Like today. Rinoa Heartily blinked back tears as she remembered everything that single picture meant to her. It was her reminder, her lifeline back to a time that was long gone and could never come again. It was her way of remembering whenever time and GFs would get the better of her and her memories became faded. One look at this picture and the images, sounds, touches, and smells that she associated with her mother's memory came rushing back to the top of her head.
"Oh mom," the girl whispered to herself, her seventeen years slipping away until she was just a little girl again, a little girl that needed her mother. Normally she was very good at controlling her memories, keeping her sadness locked up in a tiny corner of her heart, where not even she noticed it or let it get out. But today, on the day her mother had died eleven years ago, she found herself unable to keep it under control.
Closing her brown eyes as tears slipped out, her mind slid back in time, back to when her mom wasn't sick, before her father became unbearable.
She had always known that her mother was sick. She couldn't remember a time before her mother had gotten the disease that would end her life. As a child though, she had never even comprehended that her mother might actually die. Her mom had always seemed invincible. Nothing could defeat her mother.
But, somewhere in the back of her six year old mind, she was afraid of losing her mother. At night, before her mom left her to fall asleep, little Rinoa would extract a promise that her mom would be there when she woke up. In the young girl's mind that agreement, as simple as saying "See you in the morning," meant that nothing could happen during the night that might make her mother not be there in the morning. That statement, issued so quickly and without thought, had become the little girl's way of convincing herself that her mom would always be there in the morning. She had promised. She wouldn't lie.
Rinoa remembered with a feeling of pain the morning that her mother had failed to greet her as she entered the kitchen. The only person in the room had been the housekeeper who just stared sadly at the little girl as she dabbed at her own wet eyes with a tissue. The woman had slowly explained that Mrs. Caraway had been taken to the hospital early that morning but General Caraway should be sending someone there at any moment to get Rinoa and take her to the hospital to see her mother. The little girl began crying before she even really understood what the words meant.
She still hadn't stopped crying when the soldier her father had sent to pick her up delivered her to the room where her parents were. Her mother was pale and looked too thin under the plain white sheets of her hospital bed. General Caraway was seated next to her bed, his hands wringing each other anxiously as he stared listlessly at the floor. He didn't even look up to acknowledge his daughter's presence.
Julia's brown eyes were anxious as they looked into Rinoa's identical eyes. She reached out her hand slowly, as if movement was difficult for her, and extended her hand towards her little girl. Rinoa remembered running and jumping up onto the bed, ignoring the cry of dismay that her father let out as she landed on the bed. Her mother's arms wrapped tight around her and she felt for all the world as if nothing was wrong, as if it was impossible for anything to be wrong if her mother was there. As she sobbed onto her mother's shoulder she could hear her mother's voice above her, whispering words of comfort and love. Little Rinoa didn't even notice that there were no more whispered promises of being there in the morning.
Rinoa began to sob as the memories overwhelmed her and she broke down, her fingers tightening around the picture still held in her hand. Arms slid around her suddenly and she felt herself being pulled closer to a warm body. Squall pulled her into his lap, her head resting against his chest, rocking her as she cried against him. He didn't speak, just held her as she cried, her tears soaking into his shirt but he made no move to shrink away from her.
As she calmed down, he pressed gentle kisses onto the top of her head, silently promising to do his best to help her get through it. Leaning back against him, Rinoa loosened her grip slowly on the picture and held it up a bit so that Squall could see it over her shoulder.
"She was beautiful," his voice said quietly near her ear. Rinoa nodded and a small smile came to her lips as a few more tears slipped from her eyes, adding their wet trails to the lines of tears that already streaked her face. Through the tears that filled her eyes she looked down at the picture one more time.
The people in the picture were all smiling, a man and a woman and a little girl. They were standing proudly next to a tall snowman. There was a little cabin in the background and mountains further out behind the cabin. The man had his arm around the woman and the little girl was standing next to her mother with her arms wrapped tightly around her mother's leg as she grinned at the camera.
Rinoa couldn't help but smile as Squall reached over her shoulder with one arm and pointed to the little Rinoa in the photo. "You we're a little cutie," he said, a touch of amusement in his voice. His hand took hold of hers on the edge of the photo and squeezed gently. "I know you miss her," Rinoa sniffled a little bit and nodded. "I wish I could have known her. Will you tell me about her?"
Rinoa nodded as more tears welled up in her eyes. "She would have loved you," she whispered, her voice choking up with tears. Squall didn't say anything, just hugged her tighter.
Leaning back against him she slowly began to tell him stories about her mother. She might not always remember every little detail about her mother but she would make sure that she would never forget about her.
Her mother's memory would live on.
AN: I know I'm supposed to be updating Apt 29B next but this thing popped in my head tonight and I just sat down and wrote it - I know its weird but I think it was something I needed to write...for myself, as a way of getting my memories of my mother out...Most of the stuff about Rinoa's feelings are based on stuff I did while my mom was sick. Anyways, I hope someone reviews it and lets me know what they think.