Insanity Is Spreading
Point number one: None of this will make any sense if you haven't already read Ms Imagine's hilarious "Insanity".
Point number two: This isn't a full story, just a couple of scenes leading on from where 'Insanity' finishes up at the end of Day One/Chapter Two.'Insanity' was one of those plots where you think, "I wish I'd thought of that". And then you can't stop thinking about it and coming up with scenarios of your own. Such as…
The End of Day One
Virgil was true to his word. Lady Penelope knew this body better than he did, so who was he to go against her wishes? He removed the elegantly tailored jacked, found a coat hanger in his wardrobe (the last time that he'd had to stand on tip-toe to reach his things he was 10), and, taking great care, placed the jacket on the hanger and then hung it from the wardrobe's handle. Then he stopped. He turned off his bedroom's light, reasoning that as he'd promised to not take any liberties, that included not seeing any more than was strictly necessary.
A torch on his bedside table, directed against the wall so that he had its reflected glow to work with, was now his only light. He then found the zip to his skirt at his hip and undid it, allowing the skirt to slide gently to the ground. He quickly stepped out of it, picked it up and placed it over one of his chairs.
The blouse was next. There were a few more buttons than he was used to, but apart from that he had little trouble removing the garment. Feeling about in his wardrobe in the darkness, he found another coat hanger and soon the blouse was suspended tidily beside the jacket.
The silky half-slip was discarded with ease, as was the equally sheer camisole.
Now he was 'down to the business end of things', he thought grimly. He checked about him and was horrified to see the vaguest reflection of her ladyship's nearly naked body in the mirror. A hurriedly thrown blanket soon hid the unwanted vision.
"Whoever's doing this, I hope you've had your fun," he muttered to himself. "I wouldn't mind your little joke ending about now."
Whoever the perpetrator of the 'little joke' was, they didn't appear to be listening.
Virgil shut his eyes and reached behind him, trying to find the catch that held the lacy, pink (he assumed it was pink) bra fast.
He couldn't find it.
He searched again, feeling along the length of the material that encircled his back.
Nothing.
Frantically he felt every inch of lace, searching for the tiniest clasp, or button. All he succeeded in doing was squashing his tender breasts, and scratching his back with long, elegantly manicured fingernails. 'Sorry, Penny,' he thought.
He gave up and stretched his arms to remove the kinks that had built up from being in such an unnatural position for such a long time. Then he tried pulling gently at the shoulder straps, reasoning that perhaps they were elastic and would slide off his arms and over his head.
They appeared to have no stretch in them at all.
He supposed that he could stretch and distort the material enough so that he could slide out of it, but balked at the thought damaging the garment. Lady Penelope was entrusting him with her body, the least he could do was respect her clothing as well.
Virgil scowled. There was nothing for it. He needed assistance. But who?
Lady Penelope was the obvious answer, but she was trapped inside his grandmother's body, and he knew from past experience that when Grandma got as tired as Penny had sounded, she would go to bed to sleep, and nothing short of an air-raid siren would waken her.
Who else? Under normal circumstances he would have asked Scott to help him, but there was nothing normal about this situation! And, Virgil had to admit, he was still a little sore at his brother for the way he'd teased him over the episode with the mouse. Virgil wasn't about to give his big brother another excuse to laugh at his expense.
John? John would at least show some respect, but in his present guise as The Hood, Virgil did not feel comfortable in asking John to assist with such a delicate manner.
Alan was rejected outright. As Gordon would have been… If he were still on Earth.
"I don't know why I'm even considering them," Virgil sighed to himself. "Penny would kill me if I let my brothers see her like this."
Grandma? She may now look and feel like young Tin-Tin, but still Virgil didn't feel that he could ask his grandmother to assist with such a personal matter. He felt the same towards his father, and Virgil doubted that Jeff's sense of gentlemanly conduct would allow him to be so 'intimate' with Lady Penelope.
That only left one candidate.
Virgil unhooked his bathrobe from its place behind the door, slipped it over his shoulders, noting that it felt longer and heavier than usual, and slid back the door slightly. He took a deep breath and then stuck his head into the hallway. He was more than a little relieved to find the hall was empty, and he ran quickly down to one of the other rooms, tapping urgently on the door when he got there. It slid open and Virgil looked into his own face.
"Lady Pen… ah, Virgil?" Tin-Tin enquired.
"Tin-Tin," Virgil said urgently. "Please let me in. I need your help."
She stood aside and Virgil pushed passed her so that he was standing in the room, his red face only partly due to his brief sprint down the hall.
"What's wrong?" Tin-Tin asked.
"I-I," Virgil stammered. "I-I can't get this thing off."
"What thing?"
"Penny's bra."
Tin-Tin giggled "Under normal circumstances, that is not something I would expect you to say to me."
"Don't laugh, Tin-Tin," Virgil growled. "This is bad enough as it is! I promised Penny I'd have a shower without taking any liberties, though how I'm meant to do that I'm blowed if I know! I did think of wearing a blindfold, but then I'd have to do everything by feel, which would be just as bad. So I was just going to shut my eyes and point the shower rose in the general direction and hope for the best, but I can't get this bra off!"
"You could always leave it on."
"And go to bed in a wet bra? No thanks. My… Things are uncomfortable enough as it is."
