HTML Title: "Careful With What You Wish - Chap 38: In The End"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It requires knowledge of the 'X' manga. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), some OOC, a bit of sappiness, twisted relationships, suicide attempts, mentions of abuse, violence, general insanity and other things I might have forgotten... Deal with this fic with caution...
Notes: This is dark and twisted, dark and twisted, dark and twisted... have I mentioned it's dark and twisted? It's born to show a less nice Seishiro, how bad Fuma's idea that Wishes must be fulfilled is and how stubborn Subaru can be no matter what happened to him.
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" & "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks:
To Ruth for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
To Moko, Tanuki-dono, Meffie, Sakanagi and Yupita for supporting me while writing this fic! Thank you a lot!
Summary: After meeting Subaru in his Maboroshi 16 years ago Seishiro chose to keep him and placed him under a spell so that he would obey him. Now, in the year of the destiny he has to face Sumeragi Hokuto who wants her brother back and Monou Fuma's obsession for fulfilling wishes...
'We should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.' Andy Rooney
"Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / But didn't even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / It all fell apart
What it meant to me / Will eventually / Be a memory / Of a time when I tried
So hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter"
(Linkin Park - "In The End")
When Seishiro reached the bridge the Kekkai was still standing, however... as soon as he entered it, he saw a blinding light and suddenly he was pushed backward by a huge surge of power. He fell to the ground hard and the bridge trembled under him, dust and debris rising all around as he could hear a horrible breaking noise. Then, there was a moment of quiet, of silence, in which he tried to raise himself, to stand. It was in that moment, as he managed to sit, the damage, dust and detritus around him slowly disappearing, that he realized the Kekkai over the bridge, the Kekkai over him, Subaru's Kekkai, had started fading slowly. He blinked, stared at the sight of the disappearing Kekkai as the implication of this sunk in his brain, then as an unpleasant, a painful feeling seized his chest and cut his breath. He forced himself to get up unsteadily, to get up as fast as he could, calling Subaru, no, screaming Subaru's name as he started running toward the middle of the bridge. He could feel that the reality around him was quietly returning to its original state now that the Kekkai was fading, repairing the damage it had been inflicted to the bridge, slowly, weakly, as the Kekkai, Subaru's Kekkai, seemed to struggle against its own disappearance, large clouds of smoke and dust obscuring the view of the middle of the bridge.
He ran, ran as fast as he could, ran through the smoke and the dust toward the centre of the bridge, toward the centre of the bridge that still had to magically rebuilt itself, that still displayed so many signs of the battle that had occurred, so much damage. He felts as if he wasn't being fast enough, as if he was moving in slow motion, feeling his heartbeat echoing so loudly in his ears it seemed a deafening sound, feeling his eyes stinging due to the dust and his throat burning as he couldn't seem to get enough air in his lungs, and then... then he caught sight of Subaru and it was as if his heart had skipped a beat.
Subaru... Subaru!
Subaru didn't reply, gave no sign he'd heard Seishiro's call or that he was aware of his presence. He looked unconscious, in the middle of the most devastated zone of the bridge, where a huge crack cutting the bridge in two parts was, dangling dangerously from a distorted chunk of the structure, on the point of falling from it and slipping into the sea below. On the opposite side of the fracture, Kamui was trying to climb onto another piece of the bridge using only his left arm since the right one was too badly damaged to be of any use.
Seishiro didn't pay really him any attention though and merely hurried to reach Subaru, taking hold of him and carrying him to safe ground before he would fall into the sea. As soon as he took the unconscious boy into his arms the bridge under them changed its shape, returning fully to its original, untouched form. Seishiro somehow managed to keep his balance and remain standing; Kamui fell but not too badly, not that Seishiro cared. He was holding Subaru close to himself, calling him without getting any answer. Subaru was a bleeding mess who barely breathed and although his green eyes were half open they looked unfocused and were probably unable to focus. He didn't seem aware Seishiro was with him, he didn't seem aware that Seishiro was holding him, calling him, stroking his hair, he just... he just...
