Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Carribean or FMA, but I do own Stiney (along with Takkie. Takkie owns Stiney too.). Armstrong owns his wig.
It was a dark and stormy night. The old man had a story to tell and this is the story the old man told.
Roy Mustang was sitting in his office, bored. Then suddenly, Jack Sparrow came to town with a box of Rum. Everyone under Roy's command had a party in the office and got stoned. Except Riza. Riza's too sexy to get stoned around other people. No, Ari leaves that to the angsty Royai fanfics. Edward Elric, the youngest member of Roy's 'Crew' as Jack put it, was perhaps the worst of all, seeing as he had had almost a whole bottle of the drink and it was his first time. He was to the point where he was making sexy hats out of peanuts and canola oil and running around screaming "I'M THE ALBATROSS!" And it was definately starting to embarrass Roy.
Almost worst than Ed was Breda. He has stripped down to his tight blue thong and was trying to gve everyone in sight a lap dance, even the men. He tried it on Hayate, but Riza moved the dog out of the way before Breda's fat ass squished him.
"And don't even get me STARTED on the price of tea in China..." Roy blithered. "It's crazy. Why can't they give us some of that butter? It's just...a wad of...BLEEEGGH!" And he threw up all over Captain Jack.
"NO! ME MUSTARD!" The pirate exclaimed, running around. "I'M ON FIRE! I'M ON FIRE!"
"FIRE! WHERE!" Havoc screeched. "DON'T WORRY HONEY! I'LL PROTECT YOU!" He said to his girlfriend, who was actually an armchair that Armstrong had conviently put his wig on. What you didn't know Armstrong wears a wig? You silly. Everyone knows that. Then, suddenly, a burning crack appeared in the middle of the office, pulling in desks, chairs, and even poor Falman.
"JEANIE!" Came a high, squeaky voice from the crack. Out popped a fat, hairy Elvis impersonator with glasses and 5 o'clock shadow. "I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! I work my fingers to the bone being Satan's personal Elvis impersonator, and this is what I see? You with some...some...CHAIR WITH A WIG!" He burst into tears.
"What's wrong, Stiney darling?" Came a deep, evil voice. Next to the Elvis impersonator appeared Satan, dressed in his pink fluffy robe and high heels and smoking one of those long ciggarettes.
"Oh, nothing, Satan, just that JEANIEKINS IS CHEATING ON ME!"
"WHAT! Nobody cheats on my favorite sexy lumpkin!" Satan sent a beam of doom out from his mind and burned Jean and the chair to smithereens.
"NO! MY WIG! I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE!" A very bald Armstrong said, jumping into the crack of hell and sobbing like an Emo. Then, Satan spotted Jack Sparrow.
"JACK SPARROW!"
"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow!"
"I thought you were in the Carribean! What are you doing in the landlocked world of Fullmetal Alchemist?"
"THat's a good question."
"Well then come with me! We can get you BACK TO THE DAIRY FARM FROM WHENCE YOU CAME!"
"Really? Yay! I'm sick of hanging out with these bitches!"
"HORRAY FOR BITCHES!" What was left of Roy's crew said messily. Yes messily.
"Just let me get my rum."
"The rum is gone..." Kain Feury said.
"SDGSDLJLKFDGHSDLHJ! WHY IS THE RUM GONE!" Captain Jack Sparrow screeched.
"Because the sun is in the sky and my name is Hagoofanadada...STEP IN TIME STEP IN TIME STEP IN TIME STEP IN TIME" Ed said, dancing around the room with Hayate.
"Oh well. At least I save a to of money on my ship insurance by switching to Petco, where the pets go! Mr. Gibbs will be hella happy now. D" And with that, JAck jumped into hell wiht Satan and Stiney (who was now an Emo elvis impersonator), and was never heard from in the FMA world again. But they still say, on blurry nights, when the sky is round and warm, you can still see a chain smoker, A chair, and an elvis impersonator having a threesome.