Hold On
By Dan'yu

Epilogue: Namesake

Katsuya...

Katsuya...Honda...

The name itself is an enigma, just like the man himself. The name Katsuya stirs mixed feelings inside of me, and I'm never sure how to feel. On one hand, Tohru named our son for him in her vague memories of a loving father. And then on the other hand, there is the enigma of a man, the odd, somewhat eccentric personality Kyoko once described in telling me of her past with her husband.

So, the name sparks mixed reactions. I have to wonder about him, this man that meant so much to the two women I held most precious in my life. First, Kyoko, who offered me a small bit of hope in my world, who trusted me enough as a child and then young man to tell me her story. When I watched her die, helpless to do anything but watch in horror, I was so sure my world was going to shatter once again.

The broken pieces were put back together by her daughter, the girl...the woman...who I came to love more than anything else in this world or the next. From her came our son, a boy in my image but bearing the name of that enigmatic shadow...Katsuya.

But...I have to wonder...if a woman like Kyoko could be so devoted to him, even after his death, and to think Tohru could remember him so fondly, love him so completely when he was nothing more than a memory, he could not have been so bad...

Maybe...maybe he felt the same way I do, maybe he felt the awe at seeing his firstborn child, to receive the love of a woman, a pure and gentle woman, and be struck by the awareness that no matter what, no matter how much he did not deserve it, she would love him anyways.

Maybe we're more alike than I wanted to think…

I watch our son now, and I think that perhaps, it is not so bad that he bears that man's name...his grandfather's name.

Takashi Honda was old, feeling the great burden of his years weighing down on him like never before. There was no refuting the fact that he was aging.

Lying idly in his bed, passing the days in thought and sleep and light reading, he was painfully aware of just how unnaturally tired he felt.

His life had passed him in such a strange combination, as quickly as the single blink of an eye, in other places as slowly and steady as the lazy flowing of a river. He had played so many roles throughout his life, as teacher, as husband, as father. Father to two children, son and daughter, as different as night and day.

His daughter had always been the material one, the logical one, different from her brother in her down-to-earth rationality, equally as clever as her sibling but more ambitious, materialistic, self-concerned. She satisfied her own greed and self-motivation by making a career of her own, wedding finely to a man of fairly well-off means, their marriage resulting in two children of their own, a son first, daughter second, his first grandchildren, younger mirrors of their petty parents.

His son, Katsuya, had always seemed like such an oddity, eccentric in personality, a dreamer, fascinated by and focused on the oddest things. Takashi had recognized the brilliance in his younger child, and he had sought to cultivate the boy's potential. Instead, he had been too overbearing and dominating over his son, and Katsuya had come to resent him, growing into a cynical, sharp-tongued young man without much goal in life, making half-hearted efforts to please his father. In one such an attempt to follow in Takashi's footsteps, he had been studying as a student teacher at a certain junior high school, and it was there that he met Kyoko.

Kyoko had been such a contradiction to his son that at first he had doubts about their marriage, but the girl's sunny and candid personality had him adoring her, and she became the bridge needed to slowly repair the rift between father and son. The brightness in the young woman ended up complimenting beautifully to Katsuya's darker aspects, most especially after the birth of their daughter, Tohru. The masculine name had been just like Katsuya, to give such an odd naming to his sweet-tempered daughter. Katsuya softened in his daughter's wake, becoming very much the doting father Takashi had always hoped to be himself.

Even after Katsuya's passing, and later Kyoko, Tohru had still been a blessing to him, her wonderful combination of naiveté and maternal instinct positively endearing and irresistible to even the hardest of hearts. He treasured his granddaughter above all others, and it had been painful to let her go, but in his old age and failing health, it became increasingly more difficult to protect her from the manipulations and barbs of his own family. And so, he had given her the freedom she needed, full of knowledge that her destination was a place that made her happier than he had ever seen her.

And now, his granddaughter was a mother herself, having born and raised a child bearing her father's name, his son's name. His great-grandson.

"Grandfather?"

