I swear, I don't hate Sess/Kag. It's just that it is so easy to mock.
--
---
--
The baby - if you could call it that - didn't resemble a baby. It didn't resemble much of anything at all.
The nose and mouth were elongated, the thumbs placed awkwardly, the chest misshaped. The back and neck were covered with baby-thin, dark gray fuzz; the ears - human ears - were placed higher up than they ought to be. A short, rat-like tail extended from the end of its backbone, and the hind legs were longer than the front. They were obviously designed for walking on all fours, and it was doubtful the child would ever be able to stand upright.
Sesshoumaru's eye twitched, just a little.
Inuyasha (that bastard) was holding his sides, laughing himself sick. He slapped Sesshoumaru on the back and grinned.
it's a girl.
--
One day, one day soon, he was going to figure out a way to kill Inuyasha without his mate knowing.
It was only a matter of time.
For now, he would content himself with a little disembodiment. And eye for an eye, right? Or, in this case, an arm.
OW, you bastard! It's not my fault your kid is ugly!
Sesshoumaru clenched his teeth. If the youkai parent is powerful. Then hanyou offspring are supposed to be normal-There's no such thing as a normal hanyou, you moron, and don't tell me you believe that cock and bull. It's a fifty-fifty chance what the kid'll look like every time, it's got nothin' to do with the youkai's power. Fuck, the strongest youkai are the ones that can assume a human form, and that's the only kind of youkai a human would be attracted too, so by all logic every hanyou has a powerful youkai for a parent. Now LET GO of me!
It was a bad, bad day when Inuyasha was more knowledgeable about something than Sesshoumaru. He didn't rip off his arm and, after a moment's consideration, didn't break it either. He did sprain it, though. He wasn't about to let the idiot get off scott free.
--
Kagome was a really bad mother, Sesshoumaru decided.
She was irrational, hysterical, and she wouldn't even let him kill his own child. How utterly unreasonable.
How DARE you! she shrieked, ripping a wooden plank from the wall and chucking it at his head. Sesshoumaru ducked.
I don't see what the problem is! he tired to shout over the fuss she was making.
Of course you wouldn't, you're enough of an insensitive bastard to suggest killing our baby! she screamed right back.
It's only a-IT'S NOT AN IT! HER NAME IS KAGURA! GET OUT! OUT!
The water basin smashed above his left shoulder. Sesshoumaru yanked the door shut behind him, not a moment too soon. He would never understand why she'd wanted to name it that. Completely
--
Kagome was glaring at him. And cradling the... thing. And glaring. And making no effort to hide the curses she was hissing under her breath.
Did he mention the glare?
How could you? she finally whispered, having broken everything in grabbing distance and sufficiently calmed down. She began to sniffle, and Sesshoumaru winced. Here came the water works.
I don't see what the problem is, he repeated irritably.
You don't see a problem with killing your kid! he said defensively. MY father did it all the time!
Kagome's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. Well, he always had Tenseiga handy, and-Oh my God! Kagome said, and Sesshoumaru gave her a puzzled look. This explains everything!Er - it does? she said, leaning forward eagerly. Sesshoumaru! You were abused as a child!Wha...? No, I told you, Tenseiga-This totally explains your crappy attitude! Your hate for your favored brother!Excuse me! Inuyasha wasn't favored; I got the castle and the servants, and he's barefoot-Your constant questioning of your self worth! she said gleefully, now rubbing her hands together.
I don't question my self worth, I'm clearly fantastic. And I'm telling you, I deserved it. I was a bratty little kid, and this is just what demons do-Your mind! she shouted over him, clearly not paying attention, Has been twisted so much that you believe you deserved the abuse! But! Sesshoumaru, you are the VICTIM! Accept it! Embrace it!
Sesshoumaru counted to ten and pinched the space between his eyes.
It all makes sense now! Why you never express your feelings-I'm a murderous demon lord, not a fluffy puppy.-why you always put on a mask- Mask'? This is what I always look like...-Why you're so heartless! Sesshoumaru, we are going to talk you through your many, many issues until you embrace your inner child and admit I'm right!
Sesshoumaru sighed. Is it so hard to believe I'm a bastard just because I'm a bastard, and there's no deeper reason behind it?
Kagome's gaze hardened and she jabbed a finger at the floor next to her.
Inuyasha, who had been eavesdropping through the door, hit the floor with a curse.
--
Sesshoumaru sighed as he massaged his wrist, staring out the window. He linked his fingers and stretched them out behind his head, trying to work the cramp out. His mate had decided he needed to keep a journal to write down all his thoughts and truly let the healing begin so I can melt your frosty exterior through the power of love.'
What's that you say? Sesshoumaru only has one arm? What? What manga are you reading? Tessaiga incident, running with swords, daddy will have some terrible heartburn you say? Bah, that's ridiculous. Sesshoumaru obviously has two arms. Any idiot can see Sesshoumaru clearly has two arms. Give it up, delusionoid. You aren't fooling anyone with this backwards concept you call established fact. No one wants to read amputee smut!
