Citizen Kaito

AN: Ah, me and my crazy ideas. I was trying to think up a new Conan fic cause I haven't written one in a while and my first chapter one involving it is still in the planning stages, so this idea has been bouncing back and forth in my head. At first I thought it was just a stupid little thing, but late one night I suddenly realized how I could make it work. That tends to happen to me a lot. I know the overall idea sounds really humorous, and I even think it's funny, but bear with it. I can't have three genres. Thanks to Candyland for beta-ing me and helping me and all of the other wonderful things she'll do when I start rambling.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Gosho Aoyama's. He owns that. Sillies . . .

A cold wind blew through the city that night, but it didn't stop the large crowd from forming around the museum. At first, they had come out of excitement, happily talking and cheering at the show they had been treated to, but a hush had recently fallen over them. People whispered to each other, keep their eyes glued on the door which was expected to open at any second.

Finally, the doors flew open. The crowd split down the middle as several police officers made their way to their cars, their heads held high. The people craned their necks to see past the entourage to where two officers stood on either side of a figure with its head hanging in defeat. Behind them came two men in suits, one of them grinning like a madman and the other, much younger, not showing as much emotion but seeming satisfied.

All eyes were on the somber person in-between the two officers. As the parade ended, the crowd filled back in and made their way toward the police cars, still staring intently as the man was pushed into the back seat of the car, his wrists bound by several sets of handcuffs. The grinning man with the moustache stood in front of him, posing as a few news people took pictures and got a firm grip on their notepads.

"I am pleased to announce," he finally said, looking back at the shocked and depressed person behind him, "that this dangerous criminal has finally been apprehended!" A slight whisper began to race through the crowd of people, not seeming nearly as happy about this turn of events but still anticipating something.

"And now, we will finally unmask this thief!" he finished, grabbing the large white hat on the top of his head and whisking it off and knocking off the monocle beneath it. There was a gasp and the two men who had seemed so satisfied at this capture stared at him in disbelief, while everyone else tried to get a good look at his face to see if they recognized it as these people seemed to.

The man in the squad car looked out into the group of people and forced out a grin, although it was very unconvincing. He then turned his face away as everyone began talking at once, a few people still looking at him with their mouths hanging open. "That's not possible!" the man with the moustache exclaimed. "Do you know how long I've been after this guy? He's not nearly old enough! I should know; I know this kid! What sort of trick is this?"

"It's not a trick," the younger one said, now looking much more pleased than he had before. "I'm sure we'll get all of our answers shortly."

A few more flashes went off before the officers finally made their way into their cars, the older man still seeming completely taken aback. "Take him away," he finally muttered, getting ready to close the door.

The young man in the back stared forward, seeming lost in thought, and uttered one word:

"Fish."

"Hey, Hattori, did you see the news?"

"Uh, no. What happened?"

"They caught Kaitou Kid. Apparently he was actually someone around our age."

"Well that makes sense. Didn't you say you thought he probably looked like you?"

"Yeah, yeah. Look, here's what I called you about. According to everything I've heard, ever since he was arrested, they've only been able to get one word out of his mouth."

"And what was that?"

"Fish."

"What?"

"The only thing he's said is 'fish'."

"Maybe he's just hungry."

"No, they tried that. He started screaming and tried to break out of the room."

"So, why are you telling me all of this, Kudo?"

"Are you busy?"

The two teenage boys made their way into the police station. Although they were still in high school, it was fairly easy for them to gain entrance to the limited access parts of the building since everyone knew who they were. In one room was a table at which a very distraught looking Kuroba Kaito sat, Nakamori-keibu sitting across from him and seeming rather annoyed. It was behind the one way mirror into this room that Kudo Shinichi and Hattori Heiji took their places.

"All right," Nakamori was saying, wiping some sweat off of his forehead, "let's try this again. How are you Kid the Phantom Thief? I've been after him for more than 20 years, and you're the same age as Aoko. Were you just playing a trick on everyone that night?"

