Author: Qaddafi the Ripper
Summary: Harry Potter / Artemis Fowl crossover. While on summer vacation in Ireland, Draco Malfoy runs into a rouge B'wa Kell goblin. Soon he's neck deep in fairy and Muggle affairs.
Caveman Disclaimer: Me not Rowling. Me not Colfer. You no sue. Draco useless pretty boy.
Pre-fic Notes: Timeline-wise, this takes place just before Order of the Phoenix for Harry Potter (making Draco 15), and after Opal Deception for Artemis Fowl (making Artemis 14). This story will eventually include crossover slash of the Draco/Artemis variety, but that's way, way in the future. This is also likely to be a long story. If either of those two isn't your thing, the logical thing would be to not read this story.
More notes to follow this chapter.
Chapter One: Great Balls of Fire
One rarely knows in advance that one is going to have a horrible day. After all, if a person knew the day ahead would be simply awful in every way, then a smart person would just stay in bed (unless the bad day involved the house burning down, of course). (Less intelligent people might try to face a bad day and try to change it into a good day. These people are sometimes erroneously called "optimists.")
One of those really bad days was happening to Draco Malfoy. Well, he didn't know it was happening quite yet, but he'd figure it out pretty soon. His parents had decided to take a little family vacation over the summer holidays. Thus far, the summer had been a rather busy, what with homework to prepare Draco for OWLs, Narcissa's near completion of her year's long patchwork quilt, Voldemort's return the past June, and a million little tasks in the Ministry of Magic that only Lucius could take care of. So a nice trip was just what all three of them were looking forward to.
Lucius had debated for some time where would be the best place to go for a vacation. He didn't want to travel too far away, since you never knew when You-Know-Who might call an emergency meeting. On the other hand, he wanted to go far enough that he didn't feel like he was at home, and someplace interesting was always preferred. Narcissa reminded him that the family hadn't been to Ireland since before Draco was born, and he would just love to see it, and so that was where they went.
Draco did like Ireland after all, though he'd found the trip when he was ten to Hong Kong somewhat more interesting. They had been here for eight days, and were planning to head back to England the day after tomorrow. Lucius had found a brochure about a romantic getaway nearby, and decided to take Narcissa there for the day. Draco assured his parents that he would be fine on his own, as there were things he wanted to see that they would have no interest in.
As soon as they were gone, Draco put on a change of clothes and headed off to the town just down the street from the wizarding village they were staying in. The interest the town held for him was simple: it was a Muggle town.
Draco had never spent much time around Muggles. Even when he was in Muggle areas, like London or King's Cross Station, he barely spent enough time to look around before getting to whatever magical location was his destination. He'd noticed this village as soon as they got to Ireland, and had been hoping his parents would take a day for themselves so he could go there. He'd even planned in advance by asking their innkeeper, who had his children's old clothes laying around in the attic, for a spare Muggle outfit that would fit him.
Now he had his chance, and he walked down the street to the town in good-natured anticipation. He would finally have a chance to see how Muggles lived.
Not that he liked Muggles or anything, of course. Muggles were naturally inferior to wizards. He had no interest in ever living among Muggles, nor had he ever taken Muggle studies. But the brief glances he'd had of Muggles had made him curious to see at least one Muggle town. Just for sight-seeing purposes, though. Wouldn't want to stay near the filth too long, for fear some of it might rub off on him.
The first thing he discovered was that walking down the road was a bad idea. He discovered this when a large carriage, going entirely too fast, almost ran him over. After that, he walked on the side of the road.
When he finally reached the town, he walked slowly down the sidewalk, gaping every bit as much as a Muggle-born child on a first trip to Diagon Alley. There was no sign of magic, which he had expected, but what he hadn't expected was how well Muggles seemed to cope even without it. Some treacherous part of his mind might have suggested this meant Muggles weren't really all that inferior, but it was squished by his well-developed ego long before it reached the conscious part of his brain.
