I don't own Jackson Rippner. I own my severely twisted mind.
(p.s. I'm sorry if anyone is offended by step 9. but deal with it kaythanks.)
The Girl's Guide To Winning The Heart Of Jackson Rippner Or The Ten Steps To Getting It On With Jackson Rippner
1 Airplanes – As we all know, our favorite assassin likes to stalk potential victims on planes. Get a plane ticket. Now. No, it doesn't even matter where it's for. By that time you even stop to wonder where the hell you're going, you will be sitting next to the man of your dreams. Does the ultimate destination even matter? I think not.
2 Alcohol – When drinking with Jackson Rippner, you should make sure not to order a Bay breeze or someone will inevitably get punched at the result of painful memories. Order tequila and be done with it.
3 Bathrooms – Bathrooms are sure to play an integral part in winning the heart of the man of your dreams. Being quite cramped places, if Jackson Rippner begins slamming you around a stall (perhaps even on a plane) so small you are never more than a few inches apart, savor the moment. Even if a massive amount of blood is flowing out of a crack in your head. Who. The. Fuck. Cares.
4 Clothing /Classiness– Your wardrobe should contain a basic black skirt. Think classic black and white beauty. A simple white blouse will suffice. Jackson isn't really into flashy stuff. For your own sake, do not try to seduce him wearing low rise jeans and a halter top. Classy is the way to go.
5 Death – When dealing with Jackson Rippner, it is likely someone is going to die. It doesn't matter as long as it's not you. Be prepared for the initial shock, but surprise him by not really caring as long as you're with him. Death is an acceptable factor in the battle to get it on with the man. He might even be plotting to kill your Uncle. Once you find yourself staring into his blue blue blue eyes you won't even remember you have an Uncle, so go with it.
6 Endings – When dealing with a man as vibrant and intense as Mr. Rippner, happy endings can't be guaranteed. Don't expect him to whip out a glass slipper and ride off with you into the sunset. If you need this kind of reassurance, you aren't the girl for him. Deal with it. Your encounter could end with your dad shooting him a couple times, leaving him on the floor to die, or part of your hotel being blown up. You just never know.
7 Guns – While of course you would never want to shoot him, someone else might be planning on pulling a gun on Jackson. He has a dangerous job, after all. Don't loose your cool at the sight of any type of firearm. Jackson will dismiss you as a stupid, simpering drama queen and you can forget any fantasies you might have had about you, him and a big bowl of strawberries and melted chocolate.
8 Hair – Curly hair is preferable, but any type of hair will work as long as it's natural looking. Do not dye. Ever. See CLASSY.
9 Scars – If you do not have a large scar on some part of your body that you would like touched by Jackson Rippner, it's understandable to take a sharp pair of scissors and create one. Just make sure you sterilize them after.
10 Sex – There is no getting around the fact that Jackson Rippner is the sexiest person the planet. You will probably want to jump on him the moment you see him. This is not advised. If you restrain yourself from acting like a squealing fan girl you will undoubtedly be getting it on with him soon. Just remember to keep it PG 13 and politely save the kinkier parts for off screen time.