Kaito stared at him blankly for a moment, before finally shaking his head. Nakamori growled and slammed his hands onto the table. "Then how the hell are you the Kaitou Kid! Answer me!"

Kaito looked at the ground, and after a few awkward minutes of silence, Nakamori threw his hands into the air and went out of the room. He made his way into where Shinichi and Heiji sat with a few police officers. "I just can't get a word out of that boy," he muttered, watching the unmoving teen from behind the tinted glass. "I always thought he was such a nice boy, too. The last thing I ever expected was to arrest him, much less for the Phantom Thief's robberies. There's just no way it could be him! I know he's a good magician, but he wasn't even born when these robberies first started taking place!"

"So, you're saying you already knew him?" Shinichi asked, looking at the frustrated inspector.

"What?" he mumbled, as though he hadn't even realized anyone else was in the room. "Oh, yeah. Hey, who are these two kids?"

"Kudo Shinichi and Hattori Heiji at your service," the former replied. "We're high school detectives trying to find out why all he's said so far is 'fish.' Do you have any idea?"

"I don't even know how he's the criminal!" Nakamori exclaimed. "How the hell would I know anything about that? Hakuba didn't even have an answer for it!"

"Well, do you know where we could look for an answer?" Heiji asked, eyeing the man strangely. "We're trying to help in whatever way we can."

Nakamori sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Well," he finally said, "I suppose you can talk to the boy's mother. She's kept very quiet throughout this whole ordeal, too, but maybe you two can get something out of her. I'll let you know where you can find her."

"I can't say that I was surprised to hear that Kaito was the Phantom Thief," said Kuroba Meimi, handing them glasses of tea, "but I was rather shocked to hear that he had been arrested."

"Wait, what do you mean you weren't surprised?" asked Shinichi.

"I think I've said too much on the subject already," she replied matter-of-factly. "Now, what's the reason you two came here?"

"We're trying to figure out why all he's said since his arrest is 'fish'," Heiji said. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, I don't know what that has to do with his being arrested," she said. "All I know is that ever since he was little he's always hated fish."

"Really?"

"Yes. Whether it's alive or even cooked fish he can't even stand to look at it. I've never known why, either. The only person who might have known was his father, but he passed away several years ago after an accident during a show."

"What did his father do?" asked Heiji, seeming confused.

"Haven't you heard of him?" replied Shinichi before she could answer. "This is Kuroba Toichi's family. That's another reason why people were surprised to hear who it was. His son is the Phantom Thief."

"I guess that makes sense," Heiji thought out loud. "His father probably trained him as a magician."

"What was it you came here for again?" Meimi asked abruptly, seeming to want the topic changed.

"Uh, 'fish.'"

"Well, the only way I can think of to help you was the first time he reacted to fish in the way he usually does . . . "

"It's time for dinner!" Kuroba Meimi called. A few moments later, her husband and four-year-old son made their way in. "So, what have you two been up to?" she asked, preparing their plates.

"Oh, not a lot," Toichi replied. "I was just showing Kaito the basics of being a good magician is all."

"Not another one," she sighed, although she smiled slightly as she set their trays in front of them. "So what exactly did you teach him?"

"Nothing too . . . " Toichi began, when a scream interrupted him. They both looked over at little Kaito, who was staring at his food in horror.

"What's wrong?" his mother exclaimed.

Kaito said nothing, but continued to look at his food in fear and slowly started backing away.

"Is there something in it?" she asked, reaching for it in order to get a better look.

"F-fish!" he exclaimed, running behind his father and peering around to look at the offensive dish.

"Fish? What's wrong with fish? We had it last night."

"Come on, Kaito, eat up. Your mother's not making you anything else."

The young boy whimpered and ran out of the room. His parents stared at the empty doorway for a moment. "Did you do something to him?" Meimi finally asked.

