The Brak Show
Fairy Werewolf
Opening credits.
Cut to Brak's room. Brak and Zorak are both standing up, talking.
Brak: ...and then I saw the most horrifying thing ever...a fairy werewolf!
Zorak: A fairy werewolf? What the Hell is that?
Brak: Well Zorak, it's basically a werewolf dressed as a fairy.
Zorak: Heh, heh, heh. That's so gay.
Brak: It's not, go ask Sisto!
Zorak: Sisto has been dead for over two weeks now.
Brak: OH NO! Poor Sisto!
Zorak: I yanked your chain!
Brak: Why did you do that?
Zorak: Because I'm evil, baby.
Brak: Well, that's not nice.
Zorak: Of course not, it's me...Zorak.
Brak: Where is your nephew...Raymond?
Zorak: I ate him.
Brak: Gross.
Zorak: Of course, then I vomited him out, and now we share a house next door to you.
Brak: Oh yeah...didn't we see him last Christmas?
Zorak: Hey, what about the fairy werewolf?
Brak: Well, it attacked me with a wand!
Zorak: A wand?
Brak: Hey, it stabbed it through my back.
Zorak: Oh really?
Brak: Yep, let me show you.
Brak turns around and Zorak sees his wand through his back.
Zorak: Oh, that's got to hurt. But I don't care.
Brak: It does.
Zorak: Well, who cares?
Brak: Say Zorak, I'm tired, I'm going to bed.
Zorak: You only woke up 5 minutes ago, jerk!
Brak: Oh yeah, let's get some breakfast.
Cut to the kitchen. Brak's Dad is reading the newspaper.
Brak's Dad: According to this, a un-trustworthy sociopath saw a werewolf dressed in a pink tutu like a fairy, stabbing him in the back with it's sharp wand. Which person will believe something like this, mother?
Brak's Mom: I don't know, father...maybe, oh I don't know.
Brak's Dad: So, you don't believe me?
Brak's Mom: I never said that.
Brak's Dad: I saw it in your eyes, mother.
Brak & Zorak walk downstairs.
Brak: Hey mommy.
Brak's Dad: Hi Zorak.
Zorak: Hey.
Zorak blinks.
Brak's Mom: Oh my God Brak, what's stuck on your back?
Brak: Oh, that's just a wand which a fairy werewolf stabbed through me, but Zorak says there is no such thing.
Brak's Dad: Well there isn't.
Brak's Mom: Well, will you and Zorak want breakfast?
Brak: Sock it to me, mommy.
Brak's Mom: I'll get started.
Brak's Dad: Make me some toast, mother.
Brak's Mom: You already had breakfast, dear.
Brak's Dad: Really?
Brak's Dad strokes his chin.
Brak's Dad: Oh well.
Brak's Dad resumes reading the newspaper.
Brak: Say Mom, where's Sisto?
Brak's Mom: His been sleeping over at a friend's place.
Brak: It was so nice of those creatures not to eat him.
Zorak: Yes yapping, more making.
Brak's Dad: I...don't get it.
Zorak: Of course you wouldn't, pops.
Brak's Dad: Oh, it says here that a baby mantis has been kidnapped, 2 minutes old, and is named Zorak Jnr.
Zorak: Yeah, I had sex in Brak's bed.
Brak: No wonder my bed was so sticky and gooey last night.
Brak's Mom: Uh!
Zorak: Mantises give birth by vomiting.
Brak's Mom: How can you sit there, why your baby has been kidnapped?
Zorak: I just can.
Zorak blinks.
Brak's Mom: After you get home from school, I'll help you found your baby.
Brak's Mom gives Brak some breakfast, as he begins gobbling it up.
Zorak: Where's mine?
Brak's Mom throws it at Zorak's face.
Brak: Uh, thanks Mom. That was delicious.
Brak burps.
Brak: Excuse me.
Brak's Mom: Why thank you Brak.
Brak's Dad: You have to go to school now.
Zorak: Right after I'm finished.
Brak's Mom: Your going.
Pause.
Zorak: Chicka chicka, wow!
Cut to Brak and Zorak walking past Thundercleese's house.
