Disclaimer: see first chapter
A/N: Alright, I won't be promising anymore timely updates on this one, b/c my muse seems to take those promises as an invitation to go on extended vacations when it comes to this story. I apologize for the wait for those of you still following this story, and I will say that I am working on the next chapter as we speak, er, as I type.
The ride back to Sara's apartment was silent, not even noise from the radio to drown out the thoughts in their heads. Sara had pretty much shut down after Detective Reynolds's revelation. She had sat mutely as Reynolds explained that they had matched Ryan Woodward's DNA to two open rape and murder cases, and Nick could tell she wasn't absorbing much of the information. He had his own questions, starting with why exactly they ran his DNA through CODIS, but Sara definitely wasn't in any state for prolonged conversation. She didn't fight Nick as he guided her back through the hallway and out to the parking lot, she just climbed wearily into the passenger seat.
Her hands were folded in her lap, twisting as one of her thumbs starting picking at the cuticles of her nails. Nick observed this for several minutes before he reached over and grasped at one of her hands, effectively stopping it. She didn't seem to relax much, but at least she stopped pulling at her cuticles. He released her hand once they made it back to her apartment complex, and Nick barely had the car in park before Sara darted out as fast as she could and hobbled up to her apartment.
Nick followed a safe distance behind, finding her sitting on the edge of her bed, head buried in her hands and shaking with sobs. Nick couldn't help but think back to the night before, when he discovered Sara in the same position on Trelling's, no, Ryan Woodward's bed, and he exhaled shakily. Trying to clear that image from his head, he gingerly sat down next to her and began to rub her back. It was then that he realized she wasn't crying. It was some kind of twisted laughter that sent a cold shiver down Nick's spine.
Nick had heard Sara laugh, even giggle before; at something Greg did, and even better, sometimes at something he said. It was one of the sounds he truly enjoyed, and he was sad to admit that it wasn't something he got to hear very often. But this was nothing like that; this was bitter, and chilled, and a sound Nick hoped to everything he believed in that he would never have to hear again.
His hand stilled on her back, and he had no idea what to do. He had been prepared for an emotional Sara; he was expecting crying, yelling, or even her stubborn insistence that she was fine, but this was something that Nick had never expected.
Sara turned her head in her hands, allowing Nick to see the hollow, haunted look in her eyes. "I have, without a doubt, the absolute worst taste in men." There was that awful sound as she began to laugh again.
"Sara…"
She sat up, the force from her sudden movement flinging Nick's arm to rest on the bed behind her. "First there was Grissom…emotionally closed off, a complete chicken when it came to his feelings, and my direct supervisor. Then there was Hank…had no problem admitting his attraction to me, but he couldn't admit that he was using me to cheat on the woman he really loved." Sara ticked off each man on her fingers matter-of-factly in a dangerously calm voice. "And now this…him…I started off with emotionally unavailable, and end up with completely immoral… I really know how to pick 'em…"
"Sara…" Nick paused for a moment, trying to find something that would help. He placed his hand on her shoulder while he searched for the words. "You can't blame…"
Apparently, it was the wrong thing to do. He felt Sara elbow him in the side as she finally snapped. "Nick, stop it! Stop trying to fix this…I'm not one of your damsels in distress Nick, you can't fix me!" Her words were filled with anger and her eyes filled with tears.
Sara's voice had risen several levels, and it was the most emotion Nick had seen her display since this whole nightmare had begun. Still, he felt the emotional sting of her words as she moved away from him on the bed and curled back into herself.
Nick tried to hold back his response, but he was tired, and frustrated. "What am I supposed to do Sara? What should I be doing? Because I have no clue here."
Nick watched as she stared back at him with wide eyes, and not willing to look at her right then, he started to pace the room, rubbing his face in frustration. He didn't mean to snap at her, and only an hour earlier he had sworn that he wouldn't have even been able to. The silence in the room was awful, until Nick heard her crying; that was definitely worse. He turned towards Sara, finding her staring at a spot in the corner and gripping the comforter on either side of her body, tears streaming down her cheeks. Nick could feel another piece of his heart breaking, and he wondered how stupid he had to be to think that he could help her. "It kills me that I can't make this go away for you. I just don't know what to do." He sighed. "I should call Catherine."