Tin-Tin took pity on him. "Turn round," she instructed. Virgil did so, slipping his robe off Lady Penelope's shoulders so that Tin-Tin had easy access to the obstinate item of clothing. Even so he made a point of ensuring that the robe continued to conceal Lady Penelope's chest.
"Virgil?" Tin-Tin inquired. "Haven't you undone many girl's bras?" She moved back so that they were facing each other again.
He turned pink. A reaction that Tin-Tin had never seen before in the unflappable Lady Penelope. "Not when I've been wearing them myself," he eventually said. "Can't you undo this thing?"
"I can," she smiled. "But not back there."
"Huh? Tin-Tin? Why do these things have to be made so complicated? I've got a degree in engineering and there's no way I could work out how to unhook that strap. What is it? Some secret mechanism?"
"Of a sort," Tin-Tin grasped his wrists that were protectively holding the robe about him. "Lower your arms a bit."
"What?"
"Lower your arms," Tin-Tin repeated, and, using a strength that she was unused to, forced his arms down exposing the lacy front to the garment. Then, before he had a chance to react, she unsnapped the clasp that held everything in place.
Previously hidden skin was suddenly exposed, and Virgil quickly covered himself with the robe again, his pink cheeks turning scarlet.
Tin-Tin gave a triumphant grin. "I've got an engineering degree too, remember?"
"Uh… Thanks." Virgil wrapped his robe tightly about himself, and ensured that it was tied securely beneath a double knot. "I'll leave you in peace now."
"Before you go," Tin-Tin grabbed his shoulder, "can I ask you something?"
Virgil turned back. "Sure."
Tin-Tin sat on the edge of her bed and stared at her… his hands. "Father told me something tonight…"
"Yes?"
"He said…"
"Yes?" Keeping the robe firmly wrapped around himself, Virgil sat in a chair opposite her. "Tin-Tin?"
"Is… Is there anything I should know?"
"Should know?" Virgil frowned. "Should know about what?"
"He said… that men…"
"Tin-Tin?" Virgil repeated.
"It's your body," she blurted out. "Is there… anything different…? I should be aware of?"
Virgil's frown deepened. "I don't think so. I'm pretty normal."
"For you, maybe. But not for me," Tin-Tin reminded him.
"Ah… yes…" Virgil agreed. "You and me both."
Tin-Tin looked at him. "I know it's hard for the others, having to deal with being someone else, but I think we've got the rough end of the deal. At least they've… they're…"
"Dealing with things that they are used to," Virgil finished for her.
Tin-Tin nodded. "Not unexpected… uh…"
"Body parts?"
Tin-Tin nodded again. "Would you mind if I didn't have a shower? And went to bed in your clothes? I can't face the thought of…"
Virgil nodded frantically. "I understand perfectly. Do whatever you're comfortable with… And I think I'd rather not get my body back smelling of perfume… or whatever it is you use."
Tin-Tin managed a giggle, which sounded totally wrong coming from Virgil. "You'd better not give Lady Penelope her body back smelling of aftershave either."
"Unless there's something else I have to learn, I don't think there's much chance of that," Virgil grinned.
"Uh… If we're still like this tomorrow, what should I do about shaving?" Tin-Tin asked, rubbing an already scratchy chin. "My legs are a little different to your face. Do you think you could live with a beard?"
"Could you?" Virgil asked before he lapsed into reflective thought. "You know, that might not be a bad idea. After this incarnation I'm going to get a lot of teasing from my brothers. I'll need something to assert my masculinity." He stood to leave. "I guess I'd better go have that shower," he said reluctantly.
"Would you like me to come and give you a hand?" Tin-Tin offered. "I could at least point the shower rose in the right direction and scrub your back and anywhere else you don't think you could deal with… within reason."
"While I kept my eyes shut?" Virgil wavered as he gave the idea some serious consideration. "From my point of view, that's sounds like a good idea. From Penny's…" he cast his gaze over his own body. "I don't know what she'd think."
"It's only me, Virgil! It's not like I'd be likely to try any…" she tensed.
"Tin-Tin? Are you all right?" Virgil looked at his friend in concern.
"I… I don't think it would be a good idea," she gasped.
"Tin-Tin?" he repeated again.
"I… I think you'd better go, Virgil." Tin-Tin grabbed the nearest cushion and held it protectively in front of her.
"Huh?"
"Please," she pleaded, guiding him towards the door.
"What's wrong? Can I help?" Virgil was more than a little worried by now.
"No… You… Your body is doing enough… already."
"What? Tin-T…?" Realisation dawned. "Oh, heck. I'm sorry." Face burning, Virgil fled.
Tin-Tin burst into tears, flung herself onto her bed, still holding the cushion close, and reflected that if she'd thought that the female body had perfected ways of embarrassing its owner, the male body had turned it into an art form…
On to the next day.
Day Two
Virgil awoke the following morning. Without opening his eyes he cautiously ran his hand down his front and felt an immense sense of relief when he discovered that everything appeared to be as it should be. Relieved that it had all been a horribly warped dream, he got up and, barely awake, plodded through to the bathroom. He splashed some water on his face, for once in his life enjoying the roughness of a growing beard, and then looked in the mirror…
"Parker!"