"And ever since then, he's just hated fish," she finished. "I never brought it up with my husband again. I guess I always thought I could save it for later, and Kaito of course doesn't remember anything about that day. That's all I can tell you."

Shinichi and Heiji looked at each other with confusion. "Is there anyone else who might know something?" Shinichi finally asked.

"There's only one person I can think of the Kaito's spent a lot of time with since he was young. I don't know if she can help you very much with the fish problem, though. She didn't even know about it until I told her. I don't know what you detectives can find useful, though."

"Where can we find this person?" Heiji asked.

She grinned.

"I still can't believe it," Nakamori Aoko said, sitting on a chair across from the two boys. "When Dad told me that Kaitou Kid had been arrested, I was so excited, but when he told me who it was . . . "

"We'd like to ask you a few questions," Shinichi interrupted, not wanting her to become too upset before she finished talking to them. "We've been trying to figure out why all he'll say is 'fish.'"

"I-I'm not sure," she replied. "I only found out that he hates them a few months ago."

"Well," Heiji said, "can you think of any other times when he was really upset? How did he react then?"

"Well," she began, her somber mood lightening a bit as she thought, "I know he was very close to his father. He taught Kaito almost everything he knew. I remember that the first time I met him he was already producing flowers from thin air. Kaito was so proud of his dad. I never really got to know him, though, she he was always traveling around the world doing shows. Then, about ten years ago . . . "

A nine-year-old boy sat under a tree, sniffling miserably to himself. People passed by him as they walked through the park, assuming that he had gotten into an argument with one of his family members and was staying there until the steam blew off. A little girl poked her way around those that were strolling, carefully looking around the area. Finally, her face lightened up and she ran toward the boy. "There you are, Kaito!" she exclaimed. "My dad said your mother was looking for you. I think she wants you to come home."

Kaito shook his head miserably, biting his lower lip as hard as he could. "There were a lot of people there," she continued, trying to make eye contact with him. "Are you guys having a party or something?"

Kaito shook his head again, a sob escaping from his throat. "N-no, Aoko," he replied, his voice sounding very shaky. "It's my dad . . . "

"What happened?" she asked, sitting down next to him as he hid his eyes behind his fists.

"M-my mom got a call a little a while ago. They . . . They said that my dad was doing a show and something went wrong."

"So he made a mistake," she said as cheerily as she could. "People will still come to see him. Like you always say, he's the best magician in the world!"

"That's the thing, Aoko," he replied, a few tears trickling down onto his cheeks. "I guess he was doing something really dangerous and . . . They said that he was dead. They said that my dad died!"

Aoko's eyes went wide. "Oh, Kaito . . . " she murmured. "I... I'm so sorry."

"He can't be dead!" he suddenly exclaimed, finally turning his tear streaked face toward her. "My dad's the greatest magician ever! He would die doing a trick! It's just another set up! Right before they cremate him, he's going to sit up and say 'Just kidding!' Or . . . or he's going to escape from the ovens! He just can't be gone! Not doing magic! Something else has to be going on here!"

"But, Kaito, why would he pretend to do something like that?"

"I don't know! But he can't be dead! He just can't! He's my dad, Aoko! Dad's aren't supposed to die!" He kept sobbing, finally throwing himself toward Aoko and crying into her shoulder. The little girl patted his back, not knowing what else to say.

"He never mentioned a thing about fish," Aoko said, wiping her eyes with a tissue. "That's the only time I've ever seen him so upset. Knowing him, that's probably the only time he's ever cried in his entire life."

Shinichi and Heiji looked at each other for a moment, sharing some thought between each other. "Well, thank you for your time, Miss Nakamori," Shinichi finally said, getting up. "If we think of any more questions, is it okay for us to come back?"

Aoko nodded, taking a deep breath to regain her composure. "Actually, there's someone else from my school you might want to talk to. They weren't exactly friends, but you might be able to get some good information."