"He's a stubborn, smart fellow, your Ten no Ryu," Kamui commented, his breath laboured as he remained sitting on the ground, and hearing his voice out of the blue caused Seishiro to raise his gaze abruptly, to meet the one of the teenager. It was his fault, his fault if Subaru was in that state, it was his fault and he... "When he realized that with his attack he couldn't kill me he decided to destroy the bridge hoping that this would do the trick," he explained and there was a faint note of admiration in Kamui's tired, pained voice.(1)Even if the boy looked a lot better than Subaru he too had been quite injured. Seishiro glared at him with hate, arms clenching around Subaru, holding him tightly, maybe too tightly. It was Kamui's fault, Kamui's faul... Kamui merely smiled, smiled as Subaru would, as only Subaru could, twisting Seishiro's perception of his features and making it harder to focus on his hate for him. "You know this is all your fault..." the teenager said gently and even his tone resembled Subaru's, although Subaru would never place the blame for something on him, no, Subaru would never, never...
"What do you mean?" he hissed, holding Subaru even closer, trying to make sure he was really in his arms and not standing in front of him. His thoughts were confused, strangely jumbled and it was hard to think coherently, to breathe. That couldn't be real. He couldn't be there, holding a barely conscious Subaru on a deserted bridge, with Kamui as his only companion blaming him for Subaru's condition. No, that had to be an hallucination, a dream, a trick...
"Simple. He came here to protect you and, since he didn't know you valued his life, he thought he could throw it away carelessly to accomplish his goal," Kamui informed him in that maddening gentle tone and he felt like screaming really, because it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair Kamui could sound like Subaru... "Now, what are you going to do, Seishiro-san?"
'Kill him, kill him, kill him...' something deep and raw inside his being screamed, 'Destroy him, murder the one that hurt Subaru, the one that tried to take Subaru away from you...'and he wanted to, he wanted to but...
'Sakurazuka-san, you won't reach the bridge in time to protect Subaru-san. The bridge will fall. But I didn't see Subaru dying on the bridge. Maybe, if you manage to take him to a hospital fast enough he'll live! When you reach him simply grab him and run to a hospital! You won't manage to kill Kamui if you attack him but you can try and save Subaru-san! Try to save Subaru-san!'
He glared at the teenager, swallowed, then lowered his gaze onto Subaru, whom he held tightly to his chest. Subaru... Subaru still seemed out of it... Subaru needed medical attention and he was wasting his time, was wasting precious time, he...
"We... we'll settle this another time," he spat and, as soon as he said it, Subaru's eyes closed as he lost what little hold he had on consciousness. He tensed, ignoring how someone, the other Ten no Ryu, were calling for them, then felt the bridge under them starting to tremble all of sudden. As soon as Subaru's eyes had closed his Kekkai had completely faded, losing its hold on the bridge. The Chi no Ryu's Kamui quickly got up and started running away from the bridge as fast as he could, ignoring the pain in his leg, the Ten no Ryu's Kamui calling him and his injuries. He knew the bridge was about to crumble and he wasn't going to crumble with it. Seishiro began running as well, in the opposite direction, holding Subaru tightly in his arms, hoping he would be in time, hoping the doctors could take care of Subaru, hoping Subaru could be saved. He ran, he ran, thinking of nothing else but Subaru, the other Ten no Ryu following him as the bridge began cracking, trembling more and more and then started to break under them for no apparent reason at all. Seishiro knew though. Subaru's blood had been spilled on it, Subaru's Kekkai had been shattered and so the bridge's Kekkai had shattered as well and now it would crumble, crumble, it would crumble and he had to take Subaru away from here, he had to take Subaru away, he had to take him to a safe place, to a hospital, away, away, Subaru's life slipping slowly from the boy's body in the same way as the boy's blood was as Seishiro ran as fast as he could.