Person / In
Virgil / Parker
Parker / Gordon
Gordon / Kyrano
Kyrano / Jeff
Jeff / Tin-Tin
Tin-Tin / Lady Penelope
Lady Penelope / The Hood
The Hood / Grandma
Grandma / Alan
Alan / John
John / Brains
Brains / Scott
Scott / Virgil
'Tin-Tin' sat morosely at the dining table, staring into the mug of coffee held between her slender hands.
'Virgil' wandered into the room. "Morning… Father?" he said when he saw a label with the word 'Jeff' stuck to the young woman's lapel.
"Morning, Scott," Jeff said dully.
"How'd you know it was me?"
"Because…" Jeff looked at one son and saw another. "You called me 'Father', which narrows the options down to one of five people. Since we don't seem to be inhabiting our own bodies at the moment, that means you can't be Virgil. If you were Gordon you wouldn't be in here with me, you'd be out in the pool, enjoying not being caged in Thunderbird Five. If you were John you'd be cheering about how glad you were that you were no longer a Master Criminal. If you were Alan you'd be whining. Also," Jeff looked at his watch, "you're the only person who gets up at this time, Scott."
"Well deduced, Miss Marple," Scott grinned. "Well since I've been sprung for being up early, why are you up at this time?"
"I woke up," Jeff admitted. "And decided that I need to use the toilet. It wasn't until I was there that I realised…"
"… That things weren't quite right?" Scott guessed.
"Yes," Jeff conceded. "After that I didn't feel like going back to bed. Now I feel like a dirty old man."
"You don't look like one."
"Thanks. That doesn't make me feel any better." Jeff held out a bit of tape with Scott's name on it. "Here, put this on, I made nametags for everyone this morning… I don't know how Tin-Tin can do anything with these tiny hands of hers. I could barely hold the pen, let alone write."
Scott took the label and stuck it to his… Virgil's… shirt. "I'm glad I'm Virgil. At least I've seen it all before and know how it all works. When do you think this is going to end?"
"I don't know, Scott. I wish I did. The only one who seems to understand what's going on is Kyrano, and he seems as unsure about it as the rest of us."
"Maybe we're going to be forced to inhabit each other's bodies one day at a time. Which'll mean we've only got another," Scott counted down on his fingers, eleven days to go, counting today."
'Parker' entered the room. "So that's where I am. Now who am I?"
"Morning, Virg." Scott said. "Seen any mice lately?"
Virgil glared at himself but otherwise ignored his brother. "Morning…" Virgil saw 'Tin-Tin's' name tag, "Father…?"
"I think I'll be talking to you later, Son," Jeff said quietly. "I might need some advice about how to handle this situation."
"Claim you're having an attack of the vapours… or something… and retire to your room for the day," Virgil suggested. "And hope that Tin-Tin isn't…"
"Yes?" Jeff asked.
"Never mind. You don't want to know. Boy, I'm glad to be a man again! Even if it is Parker."
Jeff frowned a worried frown.
"We were just wondering how long this is going to go on for," Scott told his brother. "We were thinking that maybe we're going to have to be everyone else before we get back to our own bodies."
"Oh, great!" Virgil moaned.
"Can I get you anything, M'lady?" They heard Gordon's voice in the hallway.
"A decent wardrobe would not go amiss, Parker." It was definitely NOT Lady Penelope's voice that responded. "I believe that this one was slept in."
"I suppose 'e couldn't find h-anything else to fit." The voices came into the dining room and revealed themselves to be attached to, as the three Tracy men had already guessed, Gordon and The Hood.
"Morning, both of you," Jeff said. "There are nametags on the edge of the bench. Would you mind taking your own so we know who you are?"
"Of course, uh…" The Hood said. "Who…?"
"Jeff," Jeff supplied.
"Oh…" Lady Penelope affixed her name to the gaudy robe she was wearing. "I think we may need them this morning." Her label fell off. "Really! Doesn't the man know a good quality tailor?"
'Grandma' walked into the room a trifle unsteadily.
Lady Penelope noticed. "Oh dear. I am sorry. I did try to be careful with your body yesterday, but with The Hood and Virgil and everything…"
"Don't bring me into this," Virgil grumbled. "I'd just as soon forget about yesterday." He shuddered. "I learnt things no man should know."
There was a cheer in the hallway. "Home! Trees! Sky! Ocean! Lots and lots of wonderful ocean!"
Jeff smiled at Scott. "I told you."
Kyrano came into the room at a pace they'd never seen them move before. "People! It's great to be home again. I'd like to give someone a great big hug… If I could just work out who you all are…"
"We're wearing nametags today," Scott told him. "Grab yours and stick it on."
"Once I've been for a swim," Gordon told him. "Ah… one of you wouldn't be Kyrano, would you? So I can borrow your swimsuit?"
"I am behind you." It was Jeff's voice who spoke. "I am sorry, Mister Gordon. I do not have a swimsuit."
"Don't have a swimsuit?" Gordon looked at his father's features. "You're kidding me. How do you go for a…" his voice tailed off. "I've never seen you swim."
"I do not swim," Kyrano informed him gravely.
"Oh… Yeah…" Gordon said, somewhat downhearted. "When was the last time you did?"
"Never," the retainer told him.
"Never?" Gordon appeared to be dumbstruck.
"Never," Kyrano confirmed.
"I don't believe it! How can anyone go through their life and not have at least one swim? It's impossible! It's unnatural… It's… It's not human."
This comment brought a burst of laughter from the vicinity of the dining table.
"I have never wanted to swim," Kyrano said.
