Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Ball (original, Z, or GT). Akira Toriyama does, along with thousands of money-grubbing companies worldwide.
Author Note: Don't kill me for this, okay? I love all of these characters... it just so happens that I also love making fun of them. (grin)
"Son, I just finished the laundry. Come and get your clothes!" called King Cold from the utility room of their palatial mansion.
Grumbling, Frieza strolled in and grabbed the laundry basket. Why the emperor of the universe couldn't hire someone other than his father to wash his clothes is indeed a mystery, but we won't dwell on that right now. Frieza picked it up and was about to walk back to his room when he took a good, long look at the basket's contents. The longer Frieza looked, the more furious he became.
Finally losing patience, he whirled around and demanded, "Father! Please remind me again why I have to wear these!"
King Cold looked up from his knitting to see Frieza holding up a pair of those little black tights that he always wore. Sighing, King Cold said, "Son, we've been through this a thousand times. You have to wear those because otherwise you'd be naked from the waist down. This is an anime, after all, not a Disney cartoon."
"That's not what I meant!" Frieza snapped. "What I want to know is why do I have to wear these stupid things! They make me look like a freakin' homosexual, for crying out loud!"
"Well, you are voiced by a woman, you know..." King Cold replied, chuckling.
"Don't change the subject!" Frieza roared. "It's not just me; you wear them, and so does everyone in our army. Now, either you tell me why or I'll throw a tantrum!"
King Cold's heart momentarily stopped beating. The last time Frieza had thrown a tantrum, he destroyed three galaxies, committed 322 seperate cases of genocide, wrecked the family car, and even ate Cooler's comic book collection!
"There's no telling what that boy might do this time..." the purple tyrant nervously thought. "He's so unbelievably naughty; I have taught him well."
"Very well, my son," King Cold said, setting his needlework aside. "I will tell you the story of how the sacred 'tiny black pants' came to be our national symbol. Believe it or not, it is a tragic tale involving your dearly departed mother..."
80 years ago...
"Happy birthday, honey!" King Cold exclaimed, handing her a wrapped present.
"Oh, Darling, you shouldn't have!" she squealed, opening it. Inside, she found a beautiful pair of black, silk panties.
"Oh, my... Cold, you dog!" she giggled, blushing. "They're lovely!"
"Yes, I thought so as well," he chuckled. "Very comfortable, too. In fact, I liked them so much that... well..."
King Cold parted his robe to reveal that he was wearing an identical pair of lingerie.
"EEEEEEK!" Queen Fridge screamed, eyes wide with horror. Clutching her chest, she gasped, "Oh... my... my... heart! URK!"
After a brief but massive heart attack, she fell to the floor dead. Picking her up in his arms, King Kold wailed, "NOOOOOOOOO!"
Present day...
"We never discovered what caused your mother's death, but we decided to adopt tiny black panties as our national uniform in her memory," King Cold sobbed. "After all, she loved them so!"
"... Father?"
"Yes, son?"
"DEATH BEAM!"
"I... do say, Frieza... that hurt," a tiny pile of ashes whimpered.
"Screw you, Father!" Frieza sneered, removing his silky black uniform. "From now on, I'm going nudist! WAAAAAHAHAHA!"
"No, son! Come back!" the remains of King Cold pled. As Frieza dashed out of sight, he muttered, "Your mother would be so ashamed..."
THE END
--------------------------------------
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Hahahaha! Anyhoo, this is the first of a several-part collection of DBZ funnies. Keep an eye out for further updates, but don't expect them to come pouring in quickly (I'm really slow).
I hope you enjoyed my nonsense, but please drop me a review regardless. Thanks!