Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, any of the Final Fantasy characters, or anything else that might pop up in this here fan fic. If I did, I'd have to hide them from my sister.

Author's Note: Okay, just wanted to let you know, the majority of this story was written when I was really very sleep. Shame on me, I was up past my bedtime. Enjoy!

Introduction:

The cricket was insane to begin with. Insane as a crazy person. Okay, maybe he wasn't insane to begin with. For quite some time, he was sane, but that was before his misfortunate adventure in the pocket of a certain boy who loves a certain little red haired girl.

And, no, I don't mean Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown didn't have red hair. Kairi does, duh, and the boy I'm talking about is Sora.

Yes, Jiminy Cricket was insane because of Sora and his leg crippling pocket. That was where he resided the whole time he was with Sora. Once, Sora had forgotten he was there and, well, it wasn't a pretty sight when Sora next looked into his pocket. One of Jiminy's legs was never the same again, and the other was gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

Now, Sora had tried to fix it with a little super glue, but that only made the little cricket leg stick to his finger.

You can see why Jiminy would be upset, right?

He now has a prosthetic leg, but that seriously cramped his style with the cricket ladies. Especially when he'd try to play a song for her and his leg would fall off. Kinda freaky.

Anyway, because of this, he has sworn to exact his revenge on Sora, and has figured out just the way to do it.

Become Kairi.

Once he has done that, he'll sneak into Sora's house and...put plastic wrap on all of his toilets! Bwahahahahahaha!

Okay, maybe he's not the best at revenge planning, but he is insane. He'll think of something better once the first phase of his plan is complete.

He must take over Kairi's life without being detected by the enemy, otherwise everybody will call him a crazy cricket. Not that he isn't one...

Chapter One:

It was a dark and stormy night and a certain cricket by the name of Jiminy was hiding outside Sora's window.

Laughing maniacally, he looked up at the sky, "When you wish upon a star..."

Gazing into the darkened room, he could see Sora asleep, sucking his thumb. Yes, Sora is a thumb sucker.

Jiminy looked away in disgust, "Aagghh, that is such a dirty habit! And it makes your thumb all pruny."

He wiggled his little cricket thumb.

Honestly, I had no idea that crickets even had thumbs to wiggle, but that's just me.

"My head is big, my butt is small, can I fit though this hole in the wall?" Jiminy rhymed. Don't ask me why, because by the time that Disney made Pinocchio, they had stopped making the characters rhyme when they talk.

Jiminy shrugged. Oh, well.

"I think maybe I should first find Kairi and get rid of her before trying anything stupid." Jiminy rubbed his little cricket chin with his little cricket hand, because his little cricket feet were tied with a rubberband.

What? That's how they stay on! And I thought the little rhyme was funny.

And so, Jiminy left Sora's window, but not before he had stuck his little cricket butt to the foggy glass to leave an impression behind. You know, as a kind of threat to let Sora know he'd been there. What kind of threat that is, I have no idea, because Jiminy wouldn't cause much damage if he sat on Sora.

Anyway, Jiminy hobble-hopped to Kairi's house and looked through her window, but she wasn't there.

"He's getting to be a regular peeping-tom, that one." commented my random crowd person who comments on things. Jiminy gave them a death glare.

"Shut up! I am not!" Jiminy whisper yelled, but by then the random crowd person had moved back into the random crowd. "Whatever."

Jiminy waited patiently for Kairi to show up. When she finally did, Jiminy tapped on her window to get her attention. As she came over, he tried mind control on her. When that didn't work, he just asked her nicely to let him in.

"What are you doing here?" Kairi asked as she opened the window and he jumped in.

Pulling out a really tiny piece of rope, he replied darkly, "If I told you, I would have to kill you. Bwahahahahahaha!"

Kairi scratched her head. "What does this 'bwahahahahahaha!' mean?"

Jiminy let the rope fall. He was getting annoyed, "Its supposed to be a sinister laugh that brings meaning to the words said before it."

Kairi just looked at him, "Soooo...why are you here?"

Jiminy threw his hands up and waved the rope in the air, "Are you really that dense!"

Kairi shrugged.

"I don't know," she replied poking herself, "I've always been like this." Jiminy couldn't take much more and I'm getting tired of writing it so...