"Never wanted to…?" Gordon shook his head. "There's something wrong with you, Kyrano. Tell you what, once all this is over I'll teach you."
"Thank you, Mister Gordon. That will not be necessary," Kyrano said patiently.
"Of course if you started today… at least Dad's muscles are used to it."
"No thank you, Mister Gordon," Kyrano said with more emphasis. The tone coming from Jeff's mouth made it was clear that conversation was over.
Gordon blinked in bemusement. "What am I going to wear in the meantime? Maybe Tin-Tin could sew me one that'll fit… Ah… Who's Tin-Tin?" His eyes fell on her figure.
"I'm your father," Jeff informed him.
Gordon's eyes widened. "Wow. That's…"
"Don't say a word, Gordon!" Jeff threatened. Unfortunately he sounded just as threatening as he had been when he'd been his son the day before.
Alan entered the room. "Is this where everyone is? I'd better get started on making some breakfast."
He received a chorus of: "Morning, Grandma/Mrs Tracy/Mother."
She beamed at the group. "Good morning, everyone."
There was a beeping sound from Kyrano's trouser pocket. He removed Jeff's pocket photo album and turned to John's photo. It flicked into life. "This isn't fair!" the family heard the album say. "I was only up here a week ago. I thought I had at least another three weeks break away from the place."
The Tracys looked at each other. "Alan."
"This is crazy," Alan-in-John continued on. "Someone must be able to do something about it. Right, Da…? Ah…" He looked at the face that belonged to his father.
"It is Kyrano," Kyrano supplied helpfully.
"Can't you do something?" Alan whined.
Kyrano shook his head. "Would you like to speak with your father?"
"Yeah, okay," Alan said wondering who he was going to see. His eyes widened in shock. "Tin-Tin!"
"Don't remind me," Jeff growled, except that, coming from Tin-Tin, it sounded more like a purr.
"We must be able to do something. Can't Brains think of anything?"
"We haven't seen Brains this morning… I think," Jeff said.
"So who is everyone?" Alan asked.
"Scott's Virgil, Virgil's Parker, Parker's Gordon, Gordon's Kyrano, Kyrano's me, I'm…"
"I can see who you are, Dad," Alan told him.
"Alan!" Alan heard his own voice call his name. "I'll want to talk to you later."
"Sure… ah…"
"It's Grandma," Jeff informed him.
"Thanks," Alan said. "What about, Grandma?"
"Do the words 'racing man' mean anything to you?"
Alan's hand automatically went to John's lower hip. "Racing man?"
His grandmother folded his arms. "I had a shower before I came out here."
"You had a shower? In my body?"
"Don't be silly, Alan. It's not like I haven't seen it all before."
"Yeah, but not for quite a few years, Grandma," Alan interrupted. "I was a kid then."
"…Though there was one little thing that I haven't seen before…"
"Excuse me… Is Virgil here?" 'Lady Penelope' was standing in the doorway.
"Yes," Virgil raised his hand. "What's up… um…?"
"Tin-Tin," she supplied, twisting her fingers together nervously. "Ah… Can I see you for a moment…? Please?"
"Sure," Taking her name tape with him, Virgil followed her out of the room. Then those who remained in the dining heard 'Parker's' voice. "What happened to you!"
"Fell over," 'Brains' said.
"That looks painful." It was Tin-Tin talking in Lady Penelope's voice. "You'd better get it seen to."
"Grandma's in the kitchen. She'll look after you," 'Parker' said. "She's Alan."
"Okay," 'Brains said. "Thanks…" there was a pause as he read a nametag, "…Virgil."
"I'm Tin-Tin," 'Lady Penelope' supplied helpfully.
"Thanks, Tin-Tin." Brains entered the kitchen. His left eye, magnified by the lens of his thick spectacles, was bloodshot. The surrounding skin was bruised and blood ran down the side of his face from a small cut.
"Oh dear!" Grandma grabbed the first aid kit and hurried over to the injured man.
"Here, John," Scott handed him his name tape. "Stick this to your shirt."
"Thanks," John took the tape. "How'd you know it was me?" His glasses had been removed so that the cut could be examined and he stared at the tape short-sightedly. "What is it?"
"Elimination… and it's a nametag so we can keep track of each other."
"Good idea," John squinted at the blurry figure. "I'd say, judging by your build and colouring, that you're Virgil. But who are you?"
"Scott. Now how'd you manage to do this?"
"I woke up and didn't realise that we'd swapped bodies again. At first I thought I must have had a stroke. Boy, Brains' eyesight is terrible!"
"I know," Scott agreed.
"I couldn't see where I was going, didn't know where everything was in Brains' room and I tripped over something. I knocked my face on the corner of a chest of drawers. It's not that bad, but I can't see without Brains' specs to fix myself up, and I can't do it while I'm wearing them."
"There," Grandma put a small butterfly closure bandage over the cut. "All better." Out of force of habit she kissed him on the forehead.
"Ewww." Gordon screwed up his face. "Alan just kissed Brains."
His Grandmother giggled manfully. "Put that ice pack on your eye, John."
"Thanks, Grandma. Sorry, Brains, I guess I've damaged your body…" He squinted about the room trying to pick who was the engineer. "Brains…?"
No one responded.
"His nametag's still here," Gordon said. "Who hasn't got their's?" He screwed up Alan's.