He hadn't told Subaru.
He hadn't told Subaru and Subaru had never realized.
He hadn't realized how precious he was to Seishiro, how the man cherished his life, how... how he loved him, how he needed him. Subaru needed to hear those stupid words and he... he hadn't told him.
"Subaru... Subaru, don't die... I... I love you... don't leave me... Subaru..." he whimpered but it was too late. Subaru couldn't hear him and he could only hope he would get another chance to tell him, to make him understand how important his existence was to him (2)
When Hokuto, Kakyou and Kigai-san reached the hospital which Seishiro and the other Ten no Ryu had taken Subaru to she was already dangerously close to hysteria and things only got worse when a nurse informed her Subaru was in surgery but his prospects weren't good at all. Just when Seishiro had finally reached the hospital Subaru's heart had stopped beating and now the doctors didn't know if he could be saved. That last piece of information likely sent her into shock because after it she felt... numb. It wasn't possible. It simply wasn't possible. After so many years she was finally back with her brother so he couldn't die, he couldn't. There had to be an error somewhere, she thought as she walked in a zombie like trance to the door of the operation room. She looked around, trying to make sense of the world she was in but everything looked surreal to her, like dream. She could see Sorata trying to comfort Kamui, who was blaming himself, while Yuzuriha was sobbing in Arashi's arms and she felt like beginning to cry as well when she caught sight of Sei-chan, standing in front of the door behind which Subaru was, a hand pressed against the smooth metal, saying nothing but Subaru's name in a low whisper in an almost endless litany. To her he looked more like a traumatized child who was asking, begging for his mother to come back to him than the Sakurazukamori, a thirty-four-year-old man who murdered people for the well being of Japan, an amazingly powerful Onmyouji and a Chi no Ryu. Subaru... Subaru wouldn't have wanted to see him like that, she told herself. His heart would have broken if he were to ever saw him like that, she knew and she couldn't allow it, she couldn't allow Subaru's heart to be broken. Which was why she went to him and hugged him, trying to comfort him the best she could, trying to avoid thinking of her own pain and desperation, trying to keep the control of her own emotions busying herself taking care of Subaru's most special person. She should not think of her own pain, her own fear in that moment. She couldn't. Subaru would want her to comfort Sei-chan, to take care of him and she would do it. Later... later there would be time for her own pain. Later...
"It'll be all right, Sei-chan, it'll be all right..." she repeated gently, over and over, more to persuade herself than him. He didn't return her hug, at first he didn't even seem to register it and even when he became aware of it he just... remained how he was, as if he was unable to change his position or to accept the little comfort she was offering him. He started speaking though, so maybe her efforts were worth something, not much but... something.
"It's my fault," he said quietly. "I didn't tell him and so he didn't know and now he's dying and I didn't tell him and Subaru's dying and I can't help and I promised him I would have protected him and I didn't and he's dying and..." he was babbling, she realized, and although he was staring at the door, he didn't look like he was seeing it. He wasn't crying though and his voice was so horribly calm and rational even if his words were nothing but an endless litany. Hokuto wondered if he was just in shock or if he simply had no idea how to cry, how to express his pain. Tears wouldn't be what one could expect from a Sakurazukamori but undoubtedly they would help him release his emotions, emotions not even he knew he possessed.(3)
Hokuto had no idea how long they waited, none of them had an idea how long they waited, it seemed a lifetime, maybe two but it couldn't have been so long really, until finally the light that indicated the operation was ongoing went out signalling that the doctors had finished their work.
Seconds seemed like hours and, when a doctor finally came out of the room, they all looked at him with a sense of dread. Subaru... the operation... how did it go? Was Subaru all right? Was he?
