A/N: Just read that latest chapters in the manga. Did you see? Nibi got owned. By a mad Buddhist with a bit of curry, at that! How humililating.
Everybody get ready to anxiously await the arrival of Sengoku Basara 2. It's probably the most cheerful, anime-trippy, super-powered, parody of the Sengoku Warring States Period yet.
I mean, you can't possibly go wrong with wiping out armies of feudal Japanese soldiers with historical characters that look like something out of an anime, right?
-
-
-
Naruto grabbed the intertwined white and red ropes, and gave a couple of shakes, letting the bells atop give off a tingle. After a quick and silent prayer, he returned to the front of the small shrine, where his begrudged partner-in-travel was sitting on the stone steps."Hey, Pervert. So let's get going, huh?"
Jiraiya groaned. "Hey, kid. Don't call me that in public. And I don't feel like going just yet."
"…WHAT! You're just sitting around while sensei's in a coma, and you were in that big speech about how bad Konoha needs a Hokage, and now of all times you SIT?"
"The Hokage can wait a little bit. Tsunade isn't going to disappear off the face of the planet. I just feel a bit peckish. You don't mind getting me a snack?"
"Get it yourself!"
"Oh no, but I need your help!"
"Oh? And what sort of food is it that only I could get?" Naruto sarcastically spat.
"A nice, pretty form."
"Eh?"
"With big melons!"
"…You're joking."
"Not at all! And it has to have a nice curving figure, like this!" Jiraiya excitedly demanded, shaping out an hourglass figure with his two hands.
"You really are perverted."
"It only depends on how you perceive it! Now I'm going to sit here until you get here with what I want! Go!" Jiraiya shouted as he pointed a finger at the entrance of the temple.
"Jeez! What a messed up planet…" Naruto was last heard mumbling as he tromped his way out of the building.
In the absence of the samurai, Jiraiya took the time to jot down a few notes on a possible story, maybe something about temple priestesses.
And tentacles. Lots of it. The whole tentacle thing seemed to be a new fad that was emerging in literary circles, and Jiraiya was interested in trying out the sub-genre for himself, see where it would take him.
"Hey! Pervert!" The familiar lemon-top voice came.
Well, that was quick. Must be a samurai thing.
"Naruto! I told you-" Jiraiya began, before he stopped in his tracks at the sight of what Naruto held in his arms.
It was a pair of watermelons. Not only that, it was one of those messed up mutant kinds: it appeared that two watermelons had adjoined to each other at their ends, so that the two formed an hourglass shape.
Naruto threw the adjoined fruit to Jiraiya, sneering. "So how about it? You got something with some nice big melons and an hourglass figure."
"Naruto… YOU IDIOT!" Jiraiya yelled, before bringing a cleaver down on the fruit, splitting it down the middle of its length.
-
-
-
Princess: Ironically about Luck-
-
-
All in all, Naruto, though being a smart ass, did find some great tasting watermelons.
"Okay, so you got your melons. Can we go now?"
"I don't see what the rush is all about."
"The sooner we drag this lady of yours back to Konoha, the sooner Haku and sensei can I can get out of there."
"Things aren't always that simple you know." Jiraiya countered.
"You better hope it will be, or I'm going to kick your ass for dragging me here for nothing!"
The Hermit laughed at that, earning some well-earned meta-physical daggers from Naruto's eyeballs.
"Either way, it shouldn't be that hard to find Tsunade."
"What makes you think that? If she's anything like you, she should be impossible to find."
"I'd suppose. Plus it gets worse."
Naruto deadpanned, "Oh?"
"She's incredibly vain about her age. She may be fifty, but she uses genjutsu extensively to hide her appearance as a young woman. Should could look anything from a teenager to a twenty year old maiden!"
"Okay, you're really helping the morale, here. Idiot." Naruto snorted.
"That's my line. Besides, I was getting to the best part!"
"You gotta be kidding."
"This is good. Keep this in mind. Tsuande has an addiction to gambling. She plays in almost every sort of game that requires a bet religiously."
Naruto gave this thought as they plodded along the countryside. "So what, we're supposed to check for every casino that reports a landslide clear out? I assume, she's some sort of genius gambler or something. Heh, that's how the story goes."