Brak: Well good morning, neighbour.
Thundercleese: Good morning Brak, hello enemy.
Zorak: Hey.
Thundercleese: What is that thing in your back?
Brak: A wand.
Thundercleese: You weren't happened to be mauled by a fairy werewolf, were you?
Brak: Yes.
Thundercleese: Come in my house, Brak.
Zorak: I better come, if Thundercleese does something, it's going to be suddenly my fault.
Thundercleese: NO!
Thundercleese blasts Zorak.
Thundercleese: Come Brak, from across the street.
Brak walks to the door, a trap-door drops Brak down.
Door: State your name.
Thundercleese: Thundercleese.
Door: Welcome home Thundercleese.
The door opens as Thundercleese walks in. Cut inside, Brak drops in, as Thundercleese walks in.
Brak: What was that for?
Thundercleese: Brak, what I'm preparing to show you will shock you.
Brak: Really, like that copper-wire I touched last Spring?
Thundercleese: NOOOO!
Brak: Oh, okay.
Thundercleese: I haven't told anyone this, but I got security cameras installed in my prized yard bunnies.
Brak: What? What's this bullcrap?
Thundercleese: I've got a tape, of a real live fairy werewolf stabbing the mailman this morning.
Brak: Really?
Thundercleese: Yes.
Pause.
Brak: Can I see the tape?
Thundercleese: Wait.
Pause.
Thundercleese: Here's the tape.
A tape comes out of Thundercleese, as he pushes through the flat TV screen from "Feud" as the letters: "Taped on October 21st 2003, 6:54:35" pop up. Cut to the mailman working to Thundercleese's mailbox.
Mailman:(singing): Walking along the street, handing out mail.
A werewolf in a fairy costume enters.
Fairy Werewolf: AAAAAAAGH!
Mailman: Huh?
The mailman turns around and sees the Fairy Werewolf and laughs.
Mailman: It's a werewolf in a tutu.
The Fairy Werewolf stabs the Mailman through the back with a wand and starts mauling him.
Thundercleese: You see Brak?
Brak: Please, I don't want to see anymore!
Thundercleese: Okay.
Thundercleese turns it off.
Thundercleese: I'm the so called "sociopath" that printed the message about the Fairy Werewolf, you're not alone Brak, you're not alone.
Brak:(singing): I'm not alone, I'm...not alone, when you wish upon a star, a star goes straight through your back, no one believes you except...you, I'm not alone...I went home from school then it happened, but I told everyone on the bus...but...I'm not alone, I'm not alone, because I have a tape...
Thundercleese: My tape, leave now.
Brak:(singing): ...Poor little me.
Brak pops back up, through the tubes, through the trap door, and lands in the school dumpster.
Brak: Just 2 more minutes, then its school time. Time to get out of here.
Brak shuffles in the bin.
Brak: Ugh, crap.
Cut to commercial.
Cut to Brak's class room.
Teacher: And then you get 2 plus 2, equals 4.
The school bell rings.
Teacher: Okay, that's the end of our lesson; remember your work for tomorrow, to find out what 100 plus 100 is, because the other teacher is gone.
Everyone leaves. Brak walks up to him.
Brak: Mr. Smartypants?
Mr. Smartypants: Yes Brak?
Brak: I have a problem.
Mr. Smartypants: Yeah, you stink.
Brak: I know, but it's not that! I have a problem.
Mr. Smartypants: A problem with your work?
Brak: No, I got attacked by a Fairy Werewolf yesterday, and my back hurts.
Mr. Smartypants: Brak, the Fairy Werewolf is as fake as Bigfoot or the Boogeyman, if you chatted with Mr. Thundercleese, he would've said he knows it exits but it doesn't!
Brak: Yes it does!
Mr. Smartypants: Okay! Prove it, if you convince everyone at this school, I'll then believe you, or capture the Fairy Werewolf.
Brak: I'll try to convince everyone as I can!
Brak runs off.
Mr. Smartypants: Fairy Werewolf? Where does he get this stuff?
Cut to Paranormal Class.
Teacher: And, then a Fairy Werewolf came and mauled me, and that's how I was absent for the past two years, yes Janet.