Subaru was still alive, the doctor said but... they didn't know for how long. His condition was too bad, too desperate. They didn't think he would make it to the morning unless a miracle happened. If someone wanted to spend the night there, with him, they would allow it. Hokuto wanted to, she desperately wanted to spend that night near to her brother, holding his hand as she had done when he'd been sick as a child, holding his hand as she had done when they had taken him to the hospital after what that had happened to him, holding his hand and trying to persuade him to cling to life, to stay with her, to live... She really wanted to do so. However, although it hurt, she knew she wasn't the one that Subaru needed right then, she wasn't the one for which Subaru would cling to life.
"You go, Sei-chan," she said firmly and she was kind of surprised by how firm and yet distant her voice sounded. Sei-chan turned to look at her as if he hadn't understood what she had said. She wasn't even sure he had understood what the doctor had said about Subaru. He looked mostly lost and out of it and this was so unlike him... it hurt to see Subaru's most special person like this as if his look seemed to confirm how horrible Subaru's situation was. "Go to Subaru. Hold his hand for me too, okay, Sei-chan?" she told him in her gentlest tone but her voice was raw and she didn't know if she had managed it well.
"Will this make him feel better? Will he be better if I do it?" he asked her without a hint of sarcasm, honestly, and she fought back tears because he really sounded like a child, he really looked like a lost child without Subaru and she couldn't show her weakness in front of him, she couldn't show her weakness in front of a child or they both would crumble and so she forced herself to smile, finding an inner strength she didn't know she had.
"Yes," she said gently holding his hand. "This will make him feel better. This will help him a lot. Don't ever leave him alone, okay, Sei-chan? Hold his hand and don't let him go, never let him go," she requested. Maybe, she hoped, if Sei-chan held Subaru's hand, Subaru wouldn't let go either, if her brother saw how miserable the man was without him he wouldn't let go, he would live, wouldn't he? Wouldn't he? Sei-chan nodded obediently, as a child would do with his mother, then followed the doctor into Subaru's room. Only when he was out of her sight she allowed herself to slide to the floor and begin sobbing desperately. Subaru, Subaru, Subaru,SubaruSubarusubaru...she wailed as she felt her pain tearing her apart.
She felt arms circling her and she let herself lean into Kakyou's embrace, gripping the man's clothes, burying her face in his chest, desperately searching for some comfort. He said nothing, he merely held her, gently rubbing her back.
Yuto watched the scene with a sad sigh. If Subaru-san were to go down so were the Sakurazukamori and maybe the girl too. And if she did, so would Kuzuki-san, like domino pieces that would fall one after the other. He frowned. Life really wasn't fair sometimes. He didn't want Subaru-san to die only he knew there was nothing else he could do. It was all up to Subaru-san... assuming that Subaru-san had a chance to begin with. Gently, he rested his hand on Kuzuki-san's shoulder.
"Kuzuki-san... we'd better go..." he said slowly, as kindly as he could. Probably, despite the little lesson Yuto had given them, those men were still stubbornly chasing Kuzuki-san and Yuto didn't look forward to starting a fight in a hospital. It was simply better for all concerned if they returned to the headquarters. Kuzuki-san however raised determined golden eyes to meet his.
"No," he said simply.
"Kuzuki-san..." Yuto began patiently as if dealing with a child. He understood him, really, but remaining there wouldn't help Subaru-san or his sister, it would merely be dangerous for him.
"No," Kuzuki-san repeated. "I... I appreciate your help but I won't leave now. I can't. I don't care what will happen to me, I won't leave Hokuto," he stated. Yuto sighed. Love was powerful but made men blind. And stupid. And he knew he should leave Kuzuki-san to his own destiny but he simply wasn't good at abandoning those he considered his companions. He caught the inquisitive gaze of the Ten no Ryu he had fought with once, Sorata was his name if he didn't remember wrong, and walked toward him.
