Pain in the…
Date and Time Started: September 13, 2005 at 3:47 PM
Date and Time Finished: September 13, 2005 at 7:17 PM
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters, only the plot.
Summary: A very humiliating, embarrassing, and unbecoming story that still makes Sirius blush and Sirius neverblushes. Unless you mention pudding, McGonagall, and fishnet stockings…
I, James Potter, am a changed man.
Not only am I a changed man, I am a changed man in immense pain.
Why you ask, am I in immense pain? Two words: Sirius Black.
Before the eye-rolling and mental whispers of "… typical, I should have known…" ever crosses your mind, let me explain. There is a story behind why those two words associate with my pain. A very humiliating, embarrassing, and unbecoming story that still makes Sirius blush and Sirius never blushes. Unless you mention pudding, McGonagall, and fishnet stockings…
... You don't want to know.
The story begins in my fifth year right after the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. exam was finished. In my fifth year, I finally discovered what lovely creature's women truly are, and I had my sights set on one in particular: Lily Evans. The beautiful, intelligent woman with startling emerald-green eyes, curvy figure, freckled nose, and hair as vibrant as the reddish colour a sunset creates in the sky...
Now that I've had my fourteenth Day Dream about Lily today, I'll continue with my entry.
After the exam, Sirius and I were bored and went to play a harmless prank on Snivellus, the smarmy git with greasy hair, a hook nose, and was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts, who is also referred to as Severus Snape. Lily didn't approve of me "harassing" him and we got into a bit of a barmy.
… Still to this day she doesn't know how deep her painful words cut me like a knife to the throat…
After this moment in time, I finally realized I would never have a chance with her unless I grew up and transformed into a man that she could learn to love. I decided that night after the incident, that I would change, that I would grow up and become the man of Lily Evans' dreams. Because if I didn't, I knew I would be doomed to become the 90 year-old virgin. So the morning after I turned to the first person I could think of for help.
Unfortunately for me, that person turned out to be the worst help ever. Ever. EVER.
… And no, it wasn't Sirius…
… Yet anyway…
Remus Lupin, my most sensible and caring, brilliant and witty, friend and Marauder, was the first person I chose. All of sixth year, he and I spent every waking moment working on trying to deflate my ego and rid me of my pompous attitude. Remus hatched elaborate, fool-proof plans only a certain James Potter could destroy; we tested each plan on Sirius before I used them, to our surprise they worked for him. This leads us to the whole "I am James Potter and karma and fate hate me" situation that happened each time I tried out one of these plans.
So, by the end of sixth year I was teetering on the brink of insanity from the frustration of not making any progress the entire year. I ran on Lily Evans and her alone, and the stress of not having her as my girlfriend was enough to send me to Saint Mungo's Psychiatric Ward permanently.
This brings me to the source of all my pain. On the train ride home for the summer vacation before Seventh year, I finally gave up on Remus and turned to my right-hand man, my Partner in Crime, Sirius Black.
I'd just like to state that this decision marks the beginning of the end of my miserable life.
You know why that decision marks the end of my life? Because Mr. Sirius Black suggested the most vile, idiotic, and outrageous idea any of the other Marauder's and I had ever heard.
Shock Therapy.
It's too bad I'm desperate enough to go through with it.
Author's Note:
Okay, this came to me while I was writing poetry in my room. I want at least three reviews telling me if it was good or bad. Preferably good, but you can't always get what you want… and I know it's short! Barely four pages… most like 3 ½ on Word. But I promise that the next chapter will be quadruple that!
Anyway, I'm still deciding between whether the whole story will be in James' P.O.V. or Third Person P.O.V. so suggestions would be brilliant.
CONSTRUCTIONABLE CRITISISM ONLY PLEASE! I know I am not perfect, and I know some people will sneer in disgust at my story, but be kind about it, alright? I don't need more punks ruining my day; I get enough of them at school. Also bear in mind I am in need of a Beta so if anyone is interested leave a note…
I hope you all enjoyed it! The second chapter will be posted as soon as I have three reviews!
-- Messr. Prongs