Yet Another DMC Parody

Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry or any of its characters, I'm

Not getting anything out of this so don't sue!

Author's Note: Progress will be slow, so don't worry if new chapters aren't

coming in

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Chapter 1:Prologue

Two millenniums ago there was a competition between

the human world and the demon world.

The competition was to see who could balance an egg on their chin the longest.

The prize was for the losing race to become maids and butlers for the winners.

The demons from the underworld had an excellent sense of balance and were winning easily. But somebody from the underworld took pity on the humans and their

limited lifespan (and their terrible sense of balance). His name was Sparda.

With his kick-ass sword he defeated the demon's champion egg balancer, ruining their winning streak, he also sealed the demons away into the underworld,

shut the portal, and swallowed the key. He became a legend, the legendary dark knight, Sparda. He then settled down in the human world in a disguise

And got married and had two sons.

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On a moonlit street somewhere a dark figure could be seen

Drifting down to the ground from out of nowhere.

A scream cut through the silence, it was a womans voice.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

THUNK!

"That's the last time that I'm going bungee jumping with chewing gum!"

she screamed angrily.

She looked around and took in her surroundings, in the distance she saw the Eiffel Tower. "NOT AGAIN!" This was her fifth attempt to land beside a building named

Devil May Cry and she was starting to get pains in her back from landing.

SKIP SCENE

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"

THUNK!

"This time it had better be the right place or so help me I'll….."

She spotted the building named Devil May Cry. "About damn time" she muttered.

INSIDE DEVIL MAY CRY

A man was sitting behind a desk with his feet up,

He was wearing all red clothes and had white hair, he also happened to be an idiot.

The phone rung.

The man casually banged his foot on the table and the phone went flying into his hand.

"Devil May Cry, password?" he grunted.

"Yeah, can I get an apache pizza please? You know those new ones that are on the ad's?" came the reply.

"Correct! How may I help you?" said the man, sitting up properly.

"I just told you what I wanted, jackass! An apache pizza!"

"And I just told you, that's the right password, what the hell do you want?"

the man shouted, he was starting to get annoyed.

"A PIZZA, OR IS THAT TOO DIFFICULT FOR YOU?"

"What does difficult mean?" asked the man.

"AAAAAAAAAAARGH, THAT'S IT! I'M CALLING PIZZA HUT INSTEAD, YOU JUST LOST YOURSELF A CUSTOMER!"

"NOOOOOOO! YOU'RE THE SIXTH CUSTOMER YHAT I LOST TODAY! PLEASE DON'T HANG UP!" It was too late.

"DAMN IT!" yelled the man.

He just sat down when a motorbike came smashing through the door.

"HEY! SOME BITCH JUST STOLE MY BIKE!" was heard from outside.

"Pretty" said the man looking at the woman who just smashed through his office/living room on a bike; he had completely ignored the fact that he was missing a door to his office.

"I hear that you're the handyman that'll take any job" she said casually, strolling around the mans office.

"Almost right", said the man, getting up and walking towards his sword, which was on a rack on the wall " I only take special jobs, if you know what I mean"

"You lost a mother and a brother to evil 20 years ago, the son of the legendary dark knight Sparda, Mr. Dante" the woman said coolly.

"How did you know that?" asked Dante uneasily "wait a minute, I know what's going on, your stalking me, aren't you?"

"WHAT?" the woman said ; this caught her completely off guard,

she had heard that this guy was an idiot but this was simply too much.

"I hate stalkers!" said Dante "I kill them, I figure that if I kill each one that comes, I should eventually hit the jackpot sooner or later"

He was now pointing his sword straight at the woman.

"Well in that case," she said, as if people threatened her with swords everyday

"you should be used to this kind of thing"

she slowly moved her hand towards his sword, suddenly, her hand sparkled with electricity.

She shook Dante by running the electricity up the sword, into him.

Dante suddenly thought that it would be funny if he jumped backwards into his desk.

Then the woman threw his sword at him. It missed.

"Damn it!" she screamed " would you, um, pass me that sword please?"

Dante, being the idiot he is, gave her back the sword.

He suddenly realised his mistake.

"SHIT!" The sword missed again.

"I can do this!" the woman said, "give me one more chance!" "Okay" said Dante again. He gave the sword back again. "Thanks" said the woman.

"Wait a minute," he said, he thought for a while. He just gave a weapon back to the woman that's trying to kill him. "You're welcome" he said, grinning stupidly.

The sword actually hit this time, knocking Dante back into the smashed up desk.

"What's wrong?" the woman jeered, " didn't your daddy ever teach you how to use a sword?"

She then threw the motorbike at him. "A sword?" Dante asked " hah! Time to go to work guys!" There was no reply. "Guys?" Dante repeated. Then Dante realised for the tenth time today that he didn't have two bodyguards. Ebony and Ivory (his twin handguns) lay on the floor forgotten.

The bike was just about to hit him when it suddenly froze in mid-air.

Dante noticed that there was crimson flames burning around him.

"Aaaaaaaack!" he screamed "I'm on fire! Getitoffmegetitoffmegetitofmegetitoffme!"

He began thrashing around wildly and began rolling over, managing to hit the bike back at the woman.

"NO!" she yelled trying to jump out of the way. Dante stopped burning.

"Such stupidity" she muttered. Dante took this as a compliment.

"Why thank you," he began "even as a child I had a gift, why, my first year maths teacher called me "special!"" It suddenly occurred to him that he should kill the woman. He picked up his guns and pointed them at her (she didn't realise it but the guns were pointing completely in the wrong direction).

"It may seem that way," she said "but I'm not your enemy, my name's Trish and I came to seek your help" she took off her sunglasses. Dante gasped. "MOMMY!"

he cried "I knew you'd come back! Vergil said that you were dead, but I didn't believe him!" He hugged her.

"Get off me!" Trish screamed "I'm not your mother!"

Dante sulked.

"Here's why I need your help" Trish said