"There, now do you see why I'm here!" Jiminy had somehow managed to tie Kairi up with that little rope, and somehow, she could not get out of it. She struggled a little bit, and being afraid she would make some kind of noise, he turned into a super cricket and tossed her into the closet like old shoes covered in mud made with water from an algae covered lake that has no fish and a sign that says: 'Do not feed or molest the alligators'. Honestly, who would want to molest an alligator?

"Okay, now in order for this to work, I need to become Kairi. Hmmm, where can I get some clothes that look like her's, but are in my size? Oh, I know! I'll just go andget the My Size Cricket Kairi doll I've had in my closet ever since I bought it just for this reason!" And so, Jiminy did go and got the doll from his closet, and he did put on the clothes which fit him perfectly. He then had to do a little dance in front of his mirror just because, but then he went back to Sora's house.

The story's moving a little faster now, isn't it? I could slow it down some, but I don't want to.

Jiminy decided it was best to use the front door, because he highly doubted that Kairi would crawl through a hole in Sora's wall. He didn't want anyone to think that anything was wrong, you know.

"Hi, Sora." Jiminy said in a high voice and giggled. Whether he was high or not, I have no idea.

"Kairi?" Sora looked down at Jiminy, "Did you do something with your hair?"

"No, why?" Jiminy asked, a sinister grin spreading across his face. "Can I come in?"

"I don't know. Something seems different about you." Sora scratched his head. "What if you're a vampire?"

"Ummm...okay. Well then, why don't you come out here?"

"Okay." Sora stepped out onto the porch. Picking Jiminy up, he set him down on the porch swing beside him.

"You're not the sharpest tool in the shed are you?" Jiminy commented, forgetting that he was supposed to be Kairi.

"What?"

"Nothing...umm..." Jiminy said quickly, then thought, "Now what? I've got to get into that house, but how?"

"Kairi?"

Jiminy was pulled out of his thoughts like a man out of a submarine. "Hmm?"

"You were thinking out loud."

"Crap!" Jiminy hopped down from the swing, not knowing just how far it was to the ground. He almost cracked his little skull. After recovering a little, he said, "I think its time that I left now. Bye!"

"Bye..." Sora turned around, a little confused, and just as he did, Jiminy attacked the back of his leg. Turning back, he rubbed his leg, "Man, Kairi, you bite hard!"

"Get over it, stupid." Jiminy shouted, "That doesn't even compare with what you've done to me! And I'm not Kairi, I'm..."

Jiminy pulled off the wig and put his hat back on.

"Jiminy Cricket! You're a cross-dresser! I never knew, all that time you were in my pocket and I never knew!"

"No, I'm not a cross-dresser!" Jiminy snapped, his eyes a little shifty.

"You're a girl? I never knew!"

"Oh, shut up." Jiminy walked off the porch, "By the way, I locked your girlfriend in the closet. Bye now!"

And he walked away, his revenge cut short for the time being. But it wasn't over, it would never be over. Someday, somehow, he would get his revenge.

Cue creepy music as cricket walks away.

And it wasn't over. It had been a few days since Jiminy's first attempt and he was still wearing Kairi's clothes. Why? Because he liked them.

He had been keeping an eye on Sora's house, but hadn't seen much of Sora due to the fact that Sora was still out looking for the closet in which Kairi was locked in.

"Stupid boy. I'll just have to sneak into his house now and find some way in which to exact my revenge upon his oversized shoes! Bwahahahaha!" Jiminy laughed as he tried to squeeze through Sora's slightly open window. His head was too big, however, and had to be flattened in order to fit. "Its a good thing I'm a cartoon, that's all I've got to say."

Jiminy then jumped down from the window sill onto Sora's bed and looked around. "What, is he ten? And somebody really should fix that door."

Suddenly, Jiminy heard footsteps coming from outside the door that needed fixing. "No, Mom, I still haven't found her! I'll try again tomorrow."

Thinking fast, Jiminy jumped down to the floor and hid under one of the many articles of clothing scattered on it. The only problem with this was that he didn't know that the reason those clothes were on the floor was because it was game, the rules being that when you entered the room, you couldn't touch the floor. So, the end came for Jiminy, who was squished beneath Sora's foot.

The End...Almost

Epilogue:

There is not much left to say, I'm afraid. Jiminy died, and eventually Sora found Kairi. When he did, they had a little memorial service for Jiminy, and this is what they put on his tombstone:

"Here lies the cricket with the really big head
He wanted revenge, but now he is dead"

So, did you see the moral of the story I've told you? Don't be a cross-dressing cricket out for revenge, you'll only get stepped on by Sora.

THE END