Author's Note: (Trumpet's sound) Ta-da! I am alive! And no, I didn't have to crawl out of a grave to get here. Um, yes… I'm slowly getting my life together now, after several happenings… So hopefully it won't take me months to start up-dating other stories. This little ditty is actually more friendship than romance, but read as you will. You never know, I sometimes do these things subconsciously. (Grin)
As the Petals Fall-Chapter 1: Drowning LessonsSomething is wrong.
That's all I can feel, all that I know. Something is wrong, something is eating at the edges of my powers, the edges of my soul. It's twisting up inside of me, until it over powers everything and all I can see is the endless darkness.
Where did it start? Why did it start? At first I thought I was just sick, a passing flu maybe: It's not uncommon, I've had these things before. But never to this degree. No, suddenly I was collapsing under dizzy spells, snapping out at my teammates more often because it felt as though I hadn't slept in years. I was bruising far too easily. My blood was running stronger even from the faintest cuts.
Then my meditation was being thrown off. I couldn't concentrate, everything was a distraction. What was happening? Things like this did not happen to Azarthians. We were a strong race. I never recalled anyone from my home having a sickness like this.
It seemed as though it was something I would have to deal with by myself; the others would not understand, would panic. They are my friends, and I did not want to drag them down with me.
I had never felt more alone.
Then the doctor came along. He was young, twenty-two perhaps, maybe older. He had foolishly walked into yet another ill-conceived plan formed by those HIVE twits, and it was my job to dig him out.
"You're Raven, right?" He was in shock, dazed, so I just gave a tight reply.
"Yes"
"Sam" He offered, touching his head gingerly. Pulling his hand back he pulled a face when he saw it was covered in blood.
"Should I call the ambulance?" I asked coolly, wanting to get back into the fight. The sooner this man was out of the way the better.
Sam pulled another face, then said, "Nah, I work there. I'm a doctor, so there's no need to fuss"
"A doctor?" I repeated, faintly surprised. Maybe he could help me? He didn't seem the type to be easily fazed, and I needed a medical opinion. "I need your help," Whispering so the others couldn't hear me, I told Dr. Sam the problems I had been encounting.
Just as I finished, Jinx was thrown past us, with Gizmo and Beast Boy close behind. "Raven!" My green teammate yelled angrily as he rushed past, "Get out here!"
Sam frowned in thought, watching as Cyborg joined the chase, yelling at Gizmo that he was going to shove him down the nearest toilet, then told me to come to his office the next day where he'd be able to give me a proper diagnosis.
I just nodded, thanked him, and went out to stop Jinx's flight.
My powers are a complex thing: What I take, I have to return in the form of emotions and control. My gift is not something I would readily wish on someone.
So as I sat there the next day, in Sam's office, listening to him tell me that my powers were slowly killing me from the inside out, I closed my eyes, wishing for the first time ever that I was a normal teenage girl. No demon father. No sacrificed mother. No superhero team. No fighting.
Just a normal, teenage girl.
"I'm sorry, Raven" Sam had whispered, eyes lowered to his hard, cold metal desk. "But with what you have, I estimate six, maybe five weeks"
Things have been in a daze since then. It's been quiet, allowing me time to think. Allowing me to prioritize things.
Starfire. So lucky, so happy, so out there. I'm sorry I didn't help you to braid your hair. I'll help you with your hair now, I'll listen when you gush about Robin, and I'll go to the mall more often. Just please, stop asking me what's wrong: I don't want to cut you off. Respect my privacy, and even though you're wondering what's brought in this change, just trust me.
Poor Beast Boy. You've been hurt so badly in the past. I know how you feel, even though I don't have your hope. I'm sorry that Terra broke your heart…
But this doesn't mean you can shove your Tofu cheese onto my plate again.
Cyborg. Strong as you are, I can't help but think that maybe your cars are just to make up for something you lack. Do you really feel that only your fellow wires understand? Underneath the metal you are human, and you have human friends.
You don't need a hard-wired car to tell you that.
Lastly… Robin. I've seen your mind, and I'm sorry. For everything. Who knew our leader had such issues? Who knew that beneath that strong façade, there was nothing but a little boy wanting to go back to his parents, and play on the trapeze again? Who knew? I'm sorry for those times I've doubted you.
How do I tell you four? You've been my family, and while you may not have quite understood me, you accepted it.
I can't do this.
Maybe I should leave?
No, that would be worse. I know you all well enough to know that none of you would rest until I was found and my problem shared.