As the tentative, questioning voice broke through his reflections, he found himself looking upward, and making an effort to smother any negative reaction at the sight of his elder granddaughter, home for the long weekend to visit the family and more than likely appointed the unpleasant task of caring for her elderly grandfather. It was not that he disliked the girl in any way, no, he loved all his grandchildren; instead, it was the familiar look in her eyes that she, like all the others, thought she hid so well. The look of whimsical indulgence and pity, for they believed him senile and broken beyond repair. Though he did not bother to refute their impressions, he still found himself resenting the fact from time to time.

He managed his best friendly smile, for he felt ashamed for his ill reaction toward her. The child could know no better than the parents after all, and his daughter and son-in-law were not the best role-models for such things. "Hello, my dear. What can I do for you?"

"It's time for your medicines, Grandfather."

He simply nodded, and obediently accepted the spoonful of pills offered to him, and then the water glass. Swallowing down the hated medications, he smiled at her once more, stopping her as she moved to exit the room.

"Will you do me one favor, my dear? Tell your father I wish to speak with him."

She nodded and left.

Within his hand rested a single piece of paper, wrinkled and faded with time, held so carefully between his fingers as if it was the most fragile treasure to be found. Ever so delicately, he opened the paper, smoothing out the creases formed by use, and readjusting his glasses from atop his head to perch on the bridge of his nose, he began to read.

This letter he had read hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of times before. Sent to him nearly five years before, the birth announcement of Tohru's son, Sohma Katsuya. The small photograph of the newborn infant included in the envelope was not nearly as worn as the letter itself, but just as handled and even more precious. A beautiful child, to be sure; five years old in a matter of days. Where had all the time gone? The years blurred together now as assuredly as the weeks and months passing him by.

A few moments later, his son-in-law entered the room with no more preamble than a sharp knock on the door and a shaky smile for his wife's father. The fact that the man seemed nervous around him brought a small chase of dark amusement. "H-hello, Father. How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, my son. How are you faring?"

"Never better, sir. There was something you wished to see me about?"

"Hai." Inwardly gleeful that his hands did not shake as they often did from his bad arthritis, he held out the letter for the other man to see, moving his finger pointedly to the photograph, and then the address written on the envelope. "The family gathering is coming up within the week. I want you to invite Tohru-san and her young boy."

The other's eyes widened. "F-father! But why! You yourself sent Tohru away. The child was a bastard and an embarrassment. Why would you want to see him now?"

"This boy is my great-grandson," the older man said firmly, dark eyes sparking with a vitality that unnerved his son-in-law, "I want to meet this namesake of my son. Arrange it for me."

"As you wish, Father."

xx

Trying with all his willpower to stifle the knotting sensation in his stomach that came with reluctant pain and fluttering nerves, Kyou glanced hesitantly in his wife's direction, catching her hand in his to squeeze it gently, reassuringly. She returned the pressure, their fingers tightly entwining, offering him a shaky smile as they slowly crossed over the grassy picnic area of the park toward the patios occupied by the extended Honda family.

Katsuya walked between them, as nervous and shy as Kyou had ever seen the boy, his hand entangled with his mother's, hiding himself behind his father's leg as much as possible. Kyou found himself wishing he was small enough to disguise himself in the same way. Perhaps the ground would swallow him up in a god-send favor.

His reluctance branched off the innocent seeming phone call that had come to their small home two weeks before. His distaste had been instant at his recognition of the caller, recalling his first and only impression of his wife's uncle, a man who had made such a vulgar comment to his naïve Tohru, and then proceeded to interfere with him and Yuki's taking her back home. Granted, he and the nezumi had been strangers in the Honda household, but that point aside, it did not change the bad vibes he caught from the man at first sight.

At the invitation to the upcoming Honda family gathering, relayed by the man from Tohru's grandfather, Kyou had been instantly suspicious and reluctant. It was only at Tohru's widened eyes, both from shock and then joy, and her own silent pleading that had caused to agree to such a thing. Even so, he was all too painfully aware of everything Yuki had told him about the Honda family's reaction to Tohru's pregnancy with Katsuya.

In the few weeks after his release that Yuki had remained in close proximity to his family, the tension between Kyou and the other man had been thick and very palpable. Kyou, not sure how Yuki would react to his sudden reentrance into his family's life and well aware of the nezumi's feelings for Tohru, had kept his former enemy at a wary distance. But still, in the course of only a few weeks, they had spoken more together than in the course of their lifetimes, without a trace of hostility or their old rivalry. If there was one thing the damned nezumi had been good for, it had been looking after Kyou's family, and informing him of everything that had happened while he was gone.

