Disclaimer - You all know the drill. HP and all related characters belong to the mighty JK bows.
The storyline has probably been used before...but I hope it's original, and that my plot has a bit of a twist for you all.
Main characters - Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Rolanda Hooch, Sarah Sinistra, Severus Snape, Minerva McGonagall, Albus Dumbledore
Pairings - AD/MM (got tolove it!)
Warnings - Swearing, some suggestive parts
Author's Notes - This is just a one-shot, and a little sparkle of inspiration just made me do this. Hopefully it's as in-character as possible, and hopefully it's actually funny (I've got a weird sense of humour...)
Flames accepted and put into big barbecue so I can roast marshmallows!
Like so many times before the Golden Trio moved through the dark halls of Hogwarts under Harry Potter's invisibility cloak.
"Ouch! That was my foot!" Hermione hissed in pain.
"Well it's not like I can see it!" Ron sarcastically hissed back.
"Will you two just shut up! We'll be caught at this rate!" Harry whispered sharply under his breath, silencing the two friends.
Of course, being Prefect, Head Boy and Head Girl, it should occurred to them…well, Hermione…that they could say they were on their rounds, instead of having to resort to the single Invisibility Cloak.
It never did.
The sounds of moaning and groaning and soft giggling came from a broom cupboard nearby, causing the Trio to freeze.
"Harry, shouldn't stop them?" Hermione asked. "They could be making babies!"
"It's just plain embarrassing!" Harry muttered.
"Of course it's embarrassing! But that doesn't mean you can't do it." Hermione quipped.
"Wait, why am I supposed to do it? Why not you or Ron?" Harry asked indignantly.
"Because I have a young, innocent and pure mind…and Hermione is a total virgin and doesn't want to see any of that 'til she is married." Ron joked, causing him to get hit on the back of the head.
"No way." Harry said, folding his arms.
Hermione folded her own and gave him a look.
Ron shrugged.
"I think we have to decide the usual way." Ron commented, and Harry nodded. Hermione sighed.
"Ok…1...2...3..."
The Trio each had their hands out and had a variety of strange shapes.
"Yes! Our rocks blunt your scissors!" Ron grinned. "Go!"
Harry, who had had this scissors blunted, sighed and went over to the door, pulling it open slightly.
He paled dramatically.
Whenever he did nothing, Ron and Hermione crept up and also looked inside.
Harry had to clamp his hand over Ron's mouth, to stop him from shrieking girlishly.
Seeing two Professors, one your Headmaster and one your Head of House, in a cupboard doing…things…was not something you would want to see at any time…ever.
Never ever ever.
"Do you still want me to stop them!" Harry hissed, looking at Hermione.
She had a hand over her mouth and was pale.
He glanced at Ron who was a pale shade of green and decided to not to ask him to say anything, just incase.
"Oh, excuse me Professors, would you please stop doing dirty things?" Harry asked quietly in a mock-Hermione voice. "There is no way I'm saying anything about that…"
Harry slowly shut the door and turned around, coming smack-bang into Rolanda Hooch, flight instructor and Quidditch fanatic.
"Potter, Weasley, Granger, what are you…?"
Harry shushed her. She had been speaking too loudly for his comfort.
He quietly signalled to the door, and she looked reluctant before slowly opening the door, peaking in, and quietly shutting it.
"Oh my God!" She whispered, pale. "Secret crush, my arse! And she told me only today that she just couldn't tell him! And finding them doing…that…oh Merlin…"
Ron nodded before stopping, breathing deeply.
"I think we need to get out of here." Hermione spoke quietly.
"Why?" Harry asked softly.
"Well, well, well, Potter, Granger and Weasley out of bed again? And Rolanda, I see you are joining their activities. I can't say I'm very surprised." Professor Severus Snape drawled.
"You'd be with us if you saw what was happening in there, you-" Ron was cut off by Hermione, who stomped (not gently, it must be said) on his foot.