"Would you mind keeping an eye on him?" he asked with a smile, pointing to Kuzuki-san. "He's a good fellow but he's completely harmless and some nasty Yakuza are hunting for him... I assure you he won't cause trouble..." Sorata studied him, then nodded seriously. While they had waited for Subaru's operation to end he'd been informed of how those two Chi no Ryu had warned Hokuto and Sakurazuka-san about Subaru-san being in danger. He was in debt to them so he would trust them and do what that Niichan had asked him.
"He's Hokuto's friend and helped to try to save Subaru," Kamui said, joining the discussion and trying to look... well, normal, although his gaze was still very worried and filled with pain. "We'll protect him," he assured him.
"Thank you," Yuto replied, flashing at him a grateful smile.
"Why did you do it?" Kamui couldn't help but ask, a frown on his face. "You're a Chi no Ryu, why..."
"Subaru-san is a good person," Yuto told to the boy very honestly. "And for a while we've been team mates... in a fashion..." he added. "One has to look out for his companions..." he explained although he also felt a little guilty to be honest. Helping Subaru-san might have caused their Kamui to be at a disadvantage, and their Kamui was his companion too, but Kuzuki-san had assured him the boy would be fine and so...
"Then why are you a Chi no Ryu? Why..." the Ten no Ryu's Kamui asked him, looking at him in confusion.
"Honestly? Because that's my destiny, that's why, and I've no interest in opposing it," he explained shrugging. He didn't see it as a big deal and yet, as he stared into the teenager's purple eyes he wondered if it was possible... "You... you on the other side... For you things are different. Maybe you can change destiny, maybe you can prove to me that destiny can be changed if men fight for it hard enough. I wish you good luck... Kamui..." he added before starting to walk away.
"He's a strange fellow," Sorata commented, smiling. "But he's not bad all bad, is he?" Kamui looked up at him and nodded solemnly. Sorata knew he was trying to keep his cool but he looked amazingly similar to a lost puppy. Somehow he had an affinity with Subaru, an affinity he hadn't with any of the other Ten no Ryu, he had established some sort of bond with him, and now the idea he could lose him too, as he had already lost his mother, Kotori and Saiki, was hurting him more than he was willing to admit.
"We'd better go. There's nothing we can do here now and we'll only be a nuisance for the doctors," Sorata said rationally. Arashi nodded in understanding and helped Yuzuriha to stand. The young girl was still sobbing lightly. Although he saw them moving Kamui hesitated in doing so as well.
"But Subaru..." he protested.
"Kamui... Subaru will be taken care of by Sakurazuka-san and the doctors. We can't help him standing here. We need to rest and be ready in case the Chi no Ryu will attack again. That's all we can do for him," Sorata told him in a gentle tone and Kamui hesitated only a moment before nodding unhappily. Then they moved to help Hokuto to stand. Aided by Kuzuki-san they managed to, even if the girl was still sobbing desperately and clinging to the Chi no Ryu's YumeMi as she would to a lifeline, unable to let him go.
"Kuzuki-san, you had better stay with us for a while. Don't worry, no one will bother you," Sorata told him gently. The man nodded, his gaze still on Hokuto as he thanked him almost timidly.
"Kuzuki-san..." Kamui said slowly. "You... you don't you know if Subaru..."
The man shook his head.
"I can't see if he'll manage to make it or not, I'm sorry," Kakyou said softly, looking sadly at Hokuto who had raised her head to look at him with hopeful, tears-filled eyes. The girl lowered her head again, sobbing anew.
"Then I guess all we can do is ... hope..." Sorata commented. Hope. It was all they could do, all they had. Hope.
To be continued...JJ's Notes:
1. Yep, Subaru was the one who broke the bridge inside the Kekkai... He knew he was going down and this would mean the Kekkai would break as well so he decided to break the bridge on his own in hope this would stop Fuma. He broke the bridge but the damage wasn't enough to cause Fuma to fall into the sea below. It's a rather desperate move but it's not like there was anything else he could do. Also Subaru's not exactly like 'X'Subaru.