But…Yuki was gone now, and there would be no more outside middle men to deal with the issues between his small family and the Hondas. This time, it was Kyou's turn to the face the music, and be at his love's side.

With Tohru's fingers tightly twined with his on one side, and Katsuya's hand held firmly in the other, Sohma Kyou, Sohma Tohru, and Sohma Katsuya crossed the few yards remaining between the three of them and the gathering before them.

The Honda family was generously expansive, though nothing to be compared to the enormous Sohma clan. Takashi had been the eldest of four brothers; Kyou remembered being told that fact as Tohru had tried to explain the expected numbers of people in attendance for the family event. Though the second-oldest had been killed during wartime, the remaining younger two had settled down and started families, having children who eventually grew and had children of their own, thus creating a multitude of great-aunts and great-uncles, second and third and fourth cousins branching off Takashi's family, who had a rather small line of lineage compared to some of the other families Kyou caught sight off.

Occasionally, upon the incidence that they actually recognized her, some gave Tohru reluctant but courteous greetings; few actually spared him a second glance, and not one gave any attention to the little boy pressed between them as he seemed to shrink back with each step they took. Kyou did his best to suppress the stirrings of indignant anger. He could care less if the members of this family rotted in the fires of the nether realm; Katsuya was much beloved among the Sohma, that was all that mattered.

He squeezed his son's shoulder in silent reassurance, and let his eyes defiantly, reproachfully, scan over the crowd, eventually coming to rest on the very tired and quickly fading figure that was Honda Takashi. He seemed even more aged than Yuki's description of him, resembling more now the shell of the man he must have once been. As they drew nearer, the crowd grew quieter, the weight of dozens of eyes on them.

They came to a stop before the patriarch, seated in his wheelchair, small and fragile-looking beneath blankets and an old cap despite the warmth of the spring day. Tohru knelt before him, Katsuya following her example, though his eyes were downcast and he pressed against her side. Takashi reached out with a gnarled hand and gently touched the top of first Tohru's, and then Katsuya's head, his smile gentle as he exchanged a few soft-spoken words with his granddaughter inaudible even to Kyou's superior hearing.

Kyou remained drawn back, studying the older man with a hostility he could not fully suppress, and finally Takashi's gaze landed on him, and he found himself taken aback by the spark of intelligence and compassion in the dark eyes that pierced through him, analyzing him, judging him. Kyou released a sharp breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, feeling his body begin to relax, muscles uncoiling from their previous deadly preparation. He had nothing to fear. He sensed not malice or ill-intent from this man.

He knelt on the grass before the seated man, bowing his head respectfully. "It's an honor to meet you, Honda-san. My name is Sohma Kyou. I am Tohru's husband, and Katsuya's father. Honored to be her husband, I might add, and proud to be his father."

The small crowd erupted in sudden whispers after he finished speaking, and he watched Tohru's hand self-consciously stray to the rings resting on her left hand. He smiled slightly, unable to resist fingering the simple golden band on his own. Gods, but it felt good to call himself her husband.

Takashi regarded him shrewdly in silence for a moment, and then his eyes took on a light of acceptance as he reached out to briefly touch Kyou's shoulder in a friendly gesture."

"I am pleased to meet you, Sohma Kyou-san. Welcome to my family."

xx

Kyou stood to the side as he watched Takashi conversing with his son, the two of them engrossed in animated conversation, separated by generations but brought together by some unnamed bond.

Tohru rested in his embrace, his arms around her waist, her head tucked beneath his chin, one hand cradled against his chest, just above his heart. It was a peaceful air that radiated from the two of them, content just to be together despite the looks of surprise, confusion, and disdain constantly shot in their direction. The four of them, the young couple, their son, and the grandfather were somehow kept separate from the goings-on, but it did not matter. He did not care what any of them thought anymore, only wanting to indulge in the happiness they could find that day, and to enjoy the serenity brought by the warm spring afternoon. Nothing could taint that now.

Occasionally he could catch piece of conversation sifting from the pair.