"'Mrs Tracy 'asn't," Parker said.
Grandma's body may not have had its nametag, but what it did have was one of Kyrano's villainous looking carving knives. The way it was being held made the family realise that Mrs Tracy's current inhabitant wasn't thinking about preparing food.
"My, what a big knife you've got, Grandma," Gordon quipped uneasily.
"All the better to kill you with," his 'Grandma' responded with a snarl.
"You're The Hood!" Jeff exclaimed, and, coming out of Tin-Tin's mouth, the words sounded like a shriek.
"So Brains is me," Scott said.
"And he's been sedated," Gordon noted.
"And tied up," John added.
"Yes!" Their grandmother was scowling in a way that he was completely at odds to her normal gentle expression. "I am The Hood... Kyrano! You will give me back my body and my powers."
"I can not," Kyrano said.
"You will do so, or someone will pay!" The family froze. Despite their numbers they were in a vulnerable position. As long as The Hood held that knife, he was capable of inflicting a serious injury on any one of them. "And then," The Hood snarled, "You will take me to one of your precious Thunderbirds and I will escape, taking one of you with me as insurance…"
"I'm sorry, Virgil," Tin-Tin whimpered. "I was going to change your sheets and not say anything, but when I saw it had gone through to your mattress, I knew I'd need help to shift it onto the balcony to dry."
"It's okay, Tin-Tin," Virgil reassured her and then looked at the sponged stain in the middle of the bed. "It was probably my fault anyway. I must have done something wrong." He grimaced. "I'm glad I'm not a woman anymore. I don't know how you manage to cope every month."
"You get used to it."
"I guess so," Virgil sighed. "Well let's get this sorted." He and Tin-Tin managed to manhandle the mattress outside so the wet patch was facing the sun.
"I'm sorry," Tin-Tin said again.
"Don't worry about it. I'll order a new one later," Virgil said. Then he frowned. "It doesn't seem fair, You had to put up with being me yesterday, and now you've got to put up with… ah… this."
"I don't mind," she admitted. "At least everything's sort of familiar. You've no idea how glad I was to wake up without a man in my bed."
"Aw, gee," Parker's face twisted into a kind of leer. "And I thought I was going to beat Alan to that privilege."
Tin-Tin frowned, reddened, and then burst out laughing. "Virgil!" she scolded, hitting him lightly on Parker's arm. "You know what I mean. You must be feeling the same."
"I do, but I wish Scott wasn't me," Virgil complained.
"Why?"
"Because I'm not frightened of anything. I can't get back at him for his comments over the mouse yesterday. Now if he'd been Penny this morning, I would have found that mouse and shown it to him…"
"That's mean," Tin-Tin reprimanded him.
"Mind you," Virgil continued on. "The way my luck seems to be going, I would have ended up being Grandma and wouldn't have been able to catch the mouse anyway."
Tin-Tin giggled.
"I was discussing our situation with Scott and Father. We were wondering if we're going have to be everyone else before things get back to normal."
"Oh, no!" Tin-Tin looked horrified. "That would be horrible. At least for you you've got good odds of remaining male… I've only got your Grandmother left."
"Ah…" Virgil began cautiously. "Talking of switching sexes… um…"
"Yes…"
"You're not… ah… How can I put this?"
"Virgil?"
"Father's you, and he's a bit upset about it. He's asked me for advice… There's… nothing… going to happen that he's… got to worry about… is there?" Virgil stammered, gesturing hurriedly towards the mattress. "Sorry," he finished, not daring to look at her.
"Oh, no," Tin-Tin shook her head frantically. "He doesn't have to worry about…. that."
"Good," Virgil tried to give a relaxed smile, which didn't look quite right in Parker's hawklike features. "Sorry I had to ask you."
"I understand. Though if we are changing identities every day, some male member of the household is going to end up inside Lady Penelope and is going to have to deal with… it."
"I think you'd better rephrase that."
Tin-Tin blushed.
To cover her embarrassment Virgil kept talking. "I'm glad that I don't have to explain to Father how to… ah… use… things. I remember when he tried to explain the birds and bees to me. I've never seen him so flustered…. And I would have thought that he'd have got the hang of it by the time my turn came round."
"Do you think he'd 'got the hang of it' when it came to telling Gordon and Alan?" Tin-Tin asked.
Virgil laughed. "I doubt it… At the time I thought I knew all there was to know because Scott and John had already given me the low-down. " He shook his head ruefully. "Yesterday taught me that there's a heck of a lot I don't know." He gave Tin-Tin a wry grin. "I did not fancy the idea of having to tell my father all the 'gory' details…"
"You may be only putting it off till tomorrow," Tin-Tin told him.
Virgil grimaced at the thought.
"Poor Lady Penelope," Tin-Tin sighed. "It must be so embarrassing for her."
Lady Penelope wasn't embarrassed at that moment as she stepped forward so she was practically face-to-face with her nemesis. "Put that knife down!" she commanded.
"No," The Hood replied. He waved the knife in a threatening manner.
"Yes!" she reinforced. "You have no choice. You can't harm me, and to get to anyone else you've got to go through me."
"Penny…" Jeff said. Tin-Tin sounded frightened.
She ignored him, preferring to concentrate on the man in front of her.
"I could take your life in an instant," The Hood snarled.