You know, Sesshoumaru said to his captive audience (Jaken squirmed in the ropes that bond him), I can still remember when I first met her. She'd seen Inuyasha and Kikyou getting it on under Goshinboku - because, obviously, the place where they'd both betrayed each other under false pretenses and died is the most romantic place they could think of to procreate - and went running off instead of storming home in a huff, or getting comforted by her friends, when she ran into me. Of course, I was already looking for her. I had decided, you see, to kidnap her in exchange for Tessaiga. It - uh - sounded like a good idea when I thought it up. This Sesshoumaru does not waste his time thinking about things. He coughed.
She lost her voice after the first hour of screaming Inuyasha', but once she finally shut up, I had the peace and quite necessary to write to my dear little brother.
--------- FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK, FLASHBACK! IF YOU CAN'T TELL, THIS IS A FLASHBACK! -----
1st hour:
Miroku said, trying to get his attention. Your brother has kidnapped Kagome-sama.He sent a letter.
Miroku coughed. Dear Inuyasha: I have kidnapped that shrill chick in the skirt. Surrender immediately or she will pay.' Inuyasha said, polishing Tessaiga.
2nd hour:
Dear Inuyasha: I'm really going to do it. Seriously. Just you watch. And then where would you be, hmmm? How could you possibly go on if I gutted her? You'd just curl up and die, wouldn't you?' Inuyasha said, still polishing Tessaiga.
2nd hour, 45 minutes:
Inuyasha: I have to admit, I admire a woman that can take a stabbing and keep yelling. This is your last warning.' You're a goood sword, aren't you? Inuyasha said lovingly, petting the hilt.
3rd hour, 15 minutes:
Okay, that's it. Enclosed is her left hand. If you ever want it reattached, you'll get your bony hanyou ass over here now. And, yes, I can reattach it. Because I'm just that spectacular.'
Inuyasha was singing to it. It was obviously a very private moment between sword and owner.
3rd hour, 30 minutes:
God, how do you put up this woman! Are you even getting these letters? Just goes to show you can't rely on Jaken to do anything right. I'll just have to beat him with the broom a little more.'
3rd hour, 40 minutes:
Okay, pansy, I didn't want to resort to personal attacks, but you leave me little choice. Your mother was a whore and she dressed you funny.'
3rd hour, 45 minutes:
Fuck. FUCK! God dammit, I don't care anymore! Keep the damned sword, NOTHING is worth being in this woman's company! If I hear once more about the joys of humanity, and being in touch with your feelings, and planting flowers and singing and frolicking with bunnies in meadows, I AM GOING TO GO ON A FUCKING RAMPAGE!' Inuyasha screamed, jumping up in a rage. What's that about Tessaiga!
-------- END FLASHBACK! I REPEAT, THE FLASHBACK IS OVER! WE ARE NOW RETURNING TO THE PRESENT TIME!------
Yes, well, Sesshoumaru said, coughing, After I realized getting Tessaiga from Inuyasha was a lost cause, I was going to give her back. But then Rin decided she needed a mother, and, well... hey... He frowned, suddenly puzzled. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Rin since we consummated our relationship. It's almost as if once she served her usefulness to the plot, she evaporated. I wondered what happened to her...Er, yes, Jaken said shiftily, looking through the corners of his eyes. I wonder......Well, whatever, it wasn't as if she played an important role in the progression of my maturity and responsibility, or something like that. So Kagome and I proceeded to have a perfect relationship with perfect sex after I put a perfect bite on her perfect neck as a symbol of our perfect love, and everyone was perfectly all right with it all. And I fell into perfect love with her, conveniently forgetting she had willingly been within 100 meters of my brother and was therefore damaged goods. And she got her hand back. Eventually. Because amputee sex is icky. And - God dammit! he shouted, slamming his fist down on a table. Jaken simultaneously cowered and tried to cut the rope binding him on the edge of a discarded sword. Unfortunately, as the discarded sword was Tenseiga, it didn't work.
We were supposed to have perfectly accepted hanyou children with perfectly acceptable puppy ears. I GOT SHAFTED! I can't be seen in public with substandard children! Jaken said, but at least you still have pretty hair, right? Sesshoumaru said, rubbing his chin. I suppose you have a point. He grinned. After all. I am perfect, aren't I?Oh, and Byakuya left a message. He said if you want to come over and watch the game, you have to bring the beer. Sesshoumaru said melodramatically. My life is one bothersome complication after another. Jaken said, looking up from his hog-tied position on the floor. But aren't you going to reach any sort of resolution with your brother? Or Kagome? Or your kid? I mean, if you don't, doesn't that make this just a series of barely strung together events without a plot?
Sesshoumaru glared.
Jaken swallowed.
Sesshoumaru reached for the broom.
--
End