"Quite the opposite actually! We look for casinos that have gained large amounts of money. After all, Tsunade is well known as the Legendary Sucker."
Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Legendary… Sucker? Does she really suck that much?"
"Poor girl, indeed. She also borrows large amounts of money to keep up this lifestyle, so we can look into moneylenders as well. Poor girl, I don't even recall her winning a game of tic-tac-toe. But there was that time she challenged us to a game of strip poker-"
"AGH! Stop!"
"Tch, prude."
-
-
-
Their first stop was at a gambling den that featured those accursed Han-Cho games. Naruto personally never liked those games. It relied too much on luck to be any fun. It wasn't nearly as involving or strategic as that Hanafuda set they managed to buy.
Ah, the good old days.
While Naruto was off reminiscing, Jiraiya was questioning the head of the establishment, a rather suspicious bearded looking fellow that had the look of a gangster.
"Did I see Tsunade around here? Hmm… maybe…"
Jiraiya harrumphed, "And what do I need to do to jog that memory of yours?"
"How about a bet? You win; I'll let you know. If you lose, you pay a fee for it."
"Alright then!"
Around this same time another gambler approached Naruto. "Hey kid, wanna try?"
"I don't really like this time of game, though."
"Just to pass the time! All you have to do is guess!"
Considering that the boy didn't really have much to lose in funds, he relented.
Things thus occurred in this order. Jiraiya was first seen listening to the thuds of the dice rattling around the upside down bowel as it landed on the ground.
"Guess! Odd or Even number?"
"Hmmm… EVEN!"
"Odd. Pay up."
Jiraiya did the best he could to keep himself from swearing, as he reached into his deep pockets. The money didn't really matter, since he made enough off his sales to-
"Holy crap!"
"How does he do that?"
Jiraiya and the gambler turned around to see a gathering crowd around one game. The man hosting the game the was also calling for the head to come over quickly, with a cry of "ANIKI! We got trouble!"
Coming over one could see very clearly the distress the gambler was in, "This… kid is clearing me out!"
Naruto shut his eyes at the man in distaste, a small pile of chips growing by his side. "Don't look at me! I'm just guessing here!"
"No way! You must be cheating!"
"I am not! How the hell can you even cheat in these sort of games?"
"Fine! Bet it all! I'll get our money back! Odd or Even?"
"Even!"
Again, the samurai's lucky streak hit true again.
"GAGH!"
"Um… Naruto… you wouldn't mind helping a poor hermit out, would you?" A particular in the crowd pleaded with the winning boy.
Naruto glared.
-
-
-
Jiraiya laughed heartily beside a glowering Naruto.
"Ah! I love you samurai at times, with your never ending drive for charity!"
"Damn… why did I have to put up so much for you?"
"On the matter of charity, speaking of which, I should take this opportunity to teach you something interesting that you might need in the future…"
Naruto snorted at this. "What the hell could I possibly want to learn from a ninja?"
"Who on earth could possibly know?" Jiraiya mused as he adjusted his head plate again, "I mean, I am only a genius in seals, and the teacher of Yondaime Hokage, the man who sealed Kyuubi."
That got Naruto turning. And pointing a finger rudely, as he always did. "And what would I want from that furry bastard!"
Jiraiya grinned at the question, "Tell me, have you ever experienced a time when you were filled with an immense amount of energy?"
Naruto raised an eyebrow at that. Coming from the words of a womanizing pervert who gloried in sex, that question came off sounding… wrong. "…Eh?"
"No really! A time when something like immense amounts of chakra coursing through your body."
Naruto put his hands behind his head and stepped from one foot to another uneasily. "Well if you want to put it that way… maybe once or twice."
"Oh? What were the situations?"
"Eh… we got a attacked or we were in a big fight."
"And what did it feel like?"
"Like I could kill anybody I wanted… and I always felt the strongest desire to rip apart the bastards who wanted to hurt my friends then."
"Well you may not know, but the seal's nature wasn't to completely lock Kyuubi up."
"Eh?"
"There's a gap in the seals that allows Kyuubi's chakra to intermingle with your own. That ties the demon to your body more tightly, and makes sure that when you die, Kyuubi goes as well."