"Where can we find this person?" Heiji replied with a grin.

"I knew it was him," Hakuba Saguru said to his fellow high school detectives. "I didn't know how, and I still don't, in fact, but I just knew that Kuroba had to be behind it all. He was always showing off his skills in class. He was bound to get himself caught sooner or later."

"We want to know why he's only said 'fish,'" Heiji said, trying to get him back on the topic.

"Oh, right," he replied. "Well, frankly, I don't know anything about the subject. I didn't even know he was afraid of them until Miss Nakamori told me."

"Can you think of any other time he was upset?" Shinichi asked. "Or maybe a time when he was afraid?"

"Not really," Hakuba answered, scratching his head. "The jerk always seemed to be quite full of himself. He even managed to pull off some stunt where he still showed up and committed the crime while he was handcuffed to me. The guy would practically rub it in my face that he was Kid, but I just could never prove it . . . "

"Did you hear about the school play tonight?" Keiko said with excitement. "It's supposed to be really good."

"Oh yeah! I wanted to go see it," Aoko replied, sitting down at her desk. "Are you going?"

"Of course!" she answered.

"Hey, Kaito, do you wanna go see the school play tonight?" Aoko asked, leaning over and poking him on the shoulder.

"I can't," he replied nonchalantly. "I'm busy tonight."

"Really?" Hakuba said, butting his head in between them. "Is it because you're going to steal that diamond tonight, Kuroba?"

"How many times to I have to tell you I'm not Kaitou Kid?" Kaito said with a frown. "I need to help my mom go through some paperwork."

"Is that so?" he replied with a grin. "So if I were to happen to stop by your house tonight, you'd be there with your mother?"

"Yeah," he answered, still frowning, "but I already told you we'll be busy."

"Right, right . . . " Hakuba said, walking to his desk.

"Maybe he's going to come by and help you," Aoko suggested, smiling.

"Yeah, help me get a headache . . . "

That night, Hakuba Saguru made his way to the Kuroba residence and knocked on the door. After a few moments, a frowning woman opened it. "Can I help you?"

"Hello, miss, I am Hakuba Saguru, a classmate of your son's. May I . . . "

"Kaito, there's someone here to see you!" she called.

Hakuba blinked in surprise. "There's no way he's home," he thought. "The time for the robbery is in less than an hour! What is he pulling?"

Just then, Kaito's head appeared in the doorway. "Hakuba?" he said, sounding surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Don't try that with me, Kuroba! What do you think you're doing?"

"I told you I'm helping my mom sort through some paperwork. You can help us if you want to."

"Fine," he said, frowning.

"Good," Hakuba thought. "As long as I'm here, I can keep an eye on Kuroba."

They sat down at the table next to a large stack of papers and several boxes. "My mom will explain everything," Kaito said, smiling. "I'm not very good at this sort of stuff."

"All you have to do is match the sticker on the paper with the one on the box," she said, giving her son an odd look. "It isn't that difficult."

"But some of these are funny colors!" Kaito exclaimed, holding up one with a very clearly green sticker on it. "It looks kind of blue."

"No, it doesn't" Hakuba replied.

They worked for about half an hour, Hakuba occasionally taking suspicious glances at Kaito, who was sorting through the papers with confusion. Suddenly, Meimi said, "Kaito, you're putting the blue ones in the wrong box."

"Huh? I am?"

"Yes. These have a blue sticker. This box has a red one."

"I thought they looked the same!"

"No, son, they aren't. I know you're not color blind, so what are you doing?"

"I'm just trying to help!"

She sighed. "Look, why don't you go up to your room and do your schoolwork for about half an hour? Your friend and I can finish up down here."

Kaito shrugged. "Whatever you say, Mom," he said, slowly making his way to his bedroom.

Hakuba leapt out of his seat. "And where do you think you're going?" Kuroba Meimi asked coldly. "You need to help me with this since Kaito so clearly is having difficulty seeing today."

