Disclaiming is a fun and noble thing to do. The characters of Harry Potter are, and always will be, someone else's property.

Ten Miles from Nowhere

As soon as Harry's head stopped spinning he jumped to his feet and fearfully glanced around, turning in circles to get the 360º view. Yes, the trees, the ocean, the sand, rocks, everything was just as he remembered it being. He panicked, and nearly fainted. Glaring at the other occupant of the tiny island, it was all Harry could do to keep from committing his first real murder.

"You idiot, Malfoy," Harry screamed. "You've hit my panic button!"

Draco could be excused for being a little slow on the uptake, as he'd just been hurled from one spot on the globe to another without the slightest warning. Well, besides Potter's giant mouth screaming 'Noooooo', like some sort of B movie moron. Now you mention it, Potter was still screaming, didn't he have volume control? Or, was he some sort of mentally deficient robot with a broken knob? Draco shook his head—he really was wandering into strange and inappropriate tangents lately.

"Your what, Potter?" Draco drawled.

"For the war, you moron. I had an emergency portkey, and you—because you're a giant git, activated it!"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Pothead, I can activate the portkey to take us back."

"Yeah," Harry sneered. "How are you gonna do that? With rocks? Or maybe, you can do it with that useless stick you're holding."

Draco looked at Harry with some fear for his sanity. "What are you on about?" he finally asked.

"THERES NO MAGIC ON THIS ISLAND!" Harry shrieked. "It's for my protection, so there's no way for us to activate anything. We can't leave! We're here until someone comes and gets us with a new portkey. You really are a moron."

By this time Draco had begun to feel the first vestiges of panic. "What sort of a blathering IDIOT makes himself a hideaway without an escape route!"

"Well," Harry sulked, "Dumbledore and I hadn't quite finished setting it up yet had we, I didn't think I'd need it until the war actually began. But then, I didn't count on idiotic interference."

Draco was shaking his head furiously. "No, no no no—the very first rule is that you always have an escape. You never go into a situation where there is no escape. Never. Never never never."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Relax, Malfoy. Dumbledore will come and get us as soon as he realizes what's happened."

"Oh?" Draco screeched, "and when will that be? On the second of never? How is he going to know that you weren't just kidnapped or something, how is he going to know that you're the sort of boy scout that carries his emergency portkey with him everywhere! You've never been that smart! Why would you start now? That portkey should be tucked away somewhere in your room, just where you can't get to it when you really need it."

Harry snorted. "Thanks for the vote of confidence," he snarked.

Draco pouted. "You don't deserve my confidence." He looked around despondently. "Where are we anyway?" he asked.

Harry shrugged. "Technically," he said, "this place doesn't exist. Dumbledore and I created it with this ancient spell that Hermione found in the Ministry's archives."

Draco grunted. "That's rather impressive really."

Harry looked up in surprise.

"Of Dumbledore," Draco clarified. "I've no doubt you didn't do anything but hang around and whine about the exact blue that you wanted the sky to be."

"No coconuts," Harry mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I hate coconut. I insisted there not be any."

"Right," Draco sighed. "So what is on this stupid little sandbar?"

"Well, there's a hut on the other side. I'm not sure why we portkeyed to this side—we were supposed to land in front of the house."

"Oh, spectacular," Draco said, "we're on a defective imaginary island."