Sneering, he looked over at the cupboard, grabbed the handle and flung the door open.
A scream was heard as he took in the scene and he hurriedly shut it.
"Oh Merlin." He said weakly.
"There's only one thing for it." Ron said.
"Yeah, and we all know what that is…Rrrruuuuuunnnnnnnnn!" Harry shouted, and without thought, all of them ran as if the devil was chasing them.
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"We need to hide!" Hooch panted after a couple of minutes desperate sprinting.
"Where!" A hysterical Hermione asked, for once not knowing what to do.
The men were silent, too caught up in running for their lives to really think.
"They don't know who it was…" Hermione continued, calming ever-so-slightly. "Maybe we could just…"
"Dumbledore would know…damn that man and his aura recognising abilities…" Snape muttered, sneering.
"Well I think he might have been a little preoccupied, don't you think!"
"Please! No more…"
"Ok, ok…what about the Kitchens?"
"Too obvious…"
"Gryffindor Tower?"
"Way too obvious…"
"The Dungeons…"
"Too well-known…"
"Wait!" Hooch said, suddenly smiling. "I've got just the place!"
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"Ok, so let me get this straight." Sarah Sinistra said cautiously to the five in front of her.
"You found Minerva and the Headmaster…in a compromising position…and have basically kidnapped me to tell me this, and to hide you in the Divination Room?" Sarah Sinistra asked incredulously.
She knew she shouldn't have told Rolanda she had a key to all the towers in the Castle…but the compromising position news was something she had never expected, and she had helped them without question.
"She hates it up here…she loathes Trelawney even more so…she'd never think of it…and we didn't have a key. Plus, you're one of her friends too, who was only earlier trying to help me convince her to tell him…"
Sarah pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes.
"You are all aware that they will find you eventually…"
"We're trying to delay that situation, Sarah." Snape snapped.
"I know, Severus," she replied calmly, "but they will find you…sooner or later. What are you going to do? Say?"
"I was more wondering how I'll be able to look the two of them in the eye…" Harry interrupted. "I always thought there was something up with them…and I could have sworn that I saw him put a hand on her knee once…but this wasn't the way I wanted it confirmed…"
"And how I'm going to be able to look her in the eye…sure, I was trying to convince her to tell him, and I'm supportive of it…but I have to agree with Potter…that's not the way I wanted to be supportive…"
"Wait. Are you saying that McGonagall likes Dumbledore?" Ron cut in, disbelievingly.
The group turned to look at him, all with raised eyebrows.
He blushed.
"I know that…but I mean like she loves him or something…"
"She's loved him for years." Rolanda agreed, shrugging off the teens' looks.
"And Albus has loved her…if I'd heard how he couldn't tell her one more time I swear I'd have brewed a Love Potion, slipped it to them at lunch and locked them in a cupboard."
Rolanda Hooch had never thought that she'd agree with Severus Snape about anything, but that thought exactly had crossed her mind at that time, and on several other occasions.
The sounds of faint footsteps below them distracted them from saying any more, and the trap door being opened, and the ladder falling down, caused them all to silently curse and jump behind a series of obstacles.
Two pairs of feet appeared to Harry from his view under a small desk, no doubt belonging to Dumbledore and McGonagall, and soft whispers reached his ears.
"I very much doubt they would come up here, Albus. They don't have access…"
"This is the last place they'd believe you in particular would look, my dear. It is well-known that you loathe Divination…"
"It is a useless subject!"
"I know, Minerva, I know…but we really do need to concentrate on finding them…I know they are somewhere in the area…"
The feet moved slowly away from his table, and Harry sighed in relief.
However, Rolanda Hooch wasn't so lucky…and her allergy to perfume kicked up in the perfume-scented room just as the two walked past.
She sneezed. Loudly.
Before Dumbledore could turn, the group had all appeared and ran for the stairs.
Kicking the others out of the way, Snape went down, followed by Hooch, Sinistra, Hermione, Ron and finally Harry, who pulled the trap-door down over his head just as McGonagall tried to run out in her cat form.