"You make it sounds like Kyuubi's a completely different being than me."
"What, you don't believe it?"
"Well, the villagers always thought me for the monster itself. All Sensei did was to teach me to take a little pride in being one." The blonde shrugged nonchalantly.
"How depressing…"
"Hey! Don't paint out my story as a tragedy, you old pervert! If even I don't lose sleep over the fact I got Kyuubi in me, nobody else should!"
"Look whatever. There's a town up ahead, we can stop there until I can teach you a little trick."
"And what is this 'little trick'?" Naruto snorted.
Jiraiya grinned. It looked far to mischievous to be good intentioned, "Why, how to use Kyuubi's chakra, of course."
-
-
-
Jiraiya carted the boy through the town, and up into the hilly woods beyond, defiantly ignoring the various insults and questions that in all ways or forms, came from the root phrase-
"What the hell, you pervert! Tell me how to get Kyuubi's chakra already!"
"Be patient, youngster!" Jiraiya shouted back, annoyed. Eventually reaching a place deep enough in the wilds, he stopped their party. "Now this looks like a good place to train as any. While you're off following my instructions, I hope you won't mind me… borrowing your winnings to get some rooms in an inn."
"Ha! You can't trick me! Do you really mean that, or do you mean, 'room in a brothel'? Pervert!"
Jiraiya raised a palm to his ear, "What's this? The little samurai doesn't want to learn how to get stronger?"
"Phh, you'll teach me anyways! You saved my ass from those red-cloaked bastards, you should teach me to defend myself from them, since you're not going to be there all the time."
"You're absolutely right…" Jiraiya sighed. "Either way, what you have to do for this first phase is drain yourself of all the chakra you have in your body."
"Doesn't that kill people?"
"No! Not literally every last bit of chakra, just enough so you can't use techniques any more!"
The request sounded odd in Naruto's ears, but anything to get stronger. "Fine."
"In the mean time, I'll be down in the town, trying to find rooms without any money. If we have to stay in some old hovel, I know who to blame…"
"Yeah right! We both know how much money you make from peddling porn!" Naruto shouted at Jiraiya's retreating back, before reaching into the folds of his haori, "Isn't that right, froggie? Eh? Froggie? Where are you…"
Naruto's frog shaped wallet was missing.
HE COULDN'T HAVE!
"JIRAIYAAA! COME BACK HERE WITH MY WALLET!"
The hermit was already gone though, and Naruto suddenly realized he didn't know the way back.
"GYYYYRARRGGH!"
With a mighty scream, Naruto pulled his sword from behind his back and swung it at the nearest tree.
-
-
-
A dull thunder echoed through the colored halls. Jiraiya chuckled as he watched the vibrations ripple through his wine.
"Oh Jiraiya-honey, what was that noise? It sounds so scary…" A woman whined while she clutched his clothed chest.
"Nothing to worry about. Just a storm of humanity working itself out in the wilds."
"What? I don't understand what you mean by that…"
"Don't worry, you'll understand. In the mean time, how about some more drinks?"
"Would you! You're a dear!"
"I get that all the time." Jiraiya mused before throwing a fist holding a frog-wallet up into the air, "Excuse me, waitresses! More drinks! I have money!"
-
-
-
Another Oak flew up into the air, chakra powered air ripping through its bark and wood. Naruto panted heavily while the tree crashed behind him. His hand was rubbed raw from the number of swings that occurred through the day in anger. The sun was setting, and Naruto was still unhappy.
"He tricked me!"
Swing. Birches and branches flew.
"A ninja tricked me! I should run him through!"
A couple trees to his side fell down from a reckless swing.
"Old bastard perverted… brothel going… money stealing…perverted…ninja hermit…bastard…ass…scheming conning little…DAMN DAMN DAMN!"
More trees fell. Naruto heard a voice from behind him.
"You know, you should calm down a little, before you start endangering entire species."
"YOU! I'M GONNA KILL YOUR PERVERTED ASS!"
Naruto swung. A breeze passed by. "Eh?"
"I see you've used up the majority of the chakra as I told you too."
