Hermione stared at her friends helplessly, Pavarti's shocking news had caught her of guard, suddenly reality sank in her, and it didn't matter. It all made sense to her now, her life had been her nightmare her prison her only choice but she knew she couldn't keep going at one point she'd break and that was now.
Ignoring whatever the girls were saying to her Hermione swirled around and left. She walked slowly back to her chamber taking every turn ever so slowly. If there was something she needed to do was get away from reality.
As the only door she wanted to see came into view she shook her head convincing herself to hold back everything she felt, all the tears that threatened to fall, the pain she tried for so many years to forget about.
Opening the door Hermione rushed in and closed the door behind her, a desperate sigh escaped her lips. Turning towards the fireplace and the couches she noticed Severus reading his book with an interested gaze on his face. He hadn't noticed her entering the chamber. 'Oh no, he's the last one I want to see right now' trying to walk as quietly as she could towards the bedroom Hermione felt extremely silly and yet it did not matter.
Closing the bedroom door silently behind her she grinned weakly that had gone smoothly. Reaching down she locked the door with a mere locking spell, for that was the last thing on her mind. Walking miserably to her side of the bed she closed her eyes and listen to the blissful sound of silence. Sighing Hermione looked around, tears flowed down her cheek miserably. The one question, which she had for long now ignored came to her mind, once again…was it worth it? Was this life worth it?
'In the end it doesn't even matter.' Standing up she walked carefully to the bathroom, suddenly she felt numb nothing passed her skin. It had been so long since she wanted to feel loved, or at least liked, and now she realized how nothing mattered to her anymore. Stopping I front of the mirror she looked at her pale face, dark circles under her eyes, tear stained heart. Reaching forward Hermione opened the drawer in which Severus kept his shaving kit. 'Just like old times'
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As Severus silently watched his young bride stride in to the room, and lock herself in their bedroom. Something was terribly wrong and for the first time in a long time did Severus feel scared. He knew she wasn't herself in the minute she walked in the room and now he wondered what on earth would happen.
Walking rapidly toward the bedroom he whispered an unlocking spell, luckily enough it worked. But he knew she was capable of much better locking spells, and yet she did not care?
As the door slowly opened he swiftly slipped in the room and closed the door silently behind him. He could see her standing in front of the mirror crying, Severus couldn't quite see whatever it was she held in her hand tightly. But something told him this wasn't going to get any better. Marching closer and closer towards Hermione a sickening smell of blood reached him. Closing his eyes he groaned, 'Please let it not be that' he prayed quietly, desperately.
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Hermione groaned in pleasure as she slit open her left arm. It had been so long since she had touched a blade, and now she could finally release herself form reality.
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Sensing the smell of blood Severus rushed to her. Hermione could hear fast footsteps; opening her eyes she let the blade fall from her bloody hand. Swirling around, she found herself face to face with Severus Snape.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" she asked quietly. Hermione held her arm behind her back so he wouldn't see the cuts.
"Hermione…" he started furiously.
"Did you not see the door was locked?" she continued desperately.
"Why? What are you doing to yourself?" he didn't sound like old mean professor Snape, more in a … caring way.
"Get out!"
Closing his eyes wretchedly he sighed, did the girl ever stop? "What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so messed up?" he whispered miserably to himself. Unfortunately, she heard.
"What?" was he disappointed in marrying her or something?
"Why are you doing this?" he took a step closer towards her, she flinched.
There was a long pause, neither of them moved perhaps because neither knew what to say or because both were scared of what might happen. Shaking her head Hermione crossed her arms in front of her chest, fuck it all.
"Who cares." It wasn't a question, it wasn't a desperate thing to say, and it was simply the truth.
"What?"
"No one cares." Now she noted how her arm had made a big red thing on her white shirt, sighing she turned around and cleaned her cut on a towel. Meanwhile Snape observed her; she wasn't making much sense, at least not to him.
"I care."
Finishing with her arm she wiped the big mess she had made on the counter. Tears streamed down her face, it was time to go. It was time to leave.
