War with the Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons

Disclaimer: I do not own Calvin and Hobbes and all characters associated with the comic. All rights are owned by Bill Waterson.

You have heard of them before; Deranged Killer Mutant Monster Snow Goons and we know that Calvin, somehow, brought one to life, but this was not Frosty the snowman. In trying to defeat this evil fein, Calvin and Hobbes were alarmed to the fact that IT was making more and more duplicates of hidious sizes and shapes creating a small army of followers. With no other recourse but to attack, our duo launched a night assualt that managed to freeze the beasts in frozen water, but what if, just what if, one of them managed to escape from this surprise attack, lurking away from the house to build a whole new army of goons to perform it's evil deeds, and one of them was to get that kid...and his little tiger too?

"Im sure glad those snow goons are frozen" commented Calvin to his feline friend as they trudged through knee deep hard snow, skirting some dense wood lots.

"Me to" Hobbes chirpped wrapping a blue and green striped scarf around his neck, "Those things were ugly." Together with a toboggan in hand, the two began to ascend "suicide hill" one of the tallest hills in the country that overlooked a frozen creek. With the boy in front Hobbes positioned himself in the rear but was unsure whether or not to go ahead with their run.

Looking back Calvin could see the worried look on Hobbes face, one hand up in front of his face thinking heavily as his fingers brushed his nose. "Relax, you sissy" his companion berated him, "If the creek is frozen over, then we will be knocked unconscience and you won't feel a thing."

These words of encouragement did not soothe the ruffled hairs on the tiger's back. Still Calvin scooted the toboggan forward and Hobbes felt obliged to follow. Using their hands they inched their way to the edge. Down below was a steep incline more than forty-five degrees that had an unobstructed view all the way down to the creek. Too late to turn back now, down they went.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Rapidly picking up speed, their blood flowed to their heads as they expressed themselves with wild yells. Their driving was less than average, though they had a straight shot at the creek they gradually began to deviate to the right and headed towards some sparse trees and hidden rocks. Shifting their bodies left and right where needed the boy gave directions, "Left! Right!" saying which way to move to sway their toboggan. In a moment of no directions Hobbes happened to glance to his right and saw something. At first he could barely make it out, then it came into focus. "Hey, look" tapping his companion on the shoulder.

"Don't bother me now fuzz brain! Im trying to steer!" As they drew closer and closer to the creek, Hobbes noticed that a snowman appeared to be moving and was on an intercept course with them. "Look, he's moving!" His companions' insistence finally made Calvin break focus and look and what he saw caused him to scream, "Good gravy!" Letting go of the reins Calvin lifted up his hands and leaned to the left, into Hobbes and together they fell off and crashed. Fortunately the soft snow cushioned their fall. Rapidly recovering from the accident, Hobbes sat up, toboggan at his feet thumping snow out of his ears. The goon was lumbering towards him at a slow speed, he could easily slip away, but Calvin was no where to be found. "Where are you?" crying out with his hands cupped around his mouth. A muffled whine came from below some disturbed snow, "Here!"

Brushing aside some of it with his paws, a tiny hat was discovered. "There you are" Hobbes smiled hoisting him out of his prison. When the boy shook off being stunned Hobbes direction his attention to what caused this accident.

"It's a goon!" the boy coughed, "How did it escape from the ice? I froze them all till July." Both of them watched wild eyed as the beast, with a hammerhead shark shaped head with two bulky stick arms, made a v-line for them, growling all the way. RRRRRRRRRR

"We can make it to my house, he can't get us in there," Calvin yelled in a hoarse voice, making a dash that way as Hobbes picked up the toboggan and caught up, "We'll turn up the thermostat. If he gets inside..."

"He'll melt" added his feline with a smile, it sounded like a good plan. "But, will your parents be against the heat?" Too exhausted to respond, they made the rush back to the house, throwing themselves inside and locking the door. "we're (gasp) safe...for awhile"

The inside of the house was empty. Mom and Dad were gone, a note was taped to the refrigerator:

Calvin

Gone to airport to pick up Uncle Max. Be back soon, do not eat anything. It will spoil your appetite. And no renting a VCR and horror movies while we are gone.

Love, Mom and Dad

"Drat" cursing under his breath. Equally runned out tiger went up the stairs to set the toboggan in Calvin's room, because he's a neat tiger, then rejoined his friend downstairs as the lockdown and wait game began. Peaking outside via the back door window Calvin remarked that the goons were still frozen in their tombs. To make sure, he counted all of them, "I don't get it. I froze them all. How could have one escaped?"

Hobbes came to his side, "I'm not sure. Maybe one did, the question is, what is it going to do?"

After a short time of waiting, they saw the behemoth coming towards the house through the backyard, "Golly, he's tracked us all the way here! Now what is he up to?" Calvin said in a hushed tone as he marvelled from watching through the door. To their astonishment, the goon used his branch arms to chisel out his fellow goons out of their imprisonment. When one was free it would turn and free another. From one came two and then four and then eight. In a short amount of time they were all free and now they had their eyes set on their captor.