But I can't stay here. How would I explain the faints? How could I explain the sudden crippling dizziness that would unable me to help you out in times of battle? How would I explain the pills?
I can't. I will just have to tell you all, and hope that you understand.
Please…
You are my life… just understand…
Please…
TTT
Raven sighed as the door behind her closed with a soft shh sound.
This was it, she was going to tell them. One step into the lounge, and the Gothic Girl paused. She couldn't stop now. The other day, while training with Titans East, she had lost her footing and tripped. It had taken Aqualad, Bumblebee and in the end Cyborg to help her up, she'd been that dizzy. The team, naturally, suspected something. Starfire had tried to get her to eat something called, 'Pudding of Health', Beast Boy tried to get her to eat his Tofu Cheese, saying that it was known to cure all types of fungi and rashes, and Robin and Cyborg had both been slinking around, trying to get her to talk and confess.
So now…
"So, Raven" The voice behind her made her jump slightly, and turning Raven just glared at Beast Boy. He ignored it and continued cheerfully, "Does this mean you're gonna share the miraculous miracles of my Tofu Cheese?"
"No" She deadpanned simply.
The green changeling blinked then said, "Ok" before sitting down on the lounge with Cyborg, who was playing some sort of racing game.
"Hey man," Whined Beast Boy. "Lemme have a go!"
"Nope" Cyborg narrowed his eyes in concentration and sulking, Beast Boy sunk into the cushions, muttering about lose wiring.
Looking around, Raven spotted Robin and Starfire in the kitchen, Star laughing over something her beloved Boy Wonder must have said.
This, this was what she was going to destroy. The easiness of it all.
Robin spotted her through the doorway, and straightened. "Raven," He commented in surprise. "Did you want to talk to us?"
Starfire, Cyborg and Beast Boy all paused, looking at their friend expectantly.
She coughed, then in a husky voice Raven asked, "Can I please have you all out here on the lounge?"
A few moments later and a protested switch off of the Game Station, and the Titans were peering at the witch, waiting.
"I've asked you here today because," Raven's mouth suddenly ran dry, and she gulped, eyes going to the floor. "As you may have noticed, I have not… been well"
Now even Beast Boy stopped his squirming.
"I have a one off condition… as it would be, my powers are… my powers are…" She paused, and took a deep breath, glancing up at the others. Beast Boy blinked, probably thinking her powers had given her an extra strong dose of the flu, while Cyborg's eyes were narrowed. He and Robin, who was impassive, were the closest to knowing that this wasn't a common cold. Starfire looked concerned, but her faith that this could be fixed was rolling off her in waves.
Raven took another breath, everything inside her tightening painfully. "My powers are… killing me from the inside out. There is nothing that can be done. I will die"
Starfire gasped. Beast Boy started to shake his head in disbelief, the horror in his eyes growing, while Cyborg swore and placed his head in his hands. Only Robin did nothing, did not react. "How long have you known?" He asked in a quiet, deadly voice.
She shrugged. "A week, maybe two"
"How…" Beast Boy's voice cracked and Raven glanced away. "How long do… how long do you… have?"
"A month, give or take a week. My powers are progressing through my system at an alarming rate. There is no treatment"
There was a small squeak from Starfire and before anyone could stop her she'd flown from the couch and had launched herself at their Gothic friend, her large green eyes welling with tears as she buried her face in Raven's shoulder. "Please, please Raven! There must be something that can be done!"
Feeling awkward, the smaller girl tried patting Starfire's shoulder, only to feel herself be crushed by the alien's strength as she tightened the hug. For some inexplicable reason, Raven could feel her throat squeeze harder. "There's nothing" She whispered. Then she added, "I'm sorry"
This only made Starfire sob louder.
TTT
"You never told us"
Slowly Raven opened her eyes and turned to Robin, who was standing by the door, stiff.
Looking back out the sea, she defended, "I wanted to be sure. You saw how the others acted-I had to be sure"
His mask had made him seem cold and distant-impersonal. It always had… until Raven had entered the darkest corners of his mind and the two had connected. After that, she didn't need him to take it off to feel as though he was as natural as breathing, didn't need its absence to see his corn-blue eyes, didn't need him to stop being Robin to see Richard. But now the mask, something that had always blended into his face, was back in full sail, and the knowledge that she'd been the one to cut that tie made Raven's heart sink.
"Thank-you for your concern of the team" Robin's empty voice echoed. "But we don't need it now"
And then he left, the gothic feeling as though she was doing something worse than dying.