So, this is my first attempt at a CSI fanfic.
Just a few Warnings: This is fem slash! The pairing is of curse Catherine/Sara, if you don't like it, don't read it. Major spoilers for Episode 22, season 5; Weeping Willows, and pretty much everything up to that as well. I've altered the universe a bit to fit my story, I hope you don't mind
Oh! The first few statements from Novak are ripped directly from the original script in Weeping Willows!
I own nothing, suing would be a waste of time, I'm utterly broke:).
So, read, review and enjoy!
Please tell me what you think! This is all new territory for me.
Sara's POV

Love,
Jellicos

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Chapter one: Enough's enough

I can't say I'm happy with it, but I'm doing my job. I know Catherine and Grissom are behind the glass and I try not to let this jerk get to me. But the way he talks...

I let Det. Vartann interview him. Adam Novak. The bastard is actually grinning!

"At a bar that time of night, we're all after the same thing, aren't we? I came onto her. She was into me. I know when a woman is going to give way and believe me, she was there." He's looking at the mirror, he knows that she's listening to him. Then he looks at me, and there's that grin again before he looks down my cleavage. I really shouldn't hit him.

"And then what?" Vartann keeps him talking. He knows better than to let me open my mouth right now.

"I walked her out. I put my arm around her waist. She moved in. One minute she's got her tongue down my throat. The next, she puts the brakes. She's a bitch and a tease." I'm going to smack that smirk off his face!

I realise that I'm standing, glaring at him. For a second he looks intimidated, but not for long. I know Vartann is getting ready to intercept, so I just walk out.

My mind not working, due to the fierce urge to do some real damage to this slime, I find myself racing into the nearest room. No words are forming in my head to describe this sudden attack of rage. I find myself in the break room, kicking a hole in the wooden door of a cupboard. 'Damn, that hurt!'

"Hey, what did that door do to you?" Warricks voice startles me, but I don't turn.

'Fuck!' I sit on the sink and bury my face in my hands. 'I'm going insane.'

"I'm trying not to kick the suspects face in." I say, pulling my hands through my hair and wishing I'd just kicked Novac's kneecap and not that door.

"The Novak-guy?" Warrick asks. He looks at me with slight concern and I sigh.

"Yeah." Wait! How can he be so calm about this? "You should have heard him!" I realise my voice is quite loud by now, but I can't find it in me to care. "Talking about her as if she was some kind of toy, a piece of meat!" I'm ignoring the looks he's giving me. Why am I the only one to find this appalling! "That slime doesn't even deserve to be in the same room as Catherine! Let alone.." I can't finish. My heart is racing and I really do want to hit someone right now.

"Why are you taking this so personally?" He asks and I glare at him. How can he ask me that! "You've met worse guys in interrogation before."

"God damn it Warrick...!" I can only sigh. What answer is he looking for? Besides the obvious ones? But as I avert my eyes to think, I see her standing in the doorway. How long has she been standing there? How much did she hear? Wait. Is she crying? But I find no time to ask any of this 'cause as soon as she catches me eye, she's gone.

"Catherine, wait!" I try, but she's gone. Instead there is a confused Grissom in the doorway now. He looks at me, then at the disappearing Catherine, then back at me.
"Sara, my office." He says bluntly.

"Just give me-" I try but he cuts me off.

"Now, Sara." And walks away.

"Fuck." I look at Warrick and get a sympathetic look, before heaving myself of the sink.

"Sit." He gestures to one of the chairs in front of his desk. If he notices my searing fury, he's ignoring it quite well. But I sit.

"Want to tell me what this is all about?" He asks me in that same emotionless voice. I hate when he does that!

"Which part?" I ask dryly.

"The part when you storm out of an interrogation room." He replies.

"It was either that or being arrested for assault." If he's playing it cool, then so am I. Grissom just looks at me, then he turns his gaze upwards to the door.

"Have a seat Catherine." He says, and I feel my brain go numb again. Crap! She didn't just hear that as well? But there's no readable expression in her face as she sits down in the chair next to me.

"Assault?" Grissom has turned back to me and I stare at him in disbelief. He doesn't really expect me to carry on this conversation with Catherine in the room? But apparently he does, since he looks at me as if expecting an answer. He sighs before continuing. "What's gotten in to you Sara?" I think he can actually hear me snap.

"Me!" I realise I'm standing again. ""Look, I know I might have been out of line, but I have no intention on shutting up my emotions all the time. I can't do that. Not any more. I've been doing it for too long. I'm not like you, I actually feel something once in a while. And right now I'm starting to feel sorry that I held back instead of kicking that pathetic worms ass! For Christ sake! Everyone walks around here and acts like human interaction is like the eighth death sin or something, and when one in the team -a friend!- makes one error of judgement, you treat her like the culprit for being human! Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not just going to sit there and listen to him talk about her like that. I wasn't the interrogating officer and I didn't punch his face in, so be happy about that!"