"What? You purposely tricked me into venting my anger! You tricked me twice! You bastard!"
"I know… I'm amazing for a ninja, aren't I?" Jiraiya chuckled, as he posed with a hand to his chin. Naruto was standing by grinding his teeth. "Well, time for the next phase of getting you to get Kyuubi's chakra."
"And how's that going to work?" The still very unamiable blonde demon swordsman snorted.
"Follow me."
The two went deeper into the hills, until they reached a great crevice nestled between the rises. Naruto gazed apprehensively into the dark void.
"Hey… what's this got to do with training?"
Jiraiya sighed. "Naruto, I hope you forgive me, but this is really the only way I know-"
The boy was caught off guard when the older man suddenly moved with untraceable speed. Before he knew it, Naruto felt something pick him up by the collar of the vest he wore, and pitch him into the air into the dark.
Naruto fell in the abyss screaming.
You don't have any of your own chakra left…that leaves only one option for your body to take…don't worry, Naruto. I wouldn't have done this if I didn't think you'd survive it…
-
-
-
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck I'M GONNA DIE! Was all Naruto was thinking as he fell through the darkness. He was falling too fast to grasp the sides of the wall with chakra, and he didn't have chakra to begin with, he realized.
I knew it! I couldn't trust a ninja for anything! I bet he had orders to kill me as soon as I came back! Assholes! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'll see you guys die!
Snarling, Naruto flipped through the air trying to right himself to the wall. Pulling his sword free, he tried to drive the blade into the rock wall, hoping to slow his fall.
It snapped on the high-speed rocks.
"Come on!" Naruto whined. But he was Uzumaki Naruto! One more time!
Naruto unwound the coil that tied his sword sheath to his back. Lashing out, he held the wooden, steel enforced cover in his hands while the attached cable swung upwards.
It caught on something.
Yes!
As the cable drew taut, it snapped on the boy's weight.
GODDAMN! WHY NOW OF ALL TIMES?
Continuing to fall, Naruto let the wooden scabbard drift out of his hands. Nothing was going to help this time, sheer determination wasn't going to save him from gravity.
I really am going to die… I couldn't even save Sensei…
The wind began to lull Naruto's eyes to close to an inevitable death.
If only…
…I had…
…a bit of chakra…
-
-
-
When Naruto came too, he realized his clothes were soaked.
"What the hell…"
He wasn't even in the crevice any more, falling to his death. It actually reminded him of a partially flooded sewage system. But the place seemed strangely tinted yellow, giving the entire place a whole, surreal, dreamish, unbelievable look.
"Where am I…?" Naruto pondered as he got to his feet and began to explore, feet sloshing through the pools of water. The entire structure… burst pipes, closed valves, caved in ceilings, among other things.
It was like this place used to transport tons of fluid between two points, but suddenly go destroyed one day, ending its use forever.
The concrete hall made a sudden turn to the left, into a dark chamber. Naruto gulped and hesitantly stood before the dark.
Something was in there. That was why the dark felt like it wanted to eat him alive.
A few hesitant steps in, and he found himself in a giant chamber. In front of him was a pair of immense ornate barred gates, stretching to the ceiling, and cutting the entire room in half.
About half way up, he noticed a slip of inked paper clinging to the gap between the gates.
…'Seal'? Could this place be…? Naruto realized. Before him, a pair of slit red eyes glowed, teeth grinned.
…I CAN SEE YOU…
Naruto glared at the red shadowy form beyond, "You must be Kyuubi."
Teeth and claws slammed up against the bars of the prison, mere feet away from crushing the boy.
IMPUDENT MORTAL! HOW DARE YOU ADRESS ME AS SUCH! BOW! I AM KYUUBI NO KITSUNE, THE GREATEST OF THE TAILED-BEASTS! I SHOULD EAT YOU WERE YOU STAND… HOWEVER THIS SEAL… TO BE DEFEATED BY SUCH A MAN…
Naruto as always indignantly pointed a finger from his position, "You asshole fox! Why should I bow to you? It's all your fault my life's all fucked up!"