2. So does Seishiro really love Subaru or is he merely telling him what he thinks Subaru wants to hear or both? Take your pick!
3. As usual Seishiro didn't take well to the idea of Subaru leaving him. After all it's the third time in a rather short time Subaru has given him this kind of scare and the more Seishiro grows aware of how tightly tied they are the harder it gets to take it calmly.
JJ's Extra Notes:
Okay so I'm not sure how an untouched Tokyo Kekkai behaves when he was protected by a Ten no Ryu's Kekkai and this one broke down. In Vol. 2 Sorata implied the damage inflicted inside a Ten no Ryu's Kekkai would always one day reflect on the Tokyo Kekkai but didn't give a time limit. He seemed to imply it wouldn't be on the same day since in his and Yuto's battle once the Kekkai disappear there's no earthquake and the same can be said for when Yuzuriha fights Fuma or when Karen and Seiichiro fight first Nataku and Yuto and then Nataku and Fuma. However, in both cases the makers of the Kekkai were fine and personally caused the Kekkai to disappear.
Now... in the battle between Subaru and Seishiro, Subaru's fine at the end but his Kekkai disappears because he stabbed Seishiro to death. Note that the Kekkai begin disappearing before Subaru's aware of Seishiro's death and, when it disappears, everything is back to being untouched. I'm not sure if we can talk of Ten no Ryu's Kekkai being technically broken... Anyway shortly after Seishiro's death the bridge cracks and break down.
Was the bridge untouched prior to the battle? Apparently it was. Subaru attacked first and then raised the Kekkai but I doubt his attack made more damage. However Seishiro killed someone around there and Fuma said dirtying in blood a Kekkai affects it so maybe the Kekkai was already weakened. To make a long story short...
Subaru's still technically conscious although not aware of it so the Kekkai is fading, although rather slowly because Subaru still has a weak grasp on it. Damage also reflects on the Tokyo Kekkai in a slower manner because the Kekkai was previously untouched but having Subaru's blood spilled on it tied in with the breaking of Subaru's Kekkai causing Rainbow Bridge Kekkai to break as well. Thus the earthquake. It's just a theory, feel free to have a different one.
Also yes, I think Fuma has fun twisting Seishiro's head and putting on him the blame for what happens to Subaru. Fuma's mostly right though since Subaru's actions are due to Seishiro... still this didn't mean Fuma was right in doing what he did.
Dictionary:
-chan: used at the end of a name to express affection and familiarity or when talking to a child
-kun: Young
-sama: "Lord" or "Lady"
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."
Chi no Ryu: Dragon of Earth
Gakuen: Campus
Hime: Princess
Ichimon: "Family" or "Household" or "Clan"
Jinja: Shinto Shrine
Kami: God
Kekkai: Shield
Ofuda: Short, polite form for 'Ujikofuda' ("Charm for Shrine Visitors"). Rectangular paper "charm" used to cast some spells
Onmyoujutsu: "Art of Yin and Yang". The ability to use Onmyoudo spells
Onmyoudo: "Way of Yin and Yang". Yin and Yang are the male and female forces underlying the movement and changes of nature. Onmyoudo is based on the Chinese arts of astrology, divination and Taoist magic and also represents a mystical way of living in harmony with the forces of nature
Onmyouji: "Person who practices Onmyoudo". Basically a magician, sorcerer, diviner and astrologer
Sakurazukamori: "Guardian of the Cherry Blossom Burial Mound". The assassin who uses Onmyoujutsu to kill whomever threatens Japan
Ten no Ryu:Dragon of Heaven
Replies to reviews:
To SucreTeen: Thank you. As for Subaru... You'll discover what will be of him in future chapters.
To Zuzanny: Well, all I can say is that Seishiro plans to deliver the message now as he's starting to suspect it might be important for Subaru to know it. Subaru must have been really strong but I think his nature and his own wish always held him back. He never wanted to hurt a soul and, even when he decided to fight Seishiro, it was because he hoped this would push the man to kill him, not because he had real killing intent. In fact he was fighting rather well with Nataku and even against Fuma... until he mistook Fuma for Seishiro and everything turned into a mess.