"And then what would happen?" Lady Penelope asked. "Harm me and you wound yourself. Kill me and you kill your body. Do you want to spend the rest of your life trapped in the body of a little old lady…? No offence intended, Mrs Tracy."
"None taken, Dear."
The Hood appeared to waver and he contemplated his options.
"Put the knife down," Lady Penelope commanded.
He tightened his grip on the utensil. "NO!"
Suddenly his world was obscured by a white shroud. He dropped the knife in surprise and let out a screech.
Scott, in Virgil's body, leapt forward to help Virgil, in Parker's body, pin the bed sheet tightly about The Hood, in their grandmother's body. "Get some rope and tie him up!" he yelled at no one in particular. He wrapped the sheet tighter about the struggling captive. "Good work, Virg."
"We going to the laundry when Tin-Tin heard what was going on," Virgil puffed.
Scott had spotted an ominous looking stain on the sheet. "You've cut Grandma!"
"No I haven't," Virgil told him.
"Yes you have! Look there's blood on the sheet."
"It's not what you think, Scott," Virgil hissed. "Now leave it…"
"What else could it be…? He must have been cut with the knife when you… Where's that first aid kit!"
"I said leave it, Scott!" Virgil whispered. "Don't worry about it! Trust me, that's not Grandma's or The Hood's"
"Then whose…?"
Lady Penelope pretended to contemplate The Hood's nails as Tin-Tin tried to shrink back into the shadows.
"Will someone get a rope?" Scott yelped, as The Hood kicked out and Grandma's tough leather shoe caught him on the shin.
"I'm not tying Grandma up with a rope," Gordon insisted. "It'll hurt her."
"He's right, Scott," 'Alan said. "You know I bruise easily…"
"We've got to do somethi…!" Scott's voice rose a couple of octaves as a bony knee connected with a tender part of 'Virgil's' anatomy.
Virgil winced and adjusted his grip on his prisoner.
Jeff stood. "Can you two hold him for a little longer?" he asked. "We'll go and clear out one of the storerooms."
"Yeah, sure," Virgil agreed, since Scott appeared to be struggling to regain his breath. "After all, it's only Grandm-ow!" An elbow had managed to work its way loose from the confines of the sheet and had hit him hard on Parker's overly large nose. "Thad hurd!"
A short time later the family were back. "Storeroom three's cleared," Jeff said. "Let's get him in there."
Virgil and Scott looked at each other, and then, without a word, picked the ghostly figure up, still shrouded in the sheet, and carried him/her out of the dining room, as if they were transporting a roll of lino.
"Put me down!" the sheet shrieked. "You will pay for this indignity!"
Storeroom three was bare except for a deckchair and a chemical toilet. Scott and Virgil put their struggling package down, but kept a good grip on him.
"Now what?" Virgil asked.
"Spin him around ten times, and then run," Scott suggested.
Virgil shrugged. "Okay."
It was like a menacing game of blind man's bluff. The pair of them reached ten, and then for good measure added another ten spins to the equation. A moan from under the sheet told them when they'd gone far enough.
Scott looked at Virgil. "Run!"
Once both his sons were through the door, Jeff Tracy slammed it shut before locking it. Then he tested the lock. "Seems to be okay."
Something slammed against the door. "You will pay for this!"
"You've said that before," Parker told him.
The Hood swore.
"Language!" Grandma Tracy scolded. "If I could get in there, I'd make you wash my mouth out with soap."
"She would too," Gordon confirmed. "It's a worse torture than anything you can dream up."
Jeff tested the lock again before picking up a chair and placing its back under the door's handle.
"Come on, everyone," he said when he was satisfied that their prisoner was not about to escape. "Now let's see what we can do about waking Brains up. Is there an antidote, Tin-Tin?"
A short time later Brains was sitting groggily on the couch. "Wh-Wh-What h-h-happened?"
"You're me," Scott told him.
Brains stared at him. "What do you m-mean, Virgil?"
"No, I'm not Virgil, I'm Scott. Do you remember what happened yesterday?
"I, ah," Brains looked confused. "I think I-I m-must be ill. Things don't seem to be…"
"Remember, we all switched bodies?" Brains looked at 'Tin-Tin' who'd crouched down, in an unladylike fashion, in front of him. "The Hood was in Scott's body, so we tied him up and sedated him."
"Yeesss," Brains said slowly, reconciling this with his own memories.
"Well, during the night we switched bodies again. You ended up, drugged, in Scott's body."
Brains looked down at Scott's hands, noticing the red marks on the wrists. "Oh." He looked back up. "Who are you?" he asked 'Tin-Tin'.
"I'm Jeff, ah, Mr Tracy."
"Of course," Brains replied as if the answer were logical.
"We've got nametags on," Lady Penelope told him. Brains read her nametag and discovered it was actually Tin-Tin who had spoken.
"Except mine which fell off. Most tiresome," The Hood complained.
"Lady Penelope?"
The Hood's bald head nodded.
"How're you feeling now, Brains," 'Brains' asked him.
"Much better, th-thank you, John," Brains replied. "What did you do to me?" He indicated the side of his own… Scott's face.
John looked embarrassed. "Tripped over a chair and fell onto a chest of drawers." He pushed Brains' spectacles back up his nose and winced when they rubbed against the bandaged wound.
"At least you d-didn't break my glasses."
"That's because I didn't have them on, which is why I tripped over in the first place."
"Ah," Brains said.