"Fine, if you don't want to be here, you can go Nick, but I don't need a damn babysitter," she spat back at him.
Things were quickly spiraling out of control. Sara turned her attention back to the wall, fiercely wiping at the tears still making tracks down her cheeks. Nick took a deep breath and dropped down onto the bed next to her, catching her hand before she could get up or push him away. "Sara, I don't want to leave, I just want to help. But I think I'm just making everything worse. Maybe Catherine would be the better person to be here. I don't want to make this any harder for you than it already is."
He squeezed her hand once and was surprised when she resisted his attempt to untangle his hand from hers. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, she was still crying, but it she seemed to have calmed down, allowing Nick to relax a little himself. He hated that he had let his emotions get the better of him, no matter how frustrated he was, he had no right to take it out on her, and he was about to let her know that when she began to speak softly.
"Everything in my head, I just don't know what to do with it…I do appreciate you being here Nick, and I know you're just trying to help…you are helping…but right now, I can't take all the hovering, I just need a friend, okay? And a little space."
Nick nodded in understanding. He wasn't willing to go too far, but he knew that she needed time to process everything that had happened, including Reynolds's earlier revelations about exactly what kind of character RyanWoodward was. Plus, he knew first hand how suffocating even well meaning friends could be, and he vowed not to let that happen to Sara. "I think I can do that. Why don't I run to my place and get some stuff, and stop at the store on the way back to grab some food? Promise not to go AWOL on me?" There was a hint of teasing to his voice, but Nick was serious; he didn't want Sara running off on her injured ankle if he left her alone for an hour, whether she needed space or not.
Sara smiled a bit, wiping the last of the tears away from her face. "I promise I won't make a run for it, but you really don't have to stay tonight Nick, I'll be okay…"
"I promise I'll keep the hovering to a minimum, but I want to stay." Sara looked at him doubtfully, so Nick decided to switch tactics. "You remember after the Nigel Crane fiasco? You had me at your apartment for a week, even when I said I'd be okay, because you wanted me to be sure…which meant you wanted to be sure I was okay. I'm just returning the favor."
Sara sighed. "I wish it was a favor that didn't have to be returned."
"It's not a favor I'd wish on anyone, but we can't change it, and I'd like to stay for awhile."
"What about work?"
"I don't think Grissom will have a problem giving me a couple days off, and I'm sorry sweetheart, but there's no way he's gonna let you come back to work for at least a week."
Nick had been expecting an argument from his last statement, and he was surprised when he didn't get one. When he looked over at Sara, she looked more tired than she had before; their argument must have taken whatever energy she had left. Nick felt another pang of guilt at snapping at her before he squeezed her hand again. "Do you want anything before I go? Pain medication? You should probably prop up that ankle and get some ice on it, even if you're not gonna lay down…I'm hovering, aren't I?"
Sara nodded. "But it's okay, I'm kinda tired. Don't know if I'll be able to sleep, but I'm gonna lay down."
Nick let her get settled while he went into the kitchen for some ice, water, and her bottle of pills. She was settled in bed with her foot propped up on some pillows when he returned, and accepted the bottle of water, chugging part of it and swallowing two ibuprofen while Nick applied the ice pack to her still swollen ankle.
"I'll be back in a little bit, but I'll have my cell, and if you need anything…"
"Nick…"
He smiled sheepishly. "Right, sorry…do you want anything in particular from the store?"
Sara shook her head as her eyes fell closed. Nick sat for a minute, watching her fall asleep before he finally dragged himself off of her bed. The sooner he left, the sooner he would be back. Nick had almost reached the door when he heard Sara's voice call out sleepily.
"Thanks…"
She didn't elaborate any further, but she didn't have to. They'd both gone through far too much together to need any further explanation, even if she could offer one.
He smiled back at her as she fought to keep her eyes open. "Anything for you, Sar."