"Don't you see what he's doing?" Hakuba exclaimed. "He's just messing with you so he can get away! I have to stop him!"

"Sit down," she said with a frown. Hakuba thought for a moment and finally sat back down, grumbling to himself.

"Well, she did say half an hour," he thought. "That's when the robbery is supposed to be. There's no way he could get away it with me here."

Half an hour later, Kaito scuffed his way back to the table. "Need any help?" he asked, peering over Hakuba's head.

"We just finished," his mother replied, grabbing the boxes and getting up.

"So, you decided not to go through with it, huh?" Hakuba asked, sneering at him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kaito replied, heading to the door and opening it.

The next morning, Hakuba Saguru started at the headline. KAITOU KID MANAGES ANOTHER PERFECT CRIME: POLICE BAFFLED. He stared at it in shock for a moment before finally crumpling it and throwing it down in disgust. "How does he do it?"

"That's all I know," Hakuba concluded, frowning. "If only we could get him to talk. All of this would be settled if he'd open his big mouth."

"That's what we're trying to help you out with," Shinichi replied. "Can you think of anyone else who might know something about this?"

Hakuba thought for a moment. "You should probably ask Nakamori-keibu. He witnessed the entire thing that night. I was downstairs waiting for Kid to make his escape. I never really figured that it wouldn't happen."

"We'll try him next," Heiji replied. "Thanks for your help."

"Just when you think you know a person . . . " Nakamori Ginzo said, flopping down behind his desk. "I still can't get that boy to say a word. I'm almost beginning to think that he may really be Kaitou Kid. It just doesn't make any sense though. He wasn't even born when he first started to steal things!"

"Excuse me, sir," Shinichi said, interrupting his rambling, "but we'd like help you find out why he's not talking."

"Sure, whatever," he sighed, looking at his desk. "You know, I used to think trying to catch him was hard. Now that I have him . . . "

"What exactly happened that night?" Heiji asked, not wanting him to go off on another tangent.

"Oh, right," he replied, still sounding tired. "Well, it started out just like any of his other robberies. We got the note a few days in advance and had once again managed to figure out his riddles, but this time . . . "

The Kaitou Kid Task Force stood in their positions around the antique necklace that Kid had hinted at stealing in his last note. Nakamori-keibu paced back and forth, occasionally repeating directions to the officers. They were going to get him that night. They had taken every precaution they knew of. How could Kid possibly escape from this one?

Hakuba Saguru stood near the main doors of the building three flights down. He knew that Kid would figure out some way to escape; he always did. This time he was hoping that he could get a good look at the perpetrator from ground level.

9:13, the time the Phantom Thief had specified in his note. Everyone tensed up, waiting for Kid to make what was sure to be his dramatic arrival.

A figure strolled casually through the middle of the line of officers. As they weren't paying attention, they assumed it was just Nakamori continuing his nervous pacing. However, a car passed by outside, shining off a white top hat . . .

All eyes turned to the center of the group. There, walking as though he was out for the afternoon was Kaitou Kid, grinning. "Hey, guys!" he said, waving at the startled policemen. "How's it going? How's that pet hamster of yours doing, Yamaguchi?"

"F-fine," the surprised officer stuttered.

"That's good," he replied, walking straight up to the necklace. "Wow, this thing's really nice, huh? Too bad I have to take it now!"

Finally, Nakamori came to his senses. "Are you just going to let that bastard make a fool out of us? Get him!" They sprang forward toward Kid, who kept his smug grin. Moments before they reached him, he seemed to vanish before their eyes.

"W-where'd he go?" one of the officer's exclaimed.

They heard a taunting laugh above them. Sure enough, Kid had managed to get himself on one of the crossbeams of the ceiling and was sitting there looking quite pleased with himself. "Grab whatever you can to get up there now!" Nakamori exclaimed. "We're not letting you get away this time, Kid!"