"…and then Momiji-jiisan pulled the mat out from under Otousan. It was really funny, but I tried not to laugh because Otousan was really angry. He started shouting, but then Okaasan touched his arm, and he calmed down. Then he started pouting! I didn't know that daddies could pout, but he did! Haru-jiisan said it was cute, and Otousan stared at him really evilly."

Takashi listened to the young boy indulgently, smiling amusedly. "Ano, you have quite a large family, don't you? Lots of uncles and aunts."

Katsuya's face scrunched into a deliberating expression, pressing his finger to his chin. "Hai. Shigure-jiisan tried to explain it to me once, but it was really confusing. He kept talking about second and thirds and stuff about lynn-ee-age."

"Lineage, dear boy."

"Right! That's the word. Kagura-baasan says it doesn't really matter, because we're all family anyway. We're family, aren't we, Ojiisan?"

"Of course we are."

"Ojiisan?"

"Hmm? Yes?"

"I really like you, Ojiisan."

"I like you as well, Katsuya-kun." The elderly man smiled, his eyes crinkling, a slender, gnarled hand affectionately combing through the boy's fiery hair. "You really do look like your father, don't you? Hmm…you look at little like my son as well."

The boy perked up, thinking hard. "Grandpa Katsuya?"

"Hai."

And then the boy made a daring move. Inching forward hesitantly, he ever so carefully climbed into his great-grandfather's lap. Takashi blinked in surprise, and then he smiled warmly, returning the embrace as small arms wrapped around his neck. A single tear appeared in the older man's eye, glistening in the sunlight, as he held the little boy close.

Kyou smiled, and he sensed his wife near tears as well as she nestled closer to him.

"Tohru?"

"H-hai?"

"What was it he said to you earlier? What was it that gave you such a melancholy air?"

Her hold on his shirt tightened suddenly, and he gently released the strangle hold, wrapping his hand around hers, soothing her sudden fear with a soft kiss to the forehead. "What was it he said, love?"

"He said to make sure you came to see him again. At least once more before he passes away."

Kyou frowned; his concern not ebbed in the least. "I'll talk to him. He shouldn't be so foreboding with someone who cares about him."

"Iie. He's right, Kyou. Ojiisan's always been a perceptive man. He's feeling his mortality. There's no denying it."

He nodded, pulling her back against them, and they lapsed once more into silence, only to have it broken a few moments later by a quiet, nearly inaudible sound coming from her, and he strained to hear.

He listened to her soft humming, recognizing the tune as one of Katsuya's lullabies, and he smiled, leaning his head against hers, her soft hair tickling against his cheek. He sighed softly, wondering at the strange feeling of physical sensation. They were still unable to explain the sudden ability to embrace without triggering his transformation, but they had decided not to pursue it and instead enjoy the benefits of physical contact. It was a comfort and a joy to have the warmth of her body against his, what a sensation it was! Like nothing he had ever felt before that night, the first time he had made love to her after being released from his prison. The change was nothing short of miraculous, and he thanked the heavens every day for their gift.

His hands shifted downward, slipping around her waist, and his eyes suddenly widened, brows arching, as he took in the unfamiliar thickening to her waist. "Well, well," he mumbled wonderingly, eyeing her wryly, "Have you been keeping secrets, love?"

She smiled sheepishly. "Iie. I was just waiting for the right time. I was actually planning on Katsuya-chan's birthday celebration."

"How far along are you?"

"About six weeks."

"That's awhile not to have told me."

"I know." She leaned back, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Gomen. I wanted to keep it a surprise."

"I'm certainly surprised."

"Ano, Kyou…if you don't mind, I'd like to name her after my Kaasan."

"That's fine. A good idea, I think. But what if it's a boy?"

"Iie…I have a strong feeling about this. This will be a girl." She leaned inward, kissing him gently. "The daughter you always wanted, Kyou."

"My daughter." He could not resist lifting her into his arms, twirling her in his euphoria, unable to restrain from laughing aloud, as he leaned forward and kissed her. "My daughter. Sohma Kyoko. Our daughter."

She smiled at him radiantly, as beautiful as the first day he had met her. "Hai, Kyou. Our daughter."

Our future…

Owari