Jeff was threading a piece of string through a key. "Brains," he said. "Wear this around your neck."
Brains took it and looked at it in bemusement. "Wh-What is it?"
"It's the key to storeroom three. That's where we've put The Hood. We were surmising that we're each going to have to inhabit each other's bodies before this nightmare is over. If that's right, that means that Scott's body won't be inhabited by The Hood again…"
"Thank heavens for that," Scott muttered.
"…So whoever wakes up and finds themselves in Scott's body tomorrow, should go and release whoever is in Grandma's body… which shouldn't be The Hood."
"And M-Mrs Tracy is locked in s-storeroom three?" Brains guessed.
"Yes," Jeff confirmed. "Does everyone understand?"
There were general murmurings of assent.
"But what do we do h-about 'ooever The 'Ood is possessing tomorrow?" 'Gordon' asked.
"E-Excuse me," Brains interrupted. "Who are you?"
"Parker." Parker showed him his nametag.
Jeff thought for a moment. "We'll all have a code word that we'll say to each other as soon as we meet tomorrow morning. Whoever doesn't say the word will be The Hood."
"And that word would be?" Kyrano asked.
"How about 'Insanity'?" John suggested.
Everyone agreed that that would be an apt word to use.
"And if you take a tranquilliser and leave it beside your bed, Brains," Jeff was still planning, "then whoever has Scott's body will be the one to drug The Hood."
"Right!" Gordon rubbed his hands together. "Now that that's sorted, I'm off to have a swim!"
A short time later found 'Kyrano', dressed in a borrowed pair of shorts, was down by the pool. A small audience waited to be entertained.
"Watch me, Kyrano," Gordon instructed. "I'll show you how easy it is to swim. Your body will take to it…"
"Like a fish to water?" John suggested.
There were sniggers from some of the group.
"You don't want to be shy of the water," Gordon explained. "You've got to show it who's boss. You've got to literally dive in!"
Kyrano watched in his usual polite manner, but without much enthusiasm.
Gordon stepped up to the edge of the pool confidently. "I'll show you that even you can execute the perfect dive." He launched himself into the water.
A perfect belly flop later, Gordon surfaced spluttering. "That hurt!" he moaned as he clung to the side of the pool.
"Mister Gordon," Kyrano sounded upset. "Please take care of my body."
"What do you think, Fellas?" Scott asked. "What's his score?"
"One for effort?" Virgil suggested.
"No way!" John objected. "That didn't even deserve a half point."
"And we take away competitor number one's highest and lowest score and end up with a grand total of… nil!" Scott announced.
"I don't understand," Gordon maintained his firm grip on the side of the pool. "I know what to do, so why couldn't I do it?"
"Perhaps, Kyrano's different body shape and m-musculature th-threw you off balance?" Brains suggested.
"Maybe," Gordon considered the idea. "You don't need to dive to swim anyway, Kyrano. And swimming's all a matter of technique. I can teach you that. Watch…" he pushed himself away from the side of the pool.
His family watched him in interest as he splashed about like a frenetic wind up toy.
"See how easy it is to swim, Kyrano?" Virgil's ironic comment had the group laughing.
Gordon disappeared beneath the water momentarily, before he resurfaced, coughing and spluttering. "Help!"
He disappeared again.
Scott sighed, kicked off Virgil's shoes, and stepped to the edge of the pool. "Looks like I'm to the rescue again," he said before he dived in.
"Now that was worth one point," John noted.
"No, more than that," Virgil disagreed. "You've got to add something for looks."
Scott and Gordon resurfaced; the latter choking and gasping for breath. Scott guided his brother to the edge of the pool and supported him as he recovered. "This has got to be a first," he said. "I've just rescued a drowning Olympic swimming champion."
Between coughs, Gordon glared at him.
"I just remembered," Virgil commented as he watched the unfolding drama. "The dye runs in that shirt and stains everything it touches. That's why I never wear it."
John turned to him. "You mean...?" He turned back and watched a trail of green dye follow his older brother across the pool. "He's gonna look like the Incredible Hulk. Either that or Shrek."
Virgil looked at him. "Thanks!"
"You know what I mean."
Scott wiped his wet arm across his eyes, leaving green dye across Virgil's face. John snickered. "Don't anybody tell him!"
"Do you want to get out now?" Scott asked when the coughing had subsided.
"In a moment," Gordon said, before he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Could you do me a favour, Scott?"
"Depends what it is."
"I've… um… My shorts…"
"Yes?"
"They've fallen off." Too self-conscious to look at his brother, Gordon didn't notice Scott's facial discolouration.
Automatically Scott looked down, then he looked at 'Kyrano's' embarrassed face. "You're kidding me?"
"Uh… No."
"Where are they?" Scott asked, trying not to laugh.
"Where do you think? At the bottom of the pool!"
Now Scott did bark out a laugh. "And you want me to get them?"
"No I want you to get Virgil's paints and paint my portrait… Of course I want you to get them! I daren't get out of here until I've got them on again. It would be too embarrassing… for Kyrano!" the humiliated swimmer added quickly.
"Oh, of course," Scott said with mock seriousness. "Are you okay here for a moment?"
"Yep."
"Hang on then." Much to his family's surprise Scott dove back down under the water.
"My technique needs a bit of work," Virgil noted as he watched a line of green disappear under the water.