Janet: But all the other teachers say that he is fake, Mr. Toteman.
Mr. Toteman: Or is he? No one has seen him, except me.
Brak: And me!
Everyone laughs.
Mr. Toteman: Everyone, don't laugh at him. Now, I've got proof.
Mr. Toteman walks over to Brak.
Mr. Toteman: Scars, blood tissue on his left hand showed and a wand through the back and several bumps and bruises.
Brak: So?
Mr. Toteman: Yep, it's the work of a Fairy Werewolf.
Brak: OH NO!
Mr. Toteman: Stay behind after school, as I'll spray garlic and hot rice over you, before the next full moon.
Everyone laughs.
Janet: Hey look, its Brak the dork!
Brak: Well, just because you're a cheerleader doesn't make you popular!
Pause.
Janet: Yes it does.
Brak: Oh.
Mr. Toteman: Okay calm down kids, let's get on track for the next week's diabolical activity in a cauldron.
Janet: Better put Brak in the cauldron!
Everyone laughs.
Brak: SHUT UP JANET!
Janet: Oh, look the baby is going to cry.
Brak: SHUT UP!
Brak punches Janet.
Brak: Whoops, I'm sorry.
Pause.
Mr. Toteman: Brak? How could you do something like this?
Brak: I'm sorry Mr. Toteman.
Mr. Toteman walks over to him.
Mr. Toteman:(whispering): Don't be sorry, she's a bitch anyway.
The bell rings.
Mr. Toteman: Okay everybody, time to go! Remember, the Learnmore High School is holding it's abnormal creature contest this Sunday, people can still write there entries in.
Everyone leaves.
Mr. Toteman: Brak! Stay here.
Brak: Yes Mr. Toteman?
Mr. Toteman: Time for the garlic and hot rice...
Cut to Brak in a cauldron.
Mr. Toteman: Here's some hot rice.
Brak: Ugh.
Mr. Toteman: After this Brak, convince everyone there is such thing as the Fairy Werewolf.
Brak: Okay.
Cut to the basketball court. Brak walks in with a moustache and a derby hat.
Brak: Hello, there are skin flakes from the Fairy Werewolf to prove its existence.
Janet: Brak? What are you doing?
Brak: Brak? I've never heard of this BRAK, I'm John Species the 11th.
Janet: Like, get away from us, you loser.
Brak: My name is not loser, its John Species the 11th.
Janet: Brak, don't act like the dork you are.
Brak: SHUT UP!
Brak's moustache and hat fall off.
Janet: Oh hi Brak, there was a weirdo here before...
Everyone laughs.
Brak: SHUT! UP! JANET!
Janet: Ooh, I'm deaf.
Brak punches her.
Janet: Now my ear is bleeding...
Brak: There is a fairy werewolf, and if no-one believes me...there's only one thing to do!
Janet: Punch me again?
Brak: Convince other people.
Cut to Brak walking up to kids in sunglasses.
Brak: Hello gentlemen, I have the Fairy Werewolf's laminated left arm to prove that he exits.
Sunglass Kid: We know, he exists everywhere.
Brak: Did he attack you too?
Sunglass Kid: No, but I have a photo of him.
Pause.
Brak: Can I see the picture?
Sunglass Kid: No you can not.
Cut to the basketball court.
Brak: Hey Janet, these kids believe me.
Clarence: I believe you too, Brak.
Janet: These are just weirdos and freaks like you.
Brak punches her.
Janet: Stop punching me! I've never done anything to hurt you...psychically.
Brak: I cannot convince you, or your group of kids, I can't do anything!
Janet: Try finding that freak, then show us, and then we will believe you.
A light bulb pops up on Brak's head.
Brak: I got an idea! Let's go to Fish Pockets!
Pause.
Janet: What's Fish Pockets?
Brak: Don't you know what Fish Pockets are?
Janet: Nope.
Brak: Okay, I'm out of ideas.
Cut to Brak's house.
Transition Announcer: After school, the following words were said.
Cut to the lounge. Brak's Dad and Brak are watching TV.