Almost before he knew it, it was noon. He found his way to a restaurant that had tables covered by bright umbrellas outside and sat down. It never occurred to him that the restaurant might not take his galleons as payment for food. He contemplated a menu, which fortunately had dishes he recognized though unfortunately no pumpkin juice, and waited semi-patiently for his order.
It was while he was waiting, thinking that house elves had food ready so much faster, that his day turned horrible.
He was probably the first person to spot it when it appeared across the street, though he was certainly not the last. Having gone to numerous magical zoos in his life, and then having studied Care of Magical Creatures, Draco thought he could identify any creature he saw. Or at least say it looked vaguely familiar. The creature across from him looked like nothing he'd ever seen or even heard of before.
It was reptilian, with some strange leather garment on. It had long teeth and stood upright on two legs. It held out two fists which were on fire. Or rather, not so much on fire as holding the fire in its hands. Draco gripped his wand in a suddenly sweaty hand and started looking frantically for the quickest escape route.
Since bad days must always get worst, it was at this moment that the other patrons at the restaurant noticed the creature. A woman a few tables down from Draco let out a high-pitched screech, and soon the area was a confusion of bodies all trying to get inside the marginal safety of the restaurant through a door far too small for the current task. Draco, a few steps behind the standard riot procedure (a rare thing for him), finally managed to get up and scurry after every one else. Much as he didn't want to hide in close quarters among Muggles, it was better than staying outside with that thing.
Unfortunately, he was at the very back of the crowd. He was also, though he wasn't thinking about this at the time, wearing a very bright yellow t-shirt. (The innkeeper had picked it out because he though it would match Draco's hair. The innkeeper's wife hadn't let her husband dress himself since they got married because of his lack of fashion sense.) Needless to say, the color, so bright against the rest of the crowd, provided far too tempting a target for the goblin.
Goblin was the species name the creature would give himself, though he was a far different type of goblin than the ones Draco had seen working in Gringott's Bank. He was from the Lower Elements and a part of the B'wa Kell triad. Over a year ago, the B'wa Kell had staged a huge revolt against the Lower Elements Police, but they had been defeated at the last moment. Most of the gang members had been captured, or shortly thereafter, but some few had managed to escape.
This particular goblin, who went by the name Spert, had been on the run for over a year and was starting to get tired of it. Just three days ago, when he'd seen a shuttle heading up to the surface, he'd decided to hitch a ride along with a bunch of his friends. Surely the above the earth was safer for him right then than below the earth. He'd managed on the surface for a few hours, until day came. Goblins are less bothered by sunlight than other races living below the earth, but they still didn't much like it. Spert had to run all over trying to find a place to stay during daylight hours and today he'd finally lost his patience and wandered into a human village during high noon.
No one had ever accused goblins of being intelligent, and Spert was no exception of that rule. Even now, having caused a major riot, it never occurred to Spert that he might want to run away. Instead, all he could think of was hitting some of the Mud Men and then bragging about it to his friends when he got back home. It was sure to impress the ladies!
And so he threw a fireball at the bright yellow target in the back of the crowd of humans, already composing a heroic and suspenseful tale (at least in goblin terms) to tell when this was all over.
The Fowl Manor was fairly quiet today. Mr. and Mrs. Fowl were visiting some old school friends and were expected back on Saturday. Juliet was still in Mexico, where she was just starting to gain some notoriety as the Jade Princess. She'd sent Butler a promotional advert that pictured her to one side, which he'd proudly taped on the wall of his bedroom. Butler himself was sitting in front of the TVs that showed the road leading to the manor, cleaning his gun. He could also see the screen which showed his young charge messing with a piece of fairy technology.
Artemis Fowl the Second had acquired some pieces of equipment from Holly Short on his last trip with the former LEP captain. Well, Holly knew about some of what he had, and it wasn't like she would miss any of the rest. Artemis reminded himself of that every time his newly-discovered conscience gave him a pointed nudge.