Kyuubi's laughter reverberated through the hall, MY FAULT? MY FAULT THAT I SHARE WITH YOU NOW THE GREATEST OF ALL POWERS? TO ALLOW YOU TO SURPASS ALL PLANES OF HUMANITY WITH A WISH? HOW IGNORANT YOU ARE. YOU SHOULD BE BLAMING THE FOURTH HOKAGE FOR SEALING ME IN YOU, BESIDES. IT WAS HIS WILL THAT YOU BE SELECTED FOR THIS GREAT PRIVILEGE.
"Privilege! Privilege of what? Sharing my stomach with something like you?"
YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE THE THINGS THAT COME WITH BEING A VASSAL… OR VESSEL… OF A GREAT DEMON LIKE ME. OF COURSE, IF YOU ARE TOO FOOLISH TO TAKE POWER WHENEVER YOU CAN… YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE.
"Ha! But who knows? I was falling into to my death if I last remembered, and if I die, you die too! That's how the seal works! So you better put in your due to make sure we both get out of this!"
TCH… IDIOTS WHO FALL TO THEIR DEATH SHOULD DIE FOR BEING SO STUPID IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT IN THIS CASE… DEATH IS TOO SOON FOR ME, EVEN FOR SOMEONE AS OLD AS I. VERY WELL, I'LL LET YOU LIVE THIS TIME…
Naruto saw a blood red stream head towards him, and began to envelope him, to his horror. Fighting, he could only hear words as he was swallowed up in Kyuubi's chakra.
REMEMBER THIS THOUGH… YOU ARE A FOOL… I SPARE YOU THIS TIME FOR MY INTERESTS… HOWEVER, THAT DOES NOT MAKE YOU WORTHY OF THIS STRENGTH… DO NOT COME BACK HERE AGAIN. I DO NOT LISTEN TO THE IDLE BANTERINGS OF A FOOL… IF KEEPING MY CHAKRA FROM YOU IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN FIGHT NOW… I WILL GLADLY DO IT.
-
-
-
Down, deep in the darkness, Naruto saw red.
-
-
-
A gust of wind rushed out of the black crevice, washing Jiraiya's face in an ample amount of malevolent aura.
No doubt about it. Naruto's on his way back up.
Backing away, the hermit could already see a red energy illuminating the walls of the dark fall. Then came the voice.
"JiiiiiiiiRAAIIIYAAAA!"
Naruto literally leapt out of the crevice and flew several meters into the air above the aging writer.
"Ah! Naruto! There you are!"
"YOU BASTARD! I'm gonna rip you to shreds and eat your costume and shit it out! You steal my money, and you try to kill me! You're the worst kind of human ever!" Naruto growled, eyes red, body burning.
"Don't worry about it. Kyuubi has too much invested on you to simply die this way. Besides, I see you pulling out the Demon's chakra-"
"You Idiot! I just talked to him! Now he hates me! He just kept me alive this time, but he wouldn't give me chakra even if it were the last thing he could do! Which it is the last thing left he can do! And you made me break my sword!"
Curious…but then again, I should expect creatures like Kyuubi to be incredibly vain… "Ah, don't worry about it! You've established a connection with the Demon now, so just keep needling him until you get what you want. And swords are easy to get."
"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! I SHOULD EAT YOU… where you…." Naruto tried to answer. But Kyuubi's little sampler had already conked out, leaving the boy exhausted, and consequently out cold in front of Jiraiya.
-
-
-
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO RETURN HERE.
It's not my fault! Now give me your chakra!
NO. NOW LEAVE ALREADY.
Wait-
-
-
-
Naruto woke up awkwardly with quite a bit of a start. He decided to bury his face into the blankets. Damned sunlight. That was one hell of a weird dream.
"RISE AND SHINE, BEADY CHICK!" Jiraiya's voice bombed over the top of Naruto's futon. The boy cursed and turned over in his bed.
"Go away… need more sleep."
"Hardly! You've been out for three days already."
"Not funny…"
"I'm not being funny." The hermit's voice replied to Naruto, a frown readily apparent in the tone. Naruto groaned.
After a good hour, Naruto found himself dressed, squinting, irritable, and lacking a sword.
He felt extremely naked. The various kunai he had with him was no substitute at all.