And once again, they were running.
For once, all united together, the group ran to Dungeons, to Snape's Office, where they locked the doors with all the spells they knew and took seats on the chairs inside.
There was silence.
"They definitely know who we are now." Rolanda commented lightly.
They all turned to her, Snape sneering (although not as nastily as usual it had to be said).
"And I wonder whose fault that was, Rolanda."
"I'm allergic to perfume, alright!"
"I-"
"Will shut up. You too, Rolanda." Sarah cut in, stopping the brewing argument in its tracks.
"What's done is done, and arguing isn't going to help us…God help us, we've got Minerva's temper already to come…"
"You know," Hermione said, her features suddenly changing into a foreign mischievous look, "that we actually have some information on them…if they do anything that we don't like, we could report them to the Board of Governors for improper conduct…especially after we saw what we saw."
Ron and Harry gaped at her.
"Oh Merlin…we've rubbed off on her…the world is ending…" Ron murmured in disbelief, and a small amount of pride.
Hermione surprisingly smiled, and blushed.
Before Harry could question her however, a booming knock came on the door.
"It's show time." Snape smirked.
The six shared a look before removing the spells and opening the door.
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The Headmaster and his Deputy (in more ways that one, Rolanda gleefully added) looked at the group in utter shock.
"You expect us to do what!" McGonagall asked, her stern mask having fallen, replaced with surprise and a good dose of shock to boot.
"We expect you," Snape pointed to them, "to do whatever we say," he pointed at the 'group', "from now in…we won't take this to extremes…however, tomorrow shall be our celebration of this, if you will…and therefore, you will have to do, say, act and dress exactly as we tell you to."
Even Dumbledore looked surprised - a first, Harry mentally added.
"And therefore, several things shall be happening tomorrow. Potter, Weasley and myself will help you tomorrow morning Albus, while Granger, Rolanda and Sarah shall help Minerva…and then," Snape paused, smirk widening in such a way that the two know to be very, very afraid, "the fun shall begin."
"Ok, so we're going for the plain green robes…" Ron said, pulling said robes out of the wardrobe.
"Damn right. Those luminous monstrosities won't be seen today." Snape said triumphantly, tossing said green robes to the Headmaster, and ordered him to go and change into them.
Once the man left the room, Harry's face morphed into a smirk that reflected his Slytherin side perfectly.
"Ok, so what about his hair and beard?" Harry asked.
Snape was rather concerned by the smirk (not that he would ever admit it), but was nearly sent into cardiac arrest whenever Weasley, of all people, also smirked.
"I was thinking dreadlocks for his beard…with green highlights…and his hair spiked out with a nifty spell Fred and George taught me."
"His cunning…Gryffindor, my arse." Harry muttered, before agreeing.
The two turned to Snape.
"As loathe as I am to admit it, you two have surprised me with a passable idea - however, one change has to be made."
Harry scrunched up his face in thought and settled on waiting for the man to finish his sentence.
"Perhaps the tips of his spikes, as you call them, could be snake's heads. Once again to add to his personal support of Slytherin."
Ron couldn't help it - he laughed.
They froze.
Did Ron just laugh at something Snape said?
Before this rather worrying development could happen, a very apprehensive and surprisingly plain Albus Dumbledore entered the room - he really wished he could have run out of the room as he studied the looks he was receiving.
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Minerva entered the room, her face scrunched up in distaste as the rainbow-coloured robes she had been forced into.
Hermione, Rolanda and Sarah, on the other hand, grinned brightly, clapping their hands and squealing.
It was obvious she was stopping herself from cursing the lot of them (even Hermione) into an oblivion, instead settling for balling her hands tightly.
"Now, for the finishing touches," Sarah grinned, pausing to accommodate for her hearty guffaws, before pulling out her wand.
Several seconds later she was done, and she silently directed Minerva to a mirror.