Besides that, now that Holly was a private detective (and partnering up with Mulch Diggums of all people), she might have a case that would cause her to come up this way. And if she did come here, she might just need Artemis's help again, so it was only logical that he prepare to help her out however much she might need.
His current piece used to be an LEP helmet, but now it could be worn by a human. He'd done these same revisions before, as his newly re-acquired memories attested, but since all his old pieces had been confiscated he needed to make new ones.
He was just finishing the former helmet and deciding what to do next when he received an in-coming call. And not from his cell phone, but from the phone inside the helmet. There were only three people it could be. Artemis answered, feeling more excited than he usually did. There weren't many people he could call friend, and he could admit to himself that he looked forward to hearing from his fairy friends.
It was Holly on the line, and it was obvious this wasn't a social call. "Artemis, bad news," she said in greeting, wasting no time. "I've just heard that a group of rouge B'wa Kell goblins who have been running from the LEP for the past year have found a way up to the surface. We think they hid in the baggage compartment of a tourist shuttle to Tara. Mulch and I are on our way up as fast as we can make it, but there could be trouble already. Could you run a scan for goblins and, if any are near a populated region, take them out? Mulch and I will back you up as soon as we get there." She said all of this quickly, giving Artemis no chance to interrupt.
Artemis nodded. "Of course I'll help, Holly. Butler and I will find any goblins that are an immediate danger. Call me when you get to Tara."
Holly sighed in relief. "Thanks, Artemis. I owe you." And she cut the connection.
Artemis started the scan using the helmut, then leaned back in his seat for a moment, feeling pleased. Not being a terribly social person, and certainly not interacting well with other people his own age, there weren't many he could call friend. He was quite fond of his parents, naturally, and he got along well with Butler and Juliet, but it wasn't the same as making a friend who hadn't known you since you were born. Holly, Mulch, Foaly, and maybe Root were the first people he'd ever really thought to call friend.
It was a nice feeling, and it was why he was willing to help Holly out with her dirty work. Besides, after a life of crime, it was nice to play the part of the hero.
The scan soon finished, and he checked the results, then stood up and went in search of Butler. His bodyguard was, unsurprisingly, ready to go. "You heard my conversation with Holly?" Artemis asked calmly.
Butler nodded. "I'm ready to go anytime you are, Artemis." It went without saying that it was fortunate that this would be a simple affair, otherwise Butler's health wouldn't allow him to participate much.
"One goblin is getting close to a small town not too far from here," Artemis said, handing Butler the helmut so the bodyguard could check for himself. Butler nodded in agreement, and mentally determined the best roads to get to their destination quickly.
And after picking up some fairy tech, including a small gun that Butler had helped Artemis lean to aim properly, they were off. As promised, the drive there wasn't long, which was good, because things were already hectic when they arrived.
Artemis calmly assessed the situation from a safe distance. People fled in a panicked riot, but not nearly fast enough. He noticed in particular that there was a boy in the back of the crowd (he stood out in that violently yellow shirt) at whom the goblin appeared to be aiming.
"Do we attack now, Artemis?" Butler asked, as calm as ever, though he'd already taken out his Sig Sauer.
"Yes," Artemis agreed. "But try not to kill the goblin. It might upset Holly."
"I'll try," Butler concurred. He stalked off towards the goblin, silent as a shadow. Unfortunately, before he could get in range to take the goblin down by hand, the goblin attacked the boy in yellow. It had been gathering fire around its fists for a while, and now it finally lobbed the fire out, hitting the boy squarely on the back. Artemis scowled; if he'd been anyone else, he'd have sworn loudly and creatively. He'd been hoping they could finish this before anyone got hurt.
Just after the goblin attacked, Butler loomed over and behind it for a brief (very brief) moment, before bringing a huge hand up to the goblin's neck. Artemis was at just the right angle to see the goblin's eyes cross before it dropped bonelessly to the ground.
He ventured out of his hiding place to better survey the damage, and got in contact with Holly simultaneously. "We've captured one goblin that was running around in public," he informed her calmly. "The goblin is unconscious now." No need to say that was due to Butler; some things are obvious without saying.