"AIEEEE!" they cried together. All of the doors and windows were locked, still, the goons lunged at them, swarming to every window and door and testing their strengths. "They're well organized. Look how they surround the house, cutting off all escape routes" Hobbes said rather astonished as he looked every which way and saw nothing but goons.

"What are you doing? Admiring them! You goof. Come on, we have to defend the house, turn up the temperature then help me move the table to block the stairs," Calvin commanded as he was already tugging at the edges of the desk. Locks were beginning to buckle under the tremendous weight of the goons as they pounded away relentlessly.

"This is just in case they break in" the boy remarked. In the living room, the giant window began to shatter, a snowman got a running start and crashed through like a stunt man. It hit, coming completely apart as it landed on the floor, but it made the opening needed and goons began to come through. So much attention was made on heat that the goons managed to come through the house with ease after the breach was made and began to come through the corridor towards the stairs. After setting the dial the two raced upstairs. A goon lumbered through the hall, already beginning to sweat. Looking onto the wall it spied something, the thermistat and with one mighty swing smashed it onto the wall. The heater cut out and sent the house into a deadly chill. "Good gravy" Calvin shrieked, "Who've thought they would be smart enough to do that?"

Hobbes retorted, "Apparently not you"

"We have to get to my room, I have to get some things" the spiked blonde haired youth said a little belligerent.

Shicked at this command Hobbes yelled as they ran towards said room, "Why your room! We have to get out of here! They're already coming up the stairs!"

Indeed they were, the way was open, the barricade around the stairs was ripped apart, there was nothing to impeed their progress. One by one, they filed up to get their prey. Slamming the door shut and pressing his body against it Hobbes was buying the necessary time to allow Calvin to gather some possessions into a backpack.

"Ok, got it"

The tiger asked, "Now what?" as goons began to bang against the door which buckled immediately under their combined strength.

"We go out the window," the boy gestured to his bedroom window that was on the slanted roof top, "Easy, huh?" throwing open the shudders. A snow covered roof awaited him that was concealing a layer of ice underneth. Worse yet down below were mumbling, groaning, angry goons that did not see him yet. To himself he nervously chuckled, "Yeah...easy"

"You better hurry, these guys are more pushy than salesmen" the tiger was straining to keep his body strong as the door began to break holding back the river. Climbing through the window and looking back Calvin shouted, "OK, let go and grab the toboggan."

Hobbes obliged, with one quick moment turned leaving the door, scooped up the sled, and darted out the window just as the goons broke down the door and saw their prey escaping. "NAUGH NAUGH suckers" Calvin thumbed his nose. Getting a footing on the roof was impossible after a couple of steps Calvin slipped and began to slide down the slope. Out of instinct he reached for something to stop and snatched up Hobbes' tail. Down they went together and nearly into the hands of the enemy. Hobbes landed on his feet and grabbing his friend by his collar with one hand and the sled in the other expedited them out by going into the woods.

Several minutes of running his burst of energy was spent. Coughing and now letting out a weeze Hobbes slowed to a walk. He let go of his friend and still taking the sled they went around through the crunchy snow.

"I can't believe it. My house is over run with deranged killer mutant monster snow goons," the boy said his eyes wide but his face blank of any other expression.

Coughing as he talked Hobbes said, "Your mom (cough) and dad will be upset when they see the water (cough) trails they left on the floor."

That remark when unheard by the boy as they sought a safe place to rest, far beyond the reach of their adversaries. They found it on a small, near naked hill where on its crown a lonely fat tree sat providing such a place. It stood near a small brook that surprisingly was not frozen over, this provided drink as well. Resting the toboggan against the tree's trunk, Hobbes sat down, followed by Calvin. "What did you bring?" the feline asked. Enthusiastic, the boy open the pack to show him the contents, "I have Captain Napalm comics, some white string, a Swiss army knife..."

"Comics? These are useless! What good would they do?" belligerent over his incompetence taking one of the plastic wrapped comics.

"Oh, shut up you big baby" taking back the comic and placing it back into his bag and retrieved another, "Here, you can read Amazon Babe." That managed to massage the tiger enough to sit back down and reflect a little as reality set in for the two. It did not last long. Reading over the thought and speech bubbles and the bright artwork their minds clicked and reality set in for the two. Those snowmen were on the loose. Who knows what they might be doing to the neighbors. "Maybe they'll get Susie" Calvin hissed with a hideous grin.

Around that very neighborhood, everything was chaos. The once thought fictitious goons were in fact running amuck, invading houses, destroying property, and snatching up victims and dragging them away to depths unknown. Those that managed to escape south sought solace in many places, but, one by one, they were captured.