Scott surfaced at the edge of the pool. "Here," he hissed. "And don't think I'm helping you put them on. It was bad enough having to unexpectedly dress Virgil this morning, don't expect me to dress Kyrano as well."
Sheepishly, bracing himself against the side of the pool, Gordon struggled back into the shorts, tying them tightly around his waist.
"Now get out," Scott ordered.
Gordon looked up when two shadows fell on him. "Would you like a hand?" Virgil offered.
"Ah, yes please." Gordon reached up and felt John and Virgil's hands grab hold of his wrists.
They pulled him onto the side of the pool, accompanied by John's grunts and groans. "Brains!" he puffed. "We're going to have to do something about building your muscles up."
"Oh, I-I don't know," Brains flexed and felt one of Scott's biceps. "Th-They seem to be all right to me."
Gordon stumbled to his feet and turned shakily to face the group. "Sorry, Kyrano."
"Mr Gordon," Kyrano said politely. "Thank you for the offer, but I do not think I wish to learn how to swim."
Scott hauled himself out of the pool. "Where's Silver?" John asked him.
Scott stared at him, unaware of the mask of green dye across his face. "Huh?"
"The Lone Ranger was always rescuing people in distress…"
"Don't give him a big head," Gordon grumbled. Then he looked at Scott and managed to hold back a chuckle. "I salute you, Kemo Sabe."
"You'd better go get changed," Virgil interrupted the exchange. "The dye's run in my shirt."
Scott looked down, noticing the way Virgil's trousers were changing colour. Then he looked at his hands. Trails of green, like tattooed vines, traced their way across the skin. "What!"
"It's permanent, Scott," Virgil warned him. "Don't touch anything."
As Scott ran into the nearby changing rooms Gordon turned on his brother. "Why'd you tell him? That's the biggest laugh I've had all day!"
"Because when I get my body back I don't want to look like a gherkin!"
John frowned and pushed Brains' glasses back up his nose as Gordon glared at 'Parker'.
"Look at it this way," Tin-Tin suggested. "If we are going to have to spend time in each other's bodies, you're going to end up in Virgil's at some point. Do you want to look like that?"
"No," John admitted. "Good call, Virg."
"Mister Gordon," Parker said hesitantly. "Could h-I h-ask you a favour?"
"So long as it doesn't involve me trying to swim again today, of course you can."
"H-It does… H-In a manner of speakin'. H-It's bin years since I 'ad a swim. Would you mind…?"
Gordon shrugged. "Why not? If I can't enjoy a swim at least my body might be able to. I've got a swim suit in my locker in the changing rooms… Don't brush up against Scott though," he warned. "I'll be metaphorically green with jealousy; I don't need to be literally green as well."
"Too late," John told him.
Gordon looked down and saw the green smudge on the side of his body and under his arm where he'd clung to his rescuer. "Oh, heck. Sorry, Kyrano."
Kyrano said nothing, but 'Jeff's' face looked disapproving.
"We'll filter the water for you while you're getting changed, Parker" Jeff offered. "So you don't end up covered in dye."
Kyrano's expression read that he wouldn't mind seeing a green Gordon in the slightest.
"Thank you… ah…" Parker looked at Jeff's current incarnation as Tin-Tin. "…Sir." Eager to get started, he disappeared into the changing rooms.
Believing that further entertainment was on offer, the rest of the family found themselves comfortable seats, and waited.
Parker was back a short time later, strutting slightly as he enjoyed being the possessor of a perfectly toned, fit, muscular body. "H-I won't be up to your standard, Mister Gordon."
Gordon was sitting on a stool. "If you could swim before, you're bound to be better than I just was."
"What's Scott doing?" Virgil asked.
There was a trace of the well known Gordon Tracy grin on Parker's lips. "'E's still in the shower, tryin' to scrub it orf." Then he frowned. " Scuse me sayin', Mister Virgil, but would you mind wearin' a 'at? Me skin don't like the sun."
"Oh. Sorry, Parker." Virgil accepted the hat that Jeff handed him. "Sounds like my skin's going to be pretty raw by the time Scott's finished with me. I don't want to put you through sunburn as well."
"Thank you, Sir." Parker walked to the edge of the pool, stood for a moment to prepare himself mentally, and then dove in.
John and Virgil were on their feet applauding. "Bravo! 10 out of 10!"
Gordon grunted.
Parker executed a perfect freestyle lap of the pool and then fluidly changed style so he was swimming an almost flawless backstroke.
John and Virgil were egging him on. "Go, Parker!"
Gordon muttered to himself, a dark expression on his face.
With little effort, Parker cut through the water before ducking beneath and surfacing at the edge of the pool. "H-I 'aven't felt this good in years!" he cheered. "H-It's all comin' back to me." He launched himself into the butterfly – the discipline in which Gordon had won his gold medal.
A disgruntled Olympic champion slouched off to the changing shed.
Grandma-in-Alan, watched the swimmer in the pool, a thoughtful look on her face. "If Gordon can't swim when he's in Kyrano's body, but Parker can swim when he's in Gordon's body, does that mean that I'll be able to pilot Thunderbird Three, since I'm in Alan's body?"
Everyone looked at her.
No one answered.
"Can I try, Jeff…?" She looked around.
The pool area was empty. Even the pool itself was deserted.
"Jeff?"
And that's my effort for Day Two completed.
On to Day Three…
:-)
Purupuss