Separated - Yamato's Story

Yeah

You are my fire

The one desire

I know I never told you how I felt. Maybe I should have, maybe if I had then I would have destroyed our friendship for ever. But the name Taichi Kamiya used to send little shudders right through me. Hid it well, didn't I? Well, that's me for you. I hated how I felt, anyway. I hated loving someone who would never love me back. I wanted to stop loving you, but I couldn't. My father despised all things yaoi, and I thought that to actually want other guys would be the worst way to live. I wanted it all to just stop. But now...

Believe when I say

I want it that way

When we are two worlds apart

You're gone now, through that portal to God-knows-where, and I can see how much your love means to me. Not that you ever showed me much love... were you hiding it, as I was? There were times when I would catch you looking at me, and you would quickly turn away. I suspected for a long time... but, like a fool, I thought we would have forever. So I said nothing. And you thought I felt nothing.

Can't reach to your heart

When you say

That I want it that way

But you were wrong, I feel plenty. Wherever you are, you're probably thinking how happy I must be that you're gone. Just because I argued with you a lot, doesn't mean I hated you, Tai. So don't think I want you gone, because all I want is to able to tell you how much I wish you were back. Do you want to be back, with me?

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a mistake

Because there are times, you know, when I'm sure I must be deluding myself. How could a guy like you ever love a jerk like me? I feel certain that this is all going to end in tears, and you telling me that you never want to speak to me again.

(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say

I want it that way

Don't think I'd like that, not speaking to you. No matter what I'd say, it'd tear me up inside. I don't hate you Tai, I love you! I wish I could tell you that, but I lost my chance. You're gone, I'll never see you again. And it hurts so much.

Am I your fire?

Your one desire?

If I could ask you one question, I would just ask you how you feel about me outright. I thought nothing would be worse than me confessing and you rejecting me, but there is something worse. There's never being able to see you again, and forever wondering, never knowing...

It's too late

But I want it that way

And I will never know. Ever. Time passed us by, as it sometimes does, the moment is gone and IT WILL NEVER RETURN. Does that fact tear at your soul, too? Did you ever lie awake at night, as I did, crying because you knew that you could never have what you wanted more than anything else in the world? I did that often. I still do.

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a mistake

It must be a nightmare, a horrible dream. We've got it all wrong, you didn't fall through that portal, it just looked that way. Any minute now you'll come striding up to camp, full of grins, telling us all not to be so stupid, you'll never leave us. Ready to take over as leader again, the post which I have to fill now you're gone.

(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say

I want it that way

And yeah, I know what I said. Always, when we were arguing, I would say that I'd make a much better leader than you. But I didn't mean it, I didn't know how hard it could be, everyone depending on you to make the right decision. And I can see tham all thinking: Tai would know what to do. I called you some pretty low names from time to time, but I guess your shoes are hard to fill after all. So don't think I'm happy now that I'm in charge, now that I've "got what I wanted" - cause all I want is you.

Now I can see that we're falling apart

From the way that it used to be, yeah

And I'm a crap leader. Sora would make a much better job of it, but she won't. She says she doesn't have leadership qualities - yeah, right. She also thinks the experience is good for me. But the whole group is slowly collapsing, and I can't keep it together. We need you back, Tai. It was stable when you were here. Now it's just a shambles.

No matter the distance, I want you to know

That deep down inside of me

You are my fire

The one desire

You are, you are, you are, you are

I wish so much I could tell you all this, but what I'm saying you will never know. You're an entire dimension away, you can't get here and I can't get there. But I love you, Taichi. I don't think I'll ever stop. Sure, it might fade, I'll fall in love with someone else eventually - boy or girl, it's hard to say - but that doesn't mean I'll ever fall out of love with you. We could have had something really good, you know.

Don't wanna hear you say

Ain't nothing but a heartache

Ain't nothing but a mistake

So please, don't still be thinking that what we almost had was wrong. Love is never wrong. It hurts sometimes though. Oh yeah, it hurts a lot, mostly because I never TOLD you, WHY didn't I tell you, WHY? I was so stupid that I thought it would never be too late... and now it is.

I never want to hear you say

I want it that way

And I AM NOT RELIEVED. Don't think for the smallest second that now you're out of my life then so are all my problems connected to you. Oh God, give me back those problems a thousand fold, if only I can have my Taichi too!

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a mistake

I

(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say

I want it that way

NEED

(Tell me why) Ain't nothing but a heartache

Ain't nothing but a mistake

YOU.

(Tell me why) I never want to hear you say

I want it that way

Sometimes I dream, though. Sometimes I dream that I saved you, and that we gazed long into eachother's eyes and we knew, we knew that we loved eachother. I dream that you are here loving me, and I am loving you...

Cause I want it that way.