"No, you don't. But it's ok. I don't care either."
"'Mya…what happened?"
Stopping dead on her track she looked at him, had he just called her 'Mya, never in her life had he called her that it had always been a sentimental nickname to her but it felt nice that he did.
"What do you think? Look at me! …I'm a mess, I...I have a messed up life...have four friends who don't know me...go to a school where everyone sees me as the bookworm and have a family who hates me…" after a minute she added as a second thought, "Don't even have a family."
"What are you talking about! Look at you! You are so beautiful and you have friends who care so much about you, and a school who takes pride in having you as a student and perhaps you do have a family… you have me."
He was mad, furious anyone could tell. Hermione watched in amazement at his little speech about her, but it made no sense he called her beautiful never had he done that and never had he thought of them as… family.
"You don't have to give me your little speech, as flattered as I am, I have to go." Starting to walk again she tried passing by him, but as she had expected he held her back by the arm.
"Don't ever turn away when I'm talking." He whispered maliciously. Hermione trembled under his grip.
"Let me go."
"When will you ever stop being a coward and face your problems?"
"You don't understand!" she cried fiercely now. Hermione tried shaking him off, but as always it was useless.
"Then tell me!"
"How can I tell you?" She whispered sorrowfully, "How can I tell you how horrible my life has been…how can I tell you what a horrid childhood I had with that monster I called uncle… how can I tell you how the only time in my life that I thought I was happy, when I had Mike…but of course it wouldn't last he was so much older and he's stupid lies telling me he'd come back for me…and he never did…and how Draco has touched me in ways no one should ever be touched…how I only have you to trust how I destroyed your life… and you probably hate me…and …and…" she couldn't believe it, Hermione Granger had just spilled out everything aspect of her life which she had kept secret to this man she barely knew.
Severus watched her reckless form telling him about everything he'd ever wanted to know, but now he feared he had heard too much.
"I didn't..."
"I know."
"Hermione, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Oh you know just because I just got married and I finally thought things would get better… and… and I'm sorry I ruined your life."
Pulling her closer to him Severus hugged her tightly, she was still shaking. It felt nice to have her close to him again, but what wouldn't he do not to see her like this.
"I didn't know it was that bad." He whispered threw her hair. Pulling back Hermione went over to the bed and sat down. Covering her eyes with her hand she sighed desperately.
"I don't care. I'm already so far down, nothing can save me."
"Are you really? Because what I see is a girl who doesn't want to let go of her past, who's afraid to start again."
"How can I Severus? I just... can't"
"Why can't you?"
"I dunno."
Sighing he sat next to her, "Let me fix your arm." She let him bring her arm closer so he'd fix it. Murmuring a healing spell the cuts healed. Hermione sighed with great relief.
"I know how hard this is for you…but I want you to start over again, who care Hermione forget about your uncle and all of the horrible things that happened, look forward to the future…let go of the past."
"I don't know if I can."
"I'm going to be here to help you."
Sighing Hermione sat closer to him. Leaning her head against his shoulder she wiped her tears away. After a quiet minute he asked the only thing that had been in his head.
"Is it true that guy…Mike, when you were with him; was it the only good time of your life?"
After a thoughtful moment she shook her head, "No, I was fooled by him, he made me think he loved me, he made me think I had a future time with him…but he didn't he left me and that hurt me so much."
"I'm sorry that happened."
"I'm not…I was living a lie."
Thinking over all the events she had just witnessed Hermione sat up straighter and looked at him questioningly, "Do you ever regret having to marry me?"
"Never."
Hermione let out a breath she was not aware she had been holding in, "What time is it?"
Reaching for his watch he turned to her, "9:30 pm."
"Wow."
"Yeah."
"So…what do we do now?"
"Whatever we want to."
"Can we just…sleep."
He nodded. They both got into bed without saying a word, they didn't need to. After a while they both fell sound asleep. Today had been the best and the worst day ever.