News Alien: Earlier on today, a freak claiming he saw a Fairy Werewolf was quickly labelled: "Liar". This is the second time; some one has "claimed" to see the obviously fake Fairy Werewolf.
Brak: Third! Me, and it's true.
News Alien: It's the second, and it's not true, you freak...so shut up!
Brak: Make me.
News Alien: Be quiet, and listen to me...
Brak's Dad: Hg' contrasfas, not again. Brak...(lesson music comes on)...sometimes, he see things that are not real, the mind will play tricks on you, you don't know that, that maybe the wand belonged to Thundercleese, and it was in his cannon, you never know...so, there is no such thing, as a Fairy Werewolf, do you understand, son?
Lesson music stops.
Brak: No, why would Thundercleese need a wand?
Brak's Dad: DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
Pause.
Brak: No.
Brak's Dad: Ugh, Brak...
News Alien: Believe your father, now shut up and listen to me!
Brak: I'm going to show, I'm going to show...I'm going to show, everyone...my amazing Beans song!
Brak's Dad: No.
Brak: Why?
Brak's Dad: Just no.
Brak: Why?
Brak's Dad: I SAID, NO!
Brak's Mom walks in the lounge with groceries.
Brak's Mom: Hello Brak how was school today?
Brak: Bad.
Brak's Mom: Why bad?
Brak: Nobody believes me there is such thing as a Fairy Werewolf.
Brak's Mom: Nobody is going to believe you, until you go find him, and when you do, everybody will then believe you.
Brak: Orrrrr...I've got a better idea...
Brak's Dad: You do?
Brak: I'm going to do my homework!
Pause.
Brak's Dad: Mother, what's this so-called homework, is it the new word for "chores".
Brak's Mom: Maybe.
Brak: Eh, I'm going up my room.
Cut to Brak's room. Brak walks in, and sees Zorak with a baby mantis.
Brak: Hey Zorak, is that your baby?
Zorak: Yes, I finally got it to sleep, so shut up.
Zorak lays the baby mantis down in Brak's bed.
Brak: Zorak, that's my bed!
Zorak: So, I was sick of holding it.
Brak: I reckon it was rather cute.
Zorak: You say so.
Brak: So?
Pause.
Zorak: Listen, just get out of here.
Brak: I need to convince people that the Fairy Werewolf exists!
Zorak: You do?
Brak: Maybe, if I start a campaign?
Zorak: Maybe, only if I'm a campaign manager. Meet me tomorrow at the Learnmore High School; we'll set up a stand in the toilets.
Brak: Okay.
Transition Announcer: Tomorrow, at the Learnmore High School, the following acts of violence were committed.
Cut to the stand in the toilets reading: "Believe it or Shove It".
Zorak: Hey you, believe the Fairy Werewolf!
Brak: Oh Zorak, its Janet.
Janet walks over.
Janet: Believe it or Shove It? Well, okay...Zorak.
Pause.
Zorak: What are you doing?
Pause.
Janet: Looking at your eyes...
Zorak blinks.
Janet: I love that sound!
Zorak: Come with me in the stands...BECAUSE YOUR FREAKIN' THE Z MAN OUT!
Janet: Okay.
Janet walks in the stand with Zorak, as the banner goes down, the one saying "Shoving It".
Janet: OW!
Zorak: Your scrawny! Your scrawny!
Janet: OW...ooh, Zorak.
Janet walks out.
Brak: What was that?
Zorak: Sex.
Pause.
Brak: All you going to have sex with all the recipients?
Zorak: No. Only the hot ones...chicka, chicka wow!
Clarence walks over.
Clarence: Trying to be one of the cool kids, I believe I must not believe you.
Zorak: Come into my office.
Clarence walks over and the banner "Shoving It" unveils again.
Clarence: OWWWWWWW!
Zorak: You like that? You like that?
Clarence: NOOOOOO! MOMMMY!
Clarence runs out.
Brak: Did you have sex with him?
Zorak: No, I beat him up.
Brak: That's mean.
Zorak: I'm putting the "pain" in campaign!
Brak: Zorak, you're fired!
Zorak: See you later; I'm going to play hooky.
Zorak walks off.