"Well then, LET'S GO!" Jiraiya enthusiastically shouted, surging forward with a finger pointed at the horizon.
"Hey, what did I say about stupid poses? Idiot Pervert."
"Don't be so picky. Just concentrate on trying to get that connection with Kyuubi again."
"So he can what? Laugh at me again?" Naruto snorted as the two of them headed down the road.
-
-
-
Tanzaku City was the next place they were hitting up for clues in the long line of cities down the road. So far, in the past, most of the casinos reporting huge gains were going down this road. Tanzaku was a logical choice, due to its popularity of its landmark, and also because of its famous Panchiko parlours. Tsunade, if she went in this direction, would have been drawn to the place like a fly to the meat.
Of course, if one wanted to make a correct allegory, one would have to say the meat was actually a scented fly-trap, Tsunade's crappy gambling skills and all.
To be honest, Naruto was sort of excited (not that he would actually say) of seeing the aforementioned Tanzaku castle. Even though the three samurai traveled a lot, going to popular location was like shouting "I'm here, can you kill me?" aloud to the world and its Hunter-Nins. So the blonde samurai never had too many chances in his life to see famous sites, like one of the last ancient castles that survived the Great Shinobi Wars.
Which was why, Naruto was grinding his teeth in silent cloud of threatening death, as the two of them stood perched on a tree limb looking at the battlements of Tanzaku Castle, which guarded nothing but a pile of rubble.
"Someone's gonna pay for this…" Naruto growled.
"Curious, it looks like the damage has occurred recently, since the debris clouds haven't settled completely yet."
"'damange'? The entire damn castle's demolished!"
"Oh don't worry, I'm sure they can rebuild a worthy enough recreation, in time."
The two of them noticed citizens fleeing the scene, screaming for their lives.
"Umm… excuse me! Could someone clue me into what happened to this castle?" Jiraiya shouted into the escaping crowd. One receptive man stopped and pointed a frantic finger in the opposite direction.
"You guys! Stop standing around and get out of here! A monster suddenly appeared and destroyed the castle! It's huge!"
Monster? Was the unanimous thought between the samurai and the ninja.
"Care the elaborate? What does it look like?"
"It-it's this HUGE snake? You guys get out of here, or you'll get killed!" The man managed to answer before deciding he stayed too long for his health, and escaped, much to Naruto's screaming chagrin.
"Hey! Hey! What do you mean 'huge snake'? Elaborate! It's not like everyday… Hey!" Naruto futilely shouted down the dirt road from his position in the tree.
Jiraiya's thoughts turned downwards. Huge Snake? And so soon after the Chuunin Exam attack…it probably is Him… and if He's here… then that also means…
"Naruto, stop asking around! I think Tsunade might be in this city. I'll detail you in on the monster along the way!"
"Really?"
The two leapt from the tree.
-
-
-
This kid…he seems to have quite a future in the whole gambling thing… Jiraiya enviously mused. It was only a few days ago that he emptied the samurai of all his winnings, yet today he won it all back and more.
It began when the two first went over the Panchiko parlors in the area. Just like back in the gambling den, Naruto expressed his dislike over games the relied too much on luck, rather than skill, but was inexorably drawn to the machine anyways. Jiraiya had some helpful information, hearing at last, that a woman of Tsunade's description had been in the establishment this morning, before the whole castle had been destroyed.
Of course, it was confusing that he described the woman as having an amazing winning streak.
Tsunade always considered it a bad omen when she won… heh, looks like she was right, considering what happened, and who else could be here.
Of course, not shortly after he noticed Naruto having a grand old time, as his machine kept dolling out coins for him.
"And I didn't cheat this time either! The stupid machine just keeps dropping the ball in the 'good' slots!"
"I see…"
And so Naruto left the establishment with bags full of peripherals and souvenirs.
"Hee, hee! Just wait 'till Haku and Sensei sees all the stuff I got!"
Jiraiya thus went looking through all the bars in the place. Next to gambling, Tsunade's second greatest vice was her refined taste for alcohol. At least in that, she could brag in having some skill.
Of course, again, Naruto noticed an elderly lady in a lottery stand waving for him.