"I don't know if I can fit that into my schedule," he said, looking as though he were deep in thought. "There's still a lot of stuff I need to steal."

"Shut up!" the inspector screamed. "Get that damn thief now!"

As the Task Force scrambled around, Kaitou produced a strange device like looked almost like a fishing pole. Very carefully, he lowered it down, easily hooking the necklace since it wasn't under glass for whatever reason. In one swoop, he managed to reel in his prize and leap to the nearby window, once again surprising the police. "See ya later," he said, kicking it open and activating his hang glider.

And right then, something went wrong.

Something that nobody expected, really. Kaitou Kid had always made daring aerial escapes. Mistakes just didn't happen when it came to him. But suddenly, as the device began to open, something got stuck. They weren't sure how his equipment worked. All they could see was that one half of it was crumpled. And Kid obviously didn't notice it.

He began his leap, realizing a split second later that something didn't feel right. As gravity took its hold on him, his eyes widened in shock as he looked at the ground and the large crowd of people below him.

His fall stopped as abruptly as it had started. Someone or something had grabbed his right arm before he plunged. Kaitou Kid looked up into the wildly grinning face of Nakamori Ginzo. "Tell you what, Kid," he said, obviously finding it hard to keep him composure, "you come with us peacefully, and I don't let go."

"And that's what happened," he finished, unenthusiastically rolling his pencil around his desk. "No fish. No nothing. It was all a very convenient accident."

Shinichi and Heiji looked at each other and sighed. "Well, sorry to take up your time, sir," Shinichi finally said, standing up and shaking his hand. "Is there anyone else who might know something about this?"

"No," Nakamori replied, standing up and heading for the door. "Nobody that's still alive, at least."

"I can't figure this out!" Kudo Shinichi exclaimed, his notes in a jumble around him. "We've talked to everyone that knew Kuroba Kaito, and not one of them can tell us why he'll only say, 'fish!'"

"He's the only person we haven't asked," Hattori Heiji added with little enthusiasm, "and he obviously isn't talking. I think we may have hit a wall on this one, Kudo."

"This can't be it!" he replied, scanning the papers again. "There has to be something we missed. There just has to be!"

"Let it go, Kudo. There are some things we just can't answer on our own. Once he starts talking, we'll hopefully have it."

"All right son," Kuroba Toichi said, smiling at the four-year-old that sat wide eyed in the chair in front of him, "now that you're old enough, I think it's time for you start learning what it is to be a magician!"

Kaito grinned with excitement, but otherwise said nothing. "Now, before I show you," at this point, Toichi produced a flower from who knows where, "the tools of the trade, there are a few basic points you need to learn." Kaito nodded with enthusiasm.

"First of all, it's all about the audience. As long as they're having a good time, you're doing your job. Secondly, make sure you know that you can handle whatever you're going to do. Finally, and most important, you need to keep a poker face."

"What's that?" the young boy asked with a frown.

"Well, a poker face means that if something happens, whether it's really good or really bad, you don't let anyone see it on your face. Let's say you're doing a trick and something goes wrong. If you frown or cry, the audience will know what happened. But if you just keep acting like nothing's the matter, they'll think that it was part of the whole thing! Understand?"

Kaito slowly began to nod his head, eventually turning it into a shake.

Toichi laughed. "Well, let's say I want to make a flower appear, but something happens and instead I have nothing. Or, instead of a flower, I'm holding a fish. I just keep on going like nothing out of the ordinary happened and that I meant to do that."

Kaito laughed. "Don't worry! I won't need to hide anything! I'll be the best magician ever, and I'll never mess up, just like you!"

"Well, son," Toichi said with a slight grin, "even I make mistakes sometimes."

"No!" the boy exclaimed. "I'm not gonna mess up! I don't want any fish!"

Kaito turned over on his cot and sighed, looking up into the darkness of the cell they were holding him in. "I'm sorry, Dad . . . "