Brak: LEARNMORE HIGH SCHOOL! I'M GOING TO CAPTURE THE FAIRY WEREWOLF!
Everyone gasps. Dramatic music starts, as pictures of Mr. Toteman, Janet, a beaten up Clarence and Thundercleese are shown.
Cut to commercial.
Cut to the Principal's office.
Brak's Mom: What did Brak say?
Brak's Dad: I don't believe my ears!
Principal: Yes, your son wants to capture the...Fairy Werewolf.
Brak's Mom: Oh my God.
Brak: That's what my Mom and Dad suggested!
Principal: Well, here's what I'm going to say...good luck to you Brak.
Brak: Huh?
Principal: I got mauled by a Fairy Werewolf yesterday; I even submitted it into the local news show.
Cut to Brak's room. Brak is putting everything in his bag. He then tries to pull off his bed and put in it in the bag. Brak's Mom enters.
Brak's Mom: Brak just put the sleeping-bag in.
Brak: Okay.
Brak puts his sleeping-bag inside.
Brak: I put my whole life in one bag, delicious.
Brak's Mom: Goodbye Brak!
Brak's Mom hugs Brak. Brak walks off. To the kitchen, Brak walks in.
Brak's Dad: Goodbye son.
Brak's Dad shakes hands with Brak, he walks off. Cut to a trashed house with Zorak standing on the path.
Brak: Bye Zorak.
Zorak: Whatever.
Brak walks off to Thundercleese's house.
Thundercleese: Goodbye Brak, from across the street.
Brak: See you, robotic buddy.
Brak walks off to a house with a bunch of teenagers and Sisto.
Brak: See you Sisto.
Sisto: Bye.
Brak: Buddy.
Sisto: Here's for good luck.
Sisto farts on Brak.
Brak: Ugh, I loved smelling your farts.
Brak walks off. Cut to the woods.
Brak: Okay, time to camp out to see the Fairy Werewolf.
Brak lays out his sleeping bag. Cut to Brak in a campfire, smoking smores.
Brak: Ugh, the good ol' camping place.
Brak puts on a hat.
Brak: G'day mate, I'm Brak!
Brak runs up to a tree.
Brak:(singing): In the woods, lives the little Brak that could, it's about time to realise, that maybe to say I'm not really gay, living in the woods, like Steve Irwin here, he lives in the outback, yeah...but they are basically the same, so I say...G'day mate!
Stupid fact: "I, Coolman3, am Australian, and I hate Steve Irwin, so don't make that give you any ideas". Cut to Brak eating his smores.
Brak: Nice dinner, but not what like Mom makes.
Brak climbs to the tree, and looks out the neighbourhood with binoculars.
Brak: Ugh, good ol' Spaceland St.
Cut to a shot of Brak's house, with the light on, we see Brak's Dad walking up to hug Sisto.
Brak: That looks nice.
Cut to the house. Brak's Dad is trying to lift Sisto.
Sisto: See Dad, I told you, you can't lift me up.
Brak's Dad: I used to.
Cut to the tree.
Brak:(singing): When you wish upon a star, and put it in your pocket, you can do anything you want, you'll burn your pants like Hell, but your wish will come true. I'm not alone, I'm not alone, with my star in my pants, and I'll die.
Cut to Brak sleeping in his sleeping bag.
Brak: This is great, my first night in the woods. Ugh, Ghost Planet, I love this planet more then anything, I love Spaceland St. as well, so beautiful, so fragile.
Brak falls asleep. Cut to the morning, Brak is eating breakfast.
Brak: This is nice food, you bake breakfast with a campfire, and it tastes delicious.
Brak swallows it, as a Fairy Werewolf walks up the hills, cautiously.
Brak: What was that?
Fairy Werewolf: Nothing, go back to eating.
Brak: Oh-kay, figment of my imagination.
Fairy Werewolf: Yeah, yeah...figment.
Fairy Werewolf drops the wand and runs off.
Brak: What was that?
Brak finishes his breakfast and walks up to the pathway up to the hills and sees footprints and a wand.
Brak: The Fairy Werewolf must be close!
Brak runs off, then quickly stops.
Brak: Too much excess fat.