"You… young lad… you look like a lucky fella'."
"Well, I guess it's just a fluke and all."
"Really? Wish to try your luck? It's only a few coins to try and win so much more in weight."
"Well… I guess it wouldn't hurt."
It didn't Naruto just happened to pull out the strip that held the grand prize. His froggie wallet bulged to the seams after.
Jiraiya sighed inwardly, Like I say, he has some definite skill. It would almost make me jealous, but I'm already rich, and through an honest job too, HA!
"Hey, Pervert."
"I said not to call me that in public."
"Whatever. What's with the snakes anyways? You sounded like you were familiar with them."
"Naruto… you know that ninja teams always come in three. Even the Sannin are known for being the great 'Three Ninja'."
"So that means there's you, Tsunade and…?"
"The final Sannin. Orochimaru."
"Orochimaru?"
"These day's he's obsessed with power. All he cares for is finding immortality and learning every jutsu in the world. He's a real villain now."
"So… he summoned those snakes? Why's he here?"
"You should know, he's the one responsible for masterminding the attack on Konoha, as well as being the one who killed Sandaime Hokage."
"Ah."
"Before the Hokage died, he managed to destroy a portion of Orochimaru's soul, rendering him incapable of using his arms, and in turn unable to make Hand-Seals."
"Ouch. That must be a slap in the face for a guy wants to learn all jutsus in the world."
"Indeed. Orochimaru must have come here to get Tsunade to heal him."
"Heal! Tsunade can actually fix something like a missing portion of a guy's soul?" Naruto sounded genuinely amazed.
"I wouldn't be surprised if it were in her power. She is probably the greatest Medic-Nin we've seen yet."
Naruto snorted. "Perfect. Competition."
"Naruto… remember this. Even if you wish to have no affiliation with Konoha, don't try to imagine that somebody like Orochimaru isn't your problem just because of that… he's extremely dangerous to everything in his path."
Phh, fine. Just don't trick me into doing Konoha's dirty work. I'll fight him if I have to, but I'll also decide how much danger he is to me."
"…Fine."
They continued to search all day, until night fell on them, and they were walking down the streets.
"Oi, Pervert. Let's call it a day and go find a room to board up."
"Not yet. I just have to check one more bar."
"Jeez! We haven't even found something to eat!"
"Just eat the peanuts if you're that hungry!"
Naruto grumbled, but relented. Luck again showed its rewarding side to his unselfishness.
The two of them slid through the entranceway, into a rather decent looking bar. On the far wall were a series of booths. Apparently, some food could be ordered here as well.
"EH? Jiraiya!" A woman in the back suddenly pointed in shock.
"Ah! Tsunade! What a small world!"
Naruto sort of gaped. He was aware the woman was capable of hiding her true age… but this… twenty-year-old blonde chick… with boobs… something was definitely off here.
Introductions came around easily enough. Tsunade was the blonde, obviously. The woman next to her was Shizune, an apprentice of sorts that was also fairly skilled in medicine. And the little dolled up pig was Ton-Ton, for some reason.
"And who's the kid with you, Jiraiya?" Tsunade finally drawled, giving a look to the boy who was making himself at home with his dinner. Her face was just the slightest tinge red; obviously shower her under influence of alcohol, but not enough to be incoherent. Great drinker, indeed.
"This is Uzumaki Naruto."
The thought between the gambler Sannin and her companion was about the same. The Kyuubi kid?
"So… explain to me why you don't have a Konoha headband."
Naruto spoke easily between bites, not missing a beat, "Konoha sucks. I left when I was a kid."
"And how did Jiraiya manage to find you?"
"Stuff happened, I'm stuck with him until you go to Konoha."
Tsunade's face darkened. "Excuse me?"
Jiraiya took over from here. "Tsunade. You should know the state Konoha is in right now."
"I know. Orochimaru popped by today, he told me he killed Sarutobi."
"That all?"
"Just a few words, hello and all. Why are you concerned?"
"Konoha believes that you're the only one qualified enough to be Hokage at this point."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"You're the granddaughter of the first Hokage, you ability is comparable to that of one on the level of a Kage, you've contributed a lot while you were in service to Konoha, and you've never acted against them. Your teacher, and mine, was Sarutobi, also a Hokage. I don't think there's anything to kid about. Either way, I need your answer. Are you going to be Hokage or not?"
