THE TROUBLE WITH CANDLES
Summary: A little payback time after a taxing "holiday." Teal'c and Jack are angry at each other and Sam is being strange. My attempt at being funny! SJ and Teal'c and Jack rivalry.
AN: So I got some chocolate smelling candles as a present from a friend, which, smell good enough to eat by the way, especially for a chocoholic like me. Yeah and out came this.
Please excuse me for the madness and weirdness, I wrote half of this after three days of staying at home sick and having an exam the next day (which I didn't do cos I was sick, but I did it later and got an A-!) Yes so sorry for the weirdness although that's what makes it funny!
Enjoy!
Teal'c of Chulak was angry. It was lesser anger of what he felt towards the Gou'ald. It was slightly lesser anger of what he felt towards his best friend when he had married his wife. But it was anger. It was anger towards his friend. Jack O'Neill.
Things had been a little tense between them after that body-changing incident with Machello.
Teal'c had still not forgotten the shame and humiliation he felt as he watched his body with O'Neill in it, saying those crude colloquialisms, acting so undignified, not treating his body with the proper care that should be taken, and talking about "Junior" with such disrespect.
It was enough to make Teal'c feel ill; made worse by the fact that he did not have a symbiote to make him feel better quicker.
He did not find Jack O'Neill's body an enjoyable experience either. For one thing, his knee was of most discomfort. He did not like the absence in his stomach and his head was far too hot. The hair was bristly and nuisance and it wasn't even a nice colour. It was grey! The hair had to go.
If O'Neill did not like it, it would not be his problem. It would grow back after a lengthy time period.
But it seemed that O'Neill did not think that way, and had threatened him with, something that he could not mention, if he did do anything to the hair.
Therefore Teal'c was angry.
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:BEEP:
There was a satisfying noise as the transaction went through the register at the department store. Jack O'Neill paid for his purchase of super scented chocolaty brown tea light candles and exited the sore with a huge grin on his face. It was payback time!
-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#
'Carter', Jack hissed to his 2IC who was working busily in her lab. Sam turned around, hardly surprised to find her CO lurking like an escaped criminal behind her open door and clutching a plastic bag in his hand.
'Sir?'
'I need your help.'
'I'm listening.' She said.
'I bought a new set of candles for Teal'c because… err…' Jack though quick. 'Because he's been looking a bit down lately and I thought he must be missing his family, so I wanted to do something nice for him.'
Sam gave him a sceptical look. 'Why do I get the feeling that there are some ulterior motives afoot, Sir?'
'Er… because of your excellent deductive reasoning skills.' He asked with a question in his voice.
'Good answer. What would you like me to do?'
Jack gave her a surprised grin. 'Ohho, so flattery gets me everything, eh? He said with a suggestive glint in his eyes. 'Well may I say you're the hottest woman I know. Even hotter than my idol Mary Steenburgen. And you're incredibly smart too!'
'Uh no, Sir.' She said with a small smile. 'I just need a bit of revenge on Teal'c. So what have you got there?' She asked, pointing at the plastic bag.
Okay, Jack was just a bit confused now.
'Hey, why are you taking revenge on Teal'c?'
Sam could be suggestive too. 'Let's just say', she said, exaggerating the lip movement with the "L", 'that I'm annoyed with Teal'c because he tried to shave off your Lovely, Luscious head full of hair.' Sam raised her hand and placed it on Jack's head and raked her fingers through his hair.'
'Ooh, I could get used to this.'
Sam gave a wicked grin, and then smacked Jack on the back of the head with her hand. Hard.
'Ow!' Jack exclaimed and fell to the floor, still conscious, but now his head hurt like hell. 'Geez, Carter!' You got a hand full of steel or something.'
'Even thinking about trying to sabotage Teal'c is playing with fire, Colonel!'
'Good thing I'm a pyro then, isn't it?' Jack said while rubbing his head.
Sam gave him an 'oh-aren't-you-a-smart-one' sarcastic glare. 'I've tried it before, Colonel; trust me it's not a good idea. So don't even ask me to help you. I'll let you suffer by yourself, Colonel!' Another wicked grin flashed across her normally angelic looking face.
Jack grunted as he tried to sit up, mumbling something about insubordination. 'For crying out loud, no wonder that guy on Simkara begged for mercy. You nearly turned him into a Mongolian barbeque!'
Sam gave a small laugh. 'Excuse me, Sir. I believe the situation requires ol' "Doc Frasier" and her needles here immediately.'
Jack was surprised Sam didn't let out an evil laugh as she left the room to visit the doc. This Sam was pure evil.
Jack came to the conclusion that she was already in cohorts with Teal'c.
-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#
Teal'c sat in a dark room in silent meditation. His mind was clear but he still found it hard to reach a perfect state of Kel'No'Reem. It was like his symbiote was repulsed by something. Teal'c surveyed his surroundings. Yes everything seemed in place. The lights were off; there as noting in the room except his carefully placed brown lit candles.
No. It was a scent. It smelt disgusting. It smelt of that cocoa candy that nearly all the Tau'ri seemed to worship. Chocolate!
Teal'c walked over to some of his candles and smelt them. Yes the candles were made to smell of chocolate!
Teal'c even in if he weren't in his right mind, would not purchase such filth. He always found sandal-wood a particularly soothing smell, ideal for achieving a connection with his symbiote.
Something was not right and Teal'c intended to find out what, or rather who was responsible.
'O'Neill!'
-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#
Meanwhile the person in question was hiding in the supplies closet next to Teal'c's room with…
Daniel.
'Thanks a lot, Spacemonkey.' Jack said through his laughter. 'Teal'c needed a bit of a slap on the bum. Can't let him getting too arrogant like those stuck-up Gou'ald, can we!'
Daniel was smirking like anything when he heard Teal'cs howl of fury, and was able to hold in his giggles until Teal'cs footsteps indicated that he was gone. Daniel let out a snort and then they both broke out into fully-fledged laughter.
It got to a point where Jack and Daniel had to hold onto each other for support, just so that they wouldn't fall over from the strength of their laughter.
Oh, they howled, they shrieked, they were laughing so much tears of mirth were coming out of there eyes, and every 20 seconds or so, they had to take a deep breath so they wouldn't run out of air during their next bought of laughing.
Finally after nearly seven minutes, Jack and Daniel fell to the floor, clutching their stomachs, breathing rather heavily.
'Hou… gosh that was funny!'
'Who ever knew teasing Teal'c was so much fun! We should have done it sooner!'
'I reckon!' Daniel heartily agreed.
Jack had a wicked thought. 'Hey! Let's go find Carter and let her bribe us into showing her the Polaroid picture that we took of Teal'c. Ooh what she wouldn't do to get her hands on it.'
'Oh I think she'd get her hands on you for it.' Daniel said slyly.
Jack gave him a sharp glare. 'Bad archaeologist. No picture for you!' With that he opened the door and marched around the corner only to come face to face with… Teal'c. Tense music
His face looked murderous as he saw a very conspicuous picture of himself in O'Neill's hand.
As quick as a paparazzi on the tail of a camera hating flim star, Jack whipped out his Polaroid, took another snap of Teal'cs expression and dashed for the nearest elevator to escape, leaving Daniel to deal with Teal'c.
Jack pushed the "close door" button and then pressed the level button that would take him to Carter's lab.
AN: Just a little humour to balance out the angstiness from "Samantha's Wedding" It probably gets a bit too much some times, and then it'll make you feel sad so this is to lighten it up a bit. See I can write humour!
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