Brak starts panting.
Brak: Go on without me.
Voice: Use the force...
Brak: The force?
Voice: The force of the forks.
Brak: The force of the force?
Voice: The forks use the forks!
Brak: Forks?
A thought bubble with Brak's Mom on it appears.
Brak's Mom: These forks are for if your home sick and want to vomit out all the fat.
Brak: For-ks?
Cut to Brak using forks as crutches.
Brak: C'mon, c'mon.
Cut to the Fairy Werewolf sleeping.
Brak: Time to show off Mr. Fairy Werewolf.
Brak grabs the Fairy Werewolf and uses it as a sled.
Brak: I'm coming home!
Cut to the kitchen. Brak's Dad is reading the newspaper.
Brak's Dad: Say Joanna.
Brak's Mom: Dad, we said we'll call each other by Mom and Dad in the house and when with the kids.
Brak's Dad: Whatever, Joanna.
Brak's Mom: Say...George?
Brak's Dad: It says here Brak will be here any minute now with the Fairy Werewolf.
Brak goes through the door with the Fairy Werewolf.
Brak's Dad: Hello son.
Brak: Dad, no time! Must go to the abnormal pet shop at the Learnmore High School, quick!
Cut to the Learnmore High School. Cut to Zorak with Ol' Kentucky Shark.
Zorak: This is a shark.
Judge: Next.
Zorak: JERK!
Zorak walks off.
Principal: Give a warm and heartfelt clap to Zorak, the mantis WITH no heart.
The judge holds up a banner reading: "Jerkwad 2000000 3:16".
Principal: Now, please welcome Brrrrrrak.
Brak walks out with the Fairy Werewolf.
Judge: Brak, what is this creature?
Brak: It's a Fairy Werewolf.
Everyone gasps.
Brak: Like the one that attacked me.
Fairy Werewolf: Let me go, now.
Judge: Brak has also taught him English!
Brak: I suppose I did.
Judge: I like this pet, an ultra-rare Fairy Werewolf. 12.10.
Everyone cheers.
Fairy Werewolf: Let me go...NOW!
Judge: A threatening werewolf. 13.10.
Everyone cheers.
Zorak: Jerk.
The Fairy Werewolf mauls Zorak.
Judge: 14.10. 15.10. 16.10. 20.20!
Everyone cheers.
Zorak: That pet is going to pay.
Principal: Brak has won by 20.20 from our local un-humanized Simon Cowell.
Brak: I can't believe it.
Principal: Also Brak, you win a gift package to the local Spaceland St. Movie Theatre with free tickets to see the new hit movie "Space Ghost in Love". You'll get free service, free popcorn, and cleanness and also the theatre will be reserved just for you, also you win 1, 0000, 0000000,0000000,00000 bucks, well bye Brak.
Zorak: WHAT!
A cheque comes down.
Brak: I...I...I...I feel like a princess.
Principal: Of course you do.
Zorak: Zorak is green and mean baby!
Zorak sneaks to the stage and unleashes the Fairy Werewolf.
Fairy Werewolf: THE FAIRY WEREWOLF IS BACK!
The Fairy Werewolf stabs a wand through the judge's back.
Judge: 19.0, 18.0, 17.0, 16.0, 0.0. Dead.
The Judge lays dead.
Principal: Well, you lose Brak.
The Fairy Werewolf impales the Principal with a wand.
Principal: NOOOOOOOOO!
Zorak: Heh, heh, heh, heh. Score!
Brak's Dad: What the Hell?
Brak's Mom: Oh my God!
God: What?
Cut to the Fairy Werewolf destroying the set.
Audience: UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHH!
The audience run off.
Audience Member: Must leave!
Brak's Dad: What was Zorak thinking?
Brak's Mom: The Fairy Werewolf has gone plumbago!
Brak: Zorak, what did you do that?
Zorak: Because I just did.
End credits.
Tansut: The Brak Show is not cancelled, nope. Not at all, what the Hell were you guys thinking? It ain't true, it ain't true. What the Hell where you guys thinking? Because, it wasn't true. Cancelled after only 28 episodes? You crazy? Because, it wasn't true.