"Good," Holly said in relief. She'd been in the LEP long enough that killing on the job was distasteful to her. "Any complications?"
Artemis grimaced, even though there wasn't anything he could have done about it. "Yes. Numerous patrons from a restaurant saw the goblin. Also, one boy was attacked. We're checking his condition right now. You might need to perform a few mind wipes," he finished distastefully.
"Right." Holly also wasn't happy about it, but she wouldn't argue over his assessment of the situation. At least not until seeing things for herself. "Mulch and I will be there shortly."
By now Artemis had reached the boy who had been hit. The boy, oddly enough, didn't seem too injured. The yellow shirt had been singed (which only improved the color), but he appeared untouched. He sat up and groaned, awkwardly rubbing his back. Artemis wondered why the boy wasn't burnt. He asked, in a much kinder voice than he usually took with a stranger, "Are you alright?" He instantly wondered at his tone. It was because of the mystery, he promptly assured himself. And perhaps because the boy was close to his own age.
The boy looked at him. "I'm fine," he answered automatically. He whipped his head around. "Where'd that creature go?"
"The goblin has been subdued," Artemis answered calmly. He had no problem calling the creature a goblin in front of the boy. He'd be mind wiped soon, so it wasn't like he'd remember any of this conversation. "There's nothing to be afraid of now."
The other boy didn't seem to hear the second thing he'd said. "Goblin? That wasn't a goblin. And how would a Muggle know anything about goblins anyway?" The tone he said this in was very arrogant and knowledgeable. It wasn't a tone Artemis was used to hearing directed at him, much less by another teenager.
"Muggle?" he repeated the unfamiliar word aloud. It must be some new slang. Artemis would be the first to admit he didn't pay attention to those things.
But the boy turned pale as if he'd said something he shouldn't have. And it was, quite naturally, at that very moment that Holly arrived. She came flying in, dropping her shield just as she landed beside Artemis. She ran careful eyes over the boy. "He doesn't look injured," she noted. "Must've gotten lucky. Well, then, we can go straight to the mind wipe."
The boy's eyes went wide. His hand dove into his pocket and he pulled out a long stick of wood, which he pointed as if it were a weapon. Butler, having sixth and maybe seventh and eighth senses for danger, especially in regards to Artemis, was instantly hovering protectively in between the two boys.
"A house elf can't oblivate a wizard," the boy said, trying to sound confidant, but Artemis could tell he was shaken. "It's against the magical creatures laws."
"House elf?" Holly growled, suddenly looking deeply offended. "And you're a wizard?" She also, to Artemis's mind, looked worried.
He knew now that a relatively simple round-up job had become much more complicated. He thought he felt a headache coming on. It was going to be a long day yet.
Additional Notes:
Artemis is not going to become a wizard. He's a Muggle and will remain a Muggle. It's not like he needs magic to be powerful, ya know?
The eventual pairing for this story is Draco/Artemis. It is, however, way in the future, as they are both young and both have a long way to go before they're emotionally mature enough. However, that is the direction I'm going in, so if that isn't your cup of tea, then don't read this.
If you like HP/AF crossovers, I have found two others that I like: The Family Name (and subsequent sequels) by Elbereth in April, and Kiss of Faith by CelinaFairy.
Characters appearing in this first portion of the story are rather limited. It will be read more like an Artemis Fowl story, with Draco being the sole HP character. Future parts will read more like a Harry Potter story, with Artemis being the sole AF character. So if you're impatient to see a favorite character, then you'll just have to wait a bit. I like to take my time with things.
New chapters will be posted at my LiveJournal ( qaddafidot livejournaldot com ) first, so if you're impatient, check there for progress reports and such. I do work and have something of a social life, so don't expect this to come out super fast.
Finally, I have a bad track record with multi-part stories, and I know I do. However, I do want to keep with this all the way to the bitter end. Any and all encouragement to this effect from readers will be appreciated. (Translation: please review! It really does help me write!)