forever ruined. And after the fiasco at the Department of Mysteries—Bellatrix shuddered—she hated to think of what the Dark Lord would do to her if she screwed up another.

All she had to do was infiltrate St. Mungo's. How hard was that? The security around that place was…stronger then ever after Bode's murder. Bella sighed. This was going to be impossible.

In fact, her whole mission was impossible. The Dark Lord had commanded Bella to kidnap the Healer-in-Charge of St. Mungo's. He'd sent her because she was the best Crucio artist of all his Death Eaters—that, and she was his most loyal servant. —Unfortunately, that meant she'd have to go it alone, because one person was less likely to be caught than two. If she did the thing successfully, the Dark Lord would use his superior Legilmency talents to extract the Healer's information regarding the Order of the Phoenix. After all, he, the Healer, was the one with Frank and Alice Longbottom in custody.

She slinked for about ten minutes when she heard a sound…singing! There was someone singing. Quick as a flash, Bella ducked, and waited.

"I like salami…it's very, very yummy…I like salami…it's very, very yummy… I like salami…it's very, very yummy…I like salami…it's very, very yummy…"

It was a man. He was blond and vacant looking. Bella stared at him. He was wearing the robes of a long-term St. Mungo's patient. She raised her wand, pointing it at his heart. "Avada—" She whispered, but stopped. This man could be the secret to her success. If he were an escaped patient, then the Healers would be looking for him. If she returned him…it'd cause a diversion…giving her a chance to Crucio the Healer-in-Charge.

"You there!" Bella sprang from her hiding place, causing the man to let out a shriek like a little girl. Bella swore. "Silencio!"

His voice extinguished with a small puff. He stared at her with bulging eyes. Then, to her surprise, (and horror) he started picking his nose.

Bellatrix lifted the Silencio spell. "You there." She barked, "Name."

He stared. And blinked. And stared. And blinked.

"I like salami." He announced.

Bella narrowed her eyes. "What is your name?"

"My name is Corduroy Lockhart." He replied genially. "Miss Miriam sometimes calls me Angel. What's your name?"

"Er—" Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm Hermione Granger." She remembered the little Potter brat's friend. "Listen—er—Corduroy, where do you live?"

"St. Mungie's." He replied. "It's right over there—huh?" The man looked over his shoulder in the direction of the hospital. Of course, he couldn't see it. "Where…where?" He turned back to Bellatrix, "I'm lost!" He wailed.

"Wait, shut up." She hissed. "I know where it is."

"Oh," He said, "Well, in that case…would you like an autograph?"

"What, no. Corduroy, does anyone from St. Mungo's know you're here?"

"Nope, nope, nope." He replied. "Miss Miriam will be upset, but she'll get over it. I came here to look at plants. Everyone says I'm really good at drawing plants." He told her impressively.

"Right," Bella said. "Listen, Corduroy, we need to go back to the hospital."

"What? Why, Hormone?"

"Because—wait, what did you call me?"

"Your name. Miss Hormone Grungy!"

Bella closed her eyes. "Come along."

She took the hospital patient by the elbow and started to make her way to the clearing. She tried to tune it out as he jabbered away.

"At St. Mango's, we have all sorts of fun. Fun pills, and potions, and songs…ah, we learned a cool song! Called 'The Hokey Pokey'!

"Ya put your right hand in,

Ya put your right hand out,

Ya put your right hand in, and ya shake it all about!

Ya do the Hokey Pokey, and ya turn yourself around,

That's what it's all about!

"Ya put your left hand in,

Ya put your left hand out,

Ya put your left hand in, and ya shake it all about!

Ya do the Hokey Pokey, and ya turn yourself around,

That's what it's all about!

"C'mon, Miss Hormone! Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance—!"

"Mobil Corpus!" Bella hissed.

The man rose a few inches off the ground, and she led him along. He wasn't the slight bit put off by the woman's lack of enthusiasm towards his song and dance. On the contrary, he seemed to like the magic ride better. But not being able to move didn't stop him from talking.

"I know an old language." He told Bellatrix.

She didn't reply, so he continued anyway.

"Achsem tached grachnid taft, Was et sympantic, et finalmenti vaft. Wellin morenz se no telvia javtay, Chai moolteba le fiyal savtay!"

"And what the hell was that?" Bella asked before she could stop herself.

"The language of the Ostrich." He replied proudly.

"The language of the Ostrich?" She repeated.

"Yes." He answered. "Ask that to any ostrich, and he'll answer you!" He smiled at her before saying, "Achsem tached grachnid taft, Was et sympantic, et finalmenti vaft. Wellin morenz se no telvia javtay, Chai moolteba le fiyal savtay! Achsem tached grachnid taft, Was et sympantic, et finalmenti vaft. Wellin morenz se no telvia javtay, Chai moolteba le fiyal savtay!"

"Silencio!" yelled Bella, extinguishing his voice once again.

Ten minutes later, Bella and her decoy had reached the clearing. She could pull this off! She could smell victory! She let up the two spells she put on the man, before casting a Disillusionment Spell.

"Come along." She commanded.

The two chameleon-like people made it right outside the hospital. Bella couldn't believe she'd gotten there without being caught.

"Alright Corduroy." She told him, "This is where I leave you."

"No! Hormone!" He screeched.

Bella froze. 'Shit!' She thought.

Thinking fast, Bellatrix Apparated twenty feet away. This was perfect after all. Someone would hear him. When the Healer-in-Charge stepped out…WHAM! He wouldn't even know what hit him!

Dark eyes flashing, Bella watched Healers spill out of St. Mungo's, and she waited like a hawk about to swoop down on her prey.

Ha! I completed the challenge! I hope you enjoy it. Tikvah Ariel, I hope it's what you're looking for!

To all, please review! they make my day!

Deb-lil