Minerva stared at herself in shock.
Her hair, usually in a bun, was flowing in ringlets down her back. Her glasses, usually black and rectangular, were shocking pink, with pink sparkles and fluffy pink feathers on the sides. And her eyes were covered in near-luminous pink eye shadow.
"And you have to be happy today…none of this strict stuff. Games in class, smiles, hell, even a bit of laughter. This will last until you go to sleep - and then our day of fun will be over."
The weight held against her was so great that she resignedly nodded, and turned to leave.
Rolanda coughed as she stood up.
Minerva, sighing, pasted a happy smile on her face.
"And skip!" Sarah called out to the woman.
"WHAT!"
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The group met up inside the Great Hall, each nodding lightly at each other and continuing to their places within the Hall, and then turned to face the door from the seats, so that they could witness the event that would seen begin.
The first to enter was Albus, humming to himself.
He ignored the shocked silence of the Hall, instead taking it in his stride and going to his seat, where he put out his breakfast.
Seconds after this, Minerva entered, happily skipping and with a large smile on her face.
The males and females of the group met the other's eyes, shocked at what the others had done.
"Oh Merlin…this is going to be one hell of a day…" Ron gaped.
Harry, whose jaw was loose, nodded wordlessly as Minerva passed, skipping and singing to herself.
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After a rather easy day with work, the corridors buzzing with rumours of Minerva and Albus' strange appearances and behaviour, from both students and teachers, it was time for the Trio's final class of the day.
Transfiguration.
The three were the first into the classroom (after some pushing from Ron and Harry), and managed to snag the front seats.
An unusual change for the day was that everyone was trying to sit at the front, to experience the new McGonagall at close-range.
The bell had just rang, and everyone turned towards the door. It was known that McGonagall was always precisely on time.
She didn't enter.
Everyone started muttering - only the Trio, who shot each other knowing glances, knew that this was another part of the day's 'activities'.
Being late was something, Rolanda claimed, had never happened to Minerva McGonagall.
Today was a day of firsts.
Five minutes after the bell, a beaming Minerva entered the room, and silence came quickly.
But for a completely different reason that usual.
"Good afternoon, everyone!" She grinned. "Today, we are going to practice…nothing from your NEWT syllabus."
The seventh-year Gryffindors exchanged frightened and rather concerned glances.
"Instead, what we are going to do is use Transfiguration to make banners and posters for the upcoming Gryffindor/Slytherin Quidditch Match! Thanks to a wonderful suggestion from Madam Hooch, of course - what a wonderful flyer, that woman is."
Harry, whose eyebrows were stretching into his mane of hair, had to grin.
There was no doubt who had made her say that little catchphrase.
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The Gryffindors left that cheerful lesson with as much Gryffindor Quidditch paraphernalia as they could carry, ranging for roaring stuffed lions, to large signs depicting Slytherin's brutal defeat.
To everyone's surprise, McGonagall had been suggesting some very good ideas, and was enthusiastically helping them.
This strange and frankly frightening behaviour was the hot topic of students as they sat down for dinner.
This continued throughout the meal, with many glances being shot up towards the Deputy Headmistress.
However, at last, the dinner faded to the kitchens, the pumpkin juice filtered from the shining golden goblets.
And, to everyone's surprise, Albus Dumbledore suddenly looked very angry.
The Hall fell silent.
"I have put up with much today…but this is too much…"
Six people slowly, and stealthily, got up and slowly moved towards the exit.
"Albus, what…?"
"My lemon drops! They're all gone! Every single last one of them! And Honeydukes has been bought out! Today!"
Before the man could stand up, the six took off at a run once again - and yet another night of running took place for the Trio, Rolanda Hooch, Sarah Sinistra and Severus Snape.
Only this time, the Headmaster was a very determined and angry man…a man without his beloved and precious lemon drops…and he would stop at nothing until he got them back.
Just a one-shot - I've had this written for a long time, but just finished it properly the other day. I hope you like it.