As I turn to storm out I see her looking at me, but she averts her eyes in an instant. "I'm sorry Catherine." That's all I manage to say before the tears start to burn. I can't see her like this, and I'm not about to let any of them see me cry, so I burst out.

For the second time in just a few minutes I'm almost running down the hallways, not knowing where to go or what to do. But as I reach the end of the hallway I realise that it's as deserted as always. There's almost never anyone in this part of the building. So I flee into the filing room.

Think, I need to think. Pull yourself together Sidle!

I'm pacing the dust covered floors, trying to get some sense into what just happened. But my brain refuses to work with me. There are too many thoughts. Why doesn't anyone react? How can they just sit there and listen to him talk about her like that? And why the hell did she have her tongue down his throat and not mine? Wow. I stop in mid pace. Where the hell did that come from? But I know the answer. I know I reacted with more intensity because of this. Jelausy. Suddenly I'm almost more angry with Catherine than Novak. What the hell was she doing kissing that prick anyway?

"Sara?" The voice is no louder than a whisper, still it startles me. She really has the worst timing ever!

"Hey Cath." I refuse to look at her. Those eyes will be the death of me, I swear it.

"What's going on?" Her voice is soft and emotionless, but there is a certain demand in it. The kind where you do not refuse to answer. Not entirely anyway.
"There's a hell of a lot going on. Care to be more precise?" Damn it Sara, stop being sarcastic all the time!

"You know what I'm talking about." She states, but there's no accusation in her voice. "The interrogation, scolding Grissom..."

"I'm sorry if I made this all more uncomfortable for you. I didn't mean to." What the hell Sara? I thought you where mad at her? And why are you being so honest and sharing all of a sudden?

Who am I kidding? I've been dying to open up to this woman. Damn those eyes of hers! I still haven't looked at her, but I can feel her eyes on me.

"No, you didn't... It's just.. well, it's just not like you to, well-" She's rambling

"It's not like me to lash out in anger?" Yep, there's the sarcasm again. Well done Sidle.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" In sudden surprise I finally meet her eye and I'm greeted with shooting daggers of rage. But there is more in her eyes and that's what keeps me from arguing back. There is pain, confusion and… well, the last part I'm imagining. I look away. I have to stop imagining things!

"Many things Catherine." Well, it's the truth isn't it? Even if it isn't what she's asking.

I'm sure she's going to walk out, but when she speaks, she's even closer than before.

"I'm the one that screwed up. Why are you freaking out and defending me?" She seems suspicious.

"That's what this is about?" I ask. "That I defended you?"

"Well, it's somewhat unprecedented, but no. It's not just that."

"Then what?" Why am I being so defensive? Oh, right. It's Catherine.

"Grissom, for one!" She's almost shouting. But then she lowers her voice. "And what you told Warrick..." There's something in her voice I can't identify. I'm sure that if I look at her I'll see it, but I'm not that brave.

"You weren't supposed to hear that." My voice hardly carries my words. I wish she hadn't brought that up.

"Still..." She's seeking an answer.

"What do you want from me Catherine?" I turn from her, trying to increase the space between us. This is taking a most uncomfortable turn.

"I want to know why." She's not budging.

"Why?" That's it Sidle, pretend you're too stupid to understand a simple sentence.

"You heard me." She's getting annoyed.

"Look… The guy was a pig and I snapped, okay?" Well, it's kind of true…

"No, there's more." Damn it. Why does she have to be such a damn good investigator?

"Why do you care?" I finally look up at her and for a moment I think I might be hallucinating again. But she averts her eyes before I can make up my mind. Is she blushing? No. Not Catherine.

"I, well, I just do, alright?" Is she stammering? What's going on here? Wait…

"No… No, you're hiding something." Now it's my turn to play investigator. But as I walk up to her she backs away.

"Just forget it. Forget I asked." She doesn't look at me and starts walking to the door.

"Hey, you came to me." Nice Sidle! Kick her while she's lying. What's wrong with me?

But she's gone. And my head is spinning even more.

What was all that about? What is she hiding? There was something in her eyes, something warm and- And it was all wishful thinking. It had to be.

I shake my head as if trying to shake some sense into my thoughts. Catherine's straight. End of discussion. She was making out with a guy as late as last night for Christ sake!

She doesn't know how I feel about her and that's for the best. I know all the buttons to push that makes her want to strangle me. It's so much easier if she hates me. I just have to ignore the pain her angry glances cause me. Small price compared to getting your heart ripped out.

I've got to get out of this room. I've got work to do.

But I still can't shake the thought that there was more to it. That she's hiding something.

Right. Back to reality, back to work and back to the angry glances of the woman I love.

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