To TheEndofTag: I've learnt from the best, an evil quartet known as CLAMP... ;) Well, it's not very fast but it was faster than the previous, isn't it? And Subaru isn't dead... yet. The Kekkai faded because he was seriously injured, same as when he was blinded in the manga... only this time he got it much worse than back then... I fear Seishiro's going to hate me for this fic... but it's good for him to learn that Subaru is precious and what's precious needs to be handled with care or you might lose it. And with care I don't just mean 'feed and cuddle him' but also try to understand him, his wishes and his fears.
Well, just telling Subaru he loved him wouldn't have been enough, the problem is he needs to give Subaru a sense of self worth... which would start by making Subaru aware he's not replaceable for him, that Seishiro totally breaks is he loses Subaru. Readers know Seishiro was handling pretty poorly the time in which he had no idea where Subaru was but Subaru doesn't so he doesn't really understand that, if he were to die, he would hurt Seishiro maybe even worse than by letting KAMUI simply kill Seishiro. That's why it was so important for Subaru to know Seishiro loved him and why Seishiro is responsible if Subaru went on Rainbow Bridge knowing it would mean to toss his life away but in hope this would at least turn useful to Seishiro.
In a way although Seishiro and Subaru love each other this love isn't cute and pretty at all, as it's... too overwhelming for them. Subaru focuses all his life on Seishiro, willing to destroy himself if he thinks it can be of use to Seishiro. Seishiro needs Subaru more than the air he breathes but can't convey his feelings nor he can handle them properly.
The general idea is that Fuma, as he is now, is without the ability to understand that garanting wishes and following destiny might not be the right thing to do. He... is very disconnected by humanity, very passive in a fashion as he's not following his own wishes but the wishes of others, wishes that he perceives as strongest. In this way it doesn't matter what he wishes or if he wishes for something. Kusanagi said it in the 'X' manga as well. Fuma had dropped his own identity to become whoever other wished him to be. So the one we call Fuma doesn't exist anymore and therefore he's not there to judge if it's right or wrong to fulfil a wish or how. He's more... like an object, an instrument, than a real person.
It's sort of complicate but whatever he's doing he isn't doing it for his personal gain or because he decided it was okay to do it, no matter if he's doing something nice or something evil. When Fuma became KAMUI he dropped his own will, let it sleep somewhere inside him and let other people's wishes posses him. The real Fuma would have never done those things but KAMUI... he doesn't bother to judge them. He's just a mean for others to reach what they wish and therefore to him it's on them that all the responsibility to wish for the right things.
The worst part is that if Subaru had merely wished strong enough for Fuma to leave when he went on Rainbow Bridge, Fuma would have done it without discussions. Subaru didn't know though and didn't think possible to avoid battle or survive to it so he didn't even think at it. Fuma, in a way, sort of told him his wishes were influencing the battle when he said it was too bad Subaru couldn't wish for Fuma to get killed by him but Subaru couldn't catch the hint at the time.
Subaru can be an awesome fighter and it's a pity the anime didn't show this side of him. He was really cool when he fought against Nataku in the manga... although yes, he doesn't like to be violent but if Seishiro is involved he'll fight the best he can and with any means he has.
To TheMrsBrightside: Here it is... and I'm glad you like all the SeiSu scenes!
To Tsuki Aizawa: No, I hadn't dropped it, I'm just very, very slow... as you've likely already found out Subaru isn't dead yet. According to 'X' manga a Kekkai starts vanishing either when is maker is dead or when he's severely injured. In Subaru's case he wasn't dead yet when the Kekkai started vanishing, just seriously injuried.
Don't grumble silently, please let me know what you're thinking of this!
Send me your comments!