"Not. Not even possible. Not even dreamable."
Jiraiya chuckled, hiding his disappointment, "Hmph. I remember you saying that once when I asked you out on a date."
The woman looked over Naruto again. "He looks a bit like the Fourth, no?"
"Exactly the same. Bratty, annoying, ill mannered, and holding quite a potential…"
"I remember Yondaime… I remember most of the Kages. They were all idiots."
"My Tsunade… you've changed more than I expected."
"I've seen enough to warrant it. Yondaime sacrificed himself, Granddad sacrificed himself, Sarutobi sacrificed himself. For what? They changed nothing in the end, they just died in some stupid machismo manner before they lived a full happy life…"
The woman's eyes glazed slightly as she remembered another time…
"…Being Hokage is just a death wish… only idiots think that such things like dying heroically is great… The Hokage title is crap. I'm not, and that's final."
Silence. Just then Naruto finished his bowel of soup.
"Hey, old lady…"
"Don't call me that."
"Whatever… I don't see the point of making that speech. I'm not part of Konoha, so I could give any shit less about what happens there. But, I have my ulterior motives why I'm here. In that case, I don't give a fuck whether you want to be Hokage or not. You're still going to Konoha, and after I found you, I'm not going to let you off so easily."
Tsunade smirked. "Oh? And what are you going to do, if I still say no?"
Naruto grinned like a predator right back, "Simple, I'd kick your ass, break your arms and legs, and drag you back by the collar of your shirt."
Both of them were up from their seats, hands on the table, staring each other straight in the eye. Jiraiya and Shizune began to back away nervously.
"You've got a lot of guts, kid. You know what Jiraiya said. I'm comparable to a Kage."
"I don't give a fuck if you're the bitch of the universe. You're going to Konoha, one way or another, even if it means using force."
"Is that an invitation? Step outside, kid." She smirked.
"Fine, if it makes you feel better that less people are going to see your ass get beat down by a kid." He grinned.
The two stepped out into the night.
-
-
-
Next Chapter: These days, anything can be put up to the bet. Money, jewelry, pride, reputation… Life… how much is Naruto and Tsunade willing to bet? How much are they going to actually win?
A/N: Yet another instructional that may or may not be useful, but sure as hell is annoying for me to see at times. First, review skits. You know how some times some reviewers do those skits in their review like they're shouting to one guy to another or something? Sometimes they're good, most all of them I've seen are bad (Don't worry Sheo, I forgive you. Yours at least addressed the chapter). It's like they're trying to be funny or cute or something. Except it isn't, it just makes them look immature. Especially with all those Tee-hees, and emoticons…
The second thing I dislike is sometime I come across these story summaries that go "What if?" Or "I know this is a bad summary please bear with me."
That's almost like saying to me "Hay guyz! I have this cool idea and I'm not doing my absolute best to convince you to read it, since I'm not even sure myself if it's a good story! Tee hee, but it's my story, so pweese read?"
Even if the idea is crappy, at least don't sound like you think it's crappy. Otherwise everybody will realize even the author is thinking he or she is writing a story that's crappy, and they won't even read it!
It's not like you see your favorite writer (example), go "Hey, what if Harry Potter had a God-father that was also a shape shifting freak? I know it's a bad idea, but please bear with me and shell out a couple bucks to buy my book!"
You ever saw that? No? That's because she just slapped your face and shook your head saying "PRISONER OF AZKABAN WANTS HARRY'S HEAD! YOU WANT TO FIND OUT MORE? BUY MY BOOK!"
Hell, I even remember Stephen King in his autobiography bitching about how bad authors are managing to make money off crap ideas. Not that I promote the idea of not doing your absolute best on stories, but obviously, if these so-called bad authors are managing to sell books by the sheer force of their… sales face? You know what I mean. The same concept applies to summaries. Selling an idea to an audience before they even read it.
Summaries are very important things.
One of the many reasons why I believe Voice is one of the most important things when it comes to writing. Next to writing legibly, of course.