A/N: This is a bunch of Inuyasha ficlets about things that, as the title suggests, can only happen in fanfics. Some poke fun at Inu fics in general and some are just crazy, random things I thought up. None of these should be taken seriously and I apologise ahead of time if you are somehow offended by them. Or take them seriously. The chapters are not connected in any way; each chapter is its own story. Or story-ish thing, if you perfer. Anyhoo, please R&R. I would tell you not to submit flames, but it's not like I can really stop you, so knock yourself out. I just use your flames to make me some s'mores. n.n
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters, in any way, shape, or form, because my name is not Rumiko Takahashi and if it was, I would be writing the actual manga and not some silly fanfic. The end.
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Confessions of a Depraved Monk
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After being slapped in the face for the millionth time that week, Miroku had to do some serious thinking. Was it worth it? All the slaps and disgusted looks he constantly recieved? Perhaps it was time to just come out and tell his friends the truth; that he was just trying to conceal his true feelings for a certain someone. A strange way to do so, even he himself admitted, but clearly effective as no one suspected a thing. Other than the fact that he was perverted.
Of course, if he told them the truth, then he would also have to tell them who he liked. There's no way they would let him get away without revealing that. Miroku didn't think he could do it though. He had managed to keep it secret for so long. And once they knew, things would different for sure. Especially if the object of his affections did not feel the same way. Their friendship might even ultimately be ruined. Was that worth it?
It was definitely risky. But he decided that he would do it anyway. The monk was tired of this farce, and he couldn't keep his feelings locked up forever or he would certainly burst!
That, and his face was getting real sore.
The gang was taking a break today (much to Inuyasha's annoyance), worn out from their latest battle with a fire demon empowered with a shikon shard. Once again they had prevailed, although Shippo nearly had his tail burnt off. Now they were on the outskirts of some village, resting up and having lunch. It was the perfect time to tell them. Miroku sighed. It's now or never. He took a deep breathe and cleared his throat. "Ahem. May I, uh, all have your attention for a moment?" His friends turned to look him at curiously, wondering why he sounded so strange, so...nervous?
"I have a confession to make." All eyes were on him. "I am not really a lech." The serious-ness was instantly lost at that.
"Oh suuure." Kagome said, rolling her eyes, and they all went back to eating.
Miroku winced. "No really, I'm not! That is all just a front, an act to keep you from guessing the truth!" He gotten their attention back.
"What truth?" Shippo piped.
"I, uh, I'm...in..um...I'm in..." Miroku stammered as he stared at the ground.
"In what?" Sango asked, trying to sound casual. But her heart was beating madly, for she had a feeling that she knew where this was going.
Miroku's heart was beating madly too. He gathered up his courage and shouted before he could change his mind, "I'M IN LOVE WITH INUYASHA!"
Well, the soda Kagome had been drinking shot out through her nose, and Miroku was suddenly clocked by Inuyasha and Sango both. Only little Shippo was unaffected, and he used this perfect oppertunity to steal everyone else's food.
Needless to say, the whole thing didn't go over very well. Before he completely blacked out, Miroku wondered how much longer he'd have to wait for his wind tunnel to kill him.
/FIN/
A/N: This is my first parody, by the way, so sorry if it isn't that good. I try. This fic was conjured up after reading some very weird pairings, which then gave me this very weird ficlet. If you don't like the idea of Miroku being homosexual, this next one should help a bit. It's too short to put in its own chapter-thingy, so I just stuck it here since it's Miroku realated.
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There's a First Time for Everything
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After Miroku had finished "exeorising" the "evil spirits" from a lord's home, he and his friends were offered to stay the night. And, like always, they took up that offer. They were lead to a room and a house maid came in after them. She smiled sweetly at the guests, handing out blankets to everyone and making sure they had everything they needed.
"If there's anything else you'd like-" She began, and Miroku jumped to his feet and took her hands in his. The other's grimaced behind them.
"Actually, there is." He said, continuing with his trademark question, "Will you bear my children?"
That was very well expected of him. The maid, Marisu, was the one who did something unusal. "Sure." She said cheerfully, and beamed right up at him.
Everyone's jaw dropped to the floor, and Miroku froze at Marisu's reply. Did she really say 'sure'? But that never happens! And such a beautiful, young, lovely, perfect woman too! (She has a fitting name, huh?) His mind emptied to a complete blank and he couldn't even move. For a moment, everything was dead silent. Then Sango sprang up to her feet.
"We must've landed in an alternitive universe!" She cried out, shaking everyone to their senses. "Let's get outta here! NOW!"
They made a dash for the door, Inuyasha and Kagome dragging a stiff Miroku along, and ran as far away as possible. The confused maid watched them go. "Oh my..." She blinked and frowned